Bit's ~N~ Peace's of Me ''Alberta''

By Alberta D. Hill

This book is an Autobiography in Poetry. It is also a thank you for those who did not let me slip into a black whole of lifelessness during some of the most difficult challenges of my life. Pain, physically, emotionally, spiritually, depression, devastation, death, life, rape, incenses, divorce, marriage, sunlight, darkness and much more. The appreciation of God, my family, and my family of Angels, is so empowering, I was able to find some peace within many areas of my life where torment once lived. For this reason, had no other choice but to honor them in writing as God gave me rhythm to release the joy and pain of my life.

You will notice my book does not open like an ordinary book. Our lives are far from ordinary. We can all say, better then some, worse than others. I want you to utilize my story to encourage you, to tell your story. To give Honor to God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior. Your Earthly Angels and to Yourself. It is time to be honest and make peace with loved ones and yourself. Come out of your shell, be creative, share who you are. I pray that my story will awaken you to find your great purpose on your journey toward the gifts of a
prosperous successful life. That God has so richly prepared for us, not just in Heaven, but here on earth too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 12, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483635347

Alberta D. Hill

Alberta, a native of Iowa, currently resides in VA. With Christ as her source of being, is a proud mother of five children, one in heaven and four grandchildren.

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 by Alberta D. Hill.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013908193

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4836-3533-0

                Softcover         978-1-4836-3532-3

                Ebook              978-1-4836-3534-7

All rights reserved by Alberta D. Hill photocopying and recording or in any information storage or retrieval system is forbidden without the permission of Alberta D. Hill. The contents of this book are true of my life. And of the people within my life that have been with me thus far within my life.

No part of in this book has been written by anyone else, in part or otherwise deemed possible. No one is owed credit or is due anything for any services rendered. This book solely belongs to Alberta D. Hill all rights are reserved: Except for use in review.

