Too Good to Be True

By A.C. Stratford

If you could ask the person who broke your heart why they did it, would you?

In this sequel to When Youre Cold, we find that now Nathaniel Blake cant avoid talking to the man that broke his heart in college. The big question is will Nate ask? And what will be the answer? Knowing the Mitchell Davis and his spouse, Marc Romero, are coming to the NIH, the reality sets in and Nate cant think of much else. Good thing his new boyfriend, Ryan Stevens is there to help support him through this uncomfortable situation. But will Ryans insecurities make this situation more difficult? Back in London, Marcs books are successful, but hes struggling with the storyline. Sergio del Mundos personal life is getting more complicated as his relationship becomes more serious, but hes not sure he can lean on Mitchell and their friend Paola Munoz the way he would like to. Everyone life is changing in many ways, can they all pull together to get through?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 9, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479705979

A.C. Stratford

A.C. Stratford lives in Oakland, California, teaching community college by day and writing romance novels by night. A.C. also enjoys talking about these boys with friends, sharing yoga with others and traveling to new places. Family is very important and their support is an instrumental part of the process. Goat help keep A.C. company while writing, sometimes make edits to the pages.

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Copyright © 2012 by A.C. Stratford.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Contents

1  Silver Spring, Maryland Early December 2008

2  Bethesda, Maryland Early December 2008

3  London, England December 2008

4  Bethesda, Maryland December 2008

5  Washington D.C. December 2008

6  Silver Spring, Maryland December 2008

7  Washington D.C. December 2008

8  Washington D.C. December 2008

9  Washington D.C. December 2008

10  Washington D.C. December 2008

11  Bethesda, Maryland December 2008

12  Bethesda, Maryland December 2008

13  Washington, D.C. December 2008

14  Miami, Florida Christmas Eve 2008

15  Martha’s Vineyard January 2009

16  London, England February 2009

17  London, England February 2009

18  London, England March 2009

19  Silver Spring, Maryland April 2009

20  London, England July 2009

21  London, England July 2009

22  Soho, London, England July 2009

23  London, England July 2009

24  London, England July 2009

25  Soho, London, England July 2009

26  London, England July 2009

27  London, England July 2009

28  London, England July 2009

29  London, England July 2009

30  London, England July 2009

31  London, England July 2009

32  London, England July 2009

33  Silver Spring, Maryland July 2010

34  London, England July 2010

Dedication:

For Cory—Thank you for your help with this book. I really appreciated you reading it, giving me your honest opinion and being so candid about your own life to help me understand. Thank you for letting me into my house when I locked myself out, for talking local politics with me, for your Chewbacca impression when I received my tenure pin from my Chancellor, for showing me your hometown, for introducing me to Goat and trusting me with his care. Thank you for your friendship and love. I miss you terribly. Life is not the same without you.

1

Silver Spring, Maryland

Early December 2008

The drive from the rehabilitation center back home was long, quiet and, a difficult trip for Nate. It wasn’t long in terms of time; Silver Spring isn’t that far, it was long because of the amount of information floating around in his head. It’s not like Nate didn’t know that Ryan would be there to help as Chad finally left the rehab facility, they had talked about it the night before. But, seeing Ryan next to Chad during the finally check was harder than Nate thought it would be. It just brought up so much. So much of what Nate was avoiding talking to Ryan about and had been avoiding talking to him about for months. Now, it was all there in front of him as he tried again to just be professional, trying while his lack of professionalism was staring him in the face.

Treating the ex-boyfriend of the guy he was sleeping with now didn’t get any easier to live with after Chad left the hospital and moved to the rehab center two months ago. Granted, it was easier not seeing Chad every day and not having to take his pulse, listen to his heart beat, exam his legs. Touching Chad’s skin after touching Ryan’s the night before was getting to be too much. It was easier now that he didn’t have to talk to Chad’s parents about treatment options and prescriptions without thinking that they were judging him. Well, knowing that they were judging him, but not having to see it. Chad’s parents knew about him and Ryan but he had no idea what to do about it. This wasn’t easier on his conscience, not easier to understand why he was doing it at all, and it didn’t stop him from worrying that they’d tell his boss and he’d lose his job. Pretending was always the best way to deal with things that bothered Nate and this was no different.

It was nice to have Ryan around now that he had moved down to D.C. for work at his parent’s hotel. Ryan was open with Nate about how his parents thought it was an excuse to be close to Chad while he recovered, but it wasn’t. He told them about his new relationship with Nate, but they didn’t believe him and Nate didn’t really either. And why would Nate believe him? He wasn’t being honest with Ryan, it wasn’t that farfetched that the same would be true the other way, but it sure seemed like Ryan was trying to be as honest as he could be. Maybe Ryan was just trying to prove his parents wrong, but Nate wasn’t convinced that Ryan wasn’t trying to prove to himself that he didn’t stay for Chad. Maybe they didn’t need to talk about this stuff after all, now that Chad was leaving. There were other things to talk about tonight anyway.

