Book of the Beloved

By Mairi Colme

A Christian mystical text containing the revelation made to a young girl in a Benedictine monastery in the mountains of Austria in 1974. It is a revelation of the extraordinary quality of the love of God communicated, not through light and joy, but through a dark and powerful suffering, which she identified as the mystery of Christs cross.

The original manuscript was faithfully written down as a direct record of this experience. It takes the form of a dialogue or interaction between God as the Lover of the soul, and Maria as His Beloved. A major theme is the struggle of the Beloved to overcome the Yes buts of human nature in order to be able to say a perfect Yes to her Maker. Each dialogue moves through suffering and miscomprehension towards final happiness and liberation, prefiguring the change from death to resurrection.

The manuscript remained a puzzle to its writer for eighteen years, at which point she gained an insight into the moment of self-yielding which transforms the suffering into bliss. It was then, whilst staying in an Austrian farmhouse on a mountain-side, that she wrote the poetry which re-interprets the text, as a hymn to the Star-Love of ecstatic intensity.

Over thirty years after the original event, realising the experience may also have meaning for others, the writer worked on the manuscripts. During a period of deep reflection at her home in Scotland, she then wrote the commentaries.

She hopes that this book, a lifetimes endeavour, may prove enlightening to others as to the nature of Gods love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 27, 2008
• ISBN: 9781467018630

Mairi Colme

Mairi Colme, born in 1953, grew up in Yorkshire. After achieving high exam-results at a grammar school she took it in her head to go to Austria, and wrote to Rome to ask if a place could be found for her working in a monastery in the mountains. As a crazily brave 18-year-old with an address in her hand of such a place, she set off . For several years she had adventures in Austria, working with young people and cleaning guesthouses, being intoxicated by Gregorian chant, climbing mountains and having mystical experiences. When she returned to England she continued to work with children, andthen tried her vocation in an enclosed Benedictine convent. Realising she was too young for this, she went to St.Andrews university at the age of 23, and graduated with an MA Honours degree in English language and literature. At that point she embarked on writing a book about the life of Jesus. There followed a dark troubled period of fourteen years during which she struggled with bringing up a son and with mental health issues. She transcended this however and found a healing catharsis through writing a book about her story. For years she then campaigned for mental health, did training courses, and studied Mathematics. She now hopes to return to university to study Theology. In the last few years she has been working to finish the mystical text which she considers her magnum opus. Upon returning to Austria in May 07 she was accepted and blessed as a Benedictine oblate. So she now feels she is fulfilling her calling to be a contemplative in the world.

Book preview

© 2008 Mairi Colme. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 11/19/2008

ISBN: 978-1-4343-4402-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-1863-0 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

Introduction

VOLUME I

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

XI

XII

XIII

XIV

XV

XVI

XVII

XVIII

XIX

XX

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XXVII

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XXX

XXXI

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XXXIII

XXXIV

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XXXVII

XXXVIII

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VOLUME II

XLI

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VOLUME III

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CXVI

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CXXX

CXXXI

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CXXXVI

CXXXVII

CXXXVIII

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CLVIII

About the Author

Eternal Suffering have I known,

and in the Silence of Suffering

He has spoken to me,

and revealed His Love.

Introduction 

This book is about the Love of God, as revealed to the writer through the mystery of Christ’s cross. It is expressed in separate dialogues between God and the Beloved, each with a commentary and poem inspired by the text.

The original manuscript is a faithful record of a powerful experience of cosmic Love which took place in a Benedictine monastery in the mountains of Austria in 1974. The subject addressed, Maria, is symbolic of the perfectly responsive soul exemplified by the Virgin Mary.

The poems were created, in an Austrian farmhouse in 1992, from an insight into the moment of self-yielding which transforms suffering into bliss. After prolonged reflection the commentaries were written in Scotland 30 years after the original event.

VOLUME I 

I 

Original Text-The Revelation:

I, the Beloved, have known eternal suffering.

He came to me in the night – I suffered,

and I suffered, and I suffered - - -

At first I wept in silence, but then I spoke:

"Oh no! He gives me eternal suffering.

He doesn’t love me, He doesn’t love me!

If He loved me, why would He give me

so much suffering?"

The suffering was so great, I was not listening

to what He was saying, but He kept whispering Maria.

At last I kept silence and listened. He said:

"Because I love you, I hurt you. The suffering

is the love." I could not understand; I kept

saying Yes, but - - Yes, but - -

But He was waiting for my silence.

He was trying to tell me something:

Maria, be still. Maria, it is I. Maria, listen.