Book Cover Designer: Natalie Peace, Peace by Design

Rev. date: 09/21/2013

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

119200

Table of Contents

1. A Bliss Of Love

2. The Vision

3. As I Sit And Think About The Ink

4. Just Believe

5. The Very First Day

6. Blessed Journey

7. The Truth

8. Dread

9. Here I Sit

10. Please Pray With Me

11. Eternal Life

12. Shrinks

13. Hi My Momma

14. My Eight

15. Disillusioned

16. Your Light

17. Sisters

18. Unseen Love

19. Answer & Question

20. I Just Want Some Relief For Me

21. Momma, I Didn’t Mean To Hurt You

22. Your Child Should Be Adored

23. The Call Of The Lights

24. What Is Next I Say

25. The Best

26. Dear Jesus

27. From You

28. The Fool

29. Who Is Me

30. What Your Word’s Mean

31. Settle For Less

32. MY AFTERLIFE

33. TORN

34. Are You Afraid

35. I Love You Daddy

36. The Loss Of A Loved One

37. 4 U Lord

38. Pride

39. This Is The Way

40. The Color Of Our Skin

41. Green

42. Momma! When I Grow Up I Gonna Be Just Like You

43. Just Listening

44. What You Want Me To Be

45. That’s Clear

46. The Little Things

47. What Is My Fate?

48. My Friend ~ My Friend

49. Life As We Know It

50. Who Is The Father Of This Child?

51. Lonely

52. Happy Birthday My Father

53. Father’s & Daughter’s

54. One Sided Love

55. Blessed To Have An Angel

56. U R Are Like No~One Else

57. Accepting Trends

58. Aunties & Uncles

59. If You?

60. Homeless

61. Who Really Hurts

62. My Blood Family

63. If You Were Me

64. He Sits By God’s Side

65. Brothers R Coo

66. Copy

67. Blood Can’t Produce

68. Women Can Be Mothers ~ But Few Are Momma’s Too

69. I Think Life Is A Lie

70. Please Help Me ~ Please Remove This Curse ~ That Is With Me

71. I Love All Of My Children That Are God Lent

72. My Beautiful Grandbabies

73. My New Friend Me

74. Mirror ~ Mirror

75. God Has Lent

76. We

77. Mine

78. 4 Keeps

79. Just Care

80. Better By Night

81. Nonexistent

82. Be By My Side

83. What This Could Be

84. At My Tempo

85. A New Wish

86. I Deserve Too

87. My Godmother

88. Short ~ N ~ Sweet

89. Momma ~ Aunt ~ Sister ~ Friend

90. MY LEGIT FRIEND

91. Sisterly Friendship L~M~B~O

92. Baby Girl

93. Bigger Dividend

94. Sisterly Love

95. My Little Sister

96. The Clock Of Time

97. Big Sis

98. Not A Stepmother

99. What A Pearl

100. My Little Willie

101. The Desire You’d Choose

102. Shame

103. My Golden Rod

104. Mark On A Good Man

105. Do You Remember

106. We R Friends

107. Doc

108. Niece Cousin Baby Sister To Me

109. Auntie

110. Relate

111. My Niece’s Nephew’s & Cousins Too

112. A Star

113. Desire Naturally

114. Ms. D

115. Ms. B: You Were My Son’s First Teacher

116. Big School Ms. W

117. An Angel

118. I Am A Woman Built Like A Man

119. Watch Me!

120. Look Into My Image

121. Obsolete

122. So Smooth ~ Always Coo

123. Where Have You Gone?

124. Impression On My Life

125. I Had A Thought

126. Pain

127. Beg

128. The Web Of Life

129. A Trick

130. It’s 4 Real

131. Rejuvenate

132. Schmucks

133. Nothing He Could Not Do

134. I Met Me In You

135. Rodney

136. Ashley

137. Keysha

138. Wil~Lee

139. DorRyan

140. Mom And Dad M.

141. Tyrant

142. Brother

143. My Little Brothers Now Grown Men

144. Sissy

145. K

146. Have You Ever Noticed

147. Going Shopping

148. Happy Birthday

149. Uncle ~ Father ~ Friend

150. Yearning

151. Where R We Going?

152. 4 Us Both 2 Benefit

153. Once Upon A Time

154. Spiritually Connected

155. My New Momma Too

156. Smooth C

157. Coo D

158. Aunt B

159. Auntie V

160. Cuzy Mac

161. Sir L

162. Dismissed By Life

163. Fastlane

164. Nice Way

165. This Flower

166. Grandpa D

167. My Big Sister M.C.

168. Prayer Of Forgiveness

169. My New Life

170. There Is A Light At The End Of My Tunnel

171. Me And You

172. Twice From Above

173. You Did Not Ask This Of Me

174. Entertainment Only

175. Vitality

176. The Dance

177. That Is What I See

178. Untitled

179. Smacked After Seeing The Truth In You

180. The Follow Up Letter

181. If Being Honest

182. You’ve Freed My Heart I Want A New Start

183. Capture My Heart

184. Flight

185. Sooner Than You Think

186. Same For You

187. I-M’S

188. True Friend

189. Take A Seat

190. Life

191. When I Did

192. Not A Friend To Me

193. Resubmit

194. A Faze

195. I Want

196. The Blues

197. If I Could Prove It Was Thee

198. Statement

199. ?

200. Like The Sea

201. Keepin It Real

202. My Plea

203. Adhere

204. Are You The One?

205. Stimulation Of My Mind

206. So I Pray

207. Harmony

208. Birthday Prayer In A Box

209. I Will Continue To Pray To The Lord

210. Never Replayed

211. What Can I Say

212. Opponent

213. The Beauty Of A Flower

214. Into Everyone’s Life A Little Rain Must Fall

215. I Am Back

Inspired by the loss of my son

Willie Lee Manning Jr.

Thumper

1990-1995

Dedicated to all of my children and grandchildren

Rodney Jr. & Kerry(wife)

Ashley

Keysha

Willie Jr.

