Journey from Love Lost

By P. A. Loder

Feeling responsible for the accident that took the life of the man who brought her so much love and joy, Marilee must now deal with the insurmountable guilt. Believing she is unworthy and undeserving of the comfort of those around her, she steadfastly refuses the consolation of friends, including Michael.
Marilee, in her attempt to cope alone, throws herself into her work as a volunteer at the domestic violence safe house Jason started. Here, she finally begins her long journey of healing.
After seeing her through her life-threatening injuries, Michael Learner wants only to hold Marilee and help the woman he loves through yet another crisis. As a Master Dominant, he wants nothing more than to bring her back into the lifestyle, but this time as his submissive.
In his attempt to help Marilee through her grief, Michael is forced to hang on to his own. Now when he needs her most, she pushes him away. Frustrated and grieving, he journeys to Los Angeles to help a colleague set up a center for victims of domestic violence. Does Los Angeles hold everything Michael has spent a lifetime searching for? Or will a lie surface that will again force him to endure the pain of a love lost?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 7, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504952569

P. A. Loder

P. A. Loder is a RN living in Florida with her husband of 33 years. They are members of an area BDSM club. She was born in the small steel town of Coatesville, Pennsylvania and she loves cheesesteaks. As a domestic violence survivor, she has always found solace and healing while getting lost in a good book. Her hope is to provide the perfect fantasy where others can get lost. The process of writing this book has been a healing experience as well as a labor of love. She is grateful for the wonderful people she has met on her journey. When asked about her favorite line in the books, she smiled and simply said: “You can ask me anything.”

Book preview

JOURNEY FROM

LOVE LOST

P. A. LODER

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

Copyright © 2015 P. A. Loder. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 09/05/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5257-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5255-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5256-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015915916

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

None of the scenes in this novel are meant to be instructional and should not be used as such. Dominants practice diligently to perfect their skills. There are instructional manuals available.

Contents

Acknowledgment

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Epilogue

About the Author

Acknowledgment

I would like to thank my husband of 33years. Without your love and support, none of this would be possible. Doug, I love you. Misty, Jessica, Aimee and Seal, thanks for the assistance and encouragement. I love you all. To my sweet music guru Melissa: Each time I called and described a scene, you never failed to come up with the perfect music. Special thanks to my family for tolerating and supporting my obsession with writing.

Front cover photo: neoblues

Back cover photo: Anna Kvach

Cover design: Mihaela Joe Designs

EXCERPT:

Journey from Submission to Love

At the end of her shift in the ER, Lissa Donovan grabs her purse from the locker in the nurses’ lounge and walks quickly to her car. Once seated inside, she turns the air conditioner up and checks her phone for messages. The message she finds is from Steven, and she smiles.

Michael texted me earlier this afternoon. I need to be one of the dungeon monitors tonight. Nathan is back home for a visit. I should be home by six.

Okay, no problem. I’ll take care of dinner. Love you.

Love you.

Michael Learner watches in amusement as Lissa and Steven walk across the dungeon floor in the direction of the bar. It appears Master Steven Reagan has been conquered by little Miss Lissa.

You two look very happy together, Michael says, smiling.

We are, Steven replies. I’m just sorry I fought it for so long.

Michael shakes his head. All good things happen in their own time.

The phone behind the bar rings and Michael turns to answer. Lissa grasps Steven’s hand and nods in Michael’s direction as she watches the color drain from his face.

Michael, this is Jeremy, Jason’s brother.

Michael’s heart skips. What is it Jeremy?

There’s been an accident. Oh God Michael, a terrible accident. Jason and Marilee went out this morning. They were only going to buy an electric blanket. The roads were icy. A semi jack-knifed… Jeremy inhales sharply and pauses.

Michael closes his eyes against the burn.

Jason didn’t make it, Michael. Marilee is critical and not expected to make it. I called her parents. They’re trying to get a flight to Pittsburgh. It’s bad Michael. I’m afraid it’s really bad.

I’ll charter a plane. Call her parents and tell them to meet me at the airport in an hour. Never mind, I’ll call them. Jeremy, I need you to tell Marilee something for me, exactly as I say it. Tell her I said to hang on little rabbit, Michael is on his way to hold you.

I will, Michael.

Tell her exactly what I said.

I will Michael, I swear.

