In Another Life…

By L.A. DeVant and Lauren St. James

IN ANOTHER LIFE

After several years of marriage and motherhood, Lori is forced to re-evaluate her life decisions when a former flame, Jesse, comes back into her world and she realizes that the course of his life was forever changed by the choices she had made in her youth. After 25 years of keeping a secret from all but one person, her sister Lexi, who helped create the deception, Lori now fears that all will be discovered and she may end up hurting so many including the very one she had fought so hard to protect.

Feeling that she had no control over her existence for many years, Lori realizes that she, in fact, had been in control all along. It just wasnt her own world shed been controlling. With her past on a collision course headed straight to her present, she struggles to find a way to keep everything she has intact while dealing with the very real consequences of playing God with other peoples lives.

Sometimes even the best of intentions cannot be forgiven.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 26, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499049589

Book preview

Chapter 1

Lori at 17

I gave you what you were worth! His words were razor sharp and full of venom. She hung up the phone. Walking past all the parked work trucks in the dark warehouse to her desk in the small construction company where she worked, she tried to hold it together, to hold in the tears. How could he have said that to her? With everything she had been going through and he goes and says that? How will I survive this? I don’t think I can. It’s just too much.

Pull yourself together Lori. He’ll call back. You will both apologize and it’ll be okay, she said aloud.

She needed to be honest with herself. She was not a victim, or at least not the only one. She knew what she did was wrong. Why did she do it? Did she intentionally want this to happen? Was she not ready to commit? Had she sabotaged their relationship on purpose? No, that was not it. Then what? Fear? Fear of the unknown, that it would not have lasted? Or fear that he would hurt her before she had a chance to hurt him? Oh God, was she so screwed up?

Lori knew the real reason she cheated on him. Simple, she was lonely. The idea of going to a party sounded good. Lori had never been much of a drinker, but needed to get out and have some fun. Now, looking back, the alcohol did improve her mood, but obviously affected her decision making as well. She actually began to blame Jesse for her mistake. If only he had been there, none of this would have ever happened! Yes, she was that screwed up.

Her friends had warned her to stay away from Lou, a blonde haired, blue-eyed bad boy, but that night her judgment was not at its best. She just wanted to have some fun and Lou was such a free spirit that she found him irresistible. Jesse would not have listened to her, but if he had, she would have told him Lou meant nothing. That she had made a mistake and wished she could take it back. Lori loved Jesse; he was her first true love. Standing 5’10" well built, with dark hair and dark eyes she was immediately attracted. She kept wondering if he had known all along about Lou, and that’s why he gave her a fake diamond engagement ring. She remembered his words that day. ‘This diamond is unique and precious just like you. It represents the strength of our love.’ Lies!

She would have never known it if not for her sister Dana who convinced her to have it appraised by the local jeweler. Was he just waiting for the perfect time to hit her with it, to make sure that she never forgot what she had done? Would he be so cruel? If she had learned one thing it was that no one hurts Jesse and gets away unharmed.

She could have denied it all, yelled back at him, let him know how hurt she was, but there was no reason to. It was done and there was nothing else for her to do but hang up the phone. Still, maybe after a while he would call, send her a letter, or even come by her house. Either way it happened, she prayed he would come back. He would come back for her, realizing that no matter what they had done to each other, they belonged together and always would.

Lori Stadler was all of seventeen years old, one of the youngest of her high school graduating class. She was tall, possibly a bit too thin, with legs that others would say went on forever, but it seemed to all work with her five foot seven inch frame. Lori had long wavy blonde hair, lightened only by the sun, and her blue eyes that would at times dance and times like these look cold as steel. Only Jesse could have this effect on her, making sure she would never forget this day. That is just how Jesse wanted it and he always got what he wanted. It’s not every day a girl is given a diamond engagement ring that means the world to her only to be told, ‘I gave you what you were worth,’ and later discovering it to be a fake. She hoped this would be the one and only time.

She did not expect him to get leave again for at least another six weeks. How long had he been in town she wondered? Who would have told him? Obviously a few of his friends were not happy about their relationship and her friends were not crazy about her being involved with Jesse, either. It could have been anyone.