DorRyan

And my grandchildren

Isaiah

DeMetryon

Jazmier

R’Miah

KerRod

With loving memory of my mother and father

Alberta Virginia Saunders—Hill (1924-1970)

Johnny Leroy Hill (1911-1995)

Acknowledgments

Giving all Honors to God and Jesus Christ, who died for our sins and has enabled my family and me to be so richly blessed with spiritual faith and blessings that only you could have given.

I must thank God for the many earthly angels that have given me life, my mom-Alberta and dad-John Hill, godmother Jeanie Rumley, Auntie/mom Vera ‘lee, grandma and grandpa Uncle Don and Millie, mom-Evelyn and Father—DePatten, mom—Maxine, mom and dad-Moore, Uncle/Dad Ralston, Aunt Hazel, Cousin/Sister Margaret, Marie and my Pastor Dr. Jeremiah Reed & Mother Reed. Thank you for being great parental teachers.

My momma Alberta went to be with the Lord when I was 8-years-old. I always wanted to grow up to be like. Before leaving this earth, momma gave me a wonderful godmother, Sylvester Jean Higgins-Rumley; whom throughout my life has been a phenomenal force to be reckoned with. Always supportive, consistent with encouragement and faith with all of my endeavors.

God Bless and I thank you my sons, daughters, and one grandson during this time: Rodney, Little Willie, DorRyan, my daughters Ashley and Keysha, and my first grandson Isaiah, you have all had to struggle with me along this path. I am honored and proud to be your mother and friend. Thank you all much for all of your encouragements, faith, and support as our creation is finally in print despite our many losses. As writing became my only outlet to life, sometimes shut in my room for hours on end. You, my babies are the true heroes in my life and are the reason for this creation.

Similar to my birth children, are my nephew/son Little Joe, Sean, my niece/daughter Dara, as busy as they was in their youthfulness, they too took the time out to read and inspire me to share my thoughts no matter how inhibited I was. Additionally, my nieces, Netta, Shelia, Kelsi, Paris, Nehemiah, Tara, Connie, and my nephews, Robbie, Ryan, and Harold, thank you for the time you took to check on me, read my poetry, and bless me with your love.

In addition to the parental guidance, the Lord blessed me with the best of brothers and sisters. My brother’s Joe, Kerry, Doug, Kalonji, Muhammad, Robert, Byron, cousin/brother Coty, Poncho Dove, Dennis, and brotha~ friends Speedy, and Richard: Sister’s Judy, Mary Catherin, Breget, Terry, Sherry, Doris, Arleta, Raedean, Tammy, and my sistah~girlfriends, Lori C., Theresa S., Big Steph, DexAnn, Little Steph, and Roz V. During my deepest darkest times, you all have loved, encouraged, and inspired to be continue to live; regardless to the black hole, my life had fallen into. Thank you all for being there for me no matter my age, time, day, or night, without fail.

Ms. Dorothy Ferguson, I remember your kindness and inspiring words of wisdom, in 1997. Thank you for your guidance and correction, which has helped me to achieve this goal.

Ms. Dixie you were an inspiration an angel to say the least. You were the first stranger to write and talk to me that had experienced the devastation of the loss of a child. Thank you

Ms. Renee Bobb, thank you.

I pray that the Lord will continue to bless all of you for the imprint you have left upon my heart and life. What a blessing and an honor to have angels willing to directly encourage, support, offer inspiration, and faith in me while on my journey. Thank you

Please know that no one is forgotten or unappreciated. Although, I cannot name everyone who has helped me within my lifetime. Please know that because of the many, I have found faith in myself to move forward in this creation. I salute all of you for allowing God to use you; not just in my life but the lives of all you touch. Even if it was just a smile, no one should go un-noticed, un-thanked, or un-appreciated within my life.

Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus! For everything, you have done for me and with me, and my family, by not withholding the many blessings and the miracles to come.

