I was shocked to see this past week that I'd never done an episode on the four most well-researched communication patterns that can predict a couple will divorce or end their relationship.  And I talk about them in couples therapy all the time! These four have been written about extensively by the well-known pair of researchers John and Julie Gottman – and I think their work is right on target, given what I sadly see on a regular basis in my office. And I’ll offer the most recent ways these four distinct behaviors can appear in the modern partnership. Sadly, if you or your partner don’t see these things as problems, then that is a tremendous issue. But if you’re not aware of the danger of these, then you may not know the quicksand your relationship is in – and sinking fast. The listener voicemail is from someone who was taught that everything in her life had to appear “perfect” – even saying that if someone comes over for dinner, there need to be five courses and the house has got to be spotless. That is truly a prison and she wants out! But… she lives in the same city as her mother – who taught her all this – and she fears moving away from those choices and what her mother’s reactions might be. I so love the questions y’all send in so keep them coming! Advertisers Links: We welcome back BiOptimizers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code “selfwork10” to check out free product Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription! Vital Links: Article describing the original Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, The Selfwork Podcast.  Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!   Episode Transcript Dr. Margaret: This is SelfWork and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. At SelfWork’ we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world and what to do about them. I'm Dr. Margaret and SelfWork is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today for your own selfwork. Hello and welcome or welcome back to SelfWork. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. I'm so glad you're here. I hope you've enjoyed the last few interviews. I thought especially Dr. Priyanka Wali’s interview was really fascinating, a doctor and a comedian. She also just had some wonderful thoughts  - that was last week. Hope you get a chance to listen to that if you haven't. I was commenting on an Instagram post the other day about someone giving their partner this silent treatment, which is something we all hear about. And I was looking for podcast episodes I'd done on marriage. I thought surely there'd be a whole bunch of them. And to my shock. I found ONE  on stonewalling, but not much else. I was really looking for talking about problems in marriages that cause maybe divorce or something like that. And there are actually very well researched bad habits. There are four of them that can predict divorce. So that's the topic for today. These four have been written about exten