Crazy Ball Player

By Jeremiah Ford

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469140650

Jeremiah Ford

Jeremiah Ford has written several short stories and two other screenplays - The Next American President: Campaign Trail 2012; Straight Jacket, Sweating Bullets, Broken Glass.

Book preview

SCENE 1

Going over the Edge

Int. Tiger Stadium

Announcer: It’s going to be a championship line-up tonight folks. We have both teams here from last year’s World Series here tonight at Tiger Stadium. It’s the Detroit Tigers vs. the Toronto Blue Jays. We’re about ready to undergo the first inning here and it’s going to be one hell of a ball game.

(At centerfield is Steve Alzamkazar talking to his teammates.)

Steve: Alright, now let’s look alive now boys. These guys have some heavy hitters. We got to keep it alive out here and make sure that we’re ready for some fly balls.

Announcer: Up first to bat for the Toronto Blue Jays is Jose Gonzalez.

Other Announcer: He’s a heavy hitter and I’m sure that some sparks are going to fly out of this guy’s bat.

(Jose Gonzalez steps up to the plate.)

Announcer: Here comes the first pitch and it’s a strike.

Umpire: Strike one!

Other Announcer: Jose didn’t even look at that pitch and it was a flaming heater right down the middle of the plate.

Announcer: Yeah, I think that he might be asleep out there tonight cause that was a prime pitch to take a whack at. We’ve got Mark Kazana on the mound and he’s got an earned run average of 1.69, over three dozen strike outs and he was rookie of the year from out of Baltimore, MD at the University of Maryland last year.

Other Announcer: He’s got quite the canon on him. He’s the guy to watch this year to see if he keeps up his name from last year as the league’s best pitcher.

Announcer: It looks like he’s winding up for the pitch. Jose swings and knocks this ball deep back to center field.

(Steve out at center field waves down the play and calls it.)

Steve: I got it. I got it.

Announcer: He’s running back and the ball’s way up there. It’s back to the warning track and coming down hard. Is that ball going to make it over the fence or is Alzamkazar going to rob Gonzalez of this monstrous hit? It’s back up over the wall and so is Alzamkazar and he robs Gonzalez of his home run.

(Steve runs with the ball throws it and puts his first finger up stating there’s one out.)

(Gonzalez jogs lightly from off the field to the dugout and he’s got a displeased look on his face.)

Other Announcer: You can tell that Gonzalez isn’t too happy about that one and what a great play by Steve Alzamkazar.

Announcer: Alzamkazar was suspended last season for eight games straight for having illegal narcotics in his system. He’s been publicly known to use cocaine because of a court case that was put against him last year for having the narcotics on him that he pleaded guilty to.

Other Announcer: Boy, what a lousy mess that court case had to be for the young centerfielder. With all the publicity these guys get it must have just put his whole I’m a good guy baseball player image to shame. I wonder if those drugs they found in his system have something to do with his playing abilities because that was one hell of a play.

Announcer: Up next to bat for the Blue Jays is Jason Stetisberg. He has a batting average of .357 and he has also been known to lay down a good unexpected bunt.

Other Announcer: Yeah, he leads this season with the most runs batted in and is third in the league for home runs with a whopping 25 already. Let’s see what happens with Stetisberg up at the plate.

Announcer: Kazana winds up and releases the pitch. Stetisberg whacks the ball and it shoots right out from the plate and it just hit Kazana right in the head. Kazana is rushing around searching for the ball that he’s lost track of it and Stetisberg is on his way to first. Kazana has found the ball and rockets it over to first base, but unfortunately Stetisberg is already there.

Other Announcer: Boy that was one heck of a swing from Stetisberg that almost knocked Kazana’s head right off.

(Steve is in the outfield and he begins hallucinating all sorts of demons and aliens running around.)

Steve: Holy Allah! Shit! There’s demons and aliens. There’s one coming towards me. I have to get out of here. Run for your lives. It’s an invasion. They’re going to take over the city.

(Steve begins running towards the center field wall.)

Announcer: Wow! It appears that there’s something wrong with the Tiger’s centerfielder number 18 Steve Alzamkazar.

Other Announcer: Yeah, it appears that he’s running towards the centerfield wall for no apparent reason.

(Steve turns his head, sees the demon behind himself and collapses to the ground.)

Announcer: It appears that he just collapsed and is lying out in the middle of centerfield.

Other Announcer The paramedics are driving a green gator out there to see what’s wrong with him.

Announcer: I wonder if he experienced some sort of delusion because it appeared as though he was running away from someone or something out there. I guess no one will know for certain until they’re able to revive him. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious and he’ll be back with us here shortly.

Other Announcer: Yeah, after he ran away from whatever it was that he saw I think he must have passed out for some reason and then collapsed.

Announcer: Well, they’re getting him loaded up into the green gator right now and getting him taken off the field. Boy I hope he’s alright.

Narration by Steve: Hi, I’m Steve Alzamkazar and this is a story about my life. I’m the guy that’s getting pulled off the field right now by those helpful paramedics via that lovely little green golf cart that’s in front of my collapsed body. What you just experienced was my psychiatric breakdown from taking too many pain killers and doing too much cocaine. But, I’m pretty sure though that it was mainly from all the cocaine that I was doing. For years I had been snorting that stuff all day long and today was the day that my mind just had a complete nuclear meltdown. I guess it’s true what they say about drugs. They’re bad and that you should never use them. I guess this was the way for Allah to set me into my place and make my ways straight once again. This is the beginning of the story that you’re going to watch that’s about my struggle to come back to my normal self as a person newly diagnosed with Schizophrenia. So, sit back relax and enjoy the ride through the goofiness of my humorous life from all of the crazy circumstances that surround it.

SCENE 2

At the Hospital

(Steve’s inside the psychiatric hospital at the front desk getting his medications.)

Nurse: So you get 20mg of Risperdal, 150 mg of Zoloft and 250mg of Lithium?

Steve: Yeah, that’s me.

Nurse: Okay, here you go.

(The nurse hands him the medications in a little Dixie cup.)

Nurse: Do you need any water?

Steve: No, I’ll take them just like this.

(Steve takes the cup they’re in, dumps it in his mouth and swallows them.)

Nurse: Now I need for you to open your mouth and say ahh, so I can check to make sure that you took them.

(Steve opens his mouth.)

Steve: Ahhhhh.

Nurse: Thanks, I appreciate that.

Steve: No problem.

Nurse: Lunch is going to be served here in about ten to fifteen minutes in the cafeteria and we’re having lasagna so I hope that you brought a big appetite with you.

Steve: Lasagna. Mmmm. That’s one of my favorites. So how long have you worked here as a nurse?

Nurse: Oh, for about 11 months.

Steve: Oh, so you’re the new girl then huh?

Nurse: Yeah, that’s me. I guess it’s going to be awhile before I get any seniority.

Steve: I know how that is. I’m the new guy to being mentally ill, but I guess there’s no seniority unless you’ve got Alzheimer’s.

(The Nurse Laughs.)

Nurse: That was kinda funny.

Steve: Yeah, I know it was kinda cheesy.

Nurse: I think you’re a pretty funny guy and I like that about you.

Steve: I guess I can be sometimes.

Nurse: So how are the medicines treating you?

Steve: Oh pretty good so far, but this is actually my first dose.

Nurse: Oh, okay. Well, hopefully they got it right this time and you’ll be alright from here on out.

Steve: I hope so. I just don’t want to see any of those aliens