From Ring to Mirror: A Journey with an Abstract Destination

By Shraddha Nyati

It was everything that has ever been beautiful and passionate. Their love had the passion of a rainy evening, the intimacy of a winter night and the beauty of a spring morning

Have you ever lost yourself to someone who made you see you?

Have you ever known love in its purest form that it does not pain to not know the future?

Have you ever known what it is to lose someone when you are sure that he is the only person who will ever make your heart beat?

Riya is travelling to Ajmer to attend a ceremony that is going to change her life forever. Sameer, the only person she has ever loved is unaware of the fact that the ceremony may cause serious repercussions in their lives. On board to Ajmer she meets Sohard, Sameers half-brother and they initiate a chain of memories which leaves Riya in a reverie. But even after 2 years since the fated ceremony she has not been able to let love flow out of her heart, which is evident from the way her heart beats when she hears the same ringtone as was attached to Sameers name before things took a turn to the unknown and never ending hollowness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing India
• Release date: May 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781482849233

Shraddha Nyati

She works as assistant professor in forensic science at Aurangabad. She completed her M.Sc. (Forensic Science) from Amity University, Noida, with a silver medal to her name. She loves travelling and exploring untouched horizons. She is passionate about sketching and spreading colors in the lives of people around her. An ardent believer of "It's worth every while."

Book preview

PROLOGUE

I t was almost two years since she had heard the ringtone that made her heart beat faster when he used to call her. She was sitting at her window absorbed in a reverie holding a pen and few papers. She was helplessly trying to give words to the bond she shared with him. And as if coming alive from the words she heard the exact same ringtone in the vicinity. Her heart almost came to a halt to make sure what it heard and for the fear of losing the moment.

Waiting for you outside. He said. How she had missed the sensations his voice caused deep within her soul.

Her eyes blurred, the ink smeared and the memories came alive.

She gathered her papers and tucked them in her bag. Adjusting her floral duppatta and white kurti she went outside where he was waiting for her in his car. They hugged like any other two friends would have hugged. But they knew the warmth that the hug beheld. He looked at her, deep in her eyes.

Your eyes! I cannot go below them even now. They are still the same, beautiful as ever.

Blushing she looked away from him and he continued Which by the way I can see that you are not taking care of, see the dark circles. He was angry. He was possessive for her eyes. And she loved him being possessive about anything, even her heart beat.

They entered his car, the same old feeling of belongingness. How time flies! She was in no mood to waste their time; she asked for his hand.

May I? and he smiled his killer smile, my smiling assassin, she thought to herself.

His hands! She was holding them after more than two years. Indeed, they were meeting this way, without any inhibitions (probably) after such a long time. Those hands, they were the ones that have guided her when she was lost, held her strong when she was about to fall, caressed her skin when she was vulnerable. She has been in love with them ever since she knew what a single hold can do to her nerve cells. They had missed on holding their hands when they had met the last time, both being unsure of the sanctity of the relation, but this time they didn’t put their relation in the backdrop. They wanted their relation to breathe. They weren’t lying to anybody; they were just being true to themselves. They had lived up to people’s expectations but had failed their own. But now here they were, beyond anything and anybody. It is US, like always, she thought to herself.

She had a huge tornado erupting within her, there were so many feelings, unanswered questions, longing, desire and pure love for him. He wasn’t ignorant of her feelings as well as of his own. She has always been his charm, and she still is the reasons for his smile. He knew the relation they share was beyond the phone calls or text messages. It was beyond any regular conversation. It was something so pure and deep, he knew, which only they could understand.

He started moving his fingers over her palm in circles. Siren, siren, beep, take over, you will lose, you will be vulnerable, he is exposing you to him, her inner voice signaled her red. But she was in no mood to listen to warnings; neither did she want to stay stuck between the You should not and I want bicker. She was there to lose herself today, completely. She has been strong for a period long enough, she gave him the time to be strong himself, but here they were, holding each other’s hands and yet feeling an orgasmic feeling. She shivered within; his little touch over her skin was electrifying.

She asked him about the letters she had given him all those years. She had always loved writing to him. He didn’t say anything for a moment. She asked again. He held her hand and kept it on his heart.

They are here. He smiled with pain in his eyes.

He burnt them probably, she thought to herself. She suddenly felt hurt and looked away through the window. Her throat was about to swell.

You will always remember me, right? It was more of an assurance for herself, than a question.

He looked at her; with a shaking voice he replied I never forgot you.

Silence!

A comfortable one!

They have been through so much, the flirting phase, the late night chats, the long calls, the drunk calls, the frustrated professional life calls, the success story calls, the feeling-lonely calls, the want-you-here-calls, everything!

I am scared I will lose my place in your remembrance. A tear rolled down her cheek. This was the first time in fifteen years of them knowing each other that he saw her crying. Tears were rolling down, not just from her eyes but from his as well. He would never let her lose her smile, let alone cry. He pulled her towards him, over his shoulder. This was enough to make her lose herself, and step beyond her inhibitions which had been restricting her words.

I am scared that someday you will forget me, you have a big family and social circle and I’ll lose you.

