Holding on to My Faith: Memoirs of an Unbroken Spirit

By Terrieanne E. Stott

Faith can be the cornerstone of one’s strength. While some may believe having faith means their lives will be free of conflict and loss, in reality, the opposite is often true.

Holding on to My Faith: Memoirs of an Unbroken Spirit is the story of author Terrieanne E. Stott’s medical, physical, mental, and spiritual struggles that resulted from the many autoimmune diseases she has. She’s coped with varied facets of her various illnesses, has been hospitalized on numerous occasions, and endured unbelievable pain. Stott has also been the victim of severe verbal, physical, and mental abuse stemming from her multiple failed marriages. Her life would be a trial for most of us.

But despite her circumstances, Stott’s faith has never waivered. It has resulted in, among other things, two children who have become successful adults. Although Holding on to My Faith: Memoirs of an Unbroken Spirit depicts many difficult, even terrible situations, it is a story of victory and an unbroken spirit. You’ll see how even though faith will not stop bad things from happening, it will show you how to get through those situations and thrive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496912923

Terrieanne E. Stott

N/A

Book preview

48112.png

PROLOGUE

I will lift up my eyes unto the hills from which cometh my help, my help cometh from the Lord; Psalm 121: 1-2. Throughout my life’s experiences of ups and downs, with many more downs than ups, I have had to put all of my trust in the Lord, that he would help me to survive; without Him, I do not know where I would be. I thank God everyday for sparing my life thus far, and also allowing me to continue to do the things that I enjoy doing, while exhibiting the proper attitude to accept my illnesses with grace and fortitude.

I have been a victim of a weakened Auto-Immune System that has caused me to physically suffer from many different Auto-Immune Diseases that have been attacking my body since my childhood. These Auto-Immune Diseases have caused me unimaginable pain, horrific agony. Through many of life’s failures; God’s word says that; if He leads you to it, He will bring you through it.

My story is one of survival, through many storms of physical afflictions; failed marriages, accidents, and sorrows of lost loved ones. I have always tried to live a normal life; under terribly abnormal circumstances. Striving to maintain a shield; of protection for my children, never acknowledging or; burdening them with the severity of the real truth. My story is one of rock solid determination; one of the many triumphs that I have achieved; while experiencing severe medical trials, and tribulations, that continually plagued my body. Through it all, I remain steadfast for I am HOLDING ON TO MY FAITH.

This book is dedicated to the memories of my beloved mother; Bessie Brown Cooper, my dad; John L. Brown II, my brother; Donald A. Brown, my grandparents; William and Nancy Irene Aaron, and my nephew; J. LeRoy Brown IV.

Through it all; through it all; I’ve learned to trust in Jesus, I’ve learned to trust in God. Through it all; through it all; I’ve learned to depend upon His word!!!

48112.png

CHAPTER 1

It was 4:15 AM on Monday morning I was scheduled to report to work by 9:00 AM. I had not been asleep at all, although I had taken both of my prescribed sleeping medications at midnight. I was so sleepy, but I could not lie down because both sides of my nostrils were totally blocked. After taking a couple of Nasal Decongestant pills, I had sat on the side of my bed for hours switching between spraying nose sprays, and suctioning out my nose with the Suction Machine. The Suction Machine, of which I insert a 12 inch tubing as far up into my nostrils as possible, and turn on the machine which extracts the mucus into a 16 ounce plastic container. I got the idea of the Suction Machine while observing my dentist using a similar machine during a dental cleaning. I quickly investigated to find out if such a machine existed for personal use. The Respiratory company that provided my CPAP sleep machine, for *Central Sleep Apnea; also supplied the Suction Machine. I was blessed to find out that my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance paid 80% of the machine with a doctor’s prescription. I made an appointment to see my Primary Care Physician, and asked that he write a prescription for the Suction Machine after suffering unbelievable misery with a *Deviated or Perforated Septum. The perforated septum is actually a large hole in the right side of my nasal passage, which constantly clogs with mucus, if left untreated with saline, or oily solutions; the mucus dries and hardens, and virtually forming a airtight seal. Because of the severity of the perforation, I can no longer blow my nose. If I could blow my nose like most people, I probably would not have this problem. The perforation (hole) prevents me from being able to blow my nose; it is akin to trying to blow up a balloon that has a hole in it. At one time I was scheduled to have a septal button inserted via surgery by my Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist. When I went for my pre-op examination, my blood pressure was extremely elevated; prior to this time my blood pressure was usually low. Since I had never had problems with high blood pressure, I thought that it was because I was a little stressed.

