Are You My Mother?: A Novel

By C. H. Avosa

A compelling story of nonlinear relationships, well-intentioned secrets, and difficult questions about what we owe our families 

"I don't even know what to say. I got an email last night saying that Mom isn't my mother and my real mother needs a kidney transplant and that's the only reason they're telling

• Language: English
• Publisher: Avosa Books
• Release date: Mar 27, 2021
• ISBN: 9781736579916

C. H. Avosa

C. H. Avosa is an author, designer, and owner of several businesses, including Avosa Books. She's dedicated to helping increase childhood literacy and getting new stories for all ages out into the world. When she's not traveling, she lives in her adopted city of Baltimore, Maryland, with a multitude of dogs.

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Avosa Books

Baltimore, Maryland, USA

avosabooks.com

Copyright © 2021 by C. H. Avosa

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review. For more information, email [e-mail].

Discussion questions © 2021 by C. H. Avosa.

Author photo copyright © Chandra Guglik.

Cover and interior design by Avosa Books.

Cover fiber artwork copyright © Julie Shackson. Used by permission. julieshackson.com

First paperback edition March 2021

Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data

Names: Avosa, C. H., author.

Title: Are you my mother ? A novel / C. H. Avosa.

Description: Baltimore, MD: Avosa Books, 2021.

Identifiers: Library of Congress Control Number: 2021904558 | ISBN: 978-1-7365799-0-9 (paperback) | 978-1-7365799-1-6 (ebook) | 978-1-7365799-2-3 (Kindle) | 978-1-7365799-3-0 (audiobook)

Subjects: LCSH Adopted children--Fiction. | Birthparents--Fiction. | Family--Fiction. | African Americans--Race identity--Fiction. | Donation of organs, tissues, etc.--Fiction. | BISAC FICTION / African American & Black / Women | FICTION / Family Life / General | FICTION / Medical

Classification: LCC PS3601.V645 A74 2021 | DDC 813.6--dc23

chavosabooks.com

This is a work of fiction. Real places and businesses are included, usually because the author loves them, but they are all used fictitiously. Names, characters, events, and incidents are all products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is unintentional.

Chapter 1

Dear God,

I don’t even know what to say. I got an email last night saying that Mom isn’t my mother and my real mother needs a kidney transplant and that’s the only reason they’re telling me and this person is my sister? I thought it was just a scam phishing email thing but she knew info about Dad and how could she possibly know? Help. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to or what to think. Of course Mom is my mom. How could she not be my mom? Is that even possible? Help me, please. Give me wisdom on what to do and what to think. Thank you that you are my father and that’s one thing I know for sure. Amen.

Chapter 2

Sol reluctantly leaves her prayer journal on her overstuffed couch and groans as she forces herself to hurry. Knowing she’s already late for work, she unsuccessfully tries to fix her red eyes in the mirror while concentrating on not spilling coffee on her yellow striped shirt. She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to work with this email on her mind, but she knows these kids are counting on her, and she’s counting on them. They always make her feel better anyway, but she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to concentrate.

Good morning, Sunshine! her friend Faye sings out when Sol walks into their office at the renovated warehouse in the middle of Baltimore. Their literacy program, Read-Imagine, is one of the many nonprofits that sit side-by-side in the building, all committed to loving and serving the city that’s synonymous with despair for those who only know it by reputation. Their program partners with the city’s public schools, coordinating volunteers to work one-on-one with children who need a little extra help. They also give the children books to take home each week to read with their families and build their at-home libraries.

The chill in the building from the AC blasting the old warehouse’s exposed brick gives Sol a much-needed jolt, and her eyes widen a bit. Faye’s role is recruiting new volunteers, but her desk is also right inside the door, so she takes it upon herself to act as the unofficial greeter when the mood suits her. Usually, Sol loves to see her first thing and chat for a few minutes, but today, she knows she doesn’t have time even if she wasn’t trying to hide her red eyes.

