I Am the Decisions That I've Made: The World Through My Eyes

By Smoothy

I want to introduce myself to the world. Hi my name is Ritchie C. Mcphee Sr. Bahamian by birth, but still just a mortal human being, A MAN, a man like any other man. This is not a memoir, just me looking at the world through my eyes. This is just an insight into the way I think, the way I reason, the way I rationalize, and try to make sense of this world that we live in. Some of you might be surprised at my interpretation of what I'm seeing, some might be in denial, while others might have the same interpretations, and simply just don't care. All I want to do is raise the conscious thinking of man, and hopefully learn a little more about myself as I grow through this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 29, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483636788

Smoothy

About the Author I want to introduce myself to the world. Hi my name is Ritchie C. Mcphee Sr. Bahamian by birth, but still just a mortal human being, A MAN, a man like any other man. This is not a memoir, just me looking at the world through my eyes. This is just an insight into the way I think, the way I reason, the way I rationalize, and try to make sense of this world that we live in. Some of you might be surprised at my interpretation of what I’m seeing, some might be in denial, while others might have the same interpretations, and simply just don’t care. All I want to do is raise the conscious thinking of man, and hopefully learn a little more about myself as I grow through this book.

Book preview

I Am The

Decision

That I’ve Made

The World Through My Eyes

SMOOTHY

Copyright © 2013 by Smoothy.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013908188

ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-4836-3677-1

Softcover 978-1-4836-3676-4

Ebook 978-1-4836-3678-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 06/26/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

135065

CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Tribute To My Mother

Chapter 2

What Does Jesus Mean To Me?

Chapter 3

What Does Being Black Mean To Me?

Chapter 4

Does God Exist?

Chapter 5

I Don’t Want To Be Enabled

Chapter 6

Death Gives No Second Chance

Chapter 7

Full Circle

Chapter 8

Our Legacy Is What We Make It

Chapter 9

The Ghost Of The Past

Chapter 10

We Can’t Bargain With God

Chapter 11

Working Together

Chapter 12

History

Chapter 13

The Journey

Chapter 14

I Lead

I dedicate this book to the memory of my Mother Edell Adail Mcphee and my Sister Levette Edell Mcphee who are no longer here with me

in the flesh but in the spirit, I appreciated all that you both have

done for me. I am blessed to have known you both.

CHAPTER 1

Tribute to My Mother

THE LOVE OF A MOTHER

I WANT TO introduce myself to the world. Hi my name is Ritchie C. Mcphee Sr. Bahamian by birth, but still just a mortal human being, A MAN, a man like any other man. This is not a memoir, just me looking at the world through my eyes. This is just an insight into the way I think, the way I reason, the way I rationalize, and try to make sense of this world that we live in. Some of you might be surprised at my interpretation of what I’m seeing, some might be in denial, while others might have the same interpretations, and simply just don’t care. All I want to do is raise the conscious thinking of man, and hopefully learn a little more about myself as I grow through this book.

My Mother was really the inspiration behind me writing this book, her strength, her determination, her zest for life, and her firm belief in God. I guess it was her faith in Jesus Christ that kept her so strong. When my sister died I thought that was going to be a cataclysm of my family, but it was my mother’s strength, and calm spirit that kept us going. Seeing the strength she displayed for someone who lost their beloved daughter, it was encouraging, and we drew strength from her. She was truly the rock we leaned on, the glue that held us together.

My mother was also a very charitable person, she would give you her last, and she would never give something she didn’t want herself. I also found it strange that for a person who only wanted the best, she was very good with money. My mother was also very knowledgeable about life, this was another quality that intrigued me, because she was not a worldly person, but she could surely prepare you for the world.

My Mother prepared me for whatever trials or tribulations might come my way. She wanted us to be strong and gracious in defeats, and humble in our victories. But one of my mother’s most endearing quality was that no matter what was said about her, behind her back, and trust me she always had a way of finding out, she would always admonish us, not to have antipathy towards that person, but to pray for them, and let God fight our battles. Let me put it this way, I’m still trying, but it really gets rough sometimes. Sometimes you just have to swallow that bitter pill, or bite the bullet.

You really have to have the Spirit of acquiescence where that is concerned, but I know for sure that my Mother would pray for them, and then dismiss the whole ordeal. Now that being said, I often wondered if she ever forgot. Forgive and forget seemed like an oxymoron to me. I myself have forgiven many, and forgotten those wrongs which I’ve deemed insignificant, but there are people I keep at arm’s length, don’t want a repeat performance. My Mother always saw the good in people. My Mother philosophy was that if God can see the good in the most evil of men, then we should trust in God and know that there is good in every man.

