Mama's Voice: Random Messages of a Mother

By Esther Bganya

Mamas Voice is the product of a middle-aged Christian psychiatrist and mother who journals her life observations and experiences, hoping to pass on some life lessons to her children. What started off as random journaling of thoughts ended up being a published book released as a birthday present for her children.

The book is written in a random manner with life lessons ranging from self-esteem, bad habits, addictions, snobbery, conflict, money, selfishness, greed, and codependent relationships through to family dramas. The author attempts to capture some important life lessons with a touch of humor and rawness that depicts the real-life dramas. Both pleasurable and painful life observations and experiences are unapologetically expressed with a rawness that does not coat it with sweet candy. Its about real life seen through the eyes of a mother going through a midlife crisis and questioning most things she had taken for granted.

The messages are given as direct instructions to her children in second or third person voices and riddles. The messages are just as random as they entered the authors thoughts.

This is a light read for both the middle aged and young, who are questioning a few things in their worldview. Like the philosopher in the book of Ecclesiastes, the author grapples with certain life issues until she finally realizes that she cannot fix the world and she gives up control. The forty-five-year-old author starts off by writing a letter to her thirteen-year-old self and ends the book with her modified version of the Ten Commandments and a futuristic letter to her eighty-five-year-old self.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris NZ
• Release date: Mar 31, 2015
• ISBN: 9781493193103

Esther Bganya

Dr. Esther Bganya is a Christian psychiatrist living in New Zealand with her husband and two children. Born in Zimbabwe in 1969 to parents who were descendants of polygamist chiefs, Esther grew up in a large, extended family, spanning into thousands of relatives, which she believes was her first social behaviors laboratory. She immigrated to South Africa in 1995 after completing her medical degree and completed her masters in psychiatry in 2000. She ran a private psychiatry practice for four years in South Africa before relocating to New Zealand in 2004, where she has worked in various roles including addiction, trauma, women’s mental health, and general psychiatry. She completed a diploma in theology in 2013, focusing on spirituality in mental health. Her job and voluntary roles supporting people with psychological issues in the church, extended family, and general community has exposed her to the intricacies of human behavior. Esther is a keen observer of human behavior and is a woman of few words but big thoughts. She enjoys journaling her observations on human behavior, and this book is a product of various life experiences and observations. She loves reading, travelling, watching good movies, supporting charities, working out at the gym, and having philosophical debates with her children and husband. She cherishes her Christian heritage and is quick to admit that she is nowhere near perfection. This is her first published book, and she hopes to leave a legacy for her children and future descendants.

Book preview

Mama’s Voice

Random messages of a mother

Esther Bganya

Copyright © 2015 by Esther Bganya.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-4931-9309-7

                eBook           978-1-4931-9310-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Bible citation:

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 03/30/2015

Xlibris

0-800-443-678

www.Xlibris.co.nz

695784

CONTENTS

Introduction

Letter To My 13 Year Old Self

1. You Are Important

2. Mama Loves You

3. God First, Before Everything Else

4. You Have A Right To Be Good To Yourself

5. Your Spiritual Journey

6. Serenity Prayer One

7. Serenity Prayer Two

8. Serenity Prayer Three

9. Serenity Prayer Four

10. You Are Swag

11. God Loves You Unconditionally

12. Hold On Tightly To God

13. God Is The Greatest Artist Of All Time

14. Love Yourself The Way God Loves You

15. Mama Is There For You

16. You Belong To God.

17. We Can Talk About Anything

18. Call Mama Anytime Of The Day

19. Remember To Pray And Play

20. Know God’s Purpose For Your Life

21. Surrender Everything To God

22. The Five Things You Should Never Sacrifice

23. God Always Answers Prayers

24. God Is In Control All The Time

25. Only God Knows The Final Story

26. Let God Be The Judge

27. God Is Always Good

28. Seek God’s Face And Not His Gifts

29. Make Fasting A Regular Part Of Your Life

30. Do Not Hold On To People And Material Things Too Tightly

31. Be Something To Someone

32. You Are Never Alone

33. Follow Your Dreams

34. Be Kind To Yourself

35. Desperate For God

36. Self Betrayal Is Foolishness

37. Live By Your Truth

38. Keep Doing The Right Thing Even If It Hurts.

39. Let Others Reap Your Harvest

40. Grow Up And Take Responsibility For Your Actions

41. You Owe Yourself A Big Debt

42. Get Off Your High Horse

43. All That You Have Is Your Soul

44. Self Destruction Is Utter Stupidity

45. Spiritual Humility Is A Virtue

46. Letting Go

47. Run Away And Let The Solutions Find You

48. Lose Yourself

49. Simplify Your Life

50. It Is Ok To Go Crazy Once In A While

51. Invisible Loyalties

52. Do Not Be A Slave To Societal Expectations.

53. You Are Not An Emergency Or Crisis Service.

54. Get Real

55. Chuck Out The Weeds.

56. Choose To Be A Life Long Learner

57. Good Manners Are An Asset

58. Guard Your Intergrity Jealously

59. Of Wolves And Sheep

60. Your Life Is A Story Book Still In Writing

61. Walking Through Bad Situations Is Inevitable

62. Serving Jail Time.

63. Help Yourself

64. Be Organised

65. Give Yourself Time Out

66. Be Generous And Save Your Income

67. The Emotional Parasite

68. The Judas Kiss Suicide

69. The Pandora Box

70. What Team Are You In

71. Head For The Cave To Get Answers

72. Vomiting The Toxins

73. Respect And Fear Are Two Different Things

74. The Bla-Bla-Bla Of Your Grandparents

75. If You Want Something Badly Fight For It.

76. Conflict Is Inevitable

77. Stay Focused

78. The Lame Debt Avoidance Excuses.

79. Live A Modest Life

80. Making Financial Promises You Cannot Keep.

81. Debt Is Your Enemy

82. That Big Fancy Car May End Up Being Your Worst Enemy

83. Put Money In Its Proper Place

84. Start With The Person In The Mirror

85. Running Out Of Steam! Take A Break

86. Organise An Award Ceremony For Yourself

87. What Keeps You Green?

88. Stay Away From Loan Sharks

89. Believe In God Not Religion

90. Take Stock Of Your Life

91. Silence Can Be A Life Saver

92. Break The Ice

93. See The Good In Others And You Will See The Best In Yourself

94. Say Sorry

95. Resign From Your Rescue Mission

96. Stop Theologising Other People’s Mental Health Issues

97. Church Infighting

98. Of Cheating Partners

99. Of Sexuallly Transmitted Diseases.

100. Of Bfb’s And Bfg’s

101. One Person’s Selfish Act Has A Snowball Effect On Society

102. Selfishness

103. Embrace Life Lessons

104. Charity Projects

105. Lies, Lies, And More Lies

106. A Life Of Deception Kills The Soul

107. What’s Important To You In The Long Run?

108. It’s Ok To Falter

109. Be Someone’s Hero

110. What Family Are You Creating?

111. Don’t Interfer With Anyone’s Life Lesson

112. Is Someone Pushing You Around?

113. The Narcissistic Friend

114. Is Someone Angry With You?

115. Everyone Has Problems Including Mama

116. People Break Promises. Even Your Mama

117. Taking Out The Garbage

118. Get Fresh Air For Your Soul

119. Know When The Door Has Been Closed In Your Face

120. Your Decisions Will Please Some And Disappoint Others

121. Detach Yourself From Things

122. Upgrade Yourself

123. Turn A Deaf Ear To The Phd’s

124. Appreciate Your True Friends

125. The Holier Than Holy

126. Mama Doesn’t Know Everything And She Is Fine With It

127. The Frivolous And The Belligerent

128. No Medication For Individualism

129. Accept People As They Are

130. Don’t Stagnate

131. The Most Important People In Your Life

132. Give Yourself Permission To Be Idle

133. You Cannot Sacrifice Your Family

134. Big Brother Is Watching

135. Your Public Persona May Be A Fallacy

136. A Sanctuary Welcomes All Sorts Of People

137. A Sick Or Dead Missionary Is Useless

138. Celebrate Your Differences

139. Spring Always Shows Up

140. Get On With Your Plans

141. Running Around Your Mountain

142. We All Have Our Flaws

143. Be Your Best Cheerleader

144. Who Are You When God Strips You Naked?

145. Rock The Boat

146. Think Before You Speak

147. Sort Your Mess First

148. What Are You Running Away From?

149. The Non-Negotiables

150. Silence Says A Lot More Than Words

151. Photoshop

152. The Extended Family

153. Head For The Bathroom For Quiet Times

154. Communicate, Communicate, And Again Communicate

155. Learn To Fly Solo

156. Perfectionism Can Slow Your Progress.

157. Friends Sometimes Break Up

