Diluted

By Vishal V Kumar

Vikas, once surrounded by the innocence of youth, experiences a tragic incident which scars him for life. Unable to forget his mistake, he is stuck between his hopes and the guilt that pushes him towards decisions with the worst of consequences. Now, hoping to fix his melancholic life, he takes brave and drastic steps. Will he be able to beat the odds and lead a life that he dreams
about, or will he fall prey to the darknessthat has been hanging over him like a cloud?

• Language: English
• Publisher: One Point Six Technologies Pvt Ltd
• Release date: Sep 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9789388081856

Book preview

THE GROUNDWORK

16th August, 2012

Ring* Ring*

Appu…

Hello, mummy. How are you doing?

I just woke up from my afternoon nap.

I called to ask if everything is okay with you…

She is always concerned about my health more than being concerned about her own. Oh, I forgot. We are talking about a mother here. Of course, she will be concerned about her child.

Yeah, everything is fine. How is Anju doing? She hasn’t contacted me in a long time.

Yeah, she’s fine. She has joined a college in Bangalore for post grad…

I came to know about that. Good for her.

Anju is my sister. She doesn’t care a lot about me (or so I feel). There has been a gap between the both of us after ‘the’ incident. I have tried to break the ice but to no avail.

Why won’t you call her?

Well, she can do the same thing. Why should I do it all the time? I was being arrogant.

Anyway, did you find that thing you were searching for?

No mom. I don’t think I will be able to find that special pers…

What are you talking about?

I don’t think we were on the same page here. What are you asking about?

I asked about your certificates that you need to apply for INSPIRE camp. She started laughing. What were you mumbling about?

*Facepalm*

No… Yeah, I found it. I applied for it yesterday. Okay, mom. Call you later. I kind of panicked. You can’t blame me; she made it awkward for me.

You always tend to hang up when you feel embarrassed.

No, it‘s nothing like that. Man, hiding my emotions is so difficult.

I am a little tired… I studied a lot today. I hope she believes that.

Oh, don’t you get stressed out. Take a break or two when you feel exhausted.

Yeah… She believed me.

I wish I could have been there…

I didn’t say anything as my mind went blank for a moment.

I am handling things. You don’t have to worry about me. Somehow I forced myself to give a reply.

If you say so…

I smiled. Even though she couldn’t see me, I know she felt my smile on the other side.

"Chalo, call me sometime."

"Get some rest, ma. Okay?"

By the way, I forgot to tell you something… She paused.

What is it?

You are a terrible liar. She laughed.

Why? No, I…

I know you are preparing for your exams so I will leave you this time. Bye.

Beep* Beep*

I hadn’t done anything from morning. I mean, it was a Sunday! I just wasted an entire day doing nothing. Moreover, there was a lot of organizing I had to do for yesterday’s Independence Day program. I was totally exhausted.

I saw myself in the mirror.

Wow! Is that me? What should I say? I look… ah, not so great.

I wanted to say I look great but even I know I am just an ordinary kid with average looks. Hey, I don’t look that bad. Not that good either. At least I am around five feet six inches tall. I hope that was a plus point.

Okay, let’s not waste the rest of the day.

I do have to study something otherwise my conscience won’t let me sleep properly tonight.

… … …

Well, that’s all for today. I wrapped up my study session as I had exhausted myself.

I cooked some Maggi and had it for dinner. I lay down on my bed as I thought of sleeping early.

Like always I couldn’t fall asleep. It has been a problem for a long time now, ever since that day. I pulled out her photo from my purse. Even though the photo that I had was 3 years old, it still seemed to radiate her delightful smile. If she were alive, she would have grown into a beautiful young lady with those light brown eyes and fair complexion; a smile which would have brightened my soul.

After ‘that’ incident, there was nothing that helped me stand on my feet. I felt there was nothing that could stop me from being dragged away from reality. I felt like a passenger train without any specific direction, suspended at the station.

Her memories were haunting me. If I had done something or rather if I hadn’t done anything, she would have been alive today. If she were alive, she would have been living that happy and carefree life.

"Why am I having these thoughts now? I mean she is no more…so thinking about it doesn’t change the fact.

Even though I did try to fit into the perfect ideal society, to forget what happened, someone or other would pull me out of that bubble of ignorance. I thought, in my attempts to bolt out from my internal conflict, I got stuck with Jagadeesh. In the beginning, I thought it was for the best, but now I start to realize it was yet another big mistake in my life.

I still remember the day my soul was scarred for life. I know how people changed the way they looked at me. I really hated them. I really hated myself. That new feeling that grew inside was driving me crazy. That was when my dad told me something that totally changed my life.

Appu, you’ve been burdened with more than you can handle at your age. You can either give up or you can overcome the pain you suffered and use it as a stepping stone in life. Prove to the world that you still haven’t given up.

I realized I have a family who was waiting for my return. I realized I have to take care of them when the time comes. That alone has brought me till here. Dad was stricter than mom, but he was there when I needed him the most. For that, I was truly happy.

My mind was like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, for I had suppressed very thought and emotion that caused me pain till now. I knew it would happen soon but I hoped I would get some more time.

I sat on the floor next to my bed resting my head on the wall thinking about the future and if I could forgive myself for what I had done.

… … …

17th August, 2012

Guys, after 12 years in this school, it’s our chance to show how a teacher’s day program should be organized.