At last, I kept quite still, and I listened - - -

He whispered: Maria, I love you.

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is an encounter with God which is predominantly pain. I felt in writing that if I could adequately express the suffering, I would encapsulate the love. The mystery of God’s love is revealed to the soul in this way because in order to comprehend it, she has to enter into the infinitude of His suffering on the cross, - which is eternal not in time, but in its quality. So when God comes to her, in the night of the senses, when she is nakedly His beloved,- that is, the perfectly responsive soul typified by the Virgin Mary, - he communicates that love to her as pain. In human terms we associate giving pain with the opposite of love, because if you love someone you don’t deliberately hurt them, - so her assumption is that He doesn’t love her; if He loved her, why would He give her suffering? And the sense of not being loved by God is itself the pain. We need God’s love at the core of our souls, in order to keep us in existence; so not being loved by her Creator is like a great void, into which she screams. But pain benumbs her senses, so it in itself prevents a sensitive listening or understanding on her part. God’s whispering of her name is an attempt to call her to her senses. When she yields to suffering to some extent she hears Him saying, that because He loves her He hurts her; the suffering is the love. But this actually can’t be understood by her human soul, which only knows human ways of loving. Her perpetual Yes but is her human inability to say a perfect Yes to God, to really yield, to really be still and listen, to really know Him. But He is waiting on her, wanting to tell her this secret so beautiful He can only whisper it, so none but herself can hear. The surprising thing about the love of God is that it doesn’t compel or overcome our soul’s free response; He waits, patiently and endlessly, for our self-yielding, our silent and still moment. Only then, when silence is attained, does He communicate to the soul that beautiful secret, - you, you the little soul I have created and named, - I, I the Creator of all the worlds, the Almighty One, - I love you. And the soul in hearing is lost in rapture; for what can that word love mean? She knows what it means, knows its power and infinitude by the pain it has communicated.

Poetry- the Way to Bliss:

The Beloved has received

the Star-Love;

She has known

the Star-Love’s Agony.

She happened to meet Him

in the Void, and she

Suffered;

weeping a while in silence,

Her anguish then spoke;

"Where is the Star-Love?

Isn’t there somewhere

a great enough Love

To overcome this cold,

dark Void of Agony?

I cannot reconcile

the Star-Love with

This Agony; Love

Is Absent.

I struggle and seek

to understand,

But why should this Agony

be found together

With the Star-Love

in my own soul?

My soul is not

loved, and the Star-Love

Is nowhere."

He whispered a name

Which was new;

-Beloved;

To compel her to listen;

she listened in her silence

To truths about Love;

"Because the Star-Love desires me

He hurts me; the Agony

Is the Star-Love."

Her self-bound soul

prevented her understanding,

Prevented her saying Yes;

instead she said Yes But.

The Star-Love waited,

compelling her to silence,

Complete stillness and receptivity,

by infinitely repeating

Truths about Love

that live forever;

Beloved, be still.

And ultimately

In the crucial time,

she was still;

Then she heard the whispering

which the Star-Love utters

In the secret silence

to His chosen in all the worlds;

She received the Star-Love.

And the Beloved rejoiced saying;

"The Star-Love’s Agony

became bearable to me,

And so shall all suffering

be bearable,

Now that I know

I am desired

By the Star-Love,

and have received Him.

And my knowing

of Agony and Love together

Shall be true forever;

and the more I am myself,

The more I become

the Beloved He has chosen,

The better I shall understand

Love’s whispering to me,

Love’s Meaning."

II 

Original Text- The Revelation:

At last I entered before Him.

Joyfully I cried Here I am! But He pointed

His finger, with the words: I send you away.

That was eternal suffering for me.

I could not understand. I wept - - -

I knew He was waiting for me to be obedient.

But I thought again and again:

He doesn’t love me, He doesn’t love me.

All this time, He was speaking to me,

but I wasn’t listening - - -

I stumbled out and, for a long time, sat

on the steps, weeping. I had not the strength

to go further. At last, I was silent, and began

to think about it. What was He saying?

What did he mean? Everything He had said,

I could recall: "You are not obedient.

You won’t listen. Go away and come back

when you’re ready, when you’ve found the right answer."

"But what is the answer? What does He

want me to say?" I asked myself. Suddenly

the answer came to me – just ONE word!

And I rushed back in to tell Him.

