Open the Mind Heal the Heart: A Metaphysical Discussion About Grief and Recovery

By John Cappello

Award-winning author, John Cappello, offers a new metaphysical
look at grief and the energies we need to harness in order to
heal from it. Open the Mind Heal the Heart identifies twelve
universal categories of life experiences, cites real-life examples,
and demonstrates the symmetry between all of them. The book
describes how one event, causing grief in one category, often affects
many other areas of life. It discusses how grief can be overwhelming
if energy is not used properly for healing. Metaphysical techniques
point the way to obtaining perspective and peace of mind.
The refreshing ideas outlined in this book offer help to those trying
to lift the sadness of grief to the joy of resolution. Open the Mind
Heal the Heart proposes the following twelve energy keys to
unlock the chains of grief and gain an understanding of the way
the Universe takes care of us in times of need.
Healing is a decision
Express Gratitude
Adaptability
Learn to Cope
Take Action
Healthy Habits
Engage Others
Humility
Exert Integrity
Ambition
Responsible Refection
Time

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Nov 4, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504362672

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Copyright © 2016 John Cappello.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

I want to advise my readers that I am not a grief counselor or a medical professional prescribing medical advice. The opinions expressed in this book are my own and reflect my experience as a psychic medium.

Balboa Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6266-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6268-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6267-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016911772

Balboa Press rev. date: 03/07/2017

Table of Contents

Preface

Introduction

PART ONE

Chapter One Grief Comes Calling

Chapter Two The Symmetry of Grief and the Universe

Chapter Three The Mechanics of Grief and Healing

PART TWO

Chapter One Key 1 - Healing Requires Making a Decision

Chapter Two Key 2 - Expressing Gratitude

Chapter Three Key 3 – Adaptability

Chapter Four Key 4 - Learning to Cope

Chapter Five Key 5 - Take Action and Trust in the Universe

Chapter Six Key 6 - Healthy Habits and Giving Permission to Heal

Chapter Seven Key 7 - Engaging Others

Chapter Eight Key 8 – Humility

Chapter Nine Key 9 - Exercise Integrity

Chapter Ten Key 10 - Ambition and Goal Setting

Chapter Eleven Key 11 - Responsible Reflection

Chapter Twelve Key 12 – Time

Chapter Thirteen Conclusions

About the Author

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Liz McIllwain, a dear friend who lost her battle to colon cancer.

Preface

This is a book that I have been thinking about writing for years, and suddenly the material came to me. The revelation was life changing for I found that the Universe does have a methodology for doing things. There are no accidents or coincidences when it comes to the ways of the Universe. It is an awesome perspective that I feel not only explains the way grief works but has solutions within it. The study of grief can be known as griefology. I think this book will help people who are suffering if they are able to open their minds to the energy of the Universe.

Grief is an issue that is all encompassing, and I have a unique viewpoint of it as a psychic medium. Clients come to me in all stages of grief. It humbles me to be with those who are struggling with their emotions and are trying to understand their situations. In my field of metaphysics, I believe there are good practices that should be incorporated in a healing. This book focuses on those and is a tool to help move the great energy of grief to a manageable state.

The circumstances around grief are complicated and are not easily simplified, but this book attempts to do just that. It is divided into two parts. PART ONE handles grief from a broad perspective and begins to segment problems using a linear process. That is, it allows the reader to see the patterns that grief appears to follow. It also serves as a guide to the reasons why grief occurs and a discussion of the ramifications of its unexpected nature. PART TWO deals with the specifics. It guides the reader to recognize the areas of life that fit into certain categories. This is where Astrology provides a template that we can use to examine grief from a metaphysical perspective. There are twelve categories which we all experience in our lifetimes, and each of them is very important. Some Astrologers may dispute some of the topics I suggest are part of the categories but that is a subject for another time. If you are suffering from a cycle of grief, you should be able to quickly recognize it and relate to a specific category outlined in one of the twelve chapters. I think you will find it fascinating.