You are special Riya. Do you think I never tried to forget you? I did, I tried hard, but I just couldn’t do so. I failed terribly. Even after 24 months from that night of 16th January, when our lives changed forever, there is none that can replace that one night we shared, and the smile you had on your face. I just cannot forget that.

At least make me believe that you remember me. I know I am special in your life, but make me realize that, leave me a text once in a month or two. Just a hi! I will understand you are remembering me. Please. Do this much.

Don’t I pop up out of the blue? I can’t stay away from you Riya. You have made me feel what it is to be loved by someone unconditionally. I have known love through your eyes. What I share with you is something that will stay with me throughout. He kissed on her forehead.

He no more uses Jovan musk, she realized.

I miss you a lot. The future that we feared became our present too early. It’s like I had the best thing in this world and I lost it before I could cherish it completely.

She showered him with all that has been going on. She had never complained. This wasn’t a complaint even, she has missed him badly during these 24 months.

He moved his hands to shift the gears to slow down the car a little more.

Don’t leave my hand. I want to hold it, I don’t know about you.

I? I would not want to hold it? He was flabbergasted. She always loved his expression of wonderment. I have missed you Riya.

He rolled the mirrors and increased the AC. The spark between them was too strong and electrifying to keep the mirrors down. Moreover he was too possessive for her hair being ruffled by breeze. He moved his hand towards her and carefully brushed a strand of hair that danced on her face. Still too lazy to brush aside her own hair, he smiled at the memory.

Spend a night with me, she blurted.

Yes, she was being mean and selfish, but she knew he wanted it too; he was just tied down by these bondages of Indian custom. She looked up to see his expressions and she could feel a lump going down his throat and lips going dry. She very well knew he won’t answer. He cannot answer. He thought too much about her. He is afraid he will ruin her life and won’t be able to face her.

"Come on, I am asking you, it will help me." She insisted.

I am not able to resist you Riya. You know that very well. And you don’t stop me when we are together.

He still remembers that night.

Please, I swear, I just need you to lie down on my lap, that’s it. I will not let anything happen.

You don’t stop me; I just cannot control myself when you are around. I don’t know what happens to me. I go crazy.

Please! She tried pushing the boundaries to an extent where she knew he would succumb.

She felt his lips on her head and his fingers on her neck. He moved his fingers through her hair. The spark just ignited her. She couldn’t speak. She could feel him going weak, and she didn’t stop.

"Riya you still are irresistible. I cannot resist you, even now. Please understand."

She could feel the intensity and the desire with which his fingers were caressing her neck and shoulders. She was glad she wore sleeveless today giving him easy access. His touch!!! She closed her eyes and savored the moment, she knew she won’t be able to have this moment in near future, she wanted to take in every feeling his touch gave to every single cell of her body. She held him by his waist & clutched his T-shirt. Her knees! She was going weak with desire and vulnerable in love, a deadly combination if you are not in a room. She could feel his breath over her hair. She lifted her head & looked up to him. His eyes! She held his face and planted a kiss on his cheeks, a long deep kiss. She lowered her eyes; she still cannot look in my eyes, he smiled to himself.

He had an amazingly strong hold over her senses. He held her hand and kept on his heart, his evergreen gesture. It was beating wildly; this is what they do to each other. He kissed her on her left cheek, and she hugged him tightly. She wanted to make him feel the love she has for him and the desire this distance has created. She wanted him to take her in and never let go. She wanted their breath to blend and the skin to merge. She wanted US to extend beyond boundations of any logical reasoning. She wanted their love, their desire, their passion to be the one to control them. But the kiss ended too soon.

Spending a night with you would be dangerous, very dangerous. Either I will ruin your life or mine. He turned the car to a deserted area to let the moments flow without an audience apart from the two of them.

At least travel with me. Spend some time with me.

Riya.

You promised me you will give me anything I ask for. Please. She begged. She wanted this one night with him. She didn’t know why. But may be because it’s said that sometimes the thing you fear the most, is the thing that would set you free.

You know, I don’t know why but lately I have been having strong intuitions that someday we will be together.

Except for a faint smile, he was silent.

Realizing what she just said, she tried correcting herself. I am sorry. I have been strong always. Right? She had never let her emotions take control of her if it meant him going weak and sad.

Yes, you have been amazingly strong and that is why I am what I am today. You have supported me in a fantastic way.

"Then I can lose for once. We can be weak. We can ask this from each other. We deserve this much."

Riya, I cannot stay away from you. I have tried hard. Even today I had thought that I will meet you for one and a half hour strictly at CCD and leave straight for home. But see, here I am. I cannot leave you. I just cannot. You are too hard to let go.

Am I making you weak? She looked up. His mouth dried, she could feel his heart thumping against her ears and his breath going heavy. His eyes! Drowsy. She was sure, had they been in a closed room, they would have spent their energies in unraveling the energies of each other. He held her hand more tightly. She asked him to stay for another half hour.

I am writing a book about us. I want the love with which we have loved to spread amongst people so they may know that love isn’t just about staying together forever or travelling to a destination or having the security of a future.