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is the pain of God saying to the soul I send you away. She comes to Him joyously, presenting herself with Here I am, and there comes infinite weeping upon her when He seems to reject her. One of the greatest pains known to the human soul is rejection; so to be fundamentally rejected by God in the very ground of her being, where she needs to be loved to be kept alive, is an excruciating agony. The pain of incomprehension overwhelms her, and she can’t receive anything further because she is busy with the pain of He doesn’t love me. She even has to go outside, away from His presence to try to get to grips with her weeping. When her soul becomes quiet and still, she tries to remember what some deeper part of her has heard Him say; she then understands that she is lacking in something, and this is causing her the pain; she is lacking in obedience, in listening and comprehension. It dawns on her, He only means her to go away for a while, and return when she has found the right answer. So then she enquires deeper into the mystery inside herself; what is the right answer, what does He want her to say? He is in this subtle way leading and teaching her. The surprising thing about the love of God is that, though He has infinite power and knowledge, and He knows best and we largely know nothing, He doesn’t bully or insist or didactically tell us; rather, He wants to elicit a response, He patiently waits for us to find out what he would have us know. And finally the answer comes to the soul; she herself finds the answer! And what is the One Word she rushes back in to tell Him? Well it remains a mystery between herself and Him; it is God Himself that she finds within herself. So at the end she has realized it isn’t for her to simply present herself; it’s for her to bring something of Himself back to Him, to take His love back to Him. The only pure thing God asks of our souls is the response of our love to His love!

Poetry-The Way to Bliss:

The Beloved ultimately

reached the Star-Love;

Joyously she whispered,

The Beloved is come to you.

I send you away

the Star-Love replied;

The Star-Love’s Agony

shot to her soul’s centre.

Endlessly weeping,

knowing He was waiting

For her obedience,

hearing Him speaking

But incapable of listening,

she cried out her Agony

Into the dark Void;

"The Star-Love fails

In His love of me;

how could the Love

Which holds me and created me

send me away?

He cannot love me

as I believed He does;

Forever must I weep

because I am not loved."

In pain she stumbled out

of the Star-Love’s presence

And remained in the Void

weeping without end.

Ultimately her suffering

became silence

As she reflected

on what He said and meant.

And her comprehension

grew and changed,

As elusively His Meaning

made its way

To her soul’s centre;

"Your obedience and

Your listening is lacking;

you are to go away

And come back to Me,

when in readiness

You hold the right answer

at your soul’s lip."

She sought within herself;

what answer, what

Words could she speak,

what was the Star-Love

Wanting from her?

Then the Beloved knew

With revelatory power

that in One Word

The Star-Love is found;

that not outside of herself

But only within her,

the Star-Love is found.

And so, finding that word

within her, she found

The Star-Love within her;

and rushing back

To express Him to Himself,

she communed

With His endless Love.

III 

Original Text- The Revelation:

I, His own Beloved, was waiting outside for Him,

knocking at the door. I sent a message:

Go tell Him, Maria is here. I expected Him

to come out straightaway, especially as I had come

a long way to see Him. But the answer came:

I send you away.

I was heartbroken, I could not understand.

"How could He say that to me? He doesn’t love

me anymore!" And I went away in sorrow - - -

But later at home, He came to me, and said

how foolish I had been, and explained what He meant:

"Go away for a little bit. I am busy now,

others need me, I must teach them. You are

my own beloved, my own Maria; you don’t need

to be with me, because you already know me

and my love. The love between us is so great

that we are always one in spirit; our hearts

are united forever. I am yours and you are mine.

I am always with you."

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is the pain of rejection, which leaves you heartbroken. The soul has been waiting and knocking for Him, and has come a long way; so there is much riding on the moment, yet His seemingly cruel response is I send you away. Because she believes herself especially loved by Him, she can’t believe He could say that to her, and she feels that He doesn’t love her anymore. This soul who is really desiring to know God, who has garnered her heart to love Him and longed for Him, can’t understand how she can be so rejected. The sense of it loses her in endless sorrow; but God doesn’t leave her there; He seeks her out to explain how foolish she has been in her miscomprehension. He explains He isn’t rejecting her, but desiring her selflessness, her renouncing of needs, and her faithfulness. He wants her to comprehend the fact that they are so united, that she can love Him more deeply in His absence. They belong to each other, are given over to each other; and so she mustn’t insist on having Him, and enjoying His presence. The pain she is experiencing is Himself teaching her this. The surprising thing about the love of God is that He doesn’t act upon the soul out of His own great desires, be it anger or tenderness, but rather out of response to our needs and desires; for we have need to be taught, and led out of ourselves. He has at the end finally managed to teach this soul, who really desires to love Him and be with Him, that deep down He is united to her, always with her, and perhaps she can know that best when she has no sense of His presence. For God can teach our souls to purely love Him back through times when we sense His absence. In these times we can then find an ecstasy of union deep down as He seems to sing through us, - we are always One, I am always with you!