She had not answered his question. If she had expected his call, would she have handled it differently? Would she have lied? Lori was not a liar. Obviously, she had other faults, but that was not one. She was not very good at it, so with her it was the truth, if asked. The only sentence she did manage to get out contained enough guilt for him not to need an actual answer.

Although Cole did not know about her current situation, she was pretty sure that if he knew Jesse was coming into town, he would have told her. Most likely Jesse coming into town was a surprise to everyone.

Cole and Jesse had been friends for years. After Jesse left for Army Basic Training, Lori and he became close. In his early twenties, Cole was older than both her and Jesse. She had begun to see him as a big brother. And just like a big brother, he became very protective of her. Lori did not know if he was protective of her because he thought she was young and naive, or if he felt an obligation while his friend Jesse was away. When she told Cole about the ring, he seemed almost as angry as she was. When it came to Lori, Cole knew she was a good girl that may make some mistakes, but did not deserve the way Jesse would sometimes treat her, as if she were one of his possessions.

If only she had told Jesse. The majority of their correspondence had been via phone and letters, but this was different. She thought it would be best to tell him in person, but how could she tell him now?

Chapter 2

Jesse at 20

"T hat bitch! I find out she’s fuckin’ another guy and she hangs up on me ?" Jesse said as he slammed down the telephone receiver. And to accuse me of getting her a fake diamond! Obviously, she’s just trying hurt me as if she hasn’t done enough of that! Bitch!

He had come into town to surprise his girlfriend, knowing she would not be expecting him. He had planned a very special weekend. So much for surprising her, he is the one that got the surprise. On the way to his dad’s from the airport, he stopped by a friend’s house where he got the news. The worst part was that she did not even try to deny it. Not that she could have, he heard it in her voice as soon as she spoke. Not even close to what he expected or hoped of this visit.

For the past few months, during basic training in Alabama and now stationed in New York, Lori had been the world to him. He had lived and breathed for the times, although short, that he would spend with her. When they were apart, he spent his time thinking of her and their future, or writing her letters telling her how he had envisioned their life together.

He had purchased a heart-shaped diamond ring and held onto it for about a month. He had saved up enough to put a down payment on her ring, and for the rest, he would be making monthly payments for a little over a year. She was the one, he had no doubt.

He knew this for sure the last time they were together. There was such a connection. He was sure that he was not the only one who had felt it. Just the look on Lori’s face had confirmed to him that they had something special. No need for words with Jesse and Lori. Words were not what they hung onto, when their eyes met it said everything. It was as if they could see their future in each other’s eyes, at least he believed he had.

Now everything he had been so sure of was nothing but questions. How long had this been going on? Had she been making a fool of him the entire time he was gone? He did not know who it was and wasn’t going to ask. What did it matter? Guys are dogs and being one he knew this. It was up to her to stay true to him. He had known others were interested in Lori, but he never thought that for one second she would allow this to happen.

The girl he dated before Lori had been unfaithful as well. He was hurt then, but nothing compared to how he felt this time. What was he missing that these girls so badly needed? What were the words that he had heard more than a time or two? Ah, yes, emotionally unavailable. He assumed that if more than one person said it, there must be some truth to it. No, he did not like it, but was smart enough to realize the truth when he had no other choice.

Jesse had never been the trusting kind. There always seemed to be a competition between his peers and himself. They may not have known, but Jesse was continuously competing. Something so deep down within him was always needing to prove that he was just as good, no, actually better. He could never let his guard down. Somehow, Lori had gotten him to do just that, making him feel safe. His mother had been the only other person to make him feel that way, but her life no longer included him. Lori had become his family. Where had he gone wrong? How could he have not known? Always believing he was a good judge of character, obviously he was no longer able to trust his instincts.

He thought Lori was different. She was different, what happened? He let her in, further than he had ever let anyone. Never again.