Steven and Lissa stare at Michael. Michael’s face is ashen, tears glisten in his eyes. They remain silent until he hangs up the phone.

Michael, what…?

Michael holds up his hand as he struggles to remember Marilee’s home phone number. He’s called it several times, but that was so long ago. He pulls out his cell and plugs in a number.

Mr. Reese, this is Michael Learner. I’m a friend of Marilee and Jason. I’m chartering a plane. Meet me at the airport in an hour. We’ll fly up to Pittsburgh together. Michael listens a moment. Yes sir, I’ll see you in an hour.

Michael? Steven questions.

Jason and Marilee were in an accident. Jason is ... gone. Jeremy says Marilee is critical and not expected to make it, Michael whispers faintly.

Ahh, damn, what can I do?

Call Keith and ask him to have the plane ready in an hour—four passengers. You should probably call Markus. I don’t want Holly alone when she hears about this.

You’ve got it.

Michael, can I do anything?

Michael smiles fondly at Steven’s thoughtful little sub. Not just yet little Lissa. When little rabbit is better, I may need a nurse to fly back with me.

But I thought…

Steven grasps her thigh. No problem Michael. I’ll be there whenever you need me, she whispers quietly, all the while desperately trying to hold back her tears.

Thank you. I’ll call when I can.

Steven and Lissa watch as Michael hurries from the club.

Steven?

Yes, baby?

This accident is pulling the perfect couple apart. If they can’t make it, what chance do we have?

It was an accident. There are things that will always be out of our control, Lissa. We need to worry about what we can control.

But, I don’t know if I could survive without you. There would be no reason to even try.

Steven kisses her softly and searches his phone for Keith’s phone number.

Hello Keith, this is Steven.

Hey Steven, how are you? Lynn and I are planning a surprise visit to the dungeon this weekend.

Listen man, Michael needs a favor.

Sure, what does he need?

There’s been an accident and…

Chapter 1

Michael picks up his cell phone on the first ring. Yes, what is it?

Keith said the plane will be gassed and ready when you are, and Markus is tracking down Holly, Steven says. Is there anything else I can do?

Yes, would you check on the internet to see if you can find a hotel as close to the hospital as possible? We need three rooms. If you use your card to hold them, I’ll pay with mine. Just send me the information when you have it. She’s in the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center.

I’ll take care of it Michael, keep in touch—please.

I will.

Michael walks across the tarmac towards the sleek and elegant Gulfstream G-250 and her pilot who stands at the bottom of the gangway.

Keith Miller is a very prominent and successful plastic surgeon. His passions are his wife Lynn and flying. He was a pilot in the Air Force, and the Gulfstream is his pride and joy.

Keith, Michael greets his friend, extending his hand.

Michael, I’m sorry to hear about Jason. How’s Marilee?

Yeah Keith, thanks. We have a long road ahead of us. Last time I checked on her, there was no change. I appreciate you doing this. I guess her parents were having a hard time finding a flight. We all appreciate this.

No problem. You know this is my second favorite thing to do, he smirks.

How is Lynn? We miss you two at the club.

Lynn is fine. She really loves the new dungeon I built. I swear she’s wearing me out. Of course, she sends her love and said to call if she can do anything to help.

With a quick and understanding nod, Michael smiles.

Michael turns at the sound of his name and watches Marilee’s family make their way across the tarmac.

Keith, this is Marilee’s mom, dad and brother. Mr. and Mrs. Reese, Pete, this is our pilot, Keith Miller.

Pete Reese, he extends his hand. This is Marilee’s mother Ann, and her brother Pete.

Repeat, Pete whispers as he grasps Keith’s hand.

Ann sucks in a breath. You used to get so angry when she called you that.

Yeah, I sure did.

Keith steps to the side and sweeps his hand up the gangway. Let’s go to Pittsburgh.

When they reach the top of the gangway, Keith’s co-pilot greets them and motions the four passengers to take their seats.

Mr. and Mrs. Reese settle into the seats facing each other to the right. Michael and Pete take the two seats to the left.

This is my co-pilot, Ryan. Buckle up and we’ll be taking off as soon as we’re cleared.

Keith and Ryan move through the galley and take their seats in the cockpit. Together they run through their pre-flight checks and wait for clearance from air traffic control.

Michael snaps his seatbelt into the slot and his eyes close. Please little rabbit, hang on until I can get there, he mutters under his breath.