Poetry- The Way to Bliss:

The Beloved appealed

to the Star-Love

She had come far to see;

Your Beloved is come

She joyously whispered,

waiting expectantly.

I send you away

the Star-Love replied.

Her soul’s centre broke

into two, as Agony

Followed the harsh words,

the rejection.

Into the dark Void

she screamed her sorrow,

As without heart

she went away;

"How could the Star-Love

say such words to me?

By the Star-Love not any more

am I loved.

There where I have garnered

my soul’s centre,

Where I yearn eternally

to be One,

Where I have sacrificed

my life’s purpose,

Where I long without end

to yield myself

In the flaming heart

of the Star-Love’s Presence,

From there I am rejected

not loved any more;

So forever must I sorrow,

be lost without end."

But loving her especially,

graciously the Star-Love

Met her on her soul’s path,

tenderly explaining to her

Love’s Meaning;

"I call you Beloved,

And you are my own;

Love does not reject you

But asks for your understanding;

sacrifice for a little while

As my inexhaustible Love

fulfils the need of others;

When not with your Lover,

you are with Me far more deeply,

Because you know the Star-Love,

bound in your great Love

To Me, united

forever at your soul’s centre."

Graciously, tenderly

He bent over her;

"I am yours, Beloved

and you are wholly mine;

And so the Star-Love

is always with you."

With sweetness

the Beloved then knew

That her Agony was

only her own lack

Of comprehension about

the Star-Love’s Meaning.

And so in that sweetness

of knowing union

She was lost forever,

knowing it her joy,

Sure of its endlessness.

IV 

Original Text- The Revelation:

My Lord visited me, when I was alone,

and asked if I would suffer for Him.

I replied Yes of course; you know I love you.

But He said so seriously "Maria, I am asking

a great deal of you; this suffering is eternal."

And He showed me what it would be like –

the pains of childbirth, a sword in my heart, and

a cross - - - I was afraid. Then He asked:

Do you love me? I answered Yes, but - -

I was suffering terribly. I meant to say Yes,

for I did love Him so, but how could I bear

so much suffering? No creature could suffer so much,

no-one could love so much - - - I was afraid!

But He knew what I meant; He replied:

"Maria, don’t be afraid. I will support you.

I will be with you. My grace is sufficient for you.

Trust me! If you love me - - "

I pondered these things in my heart.

Then it suddenly occurred to me "Why yes,

He will be with me. I will be suffering with Him!"

So I answered Yes.

He held me, blessed me, and kissed me

with the words: Thankyou for your love.

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is the pain of being unable to do what God asks of you; the pain of being a Yes but when you want to be a perfect Yes. At the outset God asks, invites the soul to suffer for Him; He doesn’t command it or impose it upon her. He always invites the response of the free will. Her first reply of Yes, you know I love you is made without her realising or comprehending what it will entail. Then He shows her that this is no common suffering, but something special which is a sharing in His own suffering. Fear and cold feet, and a Yes but is the natural human response. The terrible pain she is going through is a tearing apart of her tenderness between the desire to love Him and the creaturely fear of not being able to bear so much. But God is omniscient and understands the soul He creates, and the afraid condition at the heart of humanity. He says what He always says when approaching; Don’t be afraid. He assures her she can trust Him if she loves Him; He will be with her, supporting her and sufficient for her. The surprising thing about the love of God is that He never dominates or compels; He invites us to love and trust Him. She needs to ponder awhile before the truth of it comes home to her. And what enables her to say that perfect Yes? It isn’t the assurance that He will support her, but rather the perception that she will be suffering with Him. She experiences a release of the heart, a moment when love overcomes fear, in recognizing that He will be intimately with her. That desire to be with Him overcomes her human fear of suffering. And following that Yes, she is united to Him in a rapture; the God of might who rules the heavens blesses her and thanks her for her love! God must have been grateful to Mary for her consent to the angel Gabriel. God is always grateful to us for our consenting, loving response!

Poetry- The Way to Bliss:

The Star-Love visited the Beloved

in her solitariness

Graciously asking her

to suffer on His behalf.

With joy her eager being

responded Yes at its core;

You know I love you.

But seriously He addressed her;

"I ask a great deal of you,

for this suffering will be

The Star-love’s Agony,"

and He showed her in vision

Its extent and strength.

And she became afraid;

Her love could not cover

the extent of her fear

Of this dark and endless suffering.

