True Lives...Real Dreams: Never Give up or In

By Shyrle Benjamin

Well, the weekend is over and its time to return to the real world, thats right, gotta go back home, there were definitely no regrets at all, but of course it ended too soon. Back to work, home, and the kids Sierra thought to herself, not that any of that was a bad thing because she did miss her boys, besides she knew her and Jason would be planning another get a way one day soon.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 29, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469184418

Shyrle Benjamin

About the Author Writing just came to me in a couple of ways, as an escape and mental therapy as some other writers may concur, I never went to school or even had thoughts of being a “WRITER”. I had a terrible loss happen in my life, so writing became my way of handling it. I started dabbling in poetry in high school nothing particular just whatever mood I was in or dealing with is the way the poetry came out. Langston Hughes was who I dived into first then Emily Dickinson, so as I got older and beginning to read more I was introduced to additional authors; Koontz, Roberts, Dickey, Zane, and E. Lynn Harris learning about the different styles and genres of writing and some of the same journeys through life in some shape, form, or fashion. Where for so many years I thought I was the ONLY one going through that dark scary tunnel alone, not only learning I wasn’t alone, but that men and the rich were going through just as much, it just co-signed for me that we are all just people. The best thing was I learned about places I could get-a-way to whenever I wanted to through my writing. In the beginning, I was accepted into a writing school they wrote children stories I tried it and I was doing great until play or nap time. I hate to say it, but they turned into Rated R thoughts and I knew children stories were not working for me, not now. I’m a hopeless romantic who loves mystery and drama, so I put that all together. Writing is my pleasure and I want others to feel my words just like I did when reading other authors words. I started to write for a dark reason, but my light is shining now.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Meet Sierra Unique

A small town in the Midwest like most small towns, where almost everybody was familiar with or close to everybody in some way mainly through years of working in the community, having several of the same neighbors for years, and those with kids who went to the same school. Not only were the people beautiful, but the seasons were too, the snow was magical in the winter and the spring was just as pretty like a breath taking scene even with all the tornadoes and summer destruction, it still had a hypnotic view that would remind you of a picture painted on a canvas and add the calming fall temperatures.

The winter time was memorable after several hours of playing out in the snow with my sisters, uncles, even my Great Grandmother, and our German Sheppard Joe, pulling the sled back up the long hill after sledding down. Christmas was like what you saw on the television shows from building snowmen to the neighborhood snowball fights that were so much fun, then going inside where tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, and hot chocolate was waiting for us before enjoying some homemade ice cream made from fresh fallen snow by my grandmother. Then the spring time because it had unpredictable rainfalls, sometime developing a forty day and forty night kind of rain fall flooding the streets so abundant that the kids could ride the curbside where the rushing water would carry them down the street like they were in Cali riding a wave, but for a grown up it was the tornadoes and thunder storms, something they were use to seeing and didn’t fret, at least not too much. Sometimes the funnel clouds would get so close to your house a person could see it actually touch the ground, while picking up items of it’s own choosing, making you feel as if you were Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz. Watching all kind of things flying around in mid air, it was so breathe taking to see something like that occurring right before your eyes.

This small town may not have had all the bells, whistles, and bright lights as the big cities, but the small things that it did posses were very sentimental and memorable to some and to others remembering how you’ll never forget where you came from and how beautiful it was when you last saw it. And the last time I saw it, it was beautiful.

Now, let me tell you about a lovely young lady who grew up in this small town and naïve about almost everything concerning life’s issues like boys and what happens after you leave home. It was hard being the oldest, no big brother, and times not always having her mother around full time until she was 15 years old and moved out of state, and at no time was her father around to assist in guiding her and her younger sisters down the right road. Nope, she didn’t have that, not even the TALK, you know, the birds and the bees, and that’s part of why she grew up so green for so long. Don’t get me wrong, she didn’t grow up with uncaring people or monsters, nothing like that because she had three Uncles and an Aunt to grow up with like brothers and sister and wonderful grandparents that gave them all discipline, love, and a Christian direction.

