Discipline Your Child: A Guide to Raising Responsible and Independent Children

By Laxmi Mitra

UNLEASH THE POTENTIAL OF YOUR CHILD THROUGH DISCIPLINE
Every parent, guardian or individual must have this book. Discipline Your Child is a book that
encompasses the ABCs of discipline, its meaning and importance. It is a step by step guide that
teaches parents how to instill discipline in their child. A child must possess certain values, attitudes
or skills for him to be successful in life. Each is thoroughly explained and a step by step guide is
provided for the implementation. Many true-to-life experiences are shared. Knowing your childs
learning style and learning how to motivate him is an essential part in the growth process. Also,
parents may experience several problems when instilling discipline. Every problem is explained and
a possible solution is presented.
Once you have embarked on the discipline process, you will see some transformation in your childs
behavior. Your childs potential will slowly be unleashed. Initially, the improvement may be slow.
After some time, you will see the transformation of your childs behavior. Over time, he will learn to
be responsible and independent. This will help him become a successful person.
Teacher Laxmi, the author, went through her own process of being disciplined. She tried to understand
what her students were experiencing and wanted to experience the same thing. In the process, she
grew as a person. She became more responsible and independent. After discovering the discipline
process, she realized that it was important for her to share her experiences with everyone. Happy
Reading!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781456880378

Laxmi Mitra

none

Book preview

Copyright © 2012 by Laxmi Mitra.

ISBN:          Softcover                                 978-1-4568-8036-1

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4568-8037-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

PART ONE

Values, Attitudes And Skills

Chapter 1  Discipline

Chapter 2  Routine

Chapter 3  Respect

Chapter 4  Empathy

Chapter 5  Communication

Chapter 6  Responsibility

Chapter 7  Concentration

Chapter 8  Commitment

Chapter 9  Perseverance

Chapter 10  Independence

PART TWO

Learning Style, Motivation And Implementation

Chapter 11  Learning Styles

Chapter 12  Motivating Your Child

Chapter 13  Putting It All Together

PART THREE

Problems Faced By Parents And Teachers

Chapter 14  Common Problems Experienced By Parents When Instilling Discipline In Their Child

Chapter 15  Ten Common Problems Experienced By Teachers With Parents

Chapter 16  Do’s And Don’ts

Chapter 17  Final Word

Bibliography

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the parents and students of

Easy Math,

My father and mother,

My staff,

The students who have taught me about discipline

and

friends,

who have given unsolicited advice and priceless contributions.

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my parents, for encouraging me as well as reassuring me that my idea of writing this book will be of some help to the community;

My family, for motivating me and supporting me in writing this book;

The parents of the students of Easy Math, for helping me by giving me the necessary information needed;

My students, for giving me the actual experience in guiding them to be responsible and independent learners;

Marilou Alcoseba and Karen Palma, for editing my book;

Joshua Magadamit, Jasper Gerald Ong, Angel Lao, Jhon Luis Salmorin, Carl Alcoseba, Jhon Shaine Red and Joshwa Pagaspas, for teaching me the importance and benefits of discipline, and

Last but not least, God, who has guided me in writing this book and in all my endeavors in life.

Preface

Today, parents are faced with the biggest challenge which is to teach their children discipline. Instilling discipline in children is a major problem for most parents. This is because of the influence of media and technological advancements. These have played a major role in the lives of their children. Today, majority of the children are focused on television, computer games, play station, game boy and other technological gadgets. These gadgets serve as a total distraction to them. Due to these distractions, parents are having a difficult time instilling discipline in their children.

Inculcating discipline in children has become a tedious job for most parents but they need to address this problem immediately. Many parents have been looking for a guide to help them set the discipline at home. However, they have realized and acknowledged that there is not enough material to be found. They have also expressed their concerns about this to the author.

Teacher Laxmi, the author, has been listening to the same problems and concerns of many parents over and over again. Realizing that there is an urgent need for a guide to help parents instill or set the discipline at home, I felt compelled to write this book.

This book is based on questionnaires which were accomplished by 50 parents. Interviews were also conducted. Many parents volunteered to share their first-hand experiences. I also talk about my experiences in managing a tutorial center. Inevitably, I have encountered many discipline problems which may prove to be invaluable to parents. Managing my own tutorial center has given me a wealth of experiences that have greatly contributed to the compilation of this book.