Graciously He bent towards her;

Do you love me?

An Agony fastened itself

To the core of her being;

meaning to say Yes

Because of her eager love,

yet she doubted her soul

Could suffer so strongly

or love so utterly,

Afraid of the future

which would await such a Yes.

So because she was afraid

she answered Yes but.

But the Star-love knew

what she meant,

Understanding her

omnisciently.

"Do not be afraid, Beloved

for I will support you,

Always with you, always

sufficient for you,

So let your love trust Me."

Then the Beloved knew

Her suffering would be

together with Him.

So in the crucial Time-span,

ultimately

She spoke her Yes.

It was an assent resounding

Through all the worlds,

as the Star-love thanked her

For her great love,

embracing, adoring her.

V 

Original Text- The Revelation:

My Lord had always guided me, and I had

always followed Him, but suddenly He was gone.

I thought I knew where He might be; but when

I finally got there, the place was empty.

Tears came to my eyes: "Where is He? Where is He?

Where has He gone? Oh why has He forsaken me?"

For a long time, I sought Him in sorrow.

I kept seeking and calling His name. I said to myself:

"I thought He loved me. If He loved me, why has He

forsaken me?" My grief was so great, I thought

I could not bear it any longer - - -

But suddenly I noticed that someone else

was there – someone strange. I did not recognize him,

I did not know him - - But I went to him and

wept at his feet and implored him:

"Where is He? Where is He? If you know

where He is, oh do tell me." There was silence - -

Then I heard His voice: Maria, it is I.

It was Him! In joy I cried My Lord, my Master.

I had been so foolish, He was there all the time.

But He was different, He was so different.

He said, "Yes I am different. I am greater

than you thought. I am God, I am resurrected."

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is the pain of missing God, of seeking without being able to find Him. The soul has been constantly led by God, so when He is suddenly gone at the outset, she thinks she knows where He is to be found; only she is met by the shock of emptiness. The soul is desperately seeking; she wants to know where He is, and why He has forsaken her. In the human understanding of love, if you love someone you don’t forsake them; so she assumes He doesn’t love her. The pain of it is, the void inside when she feels she is not loved by God; it seems an endless unbearable grief. But in that same place where she feels abandoned and unloved, she finds the Presence of someone else; a strange Presence that she doesn’t recognize as the Lord who is familiar to her. She implores, as if God were elsewhere, tell me where He is. But this Presence indeed is God. She recognizes Him when He calls her by her name, which means His touch within the intimate recesses of her nature. She joyously exclaims with all her being, my Lord and Master - it is You! The surprising thing about the love of God is that He makes Himself absent to us, to provoke us to seek Him; and when we seek, He can present Himself to us as the unknowable and unrecognizable, - a Person who cannot be grasped or comprehended. This is to make us know that He is a mystery beyond us. Mary Magdalene in the Easter garden must have felt the same; the shock that her familiar Master was so different, greater than she thought, - God Himself, risen from the power of death. All the time the soul has sought Him, He remains unrecognizable to her. In the void the true Love that is master of the universe comes upon her; He finds her, and not the other way round! Her infinite bursting joy at the end is due to the fact that having been found, she discovers the infinite and mighty nature of the Person who finds her. God is always far greater than the Master we can think of, for His presence makes the universe turn!

Poetry- The Way to Bliss:

The Beloved always followed

the Star-Love

But in the crucial Time-span

He was suddenly gone.

When she sought

where she thought He might be,

The place was empty.

Her tears welled;

Where is He?

and she sought Him

In a Time-span which was long

in a Void of sorrow;

"Where is He,

where is my Star-Love?

Where has He gone, and why

has He forsaken me?

I seek in sorrow,

calling for You, Star-Love

But my soul’s centre hits

into an empty Void.

I fail to understand;

I thought You loved me;

If You love me, why

have You forsaken me?"

Ultimately, suddenly

she noticed the Presence

Of someone strange

in the same Void.

She threw herself weeping

at his feet to implore;

"Where is He? If you

know where He is, do tell me."

Silence greeted her plea,

then she heard a voice

Which was the Star-Love’s Voice;

Beloved, it is I.

The unrecognizable

fell from between them;

My Master, she cried

Lord of my soul’s centre.

Yes I am different

graciously He replied

As He bent His love over her;

For I am also Lord of the stars.

Completely

the Beloved then knew

That he was there all the time,

unrecognizable as she sought,

Because He was so different and

He was greater than she thought,

Transformed into a Presence

who masters the stars.

And in knowing utterly

His Star-Nature

She met His bliss.

