The Divorce Guide: Overcoming the Eight Fears of the Divorce Process and Preserving Joy

By Gerian Rose

An indispensable guide for successfully navigating through the difficulties of the divorce process, The Divorce Guide provides practical and spiritual tools to give immediate relief from the fears and emotional trials that arise each step of the way. The Divorce Guide offers individuals a place of comfort to retreat to when the stress and fear become overwhelming. Readers are furnished with page after page of practical, supportive suggestions, custom prayers, meditations, and healing methods to overcome the multiple anxieties that surface during this trying time.

From financial worries to childrens concerns to scheduling issues, every common fear factor is lovingly addressed to help lighten your burden and bring you peace. No matter what circumstances initiated your departure from marriage or how difficult things seem at present, The Divorce Guide pronounces, You are not alone! I am your loving companion throughout this journey. With the help of The Divorce Guide, you can preserve your joy!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: May 20, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504331449

Gerian Rose

Gerian Rose is the founder of GerianRose.com and The Divorce Guide Blog. After she endured an extremely challenging and prolonged separation and divorce, Gerian decided to help others who are embroiled in similar circumstances. Gerian’s experience caused her to realize that the key to preserving some consistent happiness in her life was finding practical, creative, and spiritual ways of overcoming the fear responses that frequently arose. Through some trial and error, truth-seeking, and meditative practice, Gerian was able to allow miracles and joy into her days. She feels blessed to pass on to you what she has learned, to help you move through your parting journey as peacefully as possible, and into your new beginning. Gerian lives happily in Maryland with her two wonderful sons and two rescue Labrador Retrievers.

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Copyright © 2015 Gerian Rose.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-5043-3143-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3145-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3144-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015906077

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/19/2015

CONTENTS

Dedication

Author’s Note

Note to Readers

Introduction

Chapter 1   Eight Common Issues

Chapter 2   Financial Loss

Chapter 3   Children’s Distress/Loss of Closeness

Chapter 4   Loneliness

Chapter 5   Loss of Physical, Mental, Emotional Health

Chapter 6   Routine or Schedule Change Hardships

Chapter 7   Legal Actions and Accusations

Chapter 8   Loss of Friends

Chapter 9   Self-doubt—Making Wrong Decisions

Chapter 10   Preserving Your Joy

Appendix A: Chakra Chart

Appendix B: Helpful Resources and Suggested Reading

Endnotes / References

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Praise for

The Divorce Guide:

Overcoming the Eight Fears of the Divorce Process and Preserving Joy

"This book is a must read for anyone going through the agonies of divorce. Well-written and concise, it addresses issues that affect the entire individual mind, body, and Spirit. Ms. Rose’ style grabs the reader’s attention and nourishes the Soul." James B., Gaithersburg, MD

"This book has inspired me to revisit my spiritual practice. With the few simple steps suggested in this book, I have felt a comfort and sense of security that have been missing since problems started to dominate my life. I feel like I can now cope with whatever comes my way." Cathleen B., Mountain View, CA

"An easy read for difficult times. Ms. Rose’s Divorce Guide is very insightful. It is full of helpful suggestions on the legal, practical, and ethical matters, and provides exercises you can use to maintain your sanity during this vulnerable time. Having been through divorce myself, I found this book easy to relate to. I only wish I had had it then. I would recommend to persons going through a divorce, and have already." Cyndi H., Gaithersburg, MD

The ‘War of the Roses’ is over! This practical divorce guide transforms and heals with love and integrity! Bravo! A sane approach to this important life transition! Maureen L., Minnetonka, MN

This book is highly recommended to all whose lives are affected by divorce. With an open heart, Ms. Rose offers comprehensive, sound guidelines—including spiritual steps—to help navigate through the maze of the divorce process. Following these steps will leave you in a better, more evolved state of being then before this life-altering challenge. Pat S., Ontario, Canada

While I feel this book is indispensable to individuals going through a divorce, I also think it is a book for everyone to read and profit from. The wisdom and insight in this book can enlighten and enrich all our lives. Diana L., Lorton, VA

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to Deena, Debbie and Billie, three true friends who, in my darkest hours, were my therapists, bankers, advisors, sounding boards and happy places! I love you all dearly!

