Where’S Dad? I Thought We Were Supposed to Talk!: A Common-Sense Approach to Winning Life’S Battles and Restoring Our Culture.

By Pat Combs

In this fast-moving modern world, an overwhelming number of fathers are missing from their families. Many of those who remain either do not understand their responsibilities or they simply ignore them. This is no small matter. Sons and daughters rely on dads to be the character-builders of the familythe ones who anchor the family and teach how to be individuals of integrity. Geared for youth, young adults, and parents, this guidebook provides practical knowledge that will help the reader confront the challenges of relationships and work while remaining devoted to Biblical principles. This guidebook helps young men and women discover family values. It also helps parents who want to share these values with their children. God gave mothers inherent abilities to nurture their babies. These abilities, combined with their wonderful gift of life, create mother and child relationships that exceed normal understanding. Girls, you have this very special gift; learn how to protect it and not abuse or diminish it. Worthy insights deliver valuable lessons about life, work, and faith. You will gain a positive perspective on how to confront important issues such as developing a character for success, understanding Biblical principles, re-establishing moral values, building family and other important relationships, preparing for and landing a good job, establishing a career, starting a business, understanding the free enterprise system, and securing financial freedom.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512748727

Pat Combs

Having retired from a successful career in business, Pat Combs pursued a righteous calling. He created an educational curriculum that enables incarcerated juveniles and young adults to overcome their impediments and realize their potential. His passion for teaching has led more than 1,000 individuals to successfully build a productive future and pursue a worthy vision for their lives.

Book preview

Copyright © 2016 Pat Combs.

All rights reserved. No part of these materials may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act, the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act, or in writing from the publisher.

Copyrights acknowledgement: Professor Howard Gardner is Adjunct Professor of Psychology at Harvard University and Adjunct Professor of Neurology at the Boston University School of Medicine.

Biblical references:

(ESV) English Standard Version:

Unless otherwise indicated "Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

(NIV) New International Version

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

(NKJV) New King James Version

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Taken from The American Patriot’s Bible edited by Dr. Richard Lee Copyright © 2009 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4873-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4874-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4872-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016910908

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/26/2016

CONTENTS

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Building A Character For Success

Acceptance

Importance

Purpose

Responsibility

Gifts And Inherent Abilities

Making Wise Choices

Moral Values

Principles

Fidelity And Faith

A Character In Progress

Building Relationships

Gain With Education

Confronting Fear And Anger

Spirit, Willpower, And Support

Giving And Pledging

Character In Marriage And Family

Building A Career

Job Search Preparation

Answering The Challenge

Your Professional Package

Brandon Wilson

Frank London

Résumés

Frank London’s Résumé

Winning The Interview And Probation

What Every Employer Wants

Consistency, Dependability, Integrity

Attitude And Leadership

Starting And Owning A Business

Securing Your Financial Freedom

A Plan For Saving, Giving, And Spending

Using A Checkbook And Paying Bills

Balancing The Books

Living Within Your Income

Create A Vision And Go

Conclusion

DEDICATION

T his book is a product of the Foundation Program, presented in the San Diego County Probation Department at detention facilities from 2008 – 2012, and 2014 to present. It is dedicated to those youth and young adults who participated in and found benefit and reward within the lessons of the Foundation Program. My life has been enriched through working with them. My prayer-filled hope is that the youth and young adults who choose to read this book will realize that they too have the inner abilities to build a principled foundation and chart a new and productive course for their fu ture.

This poem is a reminder of what the father’s core responsibility is to his children.

A Father’s Thoughts

A cautious father I shall remain, so my children’s lives are not lived in vain.

My conduct does not escape their sight; what they see me do – try it? They just might!

In their youthful thinking, I am always right. Their belief in me is foremost in their sight.

Never should my will desire to stray, I must be there to guide them along their way.

The value of God’s love they must surely learn. I must teach them this course from which they will not turn.

May God be with them as the years come and go, for I pray they remember; it is for them to know. Like me, they are building for the years to be, their children, to have character of strength and integrity.