It’s not like there were a lot of opportunities to talk lately, so Nate didn’t feel that bad about keeping things from Ryan. Even with Ryan in town, between helping Chad in rehab and his new job, Nate and Ryan didn’t see each other as much as he would like. Given that their relationship was still new, they should want to spend every minute they had together, but didn’t seem to. At least there were phones and they could call each other to talk, but that seemed weird since they lived so close and Nate felt it didn’t really count. Of course Nate decided that was telling of their relationship status, but Ryan was trying to make up for it now by making plans for the weekend. They decided to take time off to spend together, maybe go out of town, spend time in New York or fly to Chicago, do something fun and relaxing. Do something that didn’t involve hospitals, obligations, or emotional conversations. Ryan wanted it to be a like a new chapter of their story, maybe even a new book.

Although Nate had a meeting that morning at the hospital, he was also glad that they didn’t drive there together for personal reasons. He really just wanted the time alone, another lie to add to the list, and he needed to think about what to do now. Saying they should meet back at his apartment in an hour gave them some time apart so he could think, obsess really. There were no answers, no solutions to this problem that were easy. There was no reference book where he could look up what to do, what to say, how to say what he needed to.

Life was changing in a lot of ways for Nate now. His roommate, April Lewis, had a whole new set of concerns and now her life was pretty hectic, even if it was for a good reason. Her trip to visit her mom back in September lasted longer than she had planned because she had gone into labor while she was there. Her beautiful baby, Seth, was born a little early, but he was okay. Balancing everything was hard, but April could do it and Nate was around to help. They spent many long nights getting Seth to go back to sleep and talking about Nate’s internal conflict concerning his relationship with Ryan.

The developing relationship between Nate and Ryan was one that April hoped would work, if that’s what Nate wanted. Over the summer, she had talked to Ryan on the phone when Nate was at the hospital and he had always been very friendly. When she came back to town from her mom’s with Seth, he even brought her dinner on a couple of occasions so they could get to know each other and because Ryan knew she had her hands full. A lot of the conversations she’d had with Ryan had been long ones about life, family, and loss. They got along really well because they also had something important in common and that was Nate. Tonight would be the first time the three of them would be together, so she decided to just be there for Nate in whatever way he needed. Good thing he called on his way so she knew what time they’d get there.

After meeting in the parking lot, Nate and Ryan walked up to the door together. They just chatted about the day, but it was all pretty much small talk. Nate was trying to seem like he was listening, but really he was distracted. As Nate opened the door, he saw April holding Seth while standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open.

Hey guys. I’m just trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. Any suggestions? April was just staring, wasting energy. The refrigerator was fairly empty as usual. Food is usually a good distraction and a good way to have something to decide that’s not a big deal. A good way to start.

You know I’d just order in. Plus, it’s too late to cook something. How about Thai food? Nate put his work-bag down and walked over to April. It was just habit to pick up Seth when he saw him, so he didn’t think it was weird, didn’t think Ryan would think it was weird either. Actually, he didn’t really think about Ryan’s opinion at all.

Having a baby around was a new experience for Ryan. Being a father wasn’t something Ryan really saw himself doing and it was way too early in their relationship to talk about it, but Nate look surprisingly comfortable with the idea of children in his life, especially Seth. Nathaniel Blake a natural with a baby. It just seemed weird and added to his confusion about his feelings for Nate. He just didn’t think of Nate as particularly affectionate, or openly caring, or fatherly… oh no, not fatherly, please not fatherly. He wasn’t that much older than Ryan, but it’s always a fear.

Ryan. What do you think? Nate had asked twice, because Ryan was lost in thought about the baby.

Ah, yeah. Thai sounds great. Ryan walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. April, how are things going? They chatted while Nate called in the order in the living room, still holding Seth. Ryan couldn’t help but watch in amazement about how easy it seemed.

I know it’s kind of weird isn’t it, seeing Nate so comfortable with a baby. Obviously, Ryan wasn’t being very sly about watching him. He’s changed a lot Ryan.

I know. He just looks so at ease. Ryan turned to look at April who was still smiling. When I met him, I never would have thought that I’d see this.

April looked at Ryan and said, "I never thought I’d see this either" with a smile.

Smiling, Ryan knew what she meant and it wasn’t about Seth. I guess he’s helped both of us. He reached over to April’s hand and held in lightly. They had both been through a lot emotionally and Ryan still wasn’t in a place where he felt secure with Nate. Tonight wasn’t really helping, he felt like Nate was avoiding him, but he hoped it was just the stress of the day.

