Created to Serve God: Unashamed of Who I Am

By Lisa Marie

A testimony of author Lisa Maries life and her struggles through her first fifty years, Created to Serve God narrates a story about family, dysfunction, death, forgiveness, healing, deliverance, breaking generational curses, and love. Its about Lisa Maries journey to accepting and understanding the depth of Gods love and forgiveness, a revelation that helped her to love and to forgive herself completely.

In this memoir, Lisa Marie chronicles her life beginning from her birth and early childhood memories, to the adolescent and teenage years, to the young adult and parenting years, to

her enlightenment and awakening, to her turning point, and surrendering to God.

Created to Serve God speaks to those who have searched for unconditional and unfailing love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong people. It talks to those who thought their mistakes were too many or their failures too great to be a servant in the kingdom of God. It shares one womans journey and how God helped her through many of lifes challenges.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jun 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781491799277

Book preview

CREATED TO SERVE GOD

UNASHAMED OF WHO I AM

Copyright © 2016 Lisa Marie.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9928-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-9927-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016909576

iUniverse rev. date:    06/29/2016

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 — Birth and Early Childhood Memories

• My Early Childhood

• Living and Visiting Texas

• Move to Simi Valley

Chapter 2 — Adolescence and Teenage Years

• Move to Brownell Street in San Fernando Valley

• Memories of My Mother

• My First Love

Chapter 3 — Young Adult and Parenting Years

• Becoming a Mother

• Life as a Mother

• My Second Child

• Reflection of My Life/Decision to Commit Suicide

• My Third Child

Chapter 4 — Enlightenment/Awakening

• Move to Arizona

• Severed Relationships

• Realizing God’s Unfailing Love

• New Healthy Relationships

Chapter 5 — Turning Point & Surrendering To God

• My Brother’s Death

• Accepting God’s Love

• Call to Georgia

PREFACE

This book is a testimony of my life and my struggles through my first fifty years of life. It is about family, dysfunction, death, forgiveness, healing, deliverance, breaking generational curses and love. It is about my journey to accepting and understanding the depth of God’s love and forgiveness. In turn, this revelation helped me to love and to forgive myself completely. Also, to accept the call of God on my life this is "Created to Serve God Unashamed of Who I Am. Personally, I believe this is God’s call for all of mankind. On May 25, 2009, God placed in my spirit to write my testimony. At that time, I thought this was just more healing and revelation for me but it is never just about you." I had no idea it was the beginning of a book. After all, I was no author nor did I aspire to be one. However, three years passed before I was obedient and took the time to write it. It took a year and many, many revisions to complete this project but with the love and support of my children and my grandchildren, it is done.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Thank you, Lamar, Christian, Keanu, Krystal, Victoria, Makai, T-Mac, Princess and NeNe. I love you all so very much and you are the joy of my life.

Key people who spoke positive things into my life are GOD, My Parents, My Maternal Grandparents, Mrs. Thomas, Reverend Hearns, Reverend Ray & Janelle, Pastor Howard who said, Your checkered past will be your victory. Also, Minister Buffy, Pastors Rodney & Donise Dillard, Dr. Leroy Thompson and My Pastors Creflo A. & Taffi L. Dollar who teaches the Word of God with simplicity and understanding. Dr. Myles & Ruth Monroe, Pastors Kenneth & Gloria Copeland, Pastors Jesse & Cathy Duplantis, Pastors Fred & Betty Price, Pastor Jerry Savelle, Pastors Tom & Maureen Anderson, Pastors Phillip & Brenda Goudeaux, Pastors Michael & DeeDee Freeman.

A Special Thanks to the following people, David, Tamera and Chantelle (my Fabulous sister & alter-ego before Christ), Maurice (my earthly angel), Pamelaia, PhD, Mack and Charlene, Beverly and Jason, Lanre and Mardene, Cliff, Caliece and Constance, Mr. and Mrs. J.C. Bach, who also loved me, encouraged me and believed in me.

INTRODUCTION

This book is for anyone who has searched for unconditional and unfailing love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong people. It is for anyone who thought their mistakes were too many or their failures too great to be a servant in the Kingdom of God. To me, life is a reflection of the four seasons. Just like spring, summer, fall and winter, they come each year in various degrees but only last for a time. Each season prepares you for the next season. Each phase of life prepares you for the next phase if you allow it. But just know that every year will bring different seasons with some being longer or shorter than others.