PREFACE

B orn eleven weeks after the Pearl Harbor attack, Pat Combs would be the last of four children that Alford and Bertha Combs would raise. Both of his parents came from punishing poverty. They worked very hard and lived prudently. The family moved from Arizona to southern California in 1941. There, Pat’s parents restarted the family business, a working ranch and farm. It became successful and provided their family with a comfortable life.

The Combs children, due to their parents’ hard work and prosperity, knew little about the dreadful grip of poverty. While growing up in the Combs household, there was no age limit on work. If they were able to do something, something was found for them to do. By the age of twelve, Pat was operating tractors, driving trucks, windrowing grain, and cleaning feed floors.

At seventeen, and now making his own decisions, Pat landed a job at Pepper Oil Company. L. M. Pepper was as much a father to him as an employer. His integrity and wisdom were unsurpassed. His teaching was priceless to this young man.

In his early twenties, and now carrying the responsibilities that come with having a family, Pat got a job at H. G. Fenton Materials Company. While at Fenton, his fellow workers, who were much older than he was, taught him many skills. The experience he gained at Fenton provided him the opportunity to advance. Combining his skills with additional education, Pat would eventually fulfill a vision of owning his own business.

The ideals of good character, self-reliance, and the American family have not changed. Hard work, education, experience, and faith remain as valuable today as they did at our nation’s beginning. Holding fast to this conviction, Pat created a curriculum. He is dedicating his retirement years to instructing less fortunate youth and young adults about these ideals and how they can be developed and put to good use to improve their lives.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A multitude of people have contributed to the writing of this book. This is because its content comes from a lifetime of relationships and experiences. As one would expect, most of the people who impacted my life, to a degree worthy of mention, did so during my early years. After all, I was young, motivated, and interested in learning all that I could. As for acknowledging these contributors, I once heard this statement: The greatest impression one leaves is the one after they’re gone. In this situation, that is the case. I could name many of these people, but many have passed away. Their timeless wisdom, though, is revealed in the pages of this book. The fact that it is written to help those who are young and disadvantaged is an acknowledgment and a tribute to these wonderful, selfless individuals who willingly gave of their experience so that a young mind could grow and benefit. They remain in my memories, and I thank God that I was able to work with them and learn from their shared wi sdom.

Concerning the editing herein, I wish to extend my sincerest appreciation to the one who wishes to remain anonymous. Her untiring effort enriched the outpouring of information on every page of this book. I am deeply grateful. Thank you.

INTRODUCTION

T his book is about what sons and daughters should learn as they travel the challenging path of life. In this age of broken families and parental confusion, an overwhelming number of fathers are literally missing. Of the dads who are present, many lack the knowledge about their role and some sadly ignore their parental responsibilities. Dads are the character-builders for their families. Dads are supposed to anchor the family and teach their children how to be individuals of integrity, who will fulfill the responsibilities of parenthood with fide lity.

President Ronald Reagan said this about the family: There is no institution more vital to our nation’s survival than the American family. Here the seeds of personal character are planted, the roots of public virtue first nourished. Through love and instruction, discipline, guidance and example, we learn from our mothers and fathers the values that will shape our private lives and public citizenship.

(Mary Beth Brown, Hand of Providence, pages 20, 38)

Young people are learning little about the character qualities necessary for leading successful adult lives. As a result, they enter the mainstream of adulthood lacking experience and knowledge in the basic lessons about life, work, family, and faith. They are unprepared to tackle the expectations that come with life as successful, productive adults. This book delivers a positive can do perspective to the issues facing young individuals and young families. It is a common-sense approach to developing a character for success, understanding Biblical principles, re-establishing moral values, and building relationships. It tells how to establish a career and start a business. It explains how to manage finances and achieve financial freedom. This book is about changing a difficult environment into one that establishes success with parenthood, employment, and business. It teaches disadvantaged youth and young adult boys and girls how they can be responsible, loving providers for their families.

BUILDING A CHARACTER FOR SUCCESS

M ost Americans and people throughout the world see the United States of America as a Christian nation. Our Founding Fathers brought forth documents such as the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. They accomplished this because they had a common understanding of law, government, and morality. They functioned as a unified group because they also had a common understanding of faith and of the Judeo-Christian ethic. The Judeo-Christian writings in the Holy Bible are the basis of America’s moral and social values. This ethic is the driving force of American business and the culture in general. In America, the citizens work and function according to the Word of God. It is very important for all people, especially young people, to understand and accept this t ruth.