Pete leans forward, his brow furrowed. You love her, too, he states softly.

Michael gazes at him and shrugs. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.

Does she know?

Michael shakes his head. No, she chose Jason, and they were happy. Seeing Jason and Marilee together was never a problem. I could deal because they were both happy. What I could not bear would be to lose her, especially after losing Jason.

Pete gazes at his parents sitting across the aisle and then turns back to Michael. Neither could we.

Michael nods.

Once the plane is airborne, Keith glances over his right shoulder and calls Michael to the front of the plane.

Keith? Michael questions.

Lynn stocked the galley. We have snacks, bottled water and juice or you can make a pot of coffee. The flight to Pittsburgh should take a little over two hours. The weather looks good.

Thanks, Michael says. He moves through the galley to the cabin.

Michael glances at Mrs. Reese. Marilee looks more like her mother than her father. She’s a fine looking woman. He smiles.

Keith says we have water, juice or I can make a pot of coffee if you prefer.

Ann Reese stands. I’ll make coffee. Just show me to the kitchen.

Michael cocks his head to one side and smiles. Little rabbit did not fall far from her mother’s tree—Marilee is vulnerable yet resilient, just like her mother. Michael leads her forward to the galley.

Do you need any help? He asks.

Ann shakes her head.

Michael places his hand on her arm and smiles. On a plane, it’s called a galley.

Without hesitation, Ann glances up and returns his smile. A kitchen is a kitchen, Dr. Learner.

You have a point, Mrs. Reese, Michael chuckles softly.

Call me Ann. Thank you for this—I didn’t know when we could have gotten to her. Do you think she’s okay, Dr. Learner? Ann asks in a low voice.

Believe me, I’m glad I could help with the plane and call me Michael. Yes, I think Marilee is okay. If she wasn’t okay, I would feel it, he whispers.

Ann cocks her head to one side and her eyes narrow. You love her, she states with an understanding smile.

Michael returns her smile and nods.

Good, Marilee will need all of us to help her through this.

Within ten minutes, Ann is serving coffee with every bit the professionalism of a seasoned flight attendant. With an amused smile, Michael watches her move about the cabin. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his vibrating phone.

Omni William Penn hotel—only a block or two from the hospital. Rental SUV—Budget at airport—ordered GPS to be programmed for hospital.

Thanks, I owe you.

Payment=keep in touch.

OK, I will.

Michael smiles pensively. Steven is a good man and a good friend. With everything he’s accomplished this afternoon, the next few days will certainly be easier on Marilee’s family. They won’t need to be concerned with anything except Marilee. His eyes close and he silently pleads—please don’t leave me little rabbit. I don’t think I could bear losing you as well. Jason, what am I supposed to do without you.

When he opens his eyes, he meets Pete’s intense gaze.

Pete glances to his right and smiles. His parents have pulled up the leg rests and are both dozing. He leans towards Michael.

How long have you loved her this much?

Michael’s smile is fleeting, and his shoulders shrug. Since the moment I met her. Jason called me when that guy from Pennsylvania beat her up, he whispers, glancing towards Marilee’s parents.

Damn, you must be a hell of a man. You had to sit back and watch her marry someone else.

Jason’s my best friend and Marilee was happy. As long as she was happy, I managed to deal.

You know, I guess I never thought much about it, but you’ve been there for Leelee through thick and thin. I suppose I just assumed it was because of Jason.

I’ve never heard anyone call her Leelee, but it fits. As I think back over the past year, I think it was easier to handle because I loved them both, and I will always be here for her.

Michael, Keith calls.

Michael stands and walks through the galley to the cockpit.

Make sure everyone’s seatbelts are buckled. We’re on final approach.

Okay, thanks again, Keith.

No problem Michael. I’m truly sorry about Jason. If there’s anything more Lynn or I can do, just let me know.

Michael nods, takes his seat and buckles his seatbelt. He turns to check on Marilee’s parents.

Is everyone buckled up? Keith says we’re on final approach.

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Thanks for the heads-up Steven, Markus says. He hits the end-call button on his cell. Immediately, he plugs in a number and waits.

Hi Markus, what’s up?

Holly, I need to talk to you.

Okay, I’ll just finish up here at the club and meet you at your place.

No, I’ll be there in five minutes.