VI 

Original Text- The Revelation:

My Lord came to me in the night, in all His glory.

I embraced Him, and it caused me infinite

suffering. This suffering became worse and worse,

it was burning - - I bore it bravely and

clung to Him the more. At last He spoke:

Do not cling to me. I must go - - -

I cried No no! Don’t go. And I clung to Him

all the more. My suffering was terrible.

I thought, "As long as He is with me all He does

is cause me suffering. But if I let Him go,

He will forsake me. Always in the past,

He comes and then He goes. If I let Him go,

He is sure to forsake me - - - "

For long ages, I groaned with pain. He was

struggling to be free from me, and I clung to Him - - -

At last He cried "For heaven’s sake, let me go!

My glory is burning you. Let me go!"

So I let go, and at once my suffering ceased.

He said lovingly, "Maria, I will never forsake you.

I shall remain with you always."

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here the pain is due to the embrace of God, because such infinite glory burns. At the outset He comes to her in the night of love, and her response is to embrace Him. She is willing to bear the burning of His glory, so bears the pain bravely and clings all the more. It can be the human reaction to clutch all the more to something held that hurts, and to cling to something great and glorious for fear of losing it. But God tells her not to cling, and to let go. It is a human inability to let go of something treasured, and to say to God, I let you go and don’t seek to keep you; you can come and go as you wish. She is not capable of saying this, because dreading to be forsaken. So she gets burnt clinging to Him whilst He struggles to be free. It is a struggle, a wrestling-match with God. At last when He commands my glory is burning you, let me go, the soul is obedient. Letting go, she is amazed that the suffering ends. The surprising thing about the love of God is that He lets her wrestle for as long as she dares to. Rather than putting a stop to it, He waits until she is sufficiently weakened to respond to His command with obedience. He is concerned to make her let go for her own sake, because He doesn’t want her to get too hurt. Now has He mastered her, or has she mastered Him? In the struggle when Jacob is wrestling with God, God blesses him and gives him the new name Israel because he contends with God. It is as if God likes to be contended with! He doesn’t want the soul to easily assent to Him, but rather to struggle with Him before finally yielding. Jacob gets a hurt hip, and the soul here gets burnt; these are the marks which show we have wrestled with God. In the end it is in the act of letting go that the blessing is given. God doesn’t say If you let me go, I will bless you as if it’s a reward; rather the soul is blessed by her wrestling and in her final yielding. His blessing is I will never forsake you, I shall remain with you always. The reason for this is that He is bound to her for always, because of this experience of struggling with her and finally mastering her! She is His forever because she has been mastered! God loves the souls who contend with Him, because He loves to make them yield to Him!

Poetry- The Way to Bliss:

In the night of the Star-Love

He visited the Beloved

In all His Glory;

and as she embraced Him

It caused her suffering

which was sensual

And was burning

to her soul’s centre.

Bravely she bore it

and clung to Him the more,

Knowing this was

the burning of the Star-Love

Whom she loved

and desired.

Then He spoke to her;

"Do not cling to me;

Beloved, I must go."

Her suffering became

Agony, as she cried out

into the Void;

"No don’t go, Star-Love

You mustn’t go;

Your words make me

cling to you the more.

As long as You are with me

it seems all Your love does

Is cause me suffering,

but if I let You go

You will forsake me;

I fear You are sure

To forsake me, Star-Love

for always in the past

You come and then you go,

and I know your being remains

Undetainable by me.

So now I have hold of you

Though it burns me with pain

I will not let You go;

Though You struggle to be free

I will cling to You."

Ultimately, mightily

the Star-Love shouted;

"Let me go

Beloved, for My glory

Is burning you."

Immediately, compelled

To obedience, ceasing

to struggle, mastered,

She let go;

and she found at once

Her suffering ceased.

The Star-Love lovingly

Bent toward her

whispering His Meaning;

"I will never forsake you,

I shall remain, Beloved

With you for always."

Then the Beloved knew

She need not cling

to her Star-Love, for

After mastering her

He could never forsake her;

After this burning of Love

that she had received,

He would be present

to her soul’s centre

Without end.

And she was wrapped-around

By Love’s Meaning.

VII 

Original Text- The Revelation:

My Lover lay with me in the night, and told me

so many things. But I was so sleepy that I wasn’t

listening, just enjoying His love - - -

When I awoke, I felt afraid, for I was alone

and it was dark. Then I realised, He was with me.

I wanted His comfort, there in the darkness,

so I asked Do you love me? There was no answer.

As I lay there, I thought "I am not afraid of the

darkness, when He is with me. But He will go in

the morning, and will He come back the next night?"