Open the Mind Heal the Heart is my second book in the Open the Mind series and continues to focus on the role of metaphysics in our lives. It is fascinating from my perspective, and it is my hope that my readers will appreciate the rich content that this approach provides. I am sharing the information I have learned from my work in this area.

Metaphysics is the study of existence beyond the physical. Healing, like other concepts in this realm, must be grasped with the intellect first in order to be understood. Once we have an understanding, our emotions can be at peace.

I want to acknowledge all of my clients, colleagues, family, and friends who have supported and encouraged my work over the years. The names, details, and readings portrayed in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of my clients.

Introduction

When you are in a period of grief, it is difficult to see beyond your current situation. Nothing seems to move the weight of your sadness away from who you are so that you may resume enjoying life. So many people do not see a future because their grief is so great. I wrote this book to document the understanding I have gained of the Universe and the way it deals with the energy of grief. The Universe is not about leaving issues unresolved and unsettled. On the contrary, it is about wholeness and goodness.

My belief systems have broadened since I started working in metaphysics, and I have found that we all deal with grief individually. It tests us to the core, and our religious and spiritual values play a part in our recovery. These values, however, appear to only be a part of the answer. I find that people search to heal their hearts from many different perspectives, and sometimes it may appear odd to the rest of us. We cannot judge another person for the way they handle grief. It is their journey and one we need to support if possible.

The study of grief has been done by greater minds than mine, but no one has come up with an absolute cure. Some have called it an illness, but this designation does not quite fit the condition. It is something different. There is dis ease with grief, but it is not the kind that we normally associate with illness. While it can lead to more traditional forms of illness and disease, grief appears to have a realm all its own. From my perspective as a psychic medium, it is a discomfort, oftentimes overwhelming and debilitating, but it is not a mental illness. However, grief can lead to physical illness or depression.

Attempting to classify grief creates a dilemma. How do you capture the full extent of it? How can you address every possibility? The answer is that you cannot! You can only use devices to help give you a perspective of the infinite range of events that can and have caused grief. My work has given me the unique opportunity to peer into the lives of the thousands of people for which I have given readings, and everyone has a different story.

When I was thinking about the way to approach this broad encompassing topic, I traveled down many thought paths, but none of them were able to fully embrace the issue. I found that grief has a kind of structure to it, but then it goes off in unique directions. There are certain universal areas of grief as well as areas of healing that appear to be common among people. My experience working with clients has allowed me to view the masks people wear when they are not dealing with their grief, and I found that people who have healed from an episode of grief exhibit certain qualities. These qualities are virtues, and most of the time, people use them unknowingly.

There had to be a methodology that I was missing that could help me understand the phenomena. I could see qualities in people who had healed from grief that could be used as a model for healing. All of these traits had to be in one area that I was missing when I was trying to understand grief. The answer finally came to me, but it was an unexpected source of inspiration. It was a universal format and was truly metaphysical in nature.

I am a student of Astrology and see the negatives and positives of the Universe through this perspective. I need to note to the Astrology skeptics that the planets do not rule my life, nor do I have any fears based on Astrological alignments. I am aware of the status of Astrology as a pseudo-science and one that does not precisely predict outcomes. My attraction to this field is about the reactionary and complimentary energies that flow together within Astrology. It makes you think and consider the way the Universe works. We do not have to use Astrology as the absolute arbiter of our destiny, but we can be fascinated by the accuracies of the push-and-pull of the energies and the way they can be observed in our lives.

Astrology recognizes the symmetry of the energies of the Universe in a very metaphysical and non-threatening manner. It was born from observation and the realization that everything is connected. The ancient minds who developed it in virtually every civilization knew that the Universe has structure. They observed the seasons and the patterns of life from birth to death. Grief has a structure as well. This book is about recognizing that structure. And, what it has shown me is that the powerful energy of grief has an opposite and equally as powerful energy that can balance it.