The surgery was cancelled until I visited my Primary Care Physician, who diagnosed me with *Hypertension. I was placed on a medication for the Hypertension and then scheduled me to see a Cardiologist. I was so upset and disappointed, both of my parents had been diagnosed with Hypertension and I was determined not to get it. I used very little salt in my food as it cooked, and never sprinkled additional salt or pepper on my food at the table. I never smoked or drank, ate very little pork or red meat. I did everything to eliminate the possible risk factors, and I still had it. I was informed that Hypertension’s biggest risk factor is heredity, and there was nothing that I cod do to change that. I had to take a battery of tests including Stress Tests, Ultrasounds, and Heart CT Scans. I was finally stable enough to return to the ENT to reschedule the surgery. The ENT Physician informed me that the deviation had expanded to the point that there was no septal button large enough to close the hole in my nose; the largest button was simply too small now! The ENT said that he had never seen a hole that large in a nasal passage and suggested that I use a Saline solution to keep it moist. It was so irritating all day, every day with the dryness and the mucus that developed, I’d have the urge to try to clean my nose out, but I would always wait until I was finally at home and in private, and then I would use tweezers. Using small tweezers I was able to pull out the mucus as long as it was moistened with the Saline solution. If l had neglected to spray the saline solution a few times a day, the dried mucus would build and harden thus; simultaneously blocking the airway of my sinuses. Because of the severity of the disease *Sarcoidosis, in my lungs and sinus passages, I had not been able to blow my constantly clogged nose for several years. In my research to find relief, I discovered the electronic Suction Machine; which was most commonly used to extract fluids from the bodies of Cystic Fibrosis patients.

I used the Suction Machine every night before I went to bed to be sure that I was able to breathe well enough to sleep, because of the tremendous amount of mucus that constantly developed in my sinuses. On the more difficult nights, I would wake up and suction out my sinuses for a while, and then go back to sleep. On that particular night, my sinuses were so blocked; I couldn’t get to sleep to begin with.

Just as my sinuses finally began to feel a little less swollen and congested, I somehow pushed the tubing too far into my nostril and started bleeding profusely from my nose. The blood shot out like someone had threw a ripened tomato against a brick wall. I left a bloodstained trail as I rushed to the bathroom, and let the blood run into the sink. The blood was coming out so fast that I could not lift my head far enough away from the sink to get a towel, I felt like I was drowning! I finally called Ted who was sleeping through my entire bloody episode, and asked him to help me. When he saw all of the blood in the sink, he instantly freaked out, Oh my God, hold your head back, you’re bleeding the death, he yelled! Ted said that he was calling for medical assistance; but I flatly refused to let him call 911.

Ted nearly drowned me with the soggy wet towels that he held on my forehead while pinning my head back against the bathroom toilet. After a couple of hours, the bleeding finally subsided, I could breathe better, but I was too afraid to lie down. Around 7:30 AM, and without one minute of sleep, I took a sponge bath, brushed my teeth, and got ready for work.

Because of Ted’s nervousness about my condition, he stayed up; and amazingly had cleaned up every drop of blood!

I was a walking zombie the entire day, on my job at the Daycare, but I put on my best face and prayed to God that I did not fall asleep during class or on the 30-mile drive home from school. Strong medications like the ones that I take to help with my sleeping, specifically state that you should not drive or operate machinery in less than 6 hours after taking the drugs. Since I had not slept at all; the medication was still active in my system, I was drowsy, nauseated and disorientated; it was an extremely difficult day. I think the fact that I am a true Gemini (Twins) has worked to my advantage in so many instances in my life; I just let my ‘’twin" do the speaking and acting for me that day! I pretended that everything was normal, although I could smell and taste the blood that lingered in the back of my throat.

It was a long drive home, and I was thrilled to see my tiny ranch style home, I felt so weak that I had to lean against the door for support, before I went in. When I got into the house, I did something that is extremely rare for me to do without taking additional meds; I turned the ringer off on the telephone, and I took an afternoon nap! I woke up after a couple of hours, and I had a splitting headache, I could hardly see how to make it to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror to find that both of my eyes were nearly swollen shut, and bloodshot. I took a Tylenol, and an Actifed and held a cold washcloth to my head for a few moments while I lay across the bed. After I relaxed a bit, I took in a deep breath, and lightly sniffed inwardly; I nearly choked. I ran to the bathroom and spit into the sink, two cherry-sized solid balls of dried blood bounced into the sink. It nearly scared me to death!

With no one home to help me, I quickly drove myself to the closest emergency room, and told the doctor what had happened, and just how weak I was feeling. The only solution that the doctor offered was to forcefully pack my nose with an entire roll of cotton, and leave it there for a few days.

