Khmers Rouges Survivor

By Tran Lam

En 1975, du jour au lendemain jai t arrache de ma chre mre cause de la guerre des Khmers rouges. Cette perte de ltre cher ma plonge dans une telle souffrance, un tel vide que je me croyais morte vivante. Ce qui me conservait en vie tait lespoir de revoir pour une dernire fois ma mre, vu qui ne sest jamais ralis. Cela ma pris des annes avant de pouvoir lui dire adieu.

Le 17 avril 1975, la punition des habitants de Phnom-Penh fut la fin de cette ville telle que nous lavions connue, par les Khmers rouges, ville que jaurais aim connatre davantage. Cette troupe de jeunes paysans arms jusquaux dents, des garons peine sortis de ladolescence, a rpandu la terreur travers la ville de Phnom-Penh, avec leur air arrogant et prtentieux, tout comme si le monde entier leur appartenait. Vtus de leurs habit, ressemblant des corbeaux, ont fait en sorte que je ne peux voir ces animaux sans aussitt penses ces Khmers rouges qui me terrifient encore.
Leur bandeau rouge sang sur le front avait de quoi faire frmir jusquaux os et leurs yeux affichant leur identit de monstre, de tueur, sans aucune piti pour leurs semblables.
Leurs camps de concentration furent une des pisodes les plus sanglantes du XXe sicle. Ces jeunes Khmers rouges, forms pour mpriser les gens de la ville comme si nous tions des criminels dangereux. Ils nous dtestaient, nous qui vivions dans les villes, car nous tions la raison de leur pauvret; nous mprisants, nous devions donc tre limins. Ce fut leur tour de nous maltraiter afin de se venger de nous. Ces ides fausses, implantes dans leurs esprits par les chefs Khmers rouges, leur ont permis de nous torturer et de tuer dans aucune piti et remord.

Le 17 avril 1975, les Khmers rouges prennent le pouvoir et entrent Phnom-Penh. La capitale fut vide de tous des habitants en moins de 48 heures. Les soldats rouges passrent de porte en porte pour faire sortir les gens en disant : Vous ne partez que pour quelques minutes, inutile dapporter des bagages

Ma famille et moi furent dplacs, tout comme la population Khmer, vers la campagne. ce moment le Cambodge sombre dans une guerre terrible o les Khmers rouges ont transform le pays en un vaste camp de concentration, un camp de la mort.
Les Khmers rouges ont anantis les lites en les exterminant. Cet immense gnocide a fait disparatre le plus grande partie de la population Cambodgienne. Dans cette foule de dports jtais l, impuissante face cette guerre dans piti. Le quotidien du camp de la mort tait fait de torture, dhumiliation, dexcutions sommaires, de famine provoque et de terreur. Longue liste pour mes quatre annes passes sous le rgime de Pol Pot. Jtais perdue dans cet enfer, dans un face face constant avec la mort; mais mon heure ntait pas au rendez-vous. Mais plusieurs dautres nont pas eu cette chance car des millions de Khmers ont perdus la vie en moins de quatre annes sous ce rgime de Pol Pot qui voulait instaurer le communisme rural et la terreur. Il faut respecter langhar. (sorte de dieu), sinon cest la mort qui nous attendait et elle tait trs proche : notre porte et parfois mme attendait avec impatience.
Pol Pot : ce nom seul terrifie le peuple khmer. Il vole le pouvoir de Dieu sur la vie et la mort de millions de khmers. Avoir un langage trop correcte ou porter des lunettes, font de ces personnes des criminelles quil faut liminer. Ces gens instruits, il vaut mieux les liminer : vaut mieux liminer un innocent que de garder un ennemi. Des vrais psychopathes qui prenaient plaisir torturer les gens afin de se donner de limportance ou pour se sentir plus vivants.
Les slogans des Khmers rouges taient :
Vous devez vous pier les uns les autres
Vous garder ne rapporte rien; vous dtruire nest pas une perte!
Celui qui proteste est un ennemi. Sil soppose, il devient un cadavre
Mieux vaut tuer un innocent que de garder en vie un ennemi