Introduction

First giving Honor to God and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for allowing and helping me to create and complete one of my dreams. I feel my family, and me are Blessed and Highly Favored within our lives with Angels both Divine and Earthy. Each day, I am thankful for the many Miracles, Blessings, and Gifts that Lord has bestowed upon me while teaching me to put pain on paper. He has created life where deaths had control. With all that I cannot change, He allowed me to vent while giving Him Praises.

BiT’s ~N~ pEaCe’S oF mE ‘’aLbErTa’’ my Autobiography, put into poetry is about faith, grieving, divorcing, loneliness, death, depression, anxiety, love, hate, honesty, trustworthiness, and the search to finding peace within me. You will notice that it does not open like an ordinary book. My life has been far from ordinary. Better than some yet worse than others I am sure you can say the same thing about your life too. I have known since I was young that I was to write a book of my life, although, I did not know how, where, or when, and surely not in poetry.

This book was inspired by the loss of my son Little Willie, whom went home to the Lord, October 7, 1995, at the tender age of five. His passing, took my life into a backward time travel a Black Hole of Time, recapturing death, dismay, and fears that I have had in the past recent years, with 1995-1997 being the most devastating since the death of My Momma Alberta, March 1970. After the passing of my Momma, I would pray to God: Please let me see all my children grown and see my grandchildren. Unfortunately, instead of getting an answered prayer, I was left with an unanswered question. God, WHY did You take my baby home so early?

In June of 1995, my Daddy Johnny passed away and the pains of death continued to resonate within me as several other family members and friends passed away prior to the death of my son. His death was so painful that I had convinced myself that God was going to bring him back to my arms. I pretended daily that he was somewhere different and definitely not in his eternal home with God. Then one day I came to the realization that my son was not coming back home to me. I would never touch his little body again here on earth.

With pain inside, not wanting to be alive, trying to find a place to hide, someone, or something to blame; I found one common denominator, ME. I began to blame myself for his death and the death of my family and friends that passed away during those few short months in 1995, including the death of my Momma in 1970.

I wholeheartedly believed their deaths were a direct result of my love. I did not want anyone else to die because of me. As a result, I began to distance myself from anything and everyone whom I loved, including the many joys of my living children. I was terrified that God was coming for them too, especially if I loved them too much. I went from one extreme to the next; pushing myself away from my living babies. To becoming so, overprotective and scared that I would smother them and not let them live free, as children deserve to.

Looking back, I believe I was living dead. Stuck in time, left to live, breathe, and suffer with a magnitude of ungodly hurt, pain, and devastation. My realities produced great anger with God. First, you take my son, and then you tell me I must pretend to live on the outside, yet, inside of my mind, all I could see was destruction that was because of me. As time went by, I found myself hiding and living in a Black Hole of Time, created, for myself in order to function daily. I thought I had, had a good relationship with the Lord. No not perfect or divine, just that somehow, I was a bit different and that God would not allow me so to suffer like this. I realize; death is a certainty, God willing, later rather than sooner.

Finally, to all that have and will read my book thank you and please remember that we are all Blessed & Highly Favored by God, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, no matter the situation, issue, or challenge. Thank you Jesus, for everything you have done for my family and me. AMEN

A Bliss Of Love

If there is anyone that I may have missed

I am sure you will find yourself in the midst

The midst of my heart

Where all my friends and family are

That was sent by God to help me get through

Through the last two years of hell to boot

I love you all so very much

Even for the times you have made a fuss

A fuss over me and how I was living

You had faith for me when I did not have any

You believed in me, and anything I dreamed

No one can take these things from me

Please do not feel that you were missed

The love you have for me has helped a-bliss

A-bliss of love is what I have to give

To all of you that have helped me live

God bless you all and all that you to give

Please pass it on as we continue to live

Without all of you I could not have did

Did this book and tried to live

So that I too can give

A-Bliss of Love like You All Did

The Vision

Did you ever wonder why you were born ~ As you pondered over what to do

You became torn ~ Torn because you did not know

Who ~ What ~ When ~ or How

Who you are? What to do? When to start? & How to begin?