It is my hope you will see, through the pages of this book, patterns and powerful energies that grief bestows on us and the equal energies from the Universe that we have available to us to neutralize it. There are no definitive answers for curing all of the pain that grief causes, but this book might just give you some additional tools to understand it. Once a problem is better understood, there is often a solution that can be found. I hope this book helps you with understanding and a solution for your grief in life. If it touches you in some way, then it has been a success!

John Cappello

PART ONE

How Did I Get Here?

Chapter One

Grief Comes Calling

It’s 2 AM, and you are asleep. The phone rings, and you awake feeling a little startled. The first ring gets your attention and then comes the second. This ring is different from the first because you are annoyed and saying to yourself, This is such a bother. You are gathering your thoughts quickly and coming out of your restful sleep. The ring is one of trouble, and you wonder if this is a prank call or one from a fumbling caller unaware that they are dialing the wrong number. You consider whether or not you should even reach over and answer the phone since it is most likely a worthless effort. Unknown to you at this time is that the grief process has begun, and you are entering a new chapter in your life.

By the time the third ring comes, your conscious mind is evaluating the situation. Is the call important? Lying in bed, you are hoping the caller will hang up realizing their mistake, but this does not happen. You have to make a decision quickly. The caller appears persistent, and you are finally convinced that you should risk answering the phone. Your thoughts are divided about this interruption in your sleep. After all, you have to get up in a few hours to go to work, and you do not want to waste your time. You answer the phone. It is a call that will change your life. It will be changed by grief.

Grief will be part of your life path, and it will teach you lessons that will challenge you in ways you never have experienced. The challenges you will face are not by choice, and there is no perceived advantage to go through the process you are beginning. Grief does not discriminate between individuals or show any kind of mercy to those it affects. Learning to live with the pain and consequences it brings will not be easy. The best strategy to overcome grief is to address it. Otherwise, it can overwhelm you.

When you start the grief process, there is no time table for you to follow, there is no signup sheet, and you cannot force the process. Events around you will need clear thinking while you are suffering from emotional distress. Grief stretches you in ways you did not think were possible. Finding logical parallels for this time is difficult, but there are some real world examples that can give you clues about ways you can approach your circumstances. You will go back and forth in the stages of grief and be often bewildered.

The topic of grief is not one that we talk about until we experience it. Dwelling on negative situations is not something we want to do, but we find that when dealing with grief, we often draw upon other disappointments that give us clues about how to handle the latest situation. Disappointment is something that is necessary, whether or not we want to admit it. Learning to overcome obstacles broadens our character and teaches us that there can be resolution after a difficult time.

We often try to shelter others from having disappointment and failure in life, but these are aspects of the human experience. It can be argued that those who are sheltered from hardships in life do not appreciate the good things the Universe has to offer. Many people have a sense of entitlement, and when they are faced with a problem, they are unable to deal with the situation. The inability to figure out solutions can be devastating and has the potential of creating more grief for others if not recognized.

Grief may, in fact, offer opportunities for us if we can become aware of them. An enlightened individual may comprehend that the Universe has a natural course to it and does not discriminate when it allows difficulties to occur. It is the way we handle issues in life that determines whether we enjoy the fullness of the wonder of the Universe or are condemned to be victims of it. We can make matters better or worse depending upon our perspective and actions. Grief often makes a person enlightened after they have experienced loss.

Enlightenment can be another term for maturity, and it often comes from unexpected places and people. A child or someone who is perceived as innocent or lacking insight may suddenly offer a unique perspective or solution to an issue. The Universe often creates new sources of wisdom and knowledge around us. It can create new leaders in a family when a crisis is faced. If this does not happen, the family or group can disintegrate. More tragedy may result if an individual is alone and unable to gain a new perspective of reality unless they are able to take time to reflect. When they finally reach a cathartic moment, they will understand the concept of karma and that it plays a role in the lessons that we need to learn in this lifetime.