Ces slogans constituaient les lignes de conduite des Khmers rouges et cest partir de cela quils nous traitaient.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496909701

Tran Lam

1) When I started writing my book I barely knew how to write in French. But because of my suffering caused by the Khmer Rouge war that I went through in my country, during my youth, I needed to write it down to free me from my nightmares. I was real hell. When I started writing every war event came back to me and I had breathing problem remembering these terrifying memories. Nevertheless, I manage to write and during those two weeks I started to feel free from that war who was keeping prisoner inside me. I do acknowledge that it is easy for me to simply tell what I am feeling. It is a child who is speaking and the words express how a child can witness the war of others. I have a lot of memories of these significant events because they affectively touched me. I am good at writing the course of my life. I have the ability to describe my emotions with simplicity to a point that the reader can feel these same emotions. My writing style sometime takes the readers in a hellish world and in other times into in a fairy and poetic world leaving nobody indifferent. Consequently, for those who want to be stirred deep into them, from a child suffering in front of a daily death, I am the one to write about it.

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© 2014 Tran Lam. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  05/22/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4969-0971-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4969-0970-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014908198

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Note

Cambodia

My Parents

A Magic Night!

An Unknown Friend And Yana

My Disturbing Presence

To Phnom-Penh

Gabu

Chinese New Year.

For Ever! . . .

Scared And Alone!

The Crowd

Sauva

«Unheard Before!»

Real Slaves!

They Are Kings

I Have Nothing Else… .

The City Of Snakes

A Force Famine…

She Betr Ayed Me…

No! My Beloved Pigi…

Ruthless

Wake Up, My Child…

Never Without My Brother!

Trucks

Every Man For Himself!

A Walk Of Hell…

An Another Kind Of Survival At Phnom-Penh

Sauva Pr Ayer.

My Father… .

Reunion

Come And Follow Me.

"Run! Faster!

Camp Life

You Are Not Anymore… .

Words That Kill

The Tests

A Beautiful Ghost

Does He Look Like Him?

Goodbye My Country!

Epilogue

About The Author

To my mother that I love so much

NOTE

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1975. A terrible war started in Cambodia. The Khmers Rouges transformed the country in a big concentration camp, deporting and organising the genocide of most of the Cambodian population.

Included in those people, Tran Lam, a little girl of 10 years old, who end up with her family in a concentration camp. Day after day, she makes us relive, based on her memories, the life in the camp: tortures, humiliations, summary executions, starvation, terror, political indoctrination… .

Tran Lam will survive to be a witness.

Autobiography. Khmers Rouges Survivor gives us the incredible survival story of a little lost girl in the inferno of war, constantly face to face with death.

CAMBODIA

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Cambodia is a state (royal monarchy) in South-East Asia, between Thailand, Laos and Vietnam. 181 035 km2. 10, 5 million people (the Cambodian). The Capital: Phnom-Penh. Official Language: Khmer. Money: riel. That country, with a hot and humid climate, is formed of uplands covert by forests. The population is mostly Khmers living from rice growing.

An old French protectorate, Cambodia became independent in 1949 and tried to reach his autonomy under the govern of King Norodom Sihanouk. In 1970, the royal system was abolished and the new government went into a civil war that he lost against the Khmers Rouges. At the time, Cambodia had 29 million people but lost 25% of them during that war. In less than four years, Cambodia has been transformed in a big concentration camp by the Khmers Rouges who applied the rural communist system and terror. Many persons died of hunger, tortured, or forced labors, and others just disappeared, mostly intellectual persons. The Khmers Rouges (Maoists communists), under the direction of Pol Pot and Khieu Samphan, created the State of Democratic Kampuchéa (1976). In a war against Vietnam, the Khmers Rouges lost and was replaced by a pro-Vietnamese government.

In 1989 the country, again known as Cambodia, tried to rebuild itself and to re-establish it economy.

After the Vietnamese government left (1989) and the adoption of a new Constitution (1993) who put back in place the monarchy of Norodom Sihanouk, the country found out calmer time even if there were still some confrontation between the Khmers Rouges and the government.