I would then have to go back to the emergency room or my private physician to have the ball of cotton removed, and hope that there was no bleeding. Then what, I asked, how would that fix the problem, and permanently stop the bleeding? The doctor said that was the best that he could do, and suggested that I see an ENT doctor. I explained to the doctor in Emergency room the situation regarding my plight with the Deviated Septum, and had a previous appointment to have a Septal Button surgically inserted; and everything that transpired during that time. The doctor reinforced his previous suggestion of inserting the roll of cotton in my nose. I asked if the doctor could give me something to strengthen me since I could hardly walk. The doctor nonchalantly said again, all can do is pack your nose, and hope for the best! I was baffled; for me that was not a real solution to my problem, I said no thanks signed out at the desk, and went home.

I was so weak I could hardly put one foot in front of the other; every movement that I made was a huge effort. I prepared to catch the Greyhound bus with four other choir members to attend the annual National Convention of Gospel Choirs and Choruses Board Meeting in Buffalo, NY. I guess that the reason that I told my friend Jazz, about my bloody experience was because she was a Registered Nurse; and I thought that she could assist me if I had an emergency. After explaining my entire experience to Jazz’s, I was shocked that her response was ‘’what did you come for in that condition, you really should have just stayed home!" I was crushed; Jazz obviously didn’t understand that medical calamities were the way that I had to live my life.

Giving up, or stopping was not in my DNA; I was living with the hand I was dealt!

I was so drained and exhausted, my heart was straining to continue to function, and it felt as if it was going to stop beating in my chest at any moment. On my trip, I not only had to carry the heavy Suction Machine, but also the CPAP sleeping machine that I had been using for 5 years, and of course my regular luggage. In my weakened condition, it felt like I was dragging an elephant. We had to change buses in Cleveland, OH and I wasn’t sure that I had enough strength to do it; it was slow but I got it done. When I finally got onto the 2nd bus, I silently thanked God over and over for helping me, endure the journey to that point.

The trip to Buffalo, NY and Niagara Fall, Canada though very productive, was physically one of the worst trips that I had ever taken. First of all, my roommates and I were in the last room on the hallway, the closer I got the further away it seemed, between the weakness and dizziness; I had to hold onto the wall for support. I finally made it to the room, dropped my luggage inside, and sat at the first place available. Later in the evening everyone decided to walk two blocks to a restaurant for dinner, during our break. I tried but I just could not keep up, I had to stop and rest after every couple of steps. Everyone was seated, and had ordered dinner by the time I arrived, and they virtually ignored my condition. When we were ready to leave, I asked someone to save me a seat in the meeting, and that I would get there as quickly as I could. The next day I ordered room service and only left the room to attend vital meetings. The return trip was no better, and I was grateful to get back home.

When I returned to Cincinnati, I called my brother Johnny the doctor in Texas; I told him what had happened, with my severe nosebleed, the dizziness and the weakness. He told me that when I went to the emergency room, and told the doctor just how much blood I had lost, he should have run a blood test on me to check my blood count a CBC. The CBC test would have showed that; my blood count was so low, that I needed to take one, if not two units of blood, to replace what I had lost. I would not have been so weak, dizzy; or tired. I promised myself to remember that tidbit of information it case I had to go through that again, however I prayed that this would be the last time that would ever happen to me.

By the time I returned to work, I was much stronger, I felt triumphant I had cleared yet another hurdle in my life; I had scaled to the top of yet another mountain. I started to reflect upon my life, and how I had gotten to this point with all of my physical problems, due to my body’s weakened autoimmune system. I don’t have any idea exactly how I arrived to this point in my life; let me start at the beginning.

*Central Sleep Apnea -A serious sleep disorder that causes a person to stop breathing during sleep. The brain fails to signal the muscles to breathe due to instability in the respiratory control center.

*Sarcoidosis - A systemic granulomatous disease of unknown causes especially involving the lungs with resulting interstitial fibrosis. There is no known cause for Sarcoidosis; it can affect multiple organs in the body including the heart, lymph nodes, lungs, skin, liver, and eyes, although it most often begins in the lungs.

*Hypertension - Transitory or sustained elevation of systemic arterial blood pressure to a level likely to induce cardiovascular damage or other adverse consequences. A Systolic blood pressure above 140; or Diastolic blood pressure; above 90, is classified as dangerous. Hypertension affects 1in 4 adults in America.

48112.png

CHAPTER 2

My parents John LeRoy Brown, and Bessie Lee (Aaron) were married shortly after my dad was released from an Army Hospital in Europe after having been injured while fighting in the U. S. Army during World War II.