Okay, she stammers. What’s wrong, Markus?

Baby, I’m almost there, he whispers, snapping his phone closed.

Holly walks through the club to the front door and steps out onto the porch of Paradise Isles. She paces and watches nervously for Markus’ car. Something is wrong ... something is terribly wrong.

Markus holds Holly close while she cries.

Oh Markus, she sobs. How will Marilee get through this?

Every one of us will be here to help her through it. That’s all we can do. This is a big loss for all of us. We must pull together to help each other through it.

Oh God, I feel worse for poor Michael. He’ll be grieving for Jason and taking care of Marilee, too.

Michael knows we’re here for him, and he knows we’ll do whatever we can to help, Markus whispers as he hands her a tissue.

I wish I could be with her.

I know, baby. If you text Michael, I’m sure he’ll keep you updated.

Holly nods as the sad tears stream down her cheeks. I’ll text him later tonight. She snuggles into Markus and the sad tears begin again.

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Michael pulls the rental SUV into the parking lot of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the four exit the vehicle. He grasps Pete’s elbow, urging him to stop. He turns questioningly to face Michael.

Pete, I need you to talk your parents into allowing me to go in to see her first.

Pete frowns.

Look Pete, it sounds bad. Perhaps if I see her first, I can prepare them. What they see won’t be such an emotional shock, Michael whispers.

Okay man, I’ll try. I can’t promise. My mother is pretty stubborn.

Michael nods.

After receiving directions to the Intensive Care Unit from the woman dressed in a pink jacket, they take the elevator and Pete turns to face his parents.

Mom, Dad, I think Michael should go in to see Marilee first. He’s a doctor and can get the information about her condition so we know what we’re walking into.

Ann looks from Pete to Michael, shaking her head slowly.

Ann, I’ll just check on her and I’ll be out as quickly as I can and then you can go in to see her. I promise.

Ann slowly nods.

Michael presses the intercom button and waits.

Yes, a disembodied female voice responds.

I’m a visitor here to see Marilee Woods.

One moment please.

The door opens, and the young woman dressed in hospital scrubs smiles.

I’m Dr. Learner, Marilee’s physician. I just arrived from Florida.

Yes sir, I’m Noel, Mrs. Woods’ nurse. she opens the door wide.

Michael turns back towards Marilee’s family. The waiting room is across the hall. I’ll be back as soon as I know what’s going on.

He walks through the door and the nurse closes it behind him. Noel leads him to room one. Michael gazes through the glass wall, and he sucks in a breath. Mentally, he had prepared himself for this, but it was not enough. Slowly, he walks into her room.

What can you tell me? He asks the nurse, his gaze never straying from Marilee.

Could I see ID please?

Michael pulls his hospital ID from his inside jacket pocket and passes it across the bed to the nurse.

Sorry Doctor Learner, I had to ask. Mrs. Woods’ chart is at the desk, she walks back to the desk and Michael follows. He scans Marilee’s chart.

Her condition was upgraded this morning from critical—not expected to critical, she says quietly.

The nurse smiles at Michael. This morning, her brother-in-law visited. He whispered something in her ear, and within fifteen minutes, her vitals leveled out. The entire nursing staff has determined he must be a witch doctor, she chuckles and Michael smiles.

Good job little rabbit.

Michael continues reading through her chart, closes his eyes and sucks in a breath. He points to the documentation and turns to the nurse. Did she know?

There’s no way to know. She wasn’t very far along. Her trauma doctor estimated about four weeks.

Michael nods, hands the chart back to the nurse and walks towards her bed. Leaning close, he kisses her forehead and whispers close to her ear.

Everything will be fine, little rabbit. I’m here to hold you. Look at you, all beat up again and still beautiful. Your parents and brother are waiting outside. I need to cut this short so they have a chance to see you, too.

The nurse steps to the doorway, concern etched on her face. Is she okay, doctor? Her heart rate just spiked.

She’s okay, Michael answers and takes Marilee’s hand.

I’m not going far. The waiting room is just outside the door. I’ll never be far. Marilee, I promise I won’t leave you.

Michael glances at the monitors. This will be hard on Marilee’s mom and dad. Hell, he’s seen accident victims a thousand times, and this is hard on him. Leaning close, he places a soft kiss on her cheek and walks up to the nurses’ station.