MY PARENTS

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My father

I made some researches about where my parents came from. My half- brothers and half-sisters told me that my father was a very talented businessman.

He was born in China and was the oldest child of the family. Early in his life he had to start working to help take care of his family. He then starts his life in business selling fabric from door to door and was successful in this trade. Later on he did married in China a girl from where he had been raise and, because of the Second World War, he had to leave the country leaving behind his family.

He went to live in Cambodia. In that new country he rapidly became successful and became owner of several rice companies and consequently, became very rich and very well known. He could then manage to have his wife and his children (4 sons and 4 daughters) come live with him.

My mother

My mother was also born in China.

When she was very young her mother sold her to a rich family of China. They beat her and did not feed her. Several years later that family fled China to Cambodia. My mother than married a Chinese man living in Cambodia and they had a little girl. Soon after, her husband died of sickness.

My mother work for a rice company owned by my father. One day, when visiting that company, my father noticed my mother who was exceptionally beautiful, very charming, hard worker, dedicate, helpful, courageous, ready to help anyone who needs helps: everybody wants to become her friend. My father was much older than my mother and had even a son of her age and already married. But still, he fell in love with my mother.

My father bought a house for my mother and made it their secret love nest. That love gave life to four beautiful children: my brother, my sister, I, and another little sister. I never knew my older sister.

Our live is hidden from everyone and especially from my father’s wife. He doesn’t want anyone to know about that shameful situation because he was a rich man and a well-known business man.

But he did tell everything to one of his son and soon everybody found out about us and we had to move far away from him. We moved in a house located in the country where neighbours are rare and far away.

When I was 3 years old my father died from appendicitis.

My eldest brother, who at the time was 10 or 11 years old, is the only one who knew my father. When he start school my father had send my brother in a very good school but since his death my mother had no money to continue to pay for the school fees. Since my brother was a very gifted student his teachers agreed to let him continue his schooling for free.

At the death of my father we received nothing from his estate, my mother being too shy to ask for her share in it.

During the Khmer Rouges war in 1978, my mother died of hunger.

My birth certificate

When I have to know how old I am, there is a problem. Before being in the refugee’s camp I had no documents with me stating my date of birth.

In 1979, when I went to the refugee’ camp, the camp administration force everyone to produce an identity document. Because of the war nobody had any.

And to be able to apply for immigration the camp administration made it an obligation to have a birth certificate. Therefore Yana did created for me a birth certificate stating that my name was TRAN LAM and that I was born on May first, 1965. From now on, that was who I was.

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The names given to people in this story are not real ones.

1

A MAGIC NIGHT!

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One day, I do remember, I am playing alone outside, and suddenly a man came. He is speaking with my mother who is crying. I ran to her but I do not understand.

-   It’s about your father.

I have a father? I am not aware of his existence.

-   Why are you crying mama? She does not answer my question.

-   I have to get your brother.

I am too young to understand everything that is going on. She tells me to take care of my little sister and she leaves with the man. I do not want to stay here. I want to go with her.

-   You stay here, you cannot come with me, you are too young.

-   No, no, I want to go.

Sad because she is leaving I start to cry. I am afraid that she will not come back. She lets me cry and leave. I run after her but cannot follow her. She is gone. I have to stay alone with my little sister. Strangely my little sister is not crying while my mother is gone. I, who am I? Her big sister, and I the one who’s crying. It is strange. Shortly my mother comes back.

Later on, my mother and my brother go to my father funeral. Again I have to stay home with my little sister. I am too young to go to the funeral but not too old to take care of my little sister. I cannot be without my mother. I am completely dependent on her. I am only 3 years old, I cannot get use to stay alone at home.

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Shortly after my father’s death my mother has to work. I am then sentenced to stay alone at home. My brother goes to school and as soon as he is back, he is in charge of me. For now on he will become my father and my mother at the same time. But I will have to pay dearly for his loss of freedom. He became an adult at the age 10 or 11 years old.

On day I realize that my little sister has disappeared. I look for her but it does not seem to be a problem for the others. I feel that I am loosing my mother each day. Every morning, when I wake up, she is gone. Every night I go to bed before she is back.