Thirty minutes. Nate walked back into the kitchen and handed Seth to April while saying, I have to take a quick shower and I’ll be right back. You two can get caught up.

Are you saying its girl talk or something? Ryan said as Nate put his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. It was partially a joke and partially fear that Ryan had about Nate thinking he was immature and not that strong. Back to the fatherly thing again.

Yes, Ryan. Yes I am. Nate smiled, messed up Ryan’s short blonde hair and kissed the top of his head, in his emotionally distant way, then walked away. He didn’t mean anything by it, he was just trying to be being funny and it was just his way of not dealing. They could talk about all the emotional stuff and he didn’t have to be there. I know you want to tell April everything that happened today. I just don’t need to relive it!

Sounds like a lot, April said as she poured them some water. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if you need to talk, I can listen.

They sat and Ryan talked about Chad leaving to go back to their hometown and being there with Nate. April was rocking the baby carrier back and forth and listening. Ryan was being very honest about his insecurities, his feelings for Nate, his emotional ties to Chad, and being torn about moving back home. Honestly, he even surprised himself by how much he told April, but she had this way of making people feel comfortable around her. He told her that Chad had actually asked him to go back to Connecticut with him, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay with Nate and that scared him. He told her how important Nate was becoming to him and how much he appreciated that Nate seemed to accept him for whom he is.

Nate wanted to give them time to talk so he took a few minutes before walking back in. It was a good way to give Ryan the chance to fill April in without him being there. He knew that April thought he should talk to Ryan about his stress concerning their relationship or it was going to prevent him from having a real honest relationship with Ryan. Having April know that Nate’s feelings for Ryan were strong but conflicted and Ryan being there, made him not want to look her in the eye. It only got more intense when he heard Ryan talking as he walked down the hall. He didn’t know about what Chad had said until now. It was nice to hear Ryan say he wanted to be with Nate and not go home with Chad, but it scared Nate just the same. As he turned the corner, the doorbell rang. I’ll get it, he said.

No, let me. Ryan jumped up, patted Nate on the chest and walked to the door. I want to get dinner this time.

Not gonna stop you. He walked into the kitchen and started to play with Seth again. Trying not to look at April’s huge smile, but he made the mistake up looking up. What?

Nothin’ She smiled and went back to rocking Seth. Nate would talk to her when he wanted to, she wasn’t going to push it because she knew that would only push him away.

After paying for dinner, Ryan brought the food into the kitchen. They pulled out plates and sat together eating. April told them stories about Seth and his accomplishments; he was a very smart baby, of course. A leisurely meal among friends was exactly what they all needed. It was a good reminder that life has its ups and downs and sometimes, there was a nice middle ground to keep you sane.

After awhile, Nate yawned and rolled his neck. That was just what I needed. He was talking about more than just the food of course. We should do this more often.

Ryan’s hand came up to Nate’s back without even thinking. He rubbed the back of his neck as Nate rolled it around. You getting tired baby, it was a long day.

Why don’t you two call it a night and I’ll clean up? Regardless of any emotional conflict between them, April could tell they wanted some alone time. Hell, Seth could and he was a baby.

No way April, you go put Seth to bed and we’ll clean up. It’s the least we can do. Right Nate?

But she offered first? Nate looked at Ryan who was looking at him like ‘no, don’t even try.’ I mean, right, you have your hands full. We’ll clean up and see you tomorrow.

Thanks guys. Good night. April took Seth with her into her bedroom. She shut the door to give them privacy.

They washed the dishes and put away the rest of the food while they talked about April, the baby, plans for tomorrow, plans for the weekend. Ryan kissed Nate as he put the last container in the fridge. Thanks for inviting me over for dinner.

At first Nate wasn’t sure if that meant Ryan wasn’t staying the night, but when he looked in Ryan’s eyes, he could see that dinner was code. As much as he thought this might be a good time to really talk, he didn’t want to and in fact there was a more pressing issue. Should we call it a night?

Let me just get out of these clothes and I’ll meet you there. Ryan wanted to wash his face and brush his teeth, alone. He needed to just sit for a second and try to pull himself together. It was an overwhelming day and as he walked down the hall, he tried to calm himself down.

While Ryan was getting ready for bed, Nate used the opportunity to talk to April. Of course he couldn’t just go in and talk to her, he needed to pretend there was another reason to knock. Hey April, can I use your bathroom? Ryan’s in mine.

That sounds nice, doesn’t it? She smiled as he walked into the room, she knew he really wanted to talk, but would use her bathroom at the same time. Did you talk to him about how you feel?

About what? Nate stopped by April’s bed pretending he didn’t know what she meant.

About your fear of losing your job, internal conflicts about dating him, do you want me to continue? Laughing at him, she knew what he was doing.