If you think we are going to take up your offer, count us out. We are not interested anyway. I mean seriously you believe we would come to school dressed as some professor and teach the juniors who, in my opinion, deserve clobbering than education. We are not interested. I better take a holiday and enjoy myself at home…

Hey, don’t be like that. It will be interesting.

Do you really think we will fall for that trick Teena? Hell, we don’t even study for our exams, what makes you think we will do something like this?

That was the class president Teena and Dennis who were arguing about the teacher’s day celebrations. What he was saying was in fact, without denial, true. We have barely a year left in school so who wants to take the unnecessary burden to organize a program that is going to be boring in the first place?

What should we do, Vikki?

Sandra was curious to know my thoughts on the matter.

As she started talking, my mind wandered elsewhere. I took a trip down memory lane…

--- --- ---

Sandra… she was one of my best friends. We knew about each other long before we actually talked. We were too shy to talk to one another. It actually took me a few years to speak something to her. But we both synced somehow. It was like our minds were connected or something. I never talked about my personal life to her but she knew… maybe she asked Dennis about me. You see, I didn’t try to mingle with people head on as I always preferred keeping a distance. But in case of Sandra, it was different. It was different maybe because she was different. She always cared and helped me in every possible way even though I never expected her to do so. I still remember the projects she had written for me and also the seminars she had helped me with, which played a huge role in me passing my semesters. According to our curriculum, we had to clear the internals first, and then only we could appear for our final written exam. So basically, she was the reason why I have reached my final year in school. In return for my help, I always tried helping her in her studies, even though I didn’t know how much of my teaching helped her.

I still remember the day I went to her place… I just happened to pass by in front of her home along with Imran and Dennis when she saw us and called us in for some chitchat. I think it was during our SSLC term break when we were having the time of our lives or at least that was what I wanted it to be.

She was wearing a red churidar and as usual, she was breathtaking. From the looks of it, I thought she was getting ready to go out somewhere. I got nervous. Even though I knew her for a long time, I had never been to her home.

If it’sn’t Vikas! Sandra always talks about you. How was the vacation? From one corner of the hall, her father asked me while he was playing with his moustache. For how long was he sitting on the sofa? I didn’t even notice him!

*Gulp*. Man, he looked frightening for some reason. I didn’t know why.

Yeah… yeah. I somehow uttered. Why am I getting so nervous!

He is just anxious to talk uncle, that’s all. Imran remarked making her dad laugh.

Did someone ask you? I hate this guy on how easily he handles people.

I gave a small and short grin. Soon we were talking about our curriculum and studies and some crap that didn’t even matter in a long run.

"Have some rasgula, Vikas." Sandra offered handing over a plate to me. I should admit that I had fantasized that moment about her feeding me rasgula. My face turned red all of a sudden. (What am I? A girl?)

Ye… Yeah… sure. I hesitated but went along with it anyway.

Vikas… I looked at her dad. He was glaring as if I did something wrong. Was it her offering me sweets that pissed him off or did he notice I had weird thoughts about her?

*Gulp*. I started to sweat profusely. Did he realize I was having fantasies about his baby daughter? I tried to stay as cool as possible.

What sir? My way of addressing him ‘uncle’ suddenly changed to ‘sir’.

I forgot to ask you something important… I tilted my head a little and stretched out my neck a bit to show I was giving attention to what he was about to say.

Do you like sweets or do you like something more savoury?

Cough* Cough*

I thought some rasgula got into my lungs.

Here… Have some water. Sandra handed over a cup of water and started patting my back.

I’m good… I’m good. I told Sandra after drinking it. She took the glass and in return smiled at me. I blushed at her response.

*Clears throat* I don’t know uncle. It depends… I was amazed at what he wanted to ask me. I never expected that sort of a query from him. Oh, come on! Sweet, salty, savour… Does it matter?! Sheesh! Again my ‘sir’ reverted back to ‘uncle’.

We talked something after that for a while. Again, when I think about that I realize whatever we talked about in the past didn’t amount to anything for some reason.

When we were about to leave, Sandra accompanied us.

"Well, thanks for the rasgula, Sandra."

"Sure thing but don’t make it a habit, Imran kutta." She laughed as soon as she made that remark.

Ha… she was nice to everyone. Did I feel jealous?

Okay then, see you later guys. I have to go…

I was about to leave when she called me.

Hey, wait… I’m also coming to your place.

What!? Why?

I mean I’m coming to the bakery near your place, so I shall accompany you till there! She announced as if she was going to do some divine task.

I know where my home is.

Oh, come on! What’s wrong with going together?

Okay fine. I don’t object.

She smiled in response.

We were talking about studies when an unexpected yet interesting topic came in.

Exactly what were you thinking when you were at my place?

What do you mean? I was forcing myself to act normal.

I had a feeling that you had something in your head. I can’t say for sure but I saw you… She was suspicious about something.

I… I… I couldn’t get the proper words to speak. I had an episode of verbal constipation.

Oh, so you had something in mind. Ha… She looked me into my eyes. I was blinking way more than usual.

No. Nothing at all… I tried to change the topic but she replied me in mid-speech.

You know Vikas… you are very bad at lying. She giggled while she looked at me while I had my gaze fixed on the ground.

Ha… What’s there to laugh?

No, it’s nothing. I could tell she was controlling her laughter.

Well… I have never gone to a girl’s home. That’s why I was a bit nervous. You will understand when you go to a boy’s house.

Yup, that was not exactly what I wanted to tell her though.

Oh really? I didn’t know that. She was thinking about what I said… or at least she acted as if she was, making me look like a fool again.

We were gossiping about our classmates