One morning, when I wake up, I notice a plate of cookies very high on a shelf. For Chinese people it is a custom to pray for the death by serving them food. How to get that plate of cookies? I climb on something, stretch my arms as high as I can, no success. I try to jump, but I fall hard on the floor. I do not remember what happen next but I am at the hospital. I really do not know what happen.

When I wake up I see my mother: I am so glad, I hug her. I did not know that one of my arms was broken. The pain makes me scream. To calm me down my mother take me into her arms: Mother is here, do not cry!

At that time I notice that when I am sick my mother is always there. It gives me a good idea to keep her home with me. I have a broken arm therefore my mother won’t be able to go to work for a while.

I am still looking for my little sister Houi: mother, where is Houi?

She just look down, she doesn’t want to answer me. I have play often with my little sister and suddenly she is gone. I do not understand a thing about adult’s business.

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Today I am lucky, my mother is with me, but I know that happiness will be only for a while and that my mother will go back to work.

I do all I can to keep her with me: I refuse to eat, to take my medications and I even refuse to walk. Each time my mother gives to me my medications I scream but after a while she is not impressed. She starts to understand my little comedy. One morning, she leaves without saying a word.

I feel so alone. Alone at home and I do not know what to do beside lament. The more the hours pass, the more I become hungry. I go out, walk, and found some cigarette’s butts. I put them in my mouth and eat them. Not long after that I start having belly aches and feel dizzy. It seems that I am falling asleep. The pain makes me scream. Some neighbors heard my screams and came to help me. I understand a little bit of what they are saying. Luckily for me my brother speaks to me in Khmer, because my mother speaks to me only in Chinese. Those neighbors bring me to their house and take care of me. And when I feel better they gave me something to eat. I do not want to go back home, I can eat until I am full and I do not feel alone.

My brother comes back from school and I am not there. He goes looking for me not to glad that I went to the neighbor’s house. I received my first lesson of how to behave: From now on you will take nothing nor ask anything to strangers, it is shameful.

I am not allowed to go out. He locks me alone in the house, it is dark and I do not like the dark. I am scared. I cry alone.

For supper, as usual, my brother goes fishing. He brings back fishes. He bakes them and adds vegetables, soya sauce and I do not know what else. He cooks all that together. It is eatable.

After supper, he takes me to the river for my toilet. At home there is no bath and no running water. The water we keep at home is for drinking and cooking.

I do not want to go to the river to wash myself. I run and my brother run after me. It is funny. I laugh for the first time. I think that my brother is playing with me. I am so happy. Suddenly my brother talks to me harshly. I stop running. I look and see that he is looking at me ferociously. I do not think that words are necessary. I obey him. His hurtful and dangerous look marks me deeply. I prefer never again to look into his eyes.

Suddenly he takes my hand and we are going back. I start crying and he tells me to stop. It is so hard. I become inconsolable. My brother is very mad. At home I start to cry again. I want mother. Where is mother? My brother does not answer, as usual. When bed time comes I resist. To go to sleep, he makes me unrealistic promises: go to the movies… . For 4 years old, movies are something very great: it means good foods, a visit from my mother maybe? It is always the same thing.

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By going always to the river, I know how to swim. But that day, I do not know why, I let water support me and I do not try to swim. I wake up outside the river. I see my brother who tries to wake up me. He says that luckily he saw my hair otherwise I would be dead. It could be an excellent idea to die, right? My brother is very mad with me. My tears are the only weapon to defend myself against his threats.

He does not speak to me on the way back home. I speak to him, but as usual, I speak alone.

As always, I play alone. I am so tired of that life!

Normally I go to bed when my brother says it is time to. While I sleep, I have the feeling that someone is there. I think it is my brother. Suddenly, I really feel that someone is caressing me, but I am too tired to open my eyes. I wake up and I am in my mother’s arms. Seeing her, I am so inconsolable in my happiness: Mother is here! Mother is here! Look, Mother haves something that you like, my mother tells me.

I only want my dear mother. I cry again and she held me strongly against her. I miss her so much. I will NEVER forget that moment. For me, it is like magic. Someone make my mother appear because I need her. I hope that night will NEVER end.