The book’s main focus is on how to guide parents to train their children to be responsible and independent individuals. For this to happen, their children must be trained to be disciplined at home as well as in school. The book also discusses the various problems parents may encounter at home or in school. Scenarios will be presented and solutions to the problem will be mentioned.

The book has been divided into three parts:

PART ONE talks about discipline. It also discusses about the different values, attitudes and skills a child must possess for him to be responsible and independent.

PART TWO talks about the different learning styles of a child. It also discusses the basics of motivation. Lastly, it guides parents on how to set the discipline at home.

PART THREE talks about all the different possible problems which parents may experience during the process of disciplining their children. It also explains what each problem means and suggests possible solutions in overcoming the problem. It also discusses some of the problems a teacher experiences with parents. Lastly, it talks about how to ‘Build an Encouraging Home Life’ and the necessary elements needed to achieve this. It also provides a set of Do’s and Don’ts for parents.

If you, currently, are experiencing a problem which is not listed in the book and need help, please go to the website www.disciplineurchild.com. Kindly fill in the contact form in the Parent Counseling Services and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Happy Reading!

PART ONE

VALUES, ATTITUDES AND SKILLS

Chapter 1

DISCIPLINE

"Ivan is a Grade Five student. He is a normal child who enjoys playing computer games and watching television. He also enjoys watching movies and going to the malls. When Ivan comes home from school, the first thing he does is to eat. Then, he takes a rest. He watches a little television for approximately 30 minutes. He then calls his mom to inform her of all the assignments for the day. Since his mom is a working mom, she cannot spend too much time teaching him. She requires him to do the assignments by himself. If he does not know how to do it, this is the time Ivan’s mom steps in to assist him. After doing his assignments, he reviews the lessons for the day. If he finishes his work early, he gets to watch more television.

For Ivan, every Friday is a rest day or a free day. He gets to do whatever he wants but he goes to bed before 11:00 pm to prepare for the next day. On Saturday mornings, he reviews at least two subjects for the week. All memorization is done during the weekend so that he will not be stressed during the week. After studying, he attends to his extra-curricular activities. In the evening, he continues reviewing the other subjects. On Sundays, he goes to church and then eats out with his family. After lunch, he reviews again in preparation for the next day. He makes sure he sleeps early on Sunday night so that he will be refreshed and recharged for Monday morning."

Above is an example of a disciplined child. Let me define discipline. Discipline is derived from the word disciple. In Latin, discipulus means pupil and discere means to learn. Therefore, discipline means to teach, not to punish. Discipline oftentimes comes with a negative connotation but, in reality, it should not be so.

A disciplined child has the following characteristics. A disciplined child:

1.  can follow a routine

2.  is respectful

3.  has empathy

4.  can communicate well with others

5.  is responsible

6.  has concentration

7.  is committed

8.  has perseverance

9.  knows his priorities

10.  knows how to balance between work and play

11.  is independent

It is necessary for parents to give their child the necessary tools or skills needed for him to succeed in life. What are these tools? The above-mentioned traits are the necessary values, attitudes or skills a child needs to learn or develop for him to be successful in life. These are called life skills. Each life skill will be discussed in detail in the succeeding chapters.

Discipline may have other meanings. I hope to cover all the possible meanings in this book and discuss them one by one. Discipline means helping your child to develop a series of inner control mechanisms that last a lifetime. This simply means that for starters your child must be taught how to choose between right and wrong. Subsequently, he should also be taught how to differentiate between what is important or necessary and what is harmful.

Discipline is the fruit of a nurturing parent-child relationship. It is doing whatever you have to do to enjoy living with your child. It is imperative for parents to guide their child in developing good habits. Children with bad habits can make the life of their family members miserable.

Discipline can easily be established by first building the right relationship with your child more than by simply using the right techniques. Parents should make sure that they always have a positive relationship with their child. The child should not hesitate being with his parents and confiding in them. He should enjoy being in the company of his parents.

To discipline a child does not necessarily mean to punish him. Rather, the child is being guided or taught by his parents to do the right thing. Most parents believe that loving their child means giving him everything he wants. Bear in mind, however, that the effect of this is that they are spoiling their child. Loving one’s child essentially translates to carefully guiding him to make the right choices, prioritize what is essential and act accordingly.