Hi, Faye! Sorry, I’m running late…I’ll stop by later! Sol calls out as she rushes past.

When Faye met Sol, she remembered from her high school Spanish class that sol is the Spanish word for sun, and so she loves using all kinds of sunny nicknames that make Sol smile. Faye was also proud of herself for pronouncing it correctly. If anyone is unsure, Sol just tells them it’s pronounced like heart and soul.

Of course, Sol’s not Spanish, Latina, or even a fluent Spanish speaker herself. Her parents are what she and her two sisters, Willow and Dove, describe as crunchy granola. They are not quite hippies, but idealists. Or, in the case of her dad, he was an idealist. He died in a car accident when she was only five, and she had mostly grown up with her stepfather, Mike. They have all called him Mickey since he came into their lives when they were little kids obsessed with Mickey Mouse. Plus his ears kind of stick out.

Just as Sol gets to her desk, she hears, Hey, Sol Food, I brought you some real soul food for lunch, and catches a glimpse of her sister Willow’s blond hair out of the corner of her eye. Years ago, she recruited her to work there in marketing. Willow is a vegan and always working on new recipes that she likes to try on Sol. Some are delicious and some…not so much. Living in Baltimore, a city inextricably linked with Chesapeake Bay blue crabs, her vegan crab cakes are always a favorite with vegans and nonvegans alike. It must be the Old Bay seasoning. Today, when Willow sees Sol’s face, she stops in her tracks, and all chatter about lunch halts instantly.

What? Sol says, distracted and trying to get herself settled. Sorry.

Are you okay? Willow asks as she peers into Sol’s face, her green eyes filled with worry. She’s so close that Sol can smell her mint shampoo.

Oh yeah, just had trouble sleeping last night. Are my eyes super puffy? Sol tries to play it off but escapes to the restroom on the floor above them as quickly as she can. She goes into a stall and tries to take deep breaths without inhaling the strong vapor of disinfectant that hangs in the air. She comes up here when she needs to get away or a little privacy. It’s not ideal, but where else can she go?

Just don’t think about it, Sol. You have to get through the day. Pretend it never happened. You can think about it later. Sol’s a master at talking herself off a ledge. Falling apart is just so inconvenient sometimes. She can have a meltdown when she gets home from work. That’s when she remembers she’s supposed to be having a first date with a guy from her dating app tonight. Ughhh…between that and realizing she’s due at a school in twenty minutes, Sol doesn’t even have time to think about the email again until later that night.

Chapter 3

Sol texts her best friend, Thea:

Hey, I’m going out with this new guy, Franklin, tonight. Can you be my safety person? 👷🏾‍♀

Thea: Of course. Send me the details. Which one is he again?

Sol: The one with the eyebrows. Okay, we’re meeting at that coffee shop on Thames St down in Fells Point at 7 tonight. Should be done by 8:30 AT THE LATEST. You know what to do. Thanks, girl! Pray for me!

She puts on her favorite orange sweater with the polka dots that hugs her in the right places and is loose where she keeps thinking she should lose a few pounds. She wears her long, wavy brown hair down and freshens up her makeup. She doesn’t want to overdo it. Her favorite jeans and orange wedge heels complete the look.

Sol is thirty-six, has never married, and knows that dating in real life is a lot different from in the movies. This is one reason she stopped watching rom-coms. They just lead her to have expectations that are out-of-touch with reality. For one thing, these safety texts. In the movies, it seems like the people meet up with a new guy and fall in love on the first date. In reality, Sol knows that as a single woman living alone, her personal safety has to come before any potential romance. That’s not to say she doesn’t believe in falling in love and living happily ever after. It just hasn’t happened for her yet. She dates on and off. Franklin is the first guy she’s meeting after taking a few months off the dating scene.

Hi, nice to meet you, Sol says as she stretches to hug the guy with the prominent eyebrows, Franklin. Does he get them waxed? she wonders as she looks at his face. Should we get coffee? Sol walks confidently over to the counter, knowing Franklin is watching her and