As I began to share my testimony with other women, I began to feel freedom from the guilt, shame and pain of my past. More important, I realized there were many women who had similar experiences who also felt guilt, shame and pain from their past. The more I shared my testimony, the more I felt empowered and less of a victim. It was only the love of God that healed me. His love moved me from being a victim and trying to please others to being victorious and focused on pleasing Him. The more I developed an intimate relationship with God and chose to serve Him, the more I saw God’s love for me in spite of the flawed and destructive choices I had made in my life.

I began to truly understand, Ephesians 3: 17-20 (KJV). That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breath, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. I began to see that race, ethnicity, culture, stature, appearance, education, economic or religious background does not matter in the journey of life nor with God. However, what does matter is having an intimate relationship with God, and knowing we were created to serve God.

The Choice is all yours…

Life-God’s System or

Death-The World’s System

                  HYL 09/06

Walking in the Fullness of God’s Plan

Lord, in all my ways I recognize, acknowledge, and honor you. I put You first in my life. I lean on You, trust in You, and am confident in You. Lord, with all my heart and mind I rely upon You. Grant me Your insight and understanding regarding every area of my life. I thank You, Lord, that I am blessed and highly favored and esteemed in Your sight and in the sight of other people. Because I acknowledge You, You direct, make straight, and regulate all my ways. My steps are sure, and my path is clear. My future is bright and promising.

You are my surety and my promise of a future crowned with Your blessing. Fulfill Your plans and purposes for my life. Use me, Lord, to make a difference in this world. Develop in me a heart of a champion. Give me courage and the spirit of a warrior.

Let my life be a testimony of Your grace, love, and mercy—Let me be so full of You that there is none of me left. Consume my life, Lord, to the point that others only see You in me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (Proverbs 3:6).

By so much was Jesus made a surety of a better testament (Hebrews 7:22).

He must increase, but I must decrease (John 3:30).

Scriptural Prayers for the Praying Mother

ISBN 1-59379-000-7

Copyright ©2003 by Word & Spirit Resources

BIRTH AND EARLY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

My Early Childhood

I was born, Lisa Marie, on May 2 in Houston, Texas to Caroline Renee and Ramon Collins. I was the middle child of five siblings because one brother died shortly after birth. David Paul was the oldest, next came Maurice Edward aka Tony, then came Robert, then me, next Keith Michael and last but not least Chantelle Denae. My family first moved to San Diego, California when I was two years old. Eventually, we ended up in Southern California but I do not remember much of my early childhood prior to age ten. However, the memories I do have are of a loving, supportive and God fearing mother and a father who was a Preacher. My father always worked several jobs to support his family. He passed down those same work ethics to his sons and daughters for supporting their families. One of my father’s many graveyard jobs was working at the grocery store, Alpha Beta. He would always bring home breads and Hostess snacks. But what I remember the most was the Hostess cherry, apple and lemon pies and the 6-pack mini donuts. My favorites were the Wonder bread, cherry pies and the coconut donuts. Growing up, my parents meant the world to me.

My mother was my best friend, my confidant, my inspiration and my role model. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. In my eyes, she was the perfect homemaker, wife and mother. She would prepare a home-cooked breakfast before school, and we always had a home-cooked dinner with dessert every day. Our home was always warm, loving, clean and full of friends. There was always enough dinner for expected or unexpected guests. Mom’s church friends would often ask if her house ever got dirty. Mom would reply, Surly, that’s why I clean daily. Mom loved God, her husband and her children, the latter two, perhaps to a fault.

My mother married my father right after high school. He was three years her senior. My mother was the youngest of five siblings and very spoiled as the last child. My grandmother had my mother when she was 42-years old. On the other hand, my father came from a family of eighteen siblings. He left home at the age of thirteen because he said there was never enough food to eat and he got tired of being hungry. His father was the son of a slave, and he was 20 years older than my grandmother when they married. My parents both wanted a family of their own and they promised each other, Until death do we part. I always respected my parents for their commitment. Even though, at times, I did not understand it. We moved a lot and most of the places I do not remember.

As a child, I was very shy and quiet. I loved being with my mother and playing with dolls or just playing by myself. My mother often told me that she would have to make friends for me because I would just stand or sit there, and wait to be asked to join in. By the time I graduated from 6th grade at Madison Street Elementary in Pacoima, California, I had attended six different schools. Mrs. Thomas was my kindergarten teacher at Madison Street Elementary the first time I attended there. I thought she was the most beautiful black woman I had ever seen besides my mother. She dressed so impeccable and she always matched from her head to her feet every single day. Mrs. Thomas was gifted to teach, and she loved her students. In 2006, at the Azusa Street Centennial Conference in Los Angeles, I had the pleasure to see and speak with her. She still looked beautiful and was impeccably dressed.

