Is Love Enough?

By Lauren St. James

Is Love Enough? Lauren St. James Lori McCall has a very predictable existence. Her once happy 22-year marriage has lost its luster and now is anything but exciting. Juggling a career and family has become a thankless job. Each day she is lonelier than the one before without much to look forward to. As the years pass her by, she realizes that she has not only lost the connection with her husband, Sal, but more importantly, she has lost herself. With her children nearing the age of independence, Lori knows that soon she will have to make a decisionabout her future.

When an old flame, Jesse, contacts Lori, her emotions begin to spiral out of control. What does he want from her after all these years? Would her life have been different had she not betrayed him? Had Jesse ever really forgiven her? More importantly, does he hold the keys to a better, more fulfi lling life for her? And if so, can she walk away from the only life she knows, a life that had once been so perfect for her?

With her thoughts consumed by the past, she continues to go through the motions in the present but can only dream about the future. A new future, full of promise.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 9, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469127125

Book preview

Chapter 1

She was sitting outside on the back deck of her home as she had done so many times before, another cool summer evening in Lori’s typical suburban neighborhood. She looked out at the row of houses each one looking much like the next. In the backyard of one house an elderly couple gardening together, from a distance looked content. Two houses down from them, a young mother, sounding somewhat frazzled, as she coaxed the last of her children from their pool, and by the looks of all the floating toys, it appeared to have occupied most of the day. Past the homes, she could see rows and rows of corn growing on the acreage surrounding her small town community. Yes, everything looked the same, but today was different. Today Lori had finally accepted that she was alone.

No, she had a husband who loved her very much, but none the less she felt alone. After 22 years of marriage, they had grown apart. Actually, they never did have much in common; coming from different backgrounds, but their love and commitment to each other and their family had never wavered. She and Sal had once had a great marriage, bought a home of their own, nice cars, three children and even a family Labrador retriever. From the outside looking in it appeared to be a good life.

Although she had accepted each day beginning the same, with a mundane drive to her office, it was still upsetting to know that her day would start and end exactly the same, alone. It didn’t help that her less than exciting job, as an Office Manager for a small insurance company, was such a long drive. Her duties were much like her duties at home, tedious tasks with not much from anyone, same shit different day.

She shuddered at the memories of her asking Sal, Honey, do you think you could spend some time with me this weekend? He had work and golf, or some other hobby that had consumed him at the time—she had work and the kids who were now almost grown, three boys, between the ages of fifteen and twenty-one. There was never a good time. Yes, the decision was made. She would move on with her life, not wait for him to spend time with her. She would have to find something to occupy all her empty weekends, and when her kids were grown a decision would be made.

Staying busy kept her from the growing feelings of isolation. She knew to survive she would need to stay distracted. What would she do to fill her lonely hours? She had tried so many things. This had included joining clubs, going to the library, watching movies and if the kids would allow it, spending more time with them. Although she had plenty of friends, they were busy with families of their own. To tell them her problems, would be embarrassing. It seemed to be most women her age were settled if they were in the same stage of life, with kids almost grown. Shouldn’t this be her time, time for her?

Lori McCall was in her mid-forties. Her blonde hair was darker now than it had been in her youth but in the summer months still shining were the light blonde highlights. Her blue eyes seemed to have lost some of their sparkle over the years, but they still lit up when she smiled, which wasn’t so often lately. Lori was well aware that she was no longer considered young. However, she believed she had done extremely well maintaining what she did have, at least that was one thing in her life she could control.

She worked out at the local gym and had managed to keep her figure for the most part. She was no longer the size two that she had once been but for her 5’ 7" frame with sun kissed long legs she looked healthy and just right with the few extra pounds that she had acquired over the years. She had a healthy lifestyle and always managed to have herself pulled together, in looks if nothing else. Her long waves and curls could get a bit unruly, but her hair was always smooth and polished. Natural, fresh looking make up and a stylish outfit were a must before leaving the house. She knew that she was aging and it was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not, so she had decided to accept it. She didn’t need anyone to tell her that she was beautiful or even attractive for her age, and when she heard these things it meant nothing. All she wanted was to be thought of as someone who had managed to keep herself up.

She had reached a point in her life where she did not feel that she even knew herself. What made her happy? What did she like to do? Had all the activities she participated in the past several years actually been about the children and not her at all? While the kids were growing up Lori was involved with their schools and whatever activities they were in at that time. She and her husband had even coached their son’s t-ball and baseball teams. If anyone knew Lori she was not what you would call the athletic type, by any stretch of the imagination. However, when it came to her kids she gave her all.

She had always enjoyed being a part of something, a team, anything where others shared the same goals. A feeling of belonging was what she seemed always to be searching for. It seemed ironic that she had a family, her family, and she still didn’t feel connected.

Chapter 2

She learned to amuse herself with the computer, at first playing games such as scrabble and solitaire. These games, they were just a reminder her of how lonely she was. At times, she felt the computer had become her best friend. Then she heard of a certain social network, where you were able to find old friends and make some new friends. It seemed harmless enough. It was easy to use, and it was one more thing to fill her time.