Numpty Solutions to Everyday Problems: (Including 'How to Try to Prevent World War Iii' (And Fail) to 'Going to the Toilet')
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Numpty Solutions to Everyday Problems - Andre F. Depuis
Copyright © 2017 by Andre F. Depuis.
ISBN: Softcover 978-1-5245-9877-8
eBook 978-1-5245-9878-5
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
Rev. date: 04/13/2017
Xlibris
800-056-3182
www.Xlibrispublishing.co.uk
667843
Contents
‘Believe in Bigger’
‘Double or Nothing Forever’ (Also known as ‘one half or divide by 2 forever’)
What’s Mine is Mine and What Yours is Mine
Crash Courses/An Idiot’s Guide To…/
The Way To A (Man’s) Heart Is Through (His) Stomach
Counting
An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
Bedside Talk
What’s Left Is Right And What’s Right Is Being Left. Right ?
Heading South With The Swallows
Going To The Toilet
How To Save One Self From A Watery Fate
Excuse Me
Senselessness
Hangover Cures
Self-Help
A Plague Of Locusts
Like Riding A Bike
Catch 22
Occam’s Razor (complex explanation)
How To Avert World War III (And Fail)
Toast
What To Do…With Books
Monkeying About
How To Prevent World War Three (And Failing Again And Again…)
Notes
Picnick Lics
Slipping On That Thin Ice
Transmigration Of The Soul
Temperature/Weather
Travel Travails
Everyone A Winner
Recipes
Gardening
Sport In General
Specific Sport
Television
What can one say ? ‘If you don’t know you are a numpty by now then it’s too late.’.
In case you are still wondering though, here is The Numpty Song (unabridged)
THE NUMPTY SONG
‘Right’ Fred said.
‘A one, a one, a one, two,