My dad was the only child born to John L. and Elizabeth (Lizzie) nee (Stott) Brown, in Manhattan, NY. John, Sr. worked for a Railroad company, and Elizabeth was a high school English teacher in Manhattan, NY. Unfortunately, John Sr. was killed in job related railroad accident, just weeks before my dad was born. (Lizzie) was originally from Nashville, TN and had graduated from Wilberforce College in Xenia, OH. After her husband was killed, she decided to remain in New York. Lizzie started getting sore throats and colds all of the time; and was taking medications that were prescribed by her doctor. Since her illness didn’t seem to go away, Lizzie went to see a specialist who diagnosed her with the disease Tuberculosis. She was treated in New York for a while until she was informed that her illness was terminal. With no other relatives living in New York, Lizzie realized that she needed to make a move, so that her only child would be taken care of. Lizzie finished teaching for that school year and then she moved to Cincinnati, OH; where two of her brothers and a sister were living. Hesitantly, Lizzie entrusted the care of her young son to her youngest sister Helen. Helen applied for and received financial aid to help her raise John who was 10 years old. Helen assured Lizzie that John (Bo) would be carefully cared for and protected. Lizzie spent a lot of time in, and out of Branch Hospital in Cincinnati, but she died there at the age of 34.

Helen who was about 11 years older than John, was married to Buster, and was too busy with her own life to spend time caring for a child. Helen and Buster never had any children of their own. Helen really did not want the responsibility of taking care of a child, and she made it known to John often.

John who was an extremely outgoing, and friendly young man who; was alone most of the time. He started spending most of his idle time with his best friend Nathaniel Odom’s family. The Odom’s were the parents of 12 children, with 7 of them still living at home. The Odom’s managed the San Rayford Building in downtown Cincinnati; John blended in and eventually became child number 13. The Odom family loved John and he felt comfortable, secure and at home. John was extremely outgoing, he made friends easily, and was always willing to help with the household chores.

John ran errands for others, and did part-time jobs to earn spending money. John loved all of the Odom family, and they treated him just like another member of their family.

John was drafted into the U.S. Anny as soon as he graduated from Woodward High School. John said that he cried like a baby on the day that he received his draft papers. Going into the Anny was the very last thing in life that he wanted to do, but he was drafted. All of John’s friends assured him that he would be rejected from the Army because he had extremely flat feet; however after his medical examination, he was given the all clear. He was in shock when he was given the date that he was to be shipped out! After the appropriate papers were completed; John was sent to a C.C. Camp in Stark Florida. The weather in Florida was extremely hot, it was there that John found out that he had sever sinus problems; which meant absolutely nothing to the Army. After Basic Training, John met and started dating Bessie Lee Aaron, who was a 2nd year college student, at BethumeCookman College in Daytona Beach, FL.

Bessie was the youngest of 13 children born to William and Nancy Irene Aaron in Jacksonville, FL. There were only 6 children who lived to reach adulthood. Two of Bessie’s sisters’ 9 year-old Annie Mae, and 7 year-old Thelma died 2 weeks apart from the disease of Diphtheria before Bessie was born. Although, Mrs. Aaron was a stay at home mom, she took in laundry and ironing to earn extra spending money. Mr. Aaron was one of a handful of African-Americans, who worked at Duval County Public Works. He earned enough money to own their own modest home, and to allow their children to receive a good educational foundation by attending Catholic Elementary private schools. The older girls, Alberta and Maggie attended the prestigious Baldwin Haven High School, and received certificates in Dressmaking and Tailoring. The boys Willie Jr. (Little Willie), David and Leroy went to a Tailoring trade school and received certificates there. My grandparents felt that no matter what professional choice their children made they could always fall back on tailoring and alterations.

Bessie was a petite woman with beautiful brown eyes and long dark brown thick hair. Bessie graduated from Stanton High School, and went to college to study nursing; her goal was to become a Registered Nurse. After attending college for two years, Bessie got a part-time summer job at Duval Medical Center Hospital in Jacksonville, and she truly loved the work that she was doing. At that time there was a severe shortage of licensed medical staff; several License Practical Nurse (LPN) positions became available, and Bessie hurriedly took the State LPN Examination, of which she passed with flying colors. Although Bessie wanted to continue pursuing her degree, she was so happy to have the opportunity to work as a LPN that she immediately withdrew from college and took the hospital job. During the 1940’s the disease of Syphilis (a sexually transmitted disease) was at epidemic proportions all across the United States, and Florida was no exception. All of the indigent hospitals, clinics and nursing homes in Jacksonville were filled to capacity, and the majority of the younger patients were there because of Syphilis.

The hospitals could not staff enough nurses, nurse’s aides, or orderlies, especially since many of the medical staff flatly refused to work with ‘’those Syphilis patients". Bessie was actually the Betsy Ross of her time and she wanted to help patients, no matter what their illnesses’ were. She was extremely dedicated to giving the best of care to patients with Syphilis; since they were viewed in a negative light by most of the community, she knew that they needed that extra compassion.