Living and Visiting Texas

Another childhood memory was first grade in Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963. My teacher came into the classroom crying, and said President John F. Kennedy had been shot. I do not remember how I got home but as I walked into our house I saw my mother in tears. Shortly afterwards, we moved back to Southern California. My parents never told us we were poor but we lived in some housing-projects off Van Nuys Boulevard in Pacoima for a while. I remember family vacations during the summer. My parents would load up the car or we would take the Greyhound bus or Amtrak train to Texas to visit my maternal grandparents.

I loved my grandparents and I enjoyed spending summers on their farm. My nickname from grandpa was Chicken. I would help grandpa feed his cattle, chickens and hogs. I would get such a kick from hearing him say, Soo-ee when calling his hogs. My grandparents were Southern Baptist Christians. Grandma was a midwife, and the gentlest and kindest person in the world. I loved hearing her sing, I Will Trust in the Lord. Grandpa would get a kick out of messing with her every now and then. He would come in the house and say to me, Chicken, watch this. He would pick at grandma until she would say, Man, go to s… Grandpa would look at me and laugh then go sit on the porch. Occasionally, Grandpa would let me have a little of his homemade juice. Boy, he would make the best grape juice in Madisonville, Texas.

My grandparents owned many acres in Madisonville, Texas. My big brothers would let me hang out with them while shooting their BB guns or playing down by the gate sometimes. David made an electric chair using a peanut can, batteries and some wires. Tony caught bugs for the chair and I would watch them get roasted. Also, I was so in love with Elvis Presley I would pretend I was his girlfriend; and he was casting me as his leading lady for one of his Hollywood movies. On Saturdays, we would all go into town to shop. The store clerks would follow us around like hawks asking if we needed help every 5 minutes it seemed. My grandmother would insist that I said, Yes, Ma’am or No, Ma’am. I would always ask why I couldn’t just say Yes or No, Thank you like I always did back home. Grandmother replied because this is the south. I replied, It’s not fair that I have to show white people more respect than I do for you or my parents. After being raised in California, I remember no longer enjoying my summer vacations in Texas anymore. Mainly due to the prejudice and racism that was so prevalent. After all, it was okay to be called a nigger by a white person but we could not call them a Honkey. There were many things said and done in the south that could not be done in California without repercussions and I liked that.

My parents were authoritarian and strict. To me, my mother had an unspoken Code of Silence: You can test my love but do not ever test my craziness. We had rules and daily chores and consequences for not adhering to them. My parents truly believed in, Spare the rod, and not the child. However, thanks to my mom, my dad only whipped me once in my whole life. I remember the incident as if it were yesterday. You see, my oldest brother and my two youngest siblings had asthma. At the time, there was some type of asthma cigarette that my brother would have to inhale when he would have an attack. I was in the fourth grade, and I had come home for lunch. Well, I decided to see what smoking was like. I took an inhaler from off the kitchen counter then quietly slipped out the back door. I started puffing away as I choked. As soon as I closed the side gate, I heard my dad clear his throat at the front door. I knew I was in big trouble but thank God, it was dad. In his deep voice, my dad said, Lisa Marie, what do you think you’re doing? I replied, I just wanted to try one of my brother’s cigarettes. He replied, You know those are for asthma, now don’t you? I replied, Yes, dad. Then he said, We’ll finish this talk when you get home from school.

You see, dad was the sensible and calm voice in the house. On the other hand, mom would yell, fuss or hit you with whatever she had in her hand. Another option was to pick out a Peachtree switch and it had better not been a small one. Mom and dad were waiting in the living room when I got home from school. After dad finished explaining why smoking was bad for me, he asked what I thought my punishment should be. I replied, Nothing because I had the whole afternoon to think about it, and I assured him I would never try to smoke again. Then mom had to add her two cents and said, she felt I needed a whipping to remind me not to smoke again. So, dad took off his belt and whipped me. All I remember hearing was my dad say, This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you. In the background, my mom was yelling for my dad not to hit my legs. Go figure, my butt could be scarred but not my big legs. I guess I wouldn’t look cute with scarred legs and ruffled socks. That was the one and only time my dad ever whipped me. Now, don’t get me wrong, my dad disciplined all of us but he had never, ever whipped his little girl.

Move to Simi Valley

At the age of ten, my family moved from a predominately black neighborhood in Pacoima to a predominately white neighborhood in Simi Valley. In Pacoima, we lived on a cul-de-sac and the neighborhood was nice and safe. We lived in a small three-bedroom house with two bathrooms. My parents had their own