She settled right down, the nurse says.

Good. I’ll go to the waiting room, and I’ll try to prepare her parents and brother for this. I’m sure they’ll want to visit her.

Mrs. Woods is allowed two visitors at a time, the nurse glances up and smiles. You’re a doctor, and even though you’re not on staff, that’s not technically considered a visitor. You can stay if you like.

I want to give them some time alone with her. If it seems like her mother isn’t doing well, call me. I’ll be across the hall in the waiting room.

Of course, doctor, she says flashing the incredibly handsome doctor a flirty little smile.

Michael walks through the door, across the corridor and into the waiting room. He sinks into the chair opposite her parents.

Marilee is in pretty bad shape, Michael says softly. This morning they upgraded her condition to critical. She has some internal injuries. There’s quite a bit of equipment that she’s hooked up to, but everything is helping her through this. You need to prepare yourselves. It will undoubtedly be difficult. She’s on a ventilator to help her breath. The brace on her neck is to aid the ventilator, not because she has a neck injury. There’s an NG tube in her nose. She has a couple of IV’s, she’s hooked up to several monitors and she has a chest tube to keep fluids from building up around her heart and lungs. I think she heard me, she just can’t respond. If you feel you’re getting emotional, it may be better for her if you leave the room. Marilee needs positive right now. Are you ready?

Are you coming in? Ann asks.

No, if you need me, tell the nurse. She’ll come and get me, okay?

Ann nods that same cute little nod of uncertainty he’s seen Marilee use so many times.

How bad is it? Pete asks after his parents walk through the door and into the ICU.

Marilee is in bad shape, but it’s only been a day and a half. If each day brings improvements, then we’ll get her back. Right now, we have to be positive, patient and ... pray, Michael whispers.

A few moments later, her parents emerge from the ICU. Her dad’s arm is draped around her mom’s shoulders as she sobs quietly.

Pete stands and gazes at Michael. Will you come in with me?

Of course.

When they enter the room, Pete stops suddenly. His eyes close and he hangs his head. Michael places his hand on his shoulder and gives him a reassuring squeeze.

Slowly, Pete takes a seat next to his sister’s bed and covers her hand with his. He leans his forehead against the side rail.

Aw Leelee, he whispers. We’re all here. Mom, Dad, me and Michael, we’re here for you. You need to stay here for us. You know, we would be in a hell of a fix without you to add a little excitement now and then.

Pete stands and looks at Michael. I can’t, he whispers hoarsely.

Michael nods and takes the seat next to her bed. His hand reaches to cover hers.

I’m here little rabbit. I will always be here for you. It’s getting late… The heart monitor blips erratically. Michael leans close to her ear. Marilee, I will not leave you. I promise, he whispers. Once I get your parents and brother settled in the hotel, I’ll be back to hold you. There’s no need to worry, I’ll be here until you don’t need me anymore. I love you, Marilee, and I promise I’ll be back in an hour.

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Michael presses the call button on the intercom. Visitor for Marilee Woods.

The night nurse opens the door and stands aside for Michael to enter. It’s after visiting hours, she says.

I’m Dr. Learner, Mrs. Woods’ physician. I’ve come from Florida to see her, and I will be staying the night.

Staying the night is against hospital policy, she says, shaking her head.

It may be, but I promise you two things ... she’ll rest better if I’m here and I’m not leaving.

The nurse smiles a resigned smile and shakes her head. Everyone should have a doc like you. If you need anything, just call me.

Michael nods and returns her smile. Thank you.

He takes the seat next to Marilee’s bed and leans close.

I’m back little rabbit. Your parents and brother are settled in their rooms at the hotel. The hotel is only a block and a half from the hospital. If it wasn’t so damned cold, it would be a nice walk from here to the hotel. Now I understand all those text messages complaining about the temperature. I can’t believe Pittsburgh is so damned frigid. Florida winters are much more civilized. How did you survive so many winters in Pennsylvania? Michael pauses and glances at the monitors. The hotel is nice. I think it’s pretty old, built in 1915 or something. Everyone at home is missing you. I’ve been missing you, he whispers.

Michael hits the latch and lowers the side rail on Marilee’s bed. He gently caresses and then grasps her hand and pulls it to his lips.

When you feel better, I’ll make a caesar salad to share. You’ve always loved my salads. He leans forward, his head resting on the edge of her bed and his hand still clutching hers.