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I have intentionally created this guide to be concise and compact so that you can carry it with you always. It is offered to you as a blessing and a support, to quickly give you a blast of confidence, courage and calm whenever you are encountering some debilitating fear related to your divorce process. You can carry it when traveling, visiting your attorney, preparing for a hearing, meeting with your spouse, or in any other situation that may stir up stress. I hope you will consider this guide your loving companion during this challenging time.

NOTE TO READERS

This publication contains the thoughts and opinions of the author. It is intended to offer helpful and informative content on the subjects presented. The strategies delineated in this book may not be appropriate for every individual, and are not guaranteed or warranted to bring about any specific results.

This book is sold with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is rendering financial, legal, medical, accounting, or other professional advice or services. It is recommended that the reader consult a competent professional prior to implementing any of the suggestions in this book or extrapolating from it.

No warranty is made with regard to the correctness or comprehensiveness of the material or references herein contained. The author and the publisher particularly disclaim responsibility for any liability, loss or risk, personal or otherwise, which is experienced as a result, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the material in this book.

INTRODUCTION

I wrote The Divorce Guide: Overcoming the Eight Fears of the Divorce Process and Preserving Joy, to give others who are going through this difficult time a step-by-step guide to understanding and triumphing over the many frightening aspects of a contentious divorce. This book will help you to avoid the pitfalls and emotional trauma that many people face during this time. Personally, I would have been thrilled and tremendously relieved to have had something like this on my bedside table for my three-and-a-half-year ordeal. This guide WILL address most, if not every anxiety that you may experience during a difficult divorce process. The Divorce Guide IS NOT another how to pick up the pieces in the aftermath tome, not a do-it-yourself divorce instruction guide, nor a couples’ counseling workbook. This book uniquely and specifically presents guidelines, and provides both powerful practical and spiritual tools to alleviate or eliminate your fears NOW—during the divorce process. Not only will this book help you each step of the way, but will create a more peaceful transition into the aftermath stage, because you will already be equipped with tools and a mindset that may eliminate most, if not all, of those future burdens.

Four years ago, at this writing, I began a journey that was probably the most frightening of my life. And that’s saying a lot, since I’ve been around a while. After twenty-two years of marriage, I asked my husband for a divorce. For six months previous to that day I agonized and deliberated with myself at length. I had two children—teenagers—but still children in many ways. I had no job—I was a stay-at-home mom. That was my joy and I was good at it. Of course I had had a few home businesses along the way and made a small income from each, but nothing substantial. When the economy went south in 2008, so did my last home business. I was 56 years old and had no real training for the business world of 2011. I was very financially limited as I had no personal income and the majority of our savings was tied up in an IRA that my husband solely controlled. I had no friends or family that were going through anything like what I was contemplating, so there was no one close at hand to provide empathetic, emotional support. My husband was a savvy executive that prided himself on being a hard-core negotiator. I knew that would be the case in the divorce process as well. I consider myself a courageous person, but I felt completely alone and terrified. This was a leap of faith as no other.

I took that leap of faith, ultimately, because I was so unhappy. I felt as if I was in a prison. My experience of it was that no real affection, fun, or friendship remained in the marriage. It really felt like a business partnership of sorts, with me cast in the role of the extremely marginalized, junior partner. There were a number of other issues as well. Ultimately, I felt that there was a hopeful, far-away light in the distance that signified the possibility of a happier and more fulfilling relationship and a life of freedom to choose my own path. That was enough motivation to brave the unknown territory ahead.

On Thanksgiving, 2010, six weeks before I asked my husband for a divorce, I wrote this in my