That’s amazing. And anyway you’ll make people fall for you. You express wonderfully when you write. She blushed. No one knew how flawlessly she could express through words except him. He had received her innumerable letters when they were in different cities separated by 1000s of miles.

But I am a bit skeptical.

He smiled. He knew she always needed that little push to get going. "Write! I want to see us from your eyes."

And she promised herself that very moment I had always written because you exist and now I’ll write because you want me to.

CHAPTER 1

I t was 15 th January 2012. Rahul was accompanying me to the Sarai Rohilla station and I was so glad that he was there. This station was secluded with hardly any people and even those looked like criminals to me. Yeah, I was just being paranoid. I was happy about the Delhi winters that made me cover myself in hooded sweatshirt that made me look no less than a boy.

I was back in Delhi after a long time and it felt amazing now. It is strange that when I used to study here I disliked the city’s air and now when I work in a city quite opposite to Delhi I realize the essence of that air. I somehow felt that I have missed the adrenaline rush of catching the metro at Rajeev chowk, the street food, and the unending days without sun during winters, the ever classy South campus, the confidence of people, the self reliance, the big cars and hustle bustle. I was so busy with friends and reunions that I didn’t get a chance to feel what my heart might be going through. After all, it isn’t easy to travel miles just to land at a moment that is probably going to change your life forever. I was sure tomorrow would change my coming life. But frankly I was not feeling sad. I don’t know why. I was kind of at peace. Somehow I felt a smile is pasted on my lips, which surely was fake; You can’t keep smiling without any reason especially at such a moment.

Probably I was practicing for tomorrow.

Finally the train arrived, Rahul helped me with my bag and hugged me goodbye. Such an adorable boy. I searched for my side lower which was perfect for tonight as I wanted to see the world through the window that passed by. It won’t remain the same day after tomorrow, and I knew that. I would be meeting him after a long time tomorrow. I was sure he would be feeling the same. I wanted to just lie, keep staring at the moon, which was one thing we had shared every night when he was far away in Bangalore, and remember all the moments we had spent. I somehow felt that after tonight I won’t be able to remember those memories. I know I was foolish enough to think so, but I just felt that tonight is the last night I can feel for him like he is mine and I can imagine us together. I wanted to surrender myself to his memories. I wasn’t sad nor was I heartbroken.

I was just ………!!!

I texted him that I have boarded the train. He sent a smiley that made me sigh. He informed that Sohard, his closest buddy & almost a brother to him, is also in the same train & in the same coach. Anyway, I was in no such specific mood to add up to my friends list so I ignored the idea of finding his so called brother for how-are-you-I-am-fine-thank-you chat.

But life not always let you relish the memories no matter how desperately you want to. Just when I was settling on my seat, a tall hefty guy passed by me and I intuitively called out Sohard? Yeah it was a question, I had never met him personally but I had known a lot, more than I should know about a random person.

He turned and called out my name Riya?

Hi

CHAPTER 2

I can still remember the morning of 1996, we had shifted to a new locality and all the worries were about my new auto to school. I was 6 then and all that concerned me was whether the kids in my new auto would let me sit in the corner. I loved the morning breeze that used to caress my face while I was on board to school. During the afternoons, after the school got over, I had a completely different reason for the liking of corner seat and that surely was my terrible urge to get away from the summer sweat with variety of noxious smells. Moreover our house was just diagonally opposite to my nani nana’s and they always waved at me whenever I passed by.

The day when we just moved into our new home, an aunty came and asked my mum to send me to their home which was just opposite to ours for a ritual known as kanya jimana during the occasion of Navratri. The girls below the age of 10 or so are worshipped and treated like a goddess. I have had my experience of being a kanya before even and I was happy that I’ll get some little gift. I went there dressed in a skirt. That was the first time I was meeting the people who in future will hold the key to my heart & be responsible for who I am now. I loved the house instantly. It made me feel that I belong there. The common room was a long one with a dining table at one end and a TV on the other. DD1 was running the live match between India and New Zealand. Being a cricket lover I was almost lost in the match when a cute looking girl came up to me and asked to join the pooja. There were other girls even; I didn’t have a particular liking to anybody. But yes there was a girl, dark with sharp features, she was standing at the door of mandir and doing pooja with other family members. Later I got to know that they have known her since very long. She lived by the corner in the same locality as ours. She started talking to me and soon I was comfortable with her & we became good friends. Other people in the home included dadiji who had strict eyes and I always feared her whenever I went to their home after that day, an uncle, his wife and their kids. There was another cute boy who was eyeing the laddus with hunger in his eyes.

Aunty came and asked all of us to line, and it reminded me of P.Ts in school which I loathed. But fortunately my loathing didn’t last long. She was dressed in a red sari, with the free end of duppata tucked in her waist with neatly tied hair. Her voice felt so warm and welcoming and I knew I had fallen for her motherly eyes. She washed our feet with milk and water and dried it with a napkin. It felt so uneasy to let such a motherly figure wash my feet, but then this was part of the ritual. She did teeka and then we sat down for lunch. Usually in these kinda lunches the food comprised of poori,