Dr. Learner, the nurse whispers as she softly touches his shoulder.

Michael sits up, squinting against the sunlight streaming into Marilee’s room from the lone window above the bed. He gratefully accepts the styrofoam cup of coffee from the nurse.

Thank you for the coffee, he says.

You’re welcome. Dr. Warren will be in to see Marilee in a moment. He’s her trauma doctor. I’ve been working at this hospital and in this ICU for five years and he’s the best trauma doctor I’ve ever worked with.

Michael nods and smiles.

I put an admissions kit in the bathroom if you want to get cleaned up, she whispers, placing her finger to her lips—Shhh.

I won’t tell a soul. Thank you very much.

A tall, good-looking man wearing hospital scrubs and a lab coat enters the room.

Dr. Learner, this is Dr. Warren. The nurse makes introductions and then steps aside.

Michael stands and extends his hand. It’s nice to meet you Dr. Warren. I’m Marilee’s personal physician. I’ve come here from Bradenton, Florida.

Dr. Warren glances at Michael and his eyebrows arch. Perhaps a little more than just her doctor?

Michael nods slowly. Her husband is—was my friend for the last twenty years. We went to med school together.

Dr. Warren nods then starts his examination. Michael watches, concern etched on his face.

How is she doing? he asks.

Dr. Warren motions him outside the room. When the two men exit, the nurse enters and pulls the privacy curtain around Marilee’s bed.

Dr. Learner, you said you are her personal physician?

I am, he answers.

She’s still critical. I am seeing some improvement. She’s young, strong and in good health, which is a plus. We’re planning to wean her off the ventilator and the chest tube this afternoon. I don’t want to give her time enough to become dependent on the vent.

Michael nods.

If she wakes, the nurse will call the team and we will re-evaluate. She lost her baby in the accident, he whispers, his eyes cast down.

Did she know she was pregnant? Michael asks.

It’s hard to tell. She was very early—perhaps four to six weeks. How long will you be here Dr. Learner?

Until I can take her home, he replies. Marilee’s parents and her brother are here, too.

Dr. Warren nods. If you need me, or if you have questions, the nurse can reach me… he pauses a moment and then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a card. My private number is on this card, call if you need me.

Thank you Dr. Warren.

The privacy curtain is still drawn when Michael enters Marilee’s room.

Can I come in?

Give me five more minutes, Dr. Learner.

Okay, maybe I’ll take advantage of that admissions kit in the bathroom—shhh.

Yes, sir, she answers and he hears the amusement in her voice.

When Michael exits the bathroom, the curtain is pulled back, and the nurse is back at the nurse’s station. He takes his seat next to her bed and his fingers graze her hand.

Your doctor seems very nice, and the nurse said earlier that he’s quite good. Dr. Warren told me they will begin weaning you off the ventilator today. That’s a good sign. Don’t worry little rabbit, I’ll be right here when they do. Maybe I’ll be able to take you home soon.

He pulls his cell phone from his pocket. Hello, he answers.

Hey Michael, this is Pete. I called your room and got no answer. Where are you?

I came in last night and fell asleep. It’s a good thing though. This morning, I had the opportunity to talk to her trauma doctor. I’ll fill you in when you get here. The keys to the Jeep are at the front desk.

Okay, thanks. We should be there in fifteen minutes or so.

When Michael’s phone chimes, he stands and leans close to Marilee’s ear.

Your folks are outside. I’ll be right back, little rabbit.

How is she? Ann asks.

There’s no change from last night, but I talked to her doctor this morning and they will try to wean her off the vent today.

What does that mean? Ann asks.

They will begin by shutting down the vent at programmed intervals so she can breathe on her own, without the help of the machine.

That’s a good thing, right?

Yes Mrs. Reese. It’s a good thing, Michael murmurs reassuringly. A very good thing, but only if she can breathe on her own.

Ann and Pete Reese exit the ICU and walk across the hall to the waiting room. They both settle into the sofa opposite Michael.

She doesn’t look any better, Michael, Ann whispers.

He smiles and takes her hand. Weaning her from the ventilator is a positive sign. Her recovery will take time. She’s pretty banged up.

The trauma doctor strolls into the waiting room. Michael stands and extends his hand.

Dr. Warren, he greets.