The common question which parents ask or have is: When should discipline begin? Children below the age of two usually need guidance. Parents should not leave them alone but rather guide them to develop good habits. Instilling discipline, then, must commence after the age of two. It is very important to start early. The later you begin, the more difficult it gets.

Parents might wonder why discipline is very important. Discipline is important because of so many reasons. Discipline teaches your child to behave appropriately at the right time in the right place. In any given situation, a disciplined child will choose to act according to the sense of good conscience that has been formed in him—what he feels is right and beneficial to him.

Discipline also teaches your child to develop good habits in life. Your child will develop behavioral patterns wherein it will make him likeable not only by his own family but also by the people around him.

Discipline teaches your child to establish a healthy balance in life. Too much of anything is harmful. Therefore, discipline teaches your child how to harmonize study, play and other extra-curricular activities. This will also help ensure a firm foundation in forming the basic character of the child.

Discipline also teaches your child to identify his priorities at a particular stage in his growth process. A responsible child will know that he needs to focus on his studies. Therefore, he will develop good study habits. It will also teach him to make good decisions based on his priorities.

Discipline unleashes the potential in your child. Since your child is independent, he can learn new things on his own to enhance his knowledge even further.

Once a parent called me up and told me that she urgently wanted to meet me. She said, "Teacher I have a problem. I need your help. I do not know what is wrong with my child, Jason. Teacher, my son is a Grade 5 student. I have been having many problems with him. When he goes to school, he does not listen to the teacher. He does not copy his assignments in his diary. If he does copy, it is not complete. He does not take note of his quizzes. Sometimes, I feel he does not know what is happening in school. When he comes home from school, he watches TV or plays. He refuses to touch his school work until such time when I arrive home. When I get home, the first thing I do is check his diary. I get so frustrated. I have to find out what happened in school from other parents. Sometimes, he leaves his diary in school. If there is a quiz in Math, he will leave his Math book in school. Teacher, I am so fed up. I end up getting really angry and scold him but this seems to have no effect on him. Teacher, what should I do?"

This is a classic example of an undisciplined student. This child has not been trained properly. My suggestion is that the parent should discipline the child in a proper way.

Have you ever imagined how it would be like to live with an undisciplined child? Living with an undisciplined child may not be pleasant at all. Undisciplined children are very demanding. Most often, they think only of themselves and never of others. They make sure they get what they want. Respect for others is not a concern or priority. They normally make the lives of others miserable.

The above example presented showed that Jason is an undisciplined child. Jason’s mom can handle this situation in two ways. She can either discipline him in a positive or negative way. I suggest that the very first thing Jason’s mom should do is to find out the root cause of Jason’s behavior. Why is Jason not paying attention in school or not interested in his studies? Is there a problem in school? Is he focused on playing with his friends, watching television, playing computer games or other technological gadgets? Once she knows the reason she can then discipline him in a positive way. This is by communicating and motivating him. The very first thing Jason’s mom should do is to talk to him. She should set her expectations and explain it to him clearly. Then, she should set a routine. The routine should be balanced wherein there is a study time and a play time. She should also make sure that the routine should be followed daily. Jason’s mom should explain to him that if he does not listen to her, she will withhold all activities that distract him or that he enjoys doing most. This will encourage him to do what his mom is asking, which is, to complete all assigned tasks at hand. After all the tasks are completed, he should be allowed to play. As Jason improves, his mother will slowly reintroduce and allow him to do the things he enjoys most. This will serve as a motivation for Jason to study. It should be made clear to Jason that if he obeys and follows his mom, he will get to do the activity he enjoys most. However, if he does not obey and follow his mom, there will be a corresponding consequence. When the consequence is given, it should be explained thoroughly to Jason the reason behind giving him the consequence. This will help prevent the same mistake from happening again. Disciplining Jason the positive way can be very time consuming. However, it can be very fruitful. There will be a gradual change in Jason. He will learn to be more responsible and independent.

Most parents have a tendency to lose their temper when their child does not want to follow. They refuse to listen to reason. They scream, shout, spank and threaten their child. When you discipline your child, it should be done in a positive way. Disciplining does not mean that you have to spank him. Screaming, shouting, spanking and threatening are forms of negative discipline. Using any of these is a negative way of disciplining your child. When you discipline your child this way, he will experience some psychological effect. Your child will gradually distance himself from you. He will never open up to you and a communication