Getting to Mr. Maybe…Maybe?

By Megan Kelley

Have you ever had a disastrous relationship you wish you would not have? Join the author as she takes you on a trip through some terrible first dates and some worse romances. With the world of online dating coming into play in this true-to-life story that grows more ridiculous with each budding romance, you are in for a hilarious treat! In the words of your author, You wouldnt believe it if I told you. Learn from the lessons she learned the hard way from guys who drink thirteen beers on a first date to men who choreograph dances for her in real-life monkey suits. This is a juicy must-read for your summer beach bag that will keep you laughing the whole time. Guys and girls both can learn from the mistakes here and enjoy lessons on life and dating learned in the bitterest way. A must-read for online daters!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 12, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503578364

Megan Kelley

Megan Kelley is from Columbus, Georgia. She attended the University of Georgia in Athens, Georgia, and holds a degree in political science as well as a juris doctor from Florida Coastal School of Law in Jacksonville, Florida. Megan is a licensed Florida attorney who has a solo practice dedicated to the work of family and criminal law. In her spare time, she enjoys rescuing animals and giving back to her community. Megan is a proud owner of a dog and two rabbits and is a member of the Jacksonville Jaycees and the Ancient City Lions Club. As a proud beach resident, Megan can be found surfing and enjoying the ocean on her days off. She is still looking for her Mr. Maybe.

Book preview

Getting to

Mr. Maybe …

Maybe?

MEGAN KELLEY

Copyright © 2015 by Megan Kelley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/11/2015

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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CONTENTS

Dirtbag

The Wacko From Waco

The One-Date Wonders And The Law School Years The Law School Prom Guy

Beach Boy

Mr. Thirteen Beers

Monkey Suit, Aka Manboobs

Birdman

Another Mistake With Birdman

The Five-Foot-Six Refrigerator

Closing

This book is dedicated to all the girls out there still tryin’ …

With special thanks to Mom, Michele, Jess, Aquilla, Lydia, Kelly, Krisanne, Beth, Brandi, Whitney, Heather, and Rachel.

DIRTBAG

Ain’t got no gas in my truck. Oh, what the fuck!

The highlights of four years of my life: First love. Busted romance. Family Christmas parties complete with sex toys. Horrible drama. Too many chances. A busted green truck with no gas in it. Virgo.

At least every disastrous relationship leaves you with a couple of memories for highlights. More on him later …

THE WACKO FROM WACO

I met him after Dirtbag because I was scared I would go running back to what was familiar—toxic but comfortable and oh so familiar. I texted my friend, a military officer candidate, to please find me a new boyfriend, and she immediately texted me back: He is sitting right next to me … Oh, favors from friends.

The guy had his great qualities: considerate, chivalrous, and romantic. I could tell he was falling hard after our first few initial meetings on the Internet. I usually attract that type—the obsessive type. But I like that type because I like attention and boys who will, as we say in the South, pay me mind. This dude even wired me half a dozen roses from another state before we met when we had only talked for a couple of days, complete with a note that said, Megan, I hope these flowers make you half as happy as you make me every day.

Sweet start, right? How did this go so wrong? We ended up being friends later. Well, he asked me to consider giving him a second chance the following summer after I so unceremoniously invented the text-message breakup.

Yes, I can be a bad person too. What led to the Wacko from Waco’s ultimate decline? Was it a roommate that was terrified of his temper? No, it was his suggestion that I should possibly join him in a threesome with a friend of his. Dude, no, thank you. Life is not a porn movie.

When I broke up with him via text (after he did not call me on time that particular day because he was busy too, baby), he was apparently shocked and texted me back that he could not believe that I would make that kind of decision all on my own without talking to him about it. As my former college roommate pointed out, breaking up is normally a unilateral decision. He was hurt for a while and posted some heartbroken Elvis song lyrics on social media (Long live the King of Rock and Roll!), but then as it always happens, everyone recovered from the damage and got on with their lives.

The red flags: Controlling was a word that got tossed around a lot with regard to this one. The first time he came to visit my parents’ house, he offered to take me shopping to buy a new swimsuit when we were swimming. I thought this was really sweet at the time; everyone else thought this was controlling. Apparently, they were right. I found out just how controlling he was when he indicated to me he was pretty much obsessed with waxing. Yeah, no. No man should tell a woman how they should keep their physical appearance or take care of their body. Then there was a suggestion on this threesome—one, two, three strikes, you’re out, right?

The highlights: Before things went terribly wrong this time, as they often do, we did accumulate some good memories. He was going to have a big fancy job in the military and had some cool friends who were great to hang out with. We went to an amazing military ball. He actually pretty much taught me the word amazing, as he told me all the time that I was an amazing woman. I had never heard this word used that way until then.

He was also a couple of years younger than me and had the most adorable boyish charm. I remember that fall when he came to visit and meet me in person at my parents’ house. We went swimming in their pool, and I noticed he had the most adorable freckles in the sun. He was the only dark-haired and dark-eyed guy I had ever gone out with before or since, and while our relationship went quickly, in the beginning, it was so fast and so interesting!

Of course, the surprise roses when we first began talking on the phone totally helped his case in the beginning too, Nicholas Sparks style. But alas, when it comes to controlling and people trying to tell you what you need to do with your body or your life, the bad will always outweigh the good.

The house also hated him, and something bad would happen every time he was present. When he visited, I fainted for the first time ever (This could have had something to do with dehydration from the hottest fall in the South that year and all that running around and trying a new restaurant or three), and when he accidentally butt-called my mother several months later, the heat at the house went out. My mother said to please not let him call again because they could not deal with another appliance going out.

Zodiac sign: I am a Capricorn. This guy is a Scorpio. A bad match in the cards. Scorpios can be very bossy and shock, controlling!

Relationship longevity: Exactly two months (eight weeks)

THE ONE-DATE WONDERS AND THE LAW SCHOOL YEARS

THE LAW SCHOOL PROM GUY

I attended my school’s charity ball to celebrate the end of the dreaded oral arguments after