Dr. Learner.

Dr. Warren, Marilee’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Reese and her brother, Pete.

Dr. Warren shakes hands all around and takes a seat. Marilee is still listed as critical, but she has stabilized, which is a good sign. Later this afternoon we will start weaning her from the ventilator. The process will take most of the day, possibly into this evening. Her pulmonologist is Dr. Davidson. He’ll be out to talk to you before we begin the weaning. Marilee has only been on the vent for a little over two days, so we foresee no problems. Your visits may be interrupted, and you may be asked to wait here in the waiting room during parts of the procedure. Dr. Davidson and I will try to keep you updated, he stands, shakes hands and heads out of the waiting room.

Dr. Warren, Michael calls.

Dr. Warren turns to face him, and they walk a short distance from the waiting room.

I promised her I would be there with her during the weaning.

Dr. Warren smiles and cocks his head to one side. You seem to be everyone’s favorite doctor these days. The nurse showed me her E.K.G. strip. Mrs. Woods appears to stabilize every time you’re with her. I have no problem with you being in the room. You’re welcome to stay with her.

Thanks.

Dr. Warren smiles, nods and slides his ID through the slot over the intercom.

Michael walks back into the waiting room and takes a seat opposite Mr. and Mrs. Reese.

You may be asked to leave at different times during the weaning procedure, but Dr. Warren is allowing me to stay with her. Marilee won’t be alone.

What do they have to do to wean her? Ann asks.

Well, they’ll start by shutting down the ventilator for a few breaths every minute. Then, they will gradually increase the time the vent is shut down while they monitor her oxygen saturation, and her ability to breathe on her own. Throughout the procedure they’ll also do blood tests. When they’re confident she can breathe on her own, they’ll extubate the tube from her throat and give her supplemental oxygen while they continue to monitor her.

This is a good thing? Pete asks.

If she can breathe on her own, it is a good thing. I’m going back in to see her. I want to explain what they’re planning to do so she doesn’t panic. If she panics, they won’t be able to extubate her.

Michael smiles as the three glance at him and then at each other.

Yes, I believe she hears me, he states. I believe she understands what I’m saying, and she knows we’re all here.

Ann stands and hugs Michael. Tell her we love her.

Ann, I will tell her, but she already knows. I’m going in to explain the procedure to her before they begin. The moment I’m certain she’s settled, I’ll be back to let you know how she’s doing.

Michael sits at Marilee’s bedside holding her hand. …anyway, I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the weaning procedure, but I’ll be here with you, holding your hand. You will have a pulmonologist, your trauma doctor and me watching over you so relax and allow us to do the work. Oh, and your parents said to tell you they love you—like you didn’t know that already, he chuckles.

Dr. Warren and Dr. Davidson enter the room followed by Marilee’s ICU nurse and a respiratory therapist. Dr. Warren makes the introductions.

We’re ready to begin Dr. Learner. We did a baseline ABG this morning.

The eyes of everyone in the room gaze towards the heart monitor as it starts erratically bleeping. Michael squeezes her hand and whispers, I’m right here little rabbit.

The monitor returns to a normal sinus rhythm and the nurse gazes at Dr. Warren with a bold I-told-you-so grin. Dr. Warren shakes his head and smiles. In an attempt to hide his pleased smile, Michael lowers his gaze.

Good job little rabbit, he whispers close to her ear.

He glances at the monitors showing her respirations and oxygen saturation and shakes his head when he realizes he’s holding his breath each time the machine pauses.

The doctors step out of the room leaving only Michael and a respiratory therapist. Michael pulls his cell phone from his pocket and texts Pete.

So far so good.

Thanks, keep in touch—Mom’s a wreck.

Understood.

Dr. Learner, I brought you a cup of coffee and a chicken salad sandwich. You need to eat. If you need a break, I’ll sit with her for a few minutes.

Thank you, I’m fine, he replies, smiling at Marilee’s nurse.

Dr. Davidson strolls into her room and gazes at the monitors and then at the respiratory therapist, who nods.

Okay, Dr. Learner, we’re going to extubate her. Blood tests look good and she seems to be doing well. We’re prepared to intubate again if necessary. Do you want to step outside?

No, I’m fine, Michael nods and squeezes Marilee’s hand.

Here we go, baby, he whispers.

Michael walks to the waiting room and smiles at Marilee’s family.