My happiness is so big to see my mother. She caresses me and I lie on her like a baby. She tenderly looks at me and smiles to me. I look at her NEVER to forget that face that I love so much. She waits a while before giving to me the food that she brought to me. She makes me eat like a baby. After a while she looks for my brother, he is not there. He leaves me alone during the night. He waits for me to go to sleep and then he leaves. I knew nothing about his not being there.

I know now that my mother come back home very late every night and that I am not aware of it. She always been there and I never knew it.

I thought that she did not exist anymore.

Her presence makes me sleep deeply. But I am always afraid that she will again leave me alone. I am too young to understand that my mother must go to work,

When I wake up, my mother is nowhere to be found, why does she always have to leave me alone? It is too difficult. I am in despair. I miss my mother more and more. I look forward for my mother return at night. Why does my mother do not wake me up when she comes in? Bed time becomes for me a torment.

2

AN UNKNOWN FRIEND AND YANA

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Often I play alone and today I really have the impression that I am playing with someone else. I am around five years old. I am not speaking by myself. Someone is really answering me but I do not know who. At that time I could not know that I could create an imaginary world to survive.

Each day I am more linked to that unknown and invisible person. I have the feeling to be loved by that person. Since then I feel less alone and I am less scare.

One day, I am playing in the ground with my unknown friend. Suddenly, I see coming a woman named Yana. She is with a man. I run away with my friend to hide. Yana sees me and come to speak to me in Chinese. Here, it is rare to meet someone who speaks that language.

-   Come little one! Come see me!

I do not move and neither my friend. She comes toward me, and I retreat.

-   Don’t be afraid, come.

-   No.

-   Do you want to eat?

-   Yes.

-   Come, I will give you some.

I do not trust her and I do not move even if I am hungry.

She stays there and waits for me. She showed to me some cookies. Slowly I walk toward her.

She stays there with me a while. Surely she is trying to win my trust. Yana takes me by the hand and I immediately react:

-   No, I want my mother.

-   Your mother is not here. Come.

-   No.

She just lost my trust. She wants me to go with her, why? I do not know. She takes me by force in her arms. I struggle and run away. I run as fast as I can, I scream help me mother! The man catches me. I cry, I scream. He takes me into his arms. I want to run away. The man gets me into a small van. I yell to him: I do not want to go, I want my mother!

I try to run away, without result. I see my house getting farther and mostly my mother. I feel so strange inside of me. My tears are, at that moment, my only way to show my despair. I cry until I am so tired that I fell asleep.

The small van suddenly stop and I wake up. I have never seen so many cars: We are downtown, Yana tells me.

She makes me get out of the small van. I say no and I always say no. She tells me: You are young, but you are strong headed. Stop putting your finger in your mouth.

She takes my hand and I push her away: I want my mother! When I said the word mother, my tears start rolling down. I miss her so much that I cannot find words to say it. Yana lets me walk alone. She knows that I do not like her touching me. She says that we will eat. When it is about food, I am always ready; I follow her to the restaurant.

She asks the waiter to bring a bowl of noodles soup. It looks delicious. First I eat it with gusto, but after a while, I have a belly ache and it is difficult to swallow. I throw up, I cry more. Yana cleans me. I tell her: I want my mother.

She does not say a word, I cry and I scream louder hoping that she will bring me back to my mother. No success. We get out of the restaurant and I hope that I am going back home.

I still hope to see my mother soon. I am aware that she is often away but inside me, she is always here. That’s helping me to stay alive.

The small van move and it is the night. I am always anxious when it is dark. I am weeping desperately. I am with strangers and nobody is telling me where we are going. Where I am going? My fear of never seeing again my mother becomes terrible. Even if I weep, my anxiety is strong. Suddenly in my body and in my heart I am in pain. Those adults do not understand my distress. Often the woman looks at me. She realize that I am sick. She comes beside me, but I push her away. She does not seem to understand that I need my mother. She just kidnapped me: she is not aware that she broke my heart.

Yana touches my forehead and says to the man that I