Free to Be – a Memoir of an Examined Life

By Jane Hamil

Jane Hamils life has been a journey of self-discovery, after she learned early in life that her vision of who she was and how she saw the world was different from her family. From her roots in the Mormon Church, she followed a path that led her to a career in social work and professional caregiving, in settings ranging from family counseling to college instruction and geriatric consulting. Along the way she successfully raised four children, who continue to draw strength and comfort from their family connection. Her curiosity for experiencing other cultures took her around the globe, where she has cultivated enduring friendships.

The life lessons shared in Janes book deal with raising children, divorce, excommunication, the importance of family structure, and cultivating racial awareness. A confident, natural storyteller, she shares what she has learned about thoughtful decision making and caring for others while finding balance in ones own life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jun 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781491796320

Jane Hamil

Jane Hamil, a University of Utah graduate, began her career as a professional social worker in 1961. Her life’s work has been in family-oriented settings: marriage and family counseling, school social work, and private geriatric care management. Her proudest accomplishment has been the successful raising of four children. She lives in Decatur, Georgia.

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FREE TO BE—A MEMOIR OF AN EXAMINED LIFE

Copyright © 2016 Jane Hamil.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-9620-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9622-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9632-0 (e)

iUniverse rev. date: 06/22/2016

Contents

Introduction

From the Height of the Balcony

Who I Am

Moved from My Comfort Zone

She Weighs Less Than Our Sunday Dinner Meatloaf

The Sadness of Apostasy

Fairness and Respect

Balloons Were Not Your Style

MS Columbus America

Your Children Are Not Your Children

Living in the Center of the Universe

Meditation, from the Opera Thais

In Conclusion

About the Author

GraceStarrClyde18991990.jpg

To my mother, Grace Starr Clyde (1899–1990)

INTRODUCTION

Each of us builds a life that is unique, shaped by personal events and society’s acceptance of our behaviors and feelings. We are influenced by our families, friends, teachers, and even public figures, as well as events over which we have minimal control. How we respond to those opportunities or threats determines how we view them in the broader context and assign value to them.

I am a storyteller, and I hope that my sharing parts of my story will inspire others to be curious and to experiment, study, and retain clear memories of influencing activity. This book is a collection of some of my stories, real events, and real responses.

Over the years, I sensed that some of my challenges and behaviors were misunderstood by others—or that I did not receive their approval. At some point in late adolescence, I resolved that I would have to feel satisfied with my choices and feel comfortable in my own skin, or change and attempt at rebellion. Life is a learning experience, and if I was determined to be true to myself, then I had to adapt in order to survive and grow. This is the risk I hope to convey, that change and challenge are essential in becoming the person you want to be.

In addition, there were events I witnessed or heard of that had a profound impact on how I wanted to build my life. Some choices were so complex that even I didn’t understand the implications; I simply knew that in order to be true to myself, I had to act in a certain way. For example, I didn’t live in Japan, but when I observed a young woman with burn scars from Nagasaki, it stirred my compassion to become a change agent.

As I write, I am finishing my seventy-eighth year of life. Those years have included a variety of experiences, each one contributing a different strand of the person I am today: an achievement, a disappointment, a fun event, or a humdrum activity. Some experiences ended with a loud shout of happiness; others whimpered into memory with Well, it’s still okay. At least I learned a lesson. All told, the good lessons in my life have far outnumbered the painful ones.

In telling these stories, I share the lessons I learned. Each story stands alone, but each is geared to illustrate points in my life that contributed to a life of meaning. They illustrate the efforts I have made in achieving the freedom to do things my way. My ultimate goal in life is to be, as in a conscientious effort of being, and to make my choices and create my own pathways through life. I believe it is worth the stumbles. Ultimately, each of us has the opportunity to learn from others, to continually examine our being, to be free to be. Sharing that opportunity is the purpose of this book.

FROM THE HEIGHT OF THE BALCONY

I was sixteen years old when my parents encouraged me to ride the train that would carry me to Salt Lake City for the semiannual conference of the Mormon Church. Other members and I rode in a designated railcar, separated from the public travelers. We were the faithful on our way to worship and celebrate the church’s