Her Grandmother was her best friend and where she gets her sensitivity, giving heart, and positive thoughts from for as long as she can remember it doesn’t take much happy or sad to make her cry and she believes in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt until she sees different for herself. They spent a lot of time together and one thing they always did every year was work in the garden planting tomatoes and things, until the day she was trying to surprise her grandmother. The day they were suppose to start the gardening her grandmother wasn’t feeling very well, so she thought about starting the garden alone, Mama, I’ll start the garden since you don’t feel good, she said while packing all the plants in a box to carry them outside it was a beautiful June Saturday, where the sun wasn’t too hot and the air wasn’t to dry. I remember everything we did from all the other times we did the garden, I can do it, see was so excited to be doing this alone for her grandmother and loves a challenge. It was a normal hot day, but a little dryer then usual before that day of all days, for whatever reason they have never had to worry about rodents or anything in the garden until that day. While pulling the tomato starter plants out of there cups, lining them up, and starting to dig, she wasn’t sure if what she just saw was real or right and it was both, a real snake slithering right over her leg while she was kneeling down attempting to begin the planting.

Man, to most that have seen her wouldn’t think this fat little girl could move like that that girl threw those tomato plants so high in the air it didn’t come down until she was in the house and sitting down trying to find her heart in the bottom of her shoe. Screaming as loud as she could and running even faster she almost came through the door without opening it, Mama, Mama, was all she could get out after all the running and everyone could tell it was something that really scared her because she doesn’t scare too easy. Her uncle asked with attitude, girl what’s wrong with you and stop all that yelling and screaming in the house, he slammed the door she just ran through and followed behind her. Baby, did you get all the big rocks and weeds out first like we do, her grandmother asked still unclear about why her granddaughter came running into the house. After that incident she could care less if that garden was full of plants, rocks, and cars all she knew for sure is she wasn’t going back out there. Hopefully her grandmother doesn’t get sick again because if that garden can’t plant itself it won’t be happening if they wait for her to do it, I did, but I ain’t going back out there, she was still out of breath and on the verge of crying, while trying to explain about the snake in the garden crawling over her leg. Good thing she finally got it out because judging by the look on her grandmother’s face, she was about to be in more trouble then just a snake in the yard.

Two things don’t happen in that house talking with an attitude and saying what you ain’t going to do, but it got cleared up and it was over looked, this time. She’s been a tomboy as long as she can remember and tough as any boy in the neighborhood, but when it came to snakes they won hands down. Shaking her head and trembling hands all she knew that her good deed for the day was over and she stuck to it she didn’t go back into the garden alone again.

Some Saturdays they would all wake up early in the morning to go fishing with both of her grandparents, her grandfather would go to accompany them depending on where they decided to go because of some of the undesirables that may be present. But she wasn’t to keen on baiting the fish hook, scared of worms doesn’t make fishing easy at all, so the easiest way for her to do it without touching the worm she thought to lay it out and stick the hook in it then cast out and wait to see if her idea would work. She knew she needed to think of another kind of bait or she wouldn’t be fishing anymore either and she did come up with an idea, crazy, but it was an idea. She tried a cigarette butt, I told you it was crazy and she caught a nice big fish. Of course no one believed her until it was time to gut the fish and there it was, the butt of a Marlboro caught in the hook, yeah, that was a good time they had together.

Oh and the drives downtown to the Levee, for the best hamburgers around called Maid Rites, it was hamburger that was not a patty, but scrambled with onions and other seasonings that made them taste like no other. What made it even better they were put on regular sliced bread and it was sloppy, dripping and yes, greasy with the tastiest milkshakes, especially the strawberry and that was all we wanted when we parked down there while watching the water shimmer on the Mississippi, other people on the levee walking, fishing, or listening to a live band on the concert stage if there wasn’t a Quad City Angles baseball game in the stadium.

And her Grandfather was like God in her eyes, he could do no wrong, if he told her that purple people lived on a green moon she would fight with you to the end to make you believe it too, he always reminded her of Redd Foxx the actor/comedian. Growing up he had a CB Radio room that the children really weren’t allowed in, unless they had permission, but the girls just loved being able to sit in his huge leather chair, listening for him to come across the air, and wait for it to be time to call him to dinner by radio. She’ll never forget was how he would take her for a ride on his motorcycle, if they wanted to he would take two of them at the same time, but she was really the only one who wasn’t afraid and really like riding. Sometimes she would sneak out of the house through the back door without her grandmother seeing her if that was even possible and meet him at his bike when she knew he was about to leave, she had to go ride with her Daddy. After getting the first burn on her leg (still scarred today) one day when he comes home from work her grand parents always stood in the yard or garage and talk about the events of the day and she would jump up on the bike, sometimes just sitting on it was enough for her, but this day she hopped too soon and burned her calf from the hot engine before letting it cool off, but that was when she knew she had to have a motorcycle when she grew up.