When we are experiencing grief, we often seek help from outside our immediate group. Advice from spiritual groups or professional counselors can be essential to the healing process, and there is no shame in asking for help. It is a proactive measure that allows us to lean on those not affected by our loss. We are social beings, and we need each other, for it is natural and normal to be with others who can give us healthy resources when needed.

My first experience with a major loss was the death of my father. He died in 1992 at the age of 66. His death could have been a tearful, emotional event for me had we had a close relationship, but we did not. I did not experience the expected type of grief created by the loss of a parent. I did, however, experience grief surrounding the problems he left for the family when he died. I learned that one tragic event can cause grief in many different areas of a person’s life.

When my father was alive, we considered him to be a genius, but he had a bad temper and was a difficult person to get to know. His personality would change without notice and he could be violent if not handled carefully. Today, he would probably be diagnosed as bipolar, but we did not understand the disorder at the time. My relationship with him was up and down. As a result of the turmoil in the family, I left home for several months when I was fourteen years old. I could not take the raging that was going on there. As I grew older, we would go for years without speaking, then he would suddenly do something outrageous to bring us back together as a family. This would not last, and the pattern would repeat.

He once purchased a supermarket to bring me back into his life. The store only lasted a year to the day because we did not have the financing to manage it properly, but he did not consider this when he bought it. The failure of the store caused more years of estrangement between us. I guess, in his way, he thought he was doing something good, but the supermarket situation caused more hardship that was extremely difficult to overcome.

The death of my father did not come at 2 AM, but it came as a shock to me. He was not a physically healthy man, but he was relatively young. There was no reason to believe he would die at 66 years of age. The fact that he was mean and hateful lessened the intensity of my grief over the loss, but I do need to note that he did have some good points, and I did love him. It is always strange to lose someone you have known all of your life. It forces you to recognize our mortality, and your faith usually kicks in to let you know that you will see the person again under different circumstances.

Death is an ending and a beginning at the same time. I had to adjust to the reality of not having the stress of my father’s life and personality around me any longer. It was somewhat welcomed to know he would no longer be a negative force in my life. My new reality of living in a world without worrying about his health or personality issues was, honestly, attractive. However, the reality of now being faced with solving the problems he left behind was not.

I used my personal experience as an illustration of one for the many sources of grief. The death of a parent is a turning point, and parents may also leave our lives by choice, through abandonment. This presents yet a different aspect of the loss of a parent.

Grief caused by any reason has stages that we all proceed through to some degree. Depending on the emotional connection between people, it often takes years to reach the later or final stages of grief. Restructuring our lives and reaching acceptance is not easy, but it can be done. We have to do the work necessary to move through the shock, denial, anger, restructuring and acceptance of the process.

My observations about grief are not necessarily about the Kübler-Ross stages of grief or any expanded version of them. The real key to overcoming grief, from my perspective, is getting from one stage to the next. Climbing the ladder out of the abyss that grief throws us into is the challenge. I have found that there is a mechanism of grief that the Universe presents to us that suits all forms of loss, the twelve categories. Furthermore, it is critical that we realize that a single event can radiate through multiple categories. Because it goes into several categories, it compounds the energy of grief and makes it even harder to overcome since it hits you in several aspects of your life. This can cause a type of emotional implosion. You must attack each of these areas. For example, losing a father not only affects the loss of father category, it can also affect the family’s income, sibling relationships, family image, and other categories. Once I realized this, I was able to make sense of my situation. This perspective is the subject of this book.

Ultimately, it is up to us to make a difference in coping with grief. We have to become at peace with our circumstances and learn acceptance. Many times, it is forgiveness that is an integral part of healing. These qualities can then be accompanied by hope and joy for those we may have lost or letting go of a problem we have endured. These are the final goals we must strive to achieve if we are in the middle of being stricken with grief. It does take motivation and perseverance to attain success, but it is worth the effort. Without motivation, attending grief seminars or counseling is not sufficient to bear the fruit we need for a productive life.

Overcoming grief takes commitment, effort, and motivation. These can only be pursued