No. I’m not sure what I feel now, so I’m not sure what to say. I don’t think I’m ready. Nate made his way to the bathroom, checking on Seth along the way.

Nate, you can’t keep pretending it’s not an issue. April was sitting on her bed, flipping through a magazine, but listening to Nate shuffle around in the bathroom. Why don’t you practice what you’re going to say to me?

April. That’s ridiculous. Nate’s first response was to end the conversation before it started. Then he realized, April was a good friend and he could talk to her about it. I mean, thanks for the offer, but I think I need to figure out what to say first.

They talked about his professional ethics, if Chad being released changed anything, if Ryan moving to Maryland was good or bad, or both. They also talked about the weird day Nate had and he decided he needed to tell Ryan about that first. They talked about all this while Nate was brushing his teeth, so his teeth were really clean now.

After talking about it some more, April finally said, You should get to bed too you know. He’s probably waiting for you.

You’re probably right, as usual. Nate kissed Seth goodnight and gave April a kiss on the forehead. Thanks April, good night.

When Nate walked into his bedroom, Ryan was sitting cross-legged, flipping through the journal Nate had been reading back in August since it was still next to the bed. Nate had to smile as he looked at Ryan turning the pages intently, as if he really wanted to understand what it was about, but wasn’t sure what it all meant.

Reading the first sentences of the article, Ryan thought maybe he should ask Nate to explain it. It would be sexy to hear him talk about it. He did want to know what Nate’s work entailed and, more importantly, why he kept reading the same article over and over. What a day. Ryan said as Nate climbed into bed next to him. It was a lot, wasn’t it? I’m not sure how I feel about all this with Chad leaving. He thought maybe he could get Nate to talk if he started the conversation.

There was an odd quiet as Nate climbed under the covers. He didn’t really hear what Ryan said because he was distracted. I got a voice message today that took me off guard. He looked down at the article, then at Ryan. Mitch called me, left me a message. News about Chad’s surgery has travelled fast.

Mitchell Davis was the name of the author of the article, but the tone in Nate’s voice implied that ‘Mitch’ was more than just a professional rival. Pointing down to the page Ryan said, Is it the same Mitch that wrote this article?

Nate nodded his head while Ryan kept talking, but said nothing.

The one you’ve been trying to find fault in? Ryan was starting to get nervous, who was this ‘Mitch’ guy to Nate after all? Your rival?

Nate’s nod was slow, like he was uncomfortable saying something out loud. It took a few seconds for Ryan to start putting all the pieces together. Ryan realized it wasn’t that Nate didn’t know where his ex-boyfriend was; he probably knew more than he would like to know. Is he the one from college too? Wouldn’t it be easier if Nate just told him? The one you were involved with? The one from the library?

Yep. Nate was looking at the bed, not at Ryan. He took a deep breath and shifted his focus to Ryan’s crystal clear blue eyes. Nate’s lack of openness was no match for Ryan’s persistence. The same one.

How do you feel about that? Ryan folded the journal closed and put it on his nightstand, trying to be mature about it. Trying to be more mature than his age, trying to impress Nate somehow.

I don’t know. It was a shock to hear his voice today. I haven’t heard it for so long and the last time I did, well you know what he said. I was glad I wasn’t in the office when he had called. I don’t know what I would have done. I’m not going to call him back. I can’t and he didn’t say he wanted me to, just congratulations on the success of the surgery.

Ryan was kind of just sitting there on the bed looking at Nate. When did he call?

This morning. He’s in England now, so with the time difference he called when I wasn’t in yet. Part of me wondered if that was intentional, like he called knowing I wasn’t going to be there, but then I thought maybe I was thinking about it too much. Nate looked at Ryan and could see he was bothered. Did you want me to tell you earlier? It’s not a big deal Ryan.

What? It is a big deal and I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry that I was so distracted with my own problems, I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me, I’m just upset that you didn’t have the time to tell me. Ryan wanted to be more grown up than his insecurities would let him; he was upset that Nate didn’t tell him, upset that he didn’t know. What else did he not know about Nate, about his feelings? What else was he hiding? He didn’t want this to show so he reached for Nate’s cheek and leaned in to kiss him. Really, I want to be supportive of you too, that’s all, nothing else.

I just thought you looked upset and wasn’t sure why. If Ryan was upset about this, how could Nate tell him about his other dilemma? Definitely not the right time to talk about other stuff.

I’m not upset. I’m just concerned about how you felt about it and I guess I feel bad that I couldn’t be there to help you with it earlier. The day was uncomfortable enough. I’m sure that just made it worse. Ryan smiled with one side of his mouth. He was putting Nate’s feelings above his. He did that with Chad, he did that with everyone. He could ignore his feelings if he could just concentrate on other peoples and since Nate didn’t tell him, he had to spend more time trying to figure out what those