He’d take his camper and go camping with the girls in the backyard sometimes telling stories about his trips to California, down south, and telling them how he knew and talked to Redd Foxx. Oh, and the time he told her he would buy her a horse, well there was this particular one a beautiful chocolate brown horse with a tan tail and mane that she spotted every time the family went on their ride in the country or going to Chicago. The girls already played this game that when they saw something they like and on their side of the car they would call out, that’s mine, so she always made sure she sat on that side of the car so she could call out HER horse and your daddy told her he would get it for her. Of course she didn’t know he was just playing, but she looked for him to get her that horse for at least a month, but when it finally sunk in that it wasn’t going to happen she didn’t speak to him for a few days finding out he wasn’t getting her the horse that hurt her then finding out he really didn’t know Redd Foxx and she got over that too, and he was still the greatest Dad ever in her book.

Please forgive me, how rude of me, I keep saying her, so let me introduce her to everyone scanning these pages. For those of you I’ll meet on the pages soon I’d like to introduce you to Sierra, Sierra Unique from the Midwest and presently a resident in the world of life, love, and learning, not actually in that order.

Sierra was 15 years old when she started feeling her life was for nothing and she wouldn’t have friends, but if it meant letting boys grope her it really didn’t matter, being that she wasn’t as advanced at this time or sexually curious like some kids her age, so it made her feel very uncomfortable. She didn’t like being starred at and if she had to walk through or pass a crowd of guys she would find another way to go no matter how long it may have taken her to get there and all those mannish kid games growing up, she’d play, but she would never finish playing the game. Hide and seek was hide and go get it a lot of you already know how to play and probably are still playing, anyway she loved to run so she’d play, but never let any of the boys catch her, so she was banned from the game. They told her she didn’t play right, then there’s house, she’d play that too and didn’t mind being the mama, but when it came time to go to bed she’d magically hear her grandmother calling her and she’d run home, hey Sierra, where are you going, one of the kids would yell to her as she ran away. I gotta go, my mama is calling me, she said while anxiously gasping for air as she kept looking behind her making sure no one was following, so she was banned from that game too, because she didn’t play that right.

That was cool, at some point they would invite her to play again because the other girls wouldn’t play if Sierra wasn’t allowed to play, most of the time she didn’t care because she knew everything would start over again. If there was a time there was a boy she had a crush on, and she did, she was the same with him too, she wouldn’t let him touch and feel all over her, it scared her when they tried and like most children she didn’t tell anyone about it. So that’s when she resulted to fighting, beating up the boys that always tried, it was her way of making some of the things go away, protecting herself has never been a problem sometimes very challenging, but not a problem.

Growing up your parents don’t always see a child as fat when giving them all kinds of snacks and treats not really noticing that the child has started to develop bad skin and the baby fat is growing with them, it’s hard to shed that fat when you’re a child and you don’t know how. So, during the time Sierra was going through her ugly duckling stage, it got worse to her feeling like the fattest and ugliest girl in school because for so many years she was always one of the biggest and tallest of the girls in her class and some kids teased her, but because they knew her family and knowing she was a fighter it didn’t get too out of hand, at least not until her junior high and high school years.

For a long time she wasn’t really looking at boys and if she did notice one it was at a distance, but all of that really didn’t matter to her until one particular summer after she and her family moved down south. Since they were new in town Sierra had no friends so she pretty much just sat in the house and watched her sisters and the other kids play when one day she even over heard some kids ask if she was the mother, so you know that really chopped her down. She didn’t think she’d get tired of sitting in the house most of the summer, especially after hearing some of the kids thinking she was her sister’s mother so she tried to avoid being around the other kids, until the day she saw this particular boy who popped up at a neighbor’s house. Her neighbor Candace was a young girl in her late teens so she was a little older then Sierra and over a period of time she started seeing her as a little sister always giving her good suggestions or advice on some things, so they began sitting and talking about different things and walk to the store together from time to time. Sierra thought he would never look at her let alone like her, especially when the girls who looked almost perfect were around she still looked at herself as the same fat and ugly girl she always saw she felt he wouldn’t like someone like her mainly because she was still being joked and picked on by a lot of the kids at school and in the neighborhood.