Who was it? Jesse questioned under his breath as his five foot ten-inch frame began to pace the bedroom floor. He recalled the times they had spent together in this very room. He stared at the many pictures he had of Lori pinned up all but covering his Black Sabbath poster. His anger made his already dark eyes more piercing, if that were even possible. As he raised his hand and ran it through his recently grown hair, his still developing bicep looked as if it may burst from the shirt he was wearing.

Jesse recalled a telephone conversation when Lori had told him that she was spending a lot of time with Cole. At first, Jesse was glad they had struck up a friendship. He knew she was lonely and his childhood friend was one he trusted. Then Lori and his phone conversations had begun to be ‘Cole this, Cole that, Cole and I did this’ and ‘Cole and I did that.’ When he called his girl, the last thing he wanted was to hear her talk about another guy, even if he were just a friend.

He had said to her once when she was going on about Cole, Oh gee, sorry, am I monopolizing your time? Let me get off the phone so you can go call your buddy. She apologized and now, thinking back, maybe she was too apologetic. Was she trying to hide something? Jesse said aloud, although he was the only one in the room. Oh God. How stupid could I have been? Damn you Cole!

For a moment, he considered confronting Cole. Then he realized that he was the idiot for not having seen it. Fine, he could have her. They could have each other. He was better than this and better than they were. Jesse tried to convince himself that he was fine with what had happened. Didn’t want her, didn’t need her. He was done.

Chapter 3

Cole and Cathy - Newly Married

C ole lightly knocked on the bathroom door, Cathy, are you okay?

She replied somewhat annoyed, Yes, I’ll be out in just a minute.

This had become the normal scene in their apartment for the past few months. Cathy was taking yet another pregnancy test. She had used every brand, so by now, she was an expert.

When she came out of the bathroom, she didn’t need to say a word. The tears in her eyes said it all. They were not tears of joy, but sadness, confusion and hopelessness.

I don’t know what’s wrong, she said. I have my cycle down to a science. I know exactly when I am ovulating and for how long. I even made sure that we did it a couple days before and a couple of days after just to be on the safe side.

I’m sorry, she said as she walked toward Cole for some comfort. Cathy, you have no reason at all to be sorry. It may not be you, it may be me, or it may be the both of us or it may just not be the right time. Whatever it is we’ll figure this out, together. I love you.

I know. I love you too, it’s just so frustrating. I have friends who have gotten pregnant when they didn’t want to and here I am wanting to and I can’t.

I know you want to do this naturally and on our own but I think it may be time to make a doctor’s appointment and see what they can come up with. Then Cole said with a sly smile, Maybe we are doing it all wrong. I mean maybe our sex is a little too clean, we just may have to dirty it up some.

Cathy laughing said, Slow down boy. I’ll make an appointment with the doctor and if he says that we need to have some kind of monkey sex then we will. I mean doctor’s orders are doctor’s orders, right? But until then I think we are just fine in that department.

Cole would do whatever Cathy needed to make her happy. Right now, all she wanted was a child, a family. Somehow, Cole would make sure this would happen.

Chapter 4

Lori Part II

L ori was pregnant, or at least she was pretty sure she was. Her cycle had always been extremely consistent, every 26 days since she was ten years old. Now almost the end of January she was a few weeks late.

Remembering that night, the last time they had been together brought a smile to her face. He would stay at his father’s house when on leave from the base. The strained relationship with his father and stepmother made it too uncomfortable for either Jesse or Lori to be there for any length of time.

Although bitter cold, being shortly before Christmas, they walked hand in hand on the grounds of their old high school. Jesse told her that in her senior year, before they had started dating, he would drive past the school in hopes of seeing her. Jesse being a self-proclaimed legman, laughed when he told her that he would hope she was wearing one of her many mini-skirts that showed off her long sun-kissed legs.

Lori found his admittance of this adorable. And as the light glowing within the high school greenhouse caught her attention, they made their way toward the light. She began to kiss him, gently chewing on his bottom lip. Starting with sweet kisses of young love then turning into kisses of hunger. Hunger for each other, something they both knew well, as much time as they had spent apart. They slowly made their way to the ground, Jesse coming in on top of her, still kissing as if not being able to get enough.

