If She Only Knew . . .: Patricia Jacobson’S Story of Fibromyalgia

By Suzanne Fitzpatrick

As Fibromyalgia affects millions of people throughout the world, and we look toward the medical community to help those who suffer from it, what happens at home? If there are so many unanswered questions at the doctors office, how are we supposed to explain it to our loved ones? This is Patricia Jacobsons journey and how her whole family was along for the ride, whether they wanted to be or not. As she still battles with her pain, she recalls all the pivotal moments in her life that made her realize Fibromyalgia is much bigger than we ever imagined

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 7, 2013
• ISBN: 9781479784837

Suzanne Fitzpatrick

SUZANNE FITZPATRICK has written for several Television series including 7th Heaven and Divine Will. She has also written romantic and comedic feature films. Her books include a children’s book titled A Wish Upon A Jar, and a few biographies as well. She lives just south of Los Angeles and is married with two young kids and a stepdaughter.

Book preview

If She Only Knew…

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Patricia Jacobson’s Story

of Fibromyalgia

Written by

Suzanne Fitzpatrick

Copyright © 2013 by Suzanne Fitzpatrick.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

I am Patricia Jacobson, and I Have Fibromyalgia

My Body

What Do They Know?

When I was Young

Let’s Talk About Stress

Help

Day in the Life

Toward the End

Kellie

Greg

Bakersfield

Mom and Dad

Siblings and Such

Reminder to you Out There

So Where is My Pain Now?

Final Thoughts

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states the condition of fibromyalgia to be:

Fibromyalgia

• Fibromyalgia is a disorder of unknown etiology characterized by widespread pain, abnormal pain processing, sleep disturbance, fatigue and often psychological distress.

• People with fibromyalgia may also have other symptoms; such as

Morning stiffness

Tingling or numbness in hands and feet

Headaches, including migraines

Irritable bowel syndrome

Sleep disturbances

Cognitive problems with thinking and memory (sometimes called fibro fog)

Painful menstrual periods and other pain syndromes

Muscle spasms

Palpitations

Anxiety

Depression

I am Patricia Jacobson, and I Have Fibromyalgia

W e all have nightmares sometimes. But what if your dead husband showed up in your bed every night to taunt you and replay things in your life that you didn’t want to remember? Welcome to my world.

I have fibromyalgia (FM). And Jerry, who passed away years ago, reminds me every night how I ruined his life with my disease. And yes, I call it a disease because nobody else in the world can tell me what it is. So I’m calling it the way I see it.

The nightmares are all so real, so tangible. Not so much that Jerry’s back, but replaying how our life combusted with one another’s. And then odd dreams… like he gets shot in a lake and next to it is a big tent lined with cots filled with dead bodies. I identify Jerry and he gets up and starts walking toward me. Racing toward me. Yelling. And my horses are hungry and I can’t get to them to feed them.

Nightmares. People and things that blame me, need me, are angry with me—about various things that don’t make any sense. Of course I can try to put some of the pieces together in my mind and link meanings to actual events in the past, but I can’t go back and change anything, so what’s the point? And you know what? I wouldn’t change the history of my life if I could. If I had a magic pill that would allow me to redo the past, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

At seventy-seven I’m at peace with how my life turned out—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

So why am I here? Well, I’m here to show you what living with fibromyalgia is like: how it affects everyone around you, inside and out. I’m hoping that if you see what happened to my life with this disease, then you won’t feel alone. And maybe you can prevent it from happening to yours. So come with me on this ride—it’s bumpy, but it’s from the heart.

And before you say She needs help, she should see a shrink, I have—at least seven or eight times. They don’t want to talk about the fibromyalgia; they want to fix everything else in my life. Why are you fighting with your husband? What do you mean your son is drinking too much? I’m sorry you had an argument with your daughter. Oh, and did you say your body hurt?

The truth is, they just believe that if you say you’re in pain, then you must have had a terrible childhood. But I had a terrific childhood. Then it must be your relationships at home. We had our problems, but enough that would trigger forty years of severe trauma all over my body? Diagnose that one, Doc.

And there were times that my fibromyalgia was so painful that I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to take pills. However, all I had was antidepressants, and I figured they would just make me really happy. Bottom line, I wanted to stay alive because of my kids, especially my daughter. I wouldn’t have wanted to put my daughter through all that trauma. But sure enough, I did anyway, just by being here and living