I grew afraid, so I asked "Do you promise me

to come back?" Again there was no answer.

Suddenly I was terrified. I called His name.

I cried again and again Do you love me? Do you love me?

But He never answered. My heart was in agony,

as thoughts went through my head: "Perhaps He means

No! Perhaps He doesn’t love me. Oh no, perhaps

He doesn’t love me at all, not really love me."

He was there, and yet seemed so far away.

Perhaps He was asleep - - but in vain did I try

to wake Him, all through the night - - -

At dawn He awoke. At the sight of my tears,

He comforted me and said so lovingly: "My dear Maria,

you weren’t listening. I had already said how

I love you, and I have already promised you."

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is the pain of God’s apparent unresponsiveness to the soul. In the night when God is with her, at the outset, the soul is so sleepy, so enraptured by His love, that she doesn’t listen to the words He speaks, or hearken to what He wants her to understand. Then comes the shock of waking, when she finds herself alone and afraid in the darkness; and the first thing she seeks is God’s comfort, aware that there’s no comfort to be found anywhere else. The comfort she requires is a positive answer to the question Do you love me? She needs to feel loved by her Creator at her being’s centre. She grows more afraid at God’s seeming unresponsiveness; she is afraid because even though with her now, He might go in the morning and not come back, and she fears this abandonment. She asks Do you promise to come back? for such a promise from God would be a comfort; but still no answer! She grows terrified at this silence of God’s. Do you love me? she clamours, because she is afraid that the meaning of His silence is that He doesn’t love her. It is a strange state, to feel God is present yet unresponsive; perhaps He is asleep - how else can she understand it? Throughout the night she petitions Him, trying to get a response. The surprising thing about the love of God is that He should remain unresponsive so long to the clamouring soul. Perhaps God’s purpose is to deepen and purify the soul’s petition; or perhaps He wants her to remember and hold to promises made in faithfulness. At the end when God rouses Himself and sees that she has wept all night, He lovingly comforts her; you weren’t listening; I have already said, and already promised. He has been unresponsive in a sense because of the fact that she hasn’t been listening to Him. She has initially enjoyed His love without perceiving its deeper meaning. But there’s more to love than pleasure; He wants her to be reliant on something deeper, - on His words, His meaning, His promises. For His intent is not a one-night-stand; He desires our response to forge a love-bond, a marriage!

Poetry- The Way to Bliss:

In the night of the Star-Love

He lay with His Beloved,

Loving her and

telling her many things;

But she enjoyed His love

without listening,

Being so sleepy.

When the Beloved awoke

She felt wrapped in a Void

because it was so dark;

Then she realised

she wasn’t alone, because

The Star-Love lay with her.

Wanting His comfort

There in the dark Void,

she spoke out;

Do you love me?

There was no answer;

Only a Void of silence

greeted her soul’s question.

She grew afraid

in the darkness;

In essence afraid

of losing Him;

"If You leave me when

the night is over

Do You promise

to come back?"

But again a Void of silence

greeted her soul’s question;

She was afraid then

of His Meaning,

And her Agony sang itself

into the unresponsive Void;

"Do You love me

Star-Love who is so close to me?

I am not afraid

of this dark Void

Surrounding me,

when I know the Star-Love

Is with me, close;

but I am afraid of this

Unresponsive silence;

what is its Meaning?

Why does the Star-Love not answer

my fearful questions?

Do You love me?

And if you go in the morning

Do You promise

to come back?

I am full of fear

because He never answers;

Perhaps His Meaning is

that He doesn’t love me,

Doesn’t love me at all.

You are present, Star-Love

Yet You seem so far away;

perhaps You are asleep."

Ultimately, at dawn

the Star-Love awoke.

Moved at the sight

of the Beloved’s tears,

Realising her Agony

all through the night,

Lovingly and tenderly

He comforted her;

"You weren’t listening Beloved

earlier when I was loving you;

I had already said

how much I love you;

And what your soul desires

I have already promised you."

In the bliss of the morning

the Beloved then knew

That the Star-Love was asleep

whilst she had suffered,

Because in her foolishness

she hadn’t listened to Him.

But as she hugged to herself

His precious promise

Her tears were wiped away

and she was comforted

By Love’s Meaning.

VIII 

Original Text- The Revelation:

I was in the temple when I had a vision

of God in all His glory. I was amazed,

I stood there dumbfounded. I had the sensation

of burning - - The glory was too great - - -

I felt he was waiting for me to say something,

waiting for an answer - - But I saw so much

and felt so much, that I could not hear and

I could not speak. The only thing I noticed was

that he pointed His finger and said Go.