She’s breathing on her own.

Can we see her now? Ann asks.

Michael nods and watches as Pete and Ann Reese walk across the corridor to the entrance of the ICU.

Man, you look like hell, Pete smiles. Have you eaten or slept?

Not really. I fell asleep in the chair in Marilee’s room last night, he shrugs.

Why don’t you head back to the hotel and shower?

Are you trying to tell me something? Michael grins.

Yeah, you look like hell. As soon as Mom and Dad come out of Marilee’s room, I’ll go sit with her until you get back.

Michael hesitates and then nods. Text if there’s any change.

I will, I swear.

Chapter 2

Michael stands in the shower and closes his eyes. Jason, I can’t believe you’re not here—please help me to help her, he murmurs.

The cell phone he left on the bathroom counter chimes and vibrates. He steps under the stream of water, rinses quickly and turns off the faucet.

She’s awake and crying for you and Jason.

Be there in fifteen. Tell her I’m coming.

Michael enters Marilee’s room, breathless and cold from the block and a half run from the hotel to the hospital. Pete stands.

She was so upset, the nurse called the doctor because she was having trouble breathing. The nurse gave her something through her IV to calm her. Since then, she’s been restless and dozing.

Michael leans close to her ear. Hey, I’m here little rabbit.

He straightens and gazes at Pete. Damn, I shouldn’t have left her.

You needed a break. For heaven’s sake Michael, you can’t stay here 24/7.

Oh, yes I can and I will, he mutters.

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People are talking, but they sound distant. I strain to listen, trying to understand what they’re saying. Jason, my heart and my mind are calling for him, but I’m unable to verbalize. Why can’t I call him? I need Jason—Oh God, I really need Jason. The voices grow softer and fade.

Ann gazes across Marilee’s bed at Michael. She was awake before. Why won’t she wake now?

When she woke she was upset, so they gave her some meds to calm her down. Ann, we just have to be patient.

Mom is here. Inwardly, I smile. And Michael, I hear Michael but I don’t hear Jason. I want my mom and I want Jason. As I struggle to call to them, the voices again soften and fade.

I try to open my eyes. They’re heavy. It’s dark and noisy. Everything around me is flashing and beeping. My left hand tickles. Slowly, I raise my hand and gently stroke Jason’s head. His hair is so soft.

He raises his head and smiles. Marilee.

Michael, I whisper hoarsely. My throat is sore, and it’s painful to talk.

Oh baby, I’m so glad you’re back with us, he whispers and kisses my hand.

Michael, what’s going on? Where am I? I ask, glancing around the darkened room. Where’s Jason?

One question at a time, little rabbit. First, how are you feeling?

My throat is sore. I guess everything is sore. What happened?

Well, it’s quite a story. I need to step away for a moment and then I’ll explain. He stands, kisses my forehead and walks out of the room.

Noel, he whispers. The nurse glances up from her seat at the nurses’ station. Marilee is awake and asking questions. I need an M.D. on standby. If she gets upset, he may need to sedate her again. This is not something she will take well. Noel nods and picks up the phone.

Michael enters the waiting room, and walks to the sofa where Pete sleeps. Michael taps his shoulder and Pete slowly sits.

She’s awake, Pete.

Thank God.

She’s asking the questions. I need to tell her what happened. The nurse is calling a respiratory doctor in case she has trouble breathing again.

What should I do? Pete asks.

Maybe you should be there when I talk to her. We’ll call your parents after we see how she reacts.

Pete nods and follows Michael back into the ICU.

Hey Leelee, Pete smiles and kisses my cheek.

What’s going on? I whisper.

Relax, and we’ll explain everything, he says softly.

Oh God, I have a bad feeling. Why are they both being so evasive?

Tell me now, I croak. Why am I here?

Okay, little rabbit, Michael whispers. Relax, I’ll explain everything.

I rest my head back on the pillow trying to calm my pounding heart. Whatever it is, it’s bad. I can tell by the way they’re acting.

A few days ago, you were going shopping.

With a small laugh, I nod my head. Jason and I were going for an electric blanket. My feet have been cold since we arrived. I pause a moment and frown. But that was this morning, Michael.

Michael smiles and continues. It was very cold. The roads were icy and a semi-truck jackknifed in front of you.

My eyes narrow as I try to