When using the Word of God (Holy Bible) as a foundation, we are able to develop a character that can overcome harsh challenges and be successful. We soon discover that we have a lot in common with other people, and the prospect of a productive, self-reliant life becomes real for us. We sense that we too can be a player in restoring the American culture if we use the Word of God as a foundation. This becomes part of our progress, a part of our story.

Men are, and always will be, creatures of accomplishment. They feel better about themselves when working and making good things happen. Character in men comes, in part, from their work and trade. Many consider career development and career accomplishment the major elements in their character. They have less consideration for social matters when determining the quality of character for achieving success. It’s about getting things done.

Women are somewhat different; they do consider social matters when determining the quality of character for achieving success. Emotional connections, interacting with friends and family are factors. It’s about relationships.

A changing culture and economic pressures are forcing more women, especially working mothers and sole providers, to consider developing careers. To support themselves and feed their families, these women must effectively compete in a highly competitive labor market. Understanding the differences in the way men and women see themselves will help avoid potential problems in the workplace. It also helps them appreciate each other’s character. It is important knowledge when building a character for success.

People who want to share in all that is successful in life must have a clear understanding of all elements necessary for building a character for success. That is what this first segment is about, and it starts with explaining that all people on God’s green earth are here for acceptance, importance, and for a purpose.

ACCEPTANCE

Within each and every person there is a natural desire for acceptance. It is essential that we receive a healthy level of it throughout our lives. It is in our youthful years that the need for acceptance is greatest, and it starts with mom.

Quite frankly, it starts with mom and ends with mom. A mother’s acceptance, shown through her gentle hands and loving hold, is one of the first feelings a baby receives. It’s called nurturing and, although it changes with time, it is never lost. Mom’s acceptance never leaves; it stays with her children throughout their lives.

Here is a story that reflects the lasting strength of a mother’s acceptance. In part, it quotes from page 19 of the book "Hand of Providence," authored by Mary Beth Brown.

Nelle Wilson Reagan, without a doubt, was the most influential person in Ronald Reagan’s life. What she taught him when he was young remained with him throughout his life. Years after her death, Reagan would quote her, and her guiding principles became his own. The time, investment, and strong faith that she poured into his life are what produced one of America’s greatest Presidents. His mother’s acceptance lasted beyond her lifetime, and at least throughout his life.

John 3:16 (NKJV)

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

This Scripture is a great expression of love and acceptance. God had so much hope for all people that He gave His Son. Jesus was sent with a purpose that included teaching. His teaching was about acceptance, individual importance, and individual purpose. The Bible is filled with instruction that teaches people how to accept themselves and others.

The desire for acceptance is strong. It drives people to do almost anything to gain the approval of others. All too often, young people put themselves in harm’s way just so they can feel needed or wanted. If they are not careful, that driving force can lead to self-destruction. Young boys will sometimes join a gang to find acceptance. Gang activity, all too often, leads to crime, prison, or death. Girls join gangs for the same reason, and they too find similar self-destruction.

Girls think differently than boys. They are more sensitive or emotional, and more likely to respond based on their feelings. Girls mistakenly attempt to gain acceptance from their boyfriends through intimate physical relations. They think that giving themselves sexually will bring the true acceptance they desire. The opposite usually happens. Their intimate giving brings little, if any, acceptance. It usually brings physical abuse and, most likely, pregnancy.

Take a moment and think of an event that resulted in rejection: being dropped from the team, a friend turning away in disappointment, or a spouse filing for divorce. Think about the emotional pain. How long did the pain last? How long did it take to regain sensibility and return to a productive life schedule?

Here is a story about rejection.

When Rose was in elementary school, she was very happy about a particular report card. With great joy, she shared it with her family. Anna, her older sister, was jealous of Rose. She ridiculed her younger sister about what she, Anna, considered poor grades. There were no poor grades! Rose’s brother wasted no time and joined in with cruel remarks. The two of them succeeded in making Rose feel confused and very disappointed. Rose’s sister and brother rudely rejected her. That was absolutely unnecessary, and did no good.