158. Thou Shall Not Impose Yourself On Other People

159. Balance Your Life Roles

160. Take Stock Of Your Finances

161. Who Is Your Rescuer?

162. Only God Can Fix People

163. On Being Fake

164. What Lie Are You Living By?

165. Easier To Love Than To Hate

166. Forgive Yourself

167. Learn From The Elderly

168. See The Good In Every Person.

169. Jealousy, Selfishness And Greed Are The Root Of All Evil.

170. Appreciate The Beauty Around You

171. Your Social Status Does Not Define You

172. Let Others Make Their Mistakes

173. Forgive Your Parents

174. True Wealth Is Within Your Family

175. Focus On The Core People In Your Life

176. Render Yourself Useless Once In A While

177. Your Identity Is In Christ

178. I Do It Because Everyone Else Does It!

179. Your Spiritual Journey Is Yours Alone

180. Our Lives Are Story Pages

181. Givers Receive More Than Hoarders.

182. Use Your Gifts

183. Have Compassion And Mercy

184. Follow Your Dreams

185. Keep In Touch With Loved Ones

186. Do Not Be Gullible And Naïve

187. Everyone Has A Right To Their Opinion

188. Respect Other People’s Choices

189. You Can’t Run Away From Your Conscience.

190. The Money Paradox

191. Work Hard In Your Youth Days

192. Denial Is The Foolish Man’s Trap To Ruin

193. Read Your Bible

194. Create A Legacy

195. Love The Body God Gave You

196. We All Have Our Prejudices

197. Write A Book.

198. Sibling Rivalry

199. Celebrate Your Siblings’ And Friends’ Success

200. Meditate

201. Adults Behaving Badly

202. Shake It Off

203. The Three Fishing Rods

204. Travel Widely

205. You Can’t Have It All

206. A Special Jail For Women Who Betray Other Women

207. Make Today Count

208. Have A Personal Life Philosophy

209. Be Good To Yourself

210. Nourish Your Body Physically

211. Nourish Your Soul Spiritually

212. Nourish Your Emotional Health

213. Nourish Your Mental Health

214. Suicidal Thoughts

215. Loneliness

216. Belonging

217. Bullying

218. Online Dating

219. Marry For The Right Reasons

220. Judging A Book By Its Cover

221. Work Ethics

222. Keep Your Head High

223. Fight For The Underdog

224. Trying Too Hard To Impress Others

225. Know Yourself

226. Walk Your Talk

227. Mama’s Ten Commandments

Closing words

Acknowledgements

Dedicated to Tanaka, Neo and future generations

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Proverbs 1 vs 7.

mama%20voice.JPG

INTRODUCTION

Dear Children

The old adage that says life does not come with an instruction manual, is not true. Your mama has bucket loads of life’s do’s and don’ts. Your mama’s mama tried to tell your mama the how and why of life but your mama did not listen. Your grandma’s mama attempted the same but your grandma thought it was garbage. And so the story goes on and on for many generations. The wisdom of the elderly is relegated to useless garbage.

Your mama has made mistakes. She has faltered, fumbled, staggered, swayed and swerved a lot in life. She has got up and faced life with such tenacity that even Goliath would tremble at your mama’s voice. To save you the trouble of making similar mistakes your mama has written down her own version of the life instruction manual. If history repeats itself you probably won’t take heed of your mama’s advice. Most likely you will go your own way, make your own mistakes, stumble and fall. But you will surely rise up and face life with courage like your mama did.

Your mama became a shrink either because she was trying to understand herself or she really wanted to help others. You can try to figure out your mama’s motive for getting into psychiatry. Your mama has heard all sorts of stories and has seen human beings at their best and their worst. With this wealth of experience maybe it’s wise to listen to your mama’s words of wisdom. After all your mama is forty five years old and the early midlife crisis has finally hit her. The midlife crisis was so bad that your mama started writing a book full of her random thoughts. So this book is the product of a mother and a psychiatrist’s midlife crisis.

Your mama needs the advice from this book just as much as she thinks her children need it. Being a slow learner mama needs to read this book a hundred times before she puts it into practice. Hypocrisy is every parent’s prerogative until the children start highlighting the parent’s mistakes. And so the circus of life continues.

Most likely one day you will reflect back and realise that mama was right after all. By the time you realise your mama was right you will probably be middle aged, having your own children pointing fingers at your hypocrisy and writing your own life instruction manual. You can copy a few ideas from mama’s book. After all, your mama is very wise! Hopefully the next generation will have the wisdom to listen.

In case one day you decide to sue mama for not giving you life skills, here is the written instruction manual. You and your shrink should not blame mama for your life choices.

So children, enjoy the ranting and raving of your mama. Read at your own risk and mama is not making any guarantees that your life will be smooth if you follow her advice. Enjoy the ride.

Most importantly EYL and YAA. Enjoy Your Life and You Are Awesome.

Love

Your Mama

xoxoxo

LETTER TO MY 13 YEAR OLD SELF

Dear Esther

In the year 2014 you will be celebrating your 45th birthday. Can you imagine what your life will be like in 2014? Will you be living the life you envisioned in your younger years and will