That was one of the biggest reasons she didn’t want to move when the time came for her and her sisters to live with their mother down south, with her being from out of town it gave the kids even more to talk about, she had an accent so every time she spoke some of the kids would stare at her, asking her, say it again, in their thick southern accent then telling her she talks funny. I think she rather sound funny in her way instead of theirs, then they would tell her that she dressed different, everyday Sierra went to school it made her feel she belonged there with those kids either. To Sierra, they were the dumbest and weirdest kids on earth because they always talked about prejudice and the sadness of the south, and many of them have never been away from home where they were born and the only place I’d hear they visited was to Mississippi, shoot that was so close you could probably throw a rock over there and hit the courthouse or something. They all seemed to be stuck in a routine like eating the same traditional meals or if Sierra mentioned having lobster, eating s’mores, or chipped beef on toast you know meals that she grew up on, they didn’t know what she was talking about, but they called her the weird one and the attention she was getting she could have done without.

The name calling has been going on since the fifth grade and has gotten worse since she’s grown up, she was called big nose, big lips, and a bumpy face, it didn’t help that she’s looks older then what she really is, but only physically with a little girl face. Kids don’t realize how devastating the things they say to another can stay with them for a long time, closer to becoming a teenager was around that time when she stopped caring about how she looked or what others would say when her physical appearance started to change and she barely noticed. Self esteem can really wear on you and if you are used to seeing the bad and the ugly for so long, it’s hard for you to realize the good has begun to peer through.

By this time a couple of years have passed by going into her senior year when Sierra started making friends and was becoming kind of popular, so it made her look even closer at herself but again, all she could see was a fat girl with big lips and acne on her face. Still comparing herself to the girls that she sees at school, the park, or just walking down the street with long beautiful hair, small waistlines, and smooth caramel looking skin she didn’t look anything like that, but it was her self esteem talking, she wasn’t a teen model, but it wasn’t as bad as she thought either. Don’t get it twisted she is a beautiful girl, she wasn’t wearing makeup at an early age or wearing grown up clothes, so to many it was more of an inner and God given beauty, but she also had the traits she inherited from the women in her family, but she could give a female a run for her money in the right outfit if she wanted to. To start she is 5'8", a size 14, and very athletic in school from softball, volleyball, basketball, the drill team, and track (to most teenagers a size 14 is considered to be fat), Sierra didn’t carry your average super (skinny) model figure, but she was in good shape and it was in all the right places. Again she wouldn’t allow herself to notice how she was beginning to change for the better, her skin was all even and smooth, which complimented her long thick sandy brown hair, as well as those alluring eyes, and the smile that hosted those full lips that she grew into, the basics to making a beautiful young lady and she is growing up so she was looking even older physically, so now growing up and getting older holds a whole new set of growing pains and problems.

For now let me take you down the road Sierra traveled on where it forked off in three directions happy, sad, and sometime destructive, so turn the page and keep traveling with Sierra down the road right before prom and after her graduation.

There were more and more things going on and beginning to occur in Sierra’s life that she was more then not ready for in a number of ways because she either hadn’t experienced any of it or it just wasn’t something she was used to having to deal with and turning 18 was one of them, many times Sierra would question herself about her life if she knew what she wanted to do after high school, was she going to college, and if she would ever get married. Most kids know what they want from a young age because it’s something put on their mind by family or school and Sierra was one of them, she knew how she wanted her life to be, but whether it turned out like that was a horse of a different color. How many of us haven’t had the fairytale thoughts about our life whether you grew up with two parents, one parent, or none we ALL had some kind of thoughts about our lives. Looking to marry someone like our mother or father, working this great dream job that pays lost of money, and of course the big house with the white picket fence and maybe a dog that was the perfect