      Then said to yourself ~ Is now the time to move ahead

Ahead with your visions ~ Dreams ~ And all the unsaid’s ~ About your life

      And how to make it all blend ~ Blend so it fits into God’s plan

The Vision of what we came here to do

We all have trials in life that we can’t undo

Remember we all must go through

Go through pain and tragedies full of the undo’s

All the things that are uncontrollable for you

God knows the plan of what He wants us to do

      He is the one who will stay by you

            No matter what pattern of hardship

                  How heavy the heartache

                  How horrible the rape

            No matter what type of entrapment

                  The physical pain

                  Or mental strain

            No matter the problem

                  He will help you regain

                  The power to live your life again

This is how you gain wisdom, knowledge, and strength

To do the mission you were sent here with

He will not abandon you ~ Like others have done to you

      He knows the Vision we were sent here to do

      All we need to do is ask

      He will reveal it to you

As I looked back through my life ~ I began to write

      I prayed as I waited ~ I waited for insight

      I asked God to help me get the tools to write

      I kneeled to God while asking him to stay by my side

      I knew He could make it all blend

      If only He would attend

No matter what I felt ~ I knew He had the power to heal

God began to reveal to me ~ As He was trying to heal me

Revealing all the things I needed ~ Where my mind had been cheated

Cheated because of the shield, I created ~ To protect me from being depleted

Due to the maltreatment ~ With the tragedies of my life

      This shield blocked my mind ~ From the missions of my life

      Through most of my tragedies ~ His words have glistened

      When I opened my heart ~ And let my ear’s listen

      He unveiled the mission ~ Which led me to the vision

      The vision of what I was sent here to do

I prayed about past things ~ The things that left me outdone

Outdone and dismayed ~ Dismayed because people in my life escaped

Escape from life into the grave

I can’t relate to why they left early ~ Not late

I know this is in God’s hands

      But I found myself wondering ~ Just where do I stand

      And what type of vision ~ Did I really have

      I know God gave me the gift of gab

      Yet all though my life I could not nab

      Because it would leave me uncontrollably sad

I knew I was to write a book of my life

About the things I felt wasn’t right

Right about my trails and suffering too

There are many things that left me confused

Confused because I did not get to choose

I did not choose to have this life ~

It was given to me ~ I do not feel that’s right

So I started to write ~ This book of my life

But the tragedies from my young life ~ Had blocked my mind

All awhile, I’m talking to God ~ Asking him to please show me it all

I will listen God ~ I know You’ll speak the truth

Please show me God the things I was sent here to do

Was sent to help others to see their way through

Through to God, because He can help them too

                              That is when my prayers began to change

I prayed to God to please lift ~ Lift the block off my mind

And will you encourage me ~ At the same time

Please teach me to help others come to You

We are but humans ~ And sometimes, we do not have a clue

Especially when we feel less ~ Because our lives are in a big mess

            Due to all of the stress ~ Causing distress

            That lays heavy upon our chest

            We try to assess ~We tend to suppress

            And repress ~ This causes neglect

            Becoming blind to the fact that we are bless

            We start to transgress ~ Then obsess

            About success ~ Where is the progress

            Where are you Lord ~ We need to confess?

Lord, I know I need finesse ~ To help others to address ~ Their feelings of less

So You can redress ~ The stress

That makes one feel oppressed ~ Then depressed

Because they feel you’re not a guess ~ We all need convalesce

Lord will you help me to help others to acquiesce

      So we all can be fully dressed ~ Dressed to live our life with You

      Seeing our gifts ~ Using all of our tools

Teach me Lord to follow Your rules ~ Let Your words stick to me like glue

Even if I have to go back to school

So I can help others find their jewels too

O-and Lord, can my book be used as a tool?

To help other see their gifts from You

As time went on ~ My vision came through

I didn’t know what to do

With this lifeless vision of life at hand

I started to write ~ Whenever I was sad

      Then the rhythm of poetry started to nag ~ Within this life I caught a snag

      That is