Taking both her hands into one of his holding them above her head, he slid his free hand under her shirt, covered by a short light pink ski jacket. He ran his hands over top of her lacey bra, slid his hand in, and fondled her breasts. Then, in a very smooth move, he reached to the back of her and unhooked her bra. His hands tenderly caressed her breasts, and began to work her nipples between his thumb and index finger. Then slowly moving his hand down to the button on her designer jeans, he managed to get them unbuttoned and unzipped with ease. Sliding her jeans and a pair of white long johns with little pink flowers and matching panties down past her hips, his fingers now making its way down to where it was already hot and moist. Her moans told him that she was feeling him just as he was her.

His middle finger slid within her, Jesse feeling her jump as it first entered and then relaxing right into it. She now broke free one of her hands, running it under his shirt grasping and scratching his back with her long manicured nails, causing him no pain, but excitement. After a few moments, she reached to his waist, showing that she was ready for him. She began unfastening his jeans, although not as swiftly as he had done hers. He helped her finish the job, sliding his jeans down as well. He was ready. Although it was freezing, he was hard as a rock and entered her smoothly and with ease. He began moving slowly in and out of her, as their rhythm had synchronized, the pace then began to increase. She would turn her eyes from him as if embarrassed and he would gently turn her chin toward him again. This gave her no choice but to look directly into his eyes. Jesse was glad that he had her full attention. When she reached the height of her excitement, his was not far behind.

Normally after a show of passion, they would lie together for a while, her head on his chest, gently playing with the line of hair from his navel that led to where they had already been. This night was too cold for anything other than them getting dressed quickly, getting into his new car, and turning on the heat full blast. After stopping for some hot chocolate, he brought her home, dropping her off in front of her house. They looked at each other for a moment longer than they normally had before they kissed goodnight and he left her standing on the front porch as she watched him drive away in his new metallic Fuego.

She was sure it had happened that night. She knew they came together as one, when their eyes filled with passion had locked. Now, she was alone.

Chapter 5

Jesse Part II

A s the days passed, Jesse took long drives, alone. He drove past their old high school, where just weeks before they had made love outside on the ground, always thinking that would be a happy memory. Now it only hurt, passing by the homes of friends he and Lori had shared, not knowing if she was inside, unwilling to find out. His anger got him through the first days following their break-up. Eventually his anger dwindled and sadness began to take its place.

When he got back to the base, he decided that he would put all his efforts into his future…without her. Then the sight of his Sergeant reminded him that it was only a couple of weeks prior that he had asked his permission to marry Lori. At first, he thought Jesse was joking, being as young as he was. When he looked him in the eyes, he knew he was serious.

He had asked Jesse, Man, why does such a young guy wanna get married.

Cuz she’s the one, Sarge.

Really?

Yes sir, he said with conviction.

Hmm, I guess that’s as good a reason as any. Good luck to you Private Gordon.

Thank you, sir.

He had checked into getting a house for them on base, once they married, if he was able to bring her back with him. He had a couple of married friends who lived on the base and had envisioned Lori with all the other wives. Of course, she would have been the prettiest of them all. Now all his hopes and dreams that included Lori were gone. He was really on his own now, and needed to make plans to move on with his life.

One problem with his plan of moving on without her was that he loved her. He questioned if he loved her enough to forgive her. In spite of what had happened, he still believed that they had something, something real. Fear had just replaced sadness, fear that he would never feel this way about anyone again. But after this, did he really want to take the chance again?

He must have re-written that first letter five or six times before being satisfied enough to put a stamp on the envelope and put it in the mailbox. In the letter, he had told her how hurt he was, but that he loved her. They had a good thing up to this point. He did not understand why she did what she did, but he wanted them to be together, they belonged together, and he had forgiven her.

He waited for her response. Weeks went by. Nothing. He wrote another letter another and another.

Months passed. Still no response. He had no more excuses. Accepting that she must have moved on and obviously did not feel the same way he had, was the hardest thing he had ever done up to that point in his life. He would tell himself repeatedly, "You don’t