That was terrible! I wanted to remain in His presence

forever, and He was sending me away - - -

For long ages, I sat on the temple steps,

weeping and groaning in spirit. I could not

understand - - - Then slowly I remembered His words.

He said I send you. Go tell my people.

Why, He wanted me to be His prophet!

But I thought I am not worthy, I am a sinner.

There was doubt in my mind. Again I remembered

His words: With this fire, I purify you.

But again I doubted and groaned:

But alone – I have not the strength.

Again I remembered His words:

I will give you strength, for I will be with you.

Commentary- The Surprising Love of God:

Here is the pain of being sent away from glory. At the outset the soul is so rapt by her experience of the naked glory of God, by its sense of brightness and burning, that she is too amazed to notice what else is going on. She knows God is waiting for an answer from her, and something has been said; but the experience is too big for her to be able to respond. The only thing she does notice is that He says go and sends her away. She feels it is terrible to be so rejected from His presence, wanting to enjoy such blissful intensities forever! But she finds herself outside, weeping, back in a cold reality, which is painful in itself; but it is more painful to her because it seems so meaningless. It seems meaningless to be back in the world again, and meaninglessness is always pain. But then her senses come back, and she recalls what she has heard. Now in her weeping, rather than in the bliss of seeing, she remembers words spoken and sees what really went on. It dawns on her He hasn’t sent her away as a rejection, but rather sent her on a mission; she is to be a prophet, speaking His eternal truth to people in their particular time and place. Her reaction is one of doubt; she feels she is neither able nor good enough. Often when we are given a task by God our human reaction is I can’t do this. Then it dawns on her that she is enabled to do it because purified by fire, the Yes but of her human nature purged. She finds another Yes but, objecting that she hasn’t the strength. But it dawns on her that God will enable her to serve Him, giving her strength and being with her. The surprising thing about the love of God is that He doesn’t make us hear these things all at once, but rather puts a repository of answers in our souls, so that we may remember the answers when we need them. He allows us to find our own way, and waits till the Yes buts come. The shepherds in Israel don’t chase, but lead their sheep; and God leads us on through the wilderness of our own understanding. The soul at the end realizes the reality before her is not meaningless, but rather the meaning of her life will be found in doing God’s task. For in taking up the task, she is connected with the knowledge she had in the glory, so that glory would always be with her!

Poetry- The Way to Bliss:

In the temple of the Star-Love

the Beloved met, visionary

The Star-Love’s glory.

Dazzled and dumfounded,

With the sensation

of the glory burning her,

Seeing and feeling so much

that hearing and speaking

Were beyond her,

unable to give

The answer He waited for,

the only thing she noticed

Was the pointing of His finger

commanding Go

And sending her away.

Sitting on the steps

Which led out of His Presence

and into the cold Void,

Unable to understand

she wept and groaned;

"You have given me knowledge

of You Star-Love,

You have burnt me

with your Glory,

You have filled me full

with the sight of Love,

And now You send me away

into the cold, meaningless Void.

I wanted to remain

in that glorious Presence of Yours,

Receiving, comprehending

things beyond me;

What can be the purpose

of the life before me now?

Forever shall I sit

on these steps to weep;

To send me away

is meaningless."

But as she sat

her comprehension

Grew and changed

as she recalled His words

And what happened

amid that Glory.

She perceived His Meaning;

"I am sending you,

Go tell my people."

Doubting she groaned;

"I am sinful, and

in myself not worthy."

With assurance His words

recalled themselves;

"With this fire which burns

I am purifying you,

Preparing you

for your task."

Doubting she groaned;

"But to complete

This task alone,

I have not the strength."

With assurance His words

recalled themselves;

"I will give you strength

for the Star-Love will

Be with you."

Then the Beloved knew

That in taking up the task

the Star-Love had dealt to her,

Her life would have

its meaning,

Being forever connected

with the knowledge she had

In that burning Glory.

And she walked into the Void,

With the conviction

of His Presence

Going with her.

IX 

Original Text- The Revelation:

When I was in the presence of the Lord,

He called my name and I replied Here I am.

He said sternly "I send you away. You must

give me up entirely and go – forever."

I was heartbroken. I always thought I was

His own beloved; why should He send me away?

I could not understand - - My grief was so great,

I pleaded Oh no, please - -

He said, If you love me, you will obey.

That was terrible. I had always been obedient,

but surely He could not ask so much of me - - -

For a long time I lay exhausted by my grief.

I wanted to obey, but I did not have