We must be able to extend healthy acceptance to each other, even if there is disagreement. It is the wisdom within our character that provides us the ability to conduct an appropriate exchange of acceptance. It starts with being truthful, sincere, and grateful toward other people. The appropriate exchange of acceptance between people is what makes our world a better place to live and work. At the same time, though, we must be alert to the dishonesty of those who want to deceive us. All of this is important when building a character for success.

Ephesians 5:6 (ESV)

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

This Scripture warns us about accepting the distortions and lies of people who want to take advantage of us. This Scripture is telling those people who desire to commit these sins that God’s anger is coming.

Men feel a deep sense of self-satisfaction when they accomplish something. Men who consider themselves tradesmen feel increased self-worth in their trade. For men, this is a key factor in developing self-confidence. If they are not careful, though, too much self-confidence and self-worth can elevate into pride. Pride can cause arrogance. This means, creating a feeling of being faultless and superior. Pride and arrogance do not remain hidden. These feelings will expose themselves for others to witness. When this happens, it kills the opportunity of receiving acceptance. Pride and arrogance destroy the ability to display a valid appreciation for other people. Men who are unable to show appreciation also cannot extend acceptance. Eventually, they will find themselves alone and defeated.

Men also have a natural tendency to take things for granted which means they will treat their wives as something they own; this is not showing acceptance. Also, men’s eyes are the first things they use to decide their preference in women. Good-looking women are easily accepted. The doors are then open for betrayal which means husbands are turning away from their wives and desiring other women. Boyfriends or young husbands frequently look at other girls because it’s natural for them to do that, thinking it’s no big deal! When the looking becomes nonstop, the girlfriends or wives may feel that they are being taken for granted and not appreciated. Additionally, they will feel that betrayal is soon to happen. Those feelings destroy acceptance and quite often relationships as well. These men need to keep their acceptance in line where it belongs.

Another thing that gets man in trouble is his caveman aspiration – selfish sexual desire. Mr. Caveman brings flowers to show acceptance and love for his Cavewoman. He figures his flowers are enough to earn him his desires. These actions are telling his wife that the flowers are nothing more than a payoff. Thus, his sincerity stinks because he misplaced true acceptance and love.

Addiction and abuse are two issues that affect people’s ability to accept others or even themselves. Both of these issues are very common in American families. Either one can seriously damage lives and, at the very least, cripple their character growth. Abuse, whether physical, verbal, or sexual, prohibits people from finding and receiving worthy acceptance. It can take young people’s lives far away from the acceptance, importance, and purpose that God intends for them.

Abuse, from a member of the family, an associate, a step-parent, or a close relative, is disturbingly common. Abuse deprives the victim of good, proper character development. It destroys personal qualities which are essential for productive living. If unresolved, this abuse brings a lifetime of misery to both the abused and the abuser.

Both addiction and abuse were present in my family. Unknowingly, at that time, I witnessed and lived the destructive effects of abuse and addiction. Everyone in my family was affected. An atmosphere of tolerance and silence existed. My family lived a secret, a lie. The abuser and the abused dealt with the dysfunction in a personal, silent, and ignorant manner.

It does not have to be that way! Victims of abuse must not believe the lies of the abusers. Nor should they listen to misguided influence from others who presume to know and understand. There is no acceptable family structure when there are abused children or battered spouses. The abused and battered are not the perpetrators. They are the victims. They have done nothing wrong, and do not deserve blame! Victims should never tolerate the dysfunctions of others. Do not deny, and do not hesitate. Get help! Begin the process of rebuilding a worthy acceptance from within. Life is precious, so fight for it. Then learn how to share acceptance with others, especially with those who truly care.

Romans 15:5 (ESV)

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.

This Scripture is telling us that God accepts all people and gives us a spirit of unity. This means that we have a desire to live and work in harmony with each other. The Bible provides encouragement and also builds endurance. If God did not accept us, the Bible would not exist.