Now I’m going to take you back to my introduction into manhood, I had just graduated from primary school, that summer my Mother decided that it was time for us to have the talk, my mother took me outside on the porch, I was eleven at the time, just me and her, now here I am wondering what in the world did I do now, then she took me by the hand, now I’m really scared, can’t get away now, for now I have on hand cuffs, sweat now pouring down my cheeks, but wait a minute, she was gently holding my hands, my mind was thinking ahead of itself, my body had tensed up, for I was not accustomed to her holding my hands. I thought I had done something wrong and was going to get reprimanded, but in a gentle voice she said to me, now Ritchie you are entering High School, and girls can get pregnant, you need to be careful because girls can be very forward in High School, and that was my lecture on the birds and the bees. Even though I found her dexterity on the matter vague, crude, and confusing, eventually I empathized what she meant.

I would hear her praying for the family at night especially us kids that God would keep us safe in school, I really needed prayers, I had no direction in school, and very short on patience. The power of prayer was a very valuable lesson to me. I would listen to my mother pray all the time, and I would say to myself, man this woman love to pray, not knowing that it was her prayers that saw us through the day. I’ve been in some harrowing accidents, and I know that it is because of her prayers that I am here today. I really shouldn’t be here, but I am, and I’m grateful. It was her prayers that kept the family together through all the foolishness my father put her through, yet she kept forgiving him, and praying for him. I guess she stayed with him through it all, and prayed for him through it all, because she Loved us, and wanted us to have our father around, and she Loved him, she knew without her, his life he was doomed. She pretty much saved him from himself, and I must say I am thankful that she did that for him, and us.

My mother loved family, she could never see, or hear that one of her family member is hurting, or ailing without going to be by their side. Whether it be the comfort of a hug, words of encouragement, or financial support when she could, she was always there. She told us to always support your family, always be there for them when you could. Now let’s face the facts, if you were out there doing foolishness you were on your own, but she would send a prayer up for you. Now trust me when I tell you, that, my Mother was all these things to me and more, she had this quiescent authenticity about herself. The lord never let her good deeds go unrewarded. It is true what the Bible say 1 Chronicles 29:16,17, the good Lord loves a cheerful giver, for she never needed for anything to the day of her death. My Mother died August 13th, 2009. She was 67 yrs, old. She died one week before her 44th Wedding Anniversary.

I knew my Mother was dying, but I was cautiously hopeful. I believed that there was nothing God couldn’t do, including heal my Mother, whose health was deteriorating rapidly. I wanted her to stay alive just for me. I wondered what my life would be like without her. Just thinking about the possibility of losing her was just too much to process, it was debilitating, feelings I would not wish on my enemy. Then came that morning of trepidation… I got the news that my mother had passed away. My sister said to me, when she called me on my cell phone, and I will never forget these words, Mummy gone, so I asked her gone where?, then she replied, mommy’s dead, and I said to myself mummy can’t be dead, I told her that I was going to see her this morning, she must just be in a deep sleep, and they don’t know how to wake her.

I remained calm on the outside for I was dropping my son off at his summer job. My heart felt as if someone had tied a thousand pound weight on it, and it was being stretched to capacity, I wanted my heart to pop, to give me some relief, but it wouldn’t, I was just there in pain and agony, felt like I was being crushed. When I arrived at the house, I looked at her lying there so peacefully, compared to that person who couldn’t find a resting place the night before, then a calm came over me. I cried over her uncontrollably, for I didn’t want her to leave me, but I knew that she was in a better place. Even though I was still grieving over losing her, I still was glad she wasn’t in any more pain, and that was what I held on to.

Trust me it is still very agonizing to think about it, even to this date. When my Mother was fading away, I would often bargain with God to please let me take her place, it was not that I wanted to die, but I felt that I could perhaps better handle the pain. But I would have given up my life for hers. I was heartbroken. I was also selfish, I didn’t think about the Love ones who I was leaving behind. Who needed me, I didn’t think of how my death would have affected them, just thinking about my own pain. I was not the only one hurting, and I had to acknowledge that. I now had to be strong, allow people to lean on, and draw strength from me, like I leaned on and drew strength from Mummy when she was living, and my sister had passed away.

Now I must admit I had a rough time dealing with my Mother’s death I bottled the pain up, and