Every young couple should feel good about their future. If they do not, then they must read this Scripture again. God’s Word gives every family the ability to live together in harmony. Why then, is the American family falling apart? Because one spouse grows impatient with the other, causing their acceptance of each other to lessen. All too often they will pursue acceptance from another source or another person. Marriage is a team, and the team cannot work in harmony if acceptance does not exist.

A good husband considers his wife’s unwavering devotion to the family and to him. He thinks about the little things she does to make life better for everyone. He brings her flowers, and opens the door for her. A good husband does the important little things that make her feel accepted. He does these things without a reminder, simply because it is part of his natural reactions. A good husband proves his acceptance from day one. His wife is the first person in the group to receive his acceptance.

A good husband is patient. He waits and allows his wife to vent her disappointment. He respects her view even when their differences are far apart. A good husband and father proves his acceptance of all members of his family, most especially his wife. She is respected, admired, appreciated, and truly loved. He makes his wife feel accepted just as she is. There are no unreasonable expectations for the lady of the house. A good husband shows leadership, and proves to his wife that he is a real, loving man.

A good wife must respond to her husband in much the same way. The key is showing him respect and appreciation, especially if he has put forth the effort to earn it. If a wife can show quality respect and appreciation to her husband, she has the happiest man in town. This makes him feel complete; he is home, and he is successful.

Accepting someone does a lot of good for their soul.

IMPORTANCE

God does not make mistakes! He picked us and put us here for an important reason. Think about this: our decisions affect our families, friends, workers, and people we associate with. The effect of a single decision can spread a great distance. During our lifetime, the choices we make will influence or affect thousands of people. Our choices that we make now could affect the lives of people years into the future.

People rely upon other people to make good decisions. Good decisions make it possible for businesses to function, communities to grow, and nations to exist. Our good decisions help other people to make good decisions and progress with plans and importance. In a way, we need each other and we need each other to make the right choices or good decisions. If tempted to compromise a choice or decision, ask yourself this question: Who will be impacted by my decision? Will it be my co-workers, spouse, children, and friends? That should make you realize that you are important, and that your decisions are equally important.

We must never think of ourselves as people who are unimportant. We should not think negatively about ourselves. We can allow and should accept someone’s sober evaluation of us, but never condemn ourselves. Condemning ourselves prevents us from overcoming, correcting, improving, and realizing our importance.

o Do not listen to those who make degrading comments.

o We should not be fearful of being important.

o We must realize our importance and see it as a positive value, a challenge with opportunity, and a reward.

o We must consider ourselves neither better, nor less, than others.

o We should try to appreciate people and extend a helping hand when needed.

Individuals who understand their importance are usually intelligent and well-spoken. They are alert to the activities around them. They are concerned about the overall good. These individuals understand that everyone is part of a giant circle of relationships, and they know that everyone should have the opportunity to participate. Important people are wise and know that the circle of relationships is hurt if everyone is not involved. So get involved, find a role, reveal importance, and be productive and successful. Be truthfully assured, one man or one woman can make a difference, but only if they are involved.

Galatians 6:10 (NIV)

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do well to all people.

This Scripture tells us that our importance brings many opportunities, and we should always rise to the occasion. It is saying that our character needs to be good so that all of us can do well. It tells us to treat others with the same high value of importance that we have for ourselves.

In life, everyone is important.

PURPOSE

Purpose is the reason for which we exist. It is the intended goal or outcome of our lives. I am convinced that all living things on this earth are here for a purpose. Unlike most creatures, we humans have two purposes intended for our lives. One is a practical purpose and the other is spiritual. I am convinced that for us to have satisfying lives, we must try, to the best of our abilities, to fulfill both intended purposes.

The Bible says we are to be fruitful. To be fruitful is to work and produce good results. When we are fruitful, we are busy finding and fulfilling our practical purpose. Finding our practical purpose begins with education. Education is the key to unlocking the doors of life. Developing our purpose includes working a job, learning a trade, or developing a career, and it even includes leisure activity and hobby. As we go through life, we are experiencing and developing knowledge about our practical purpose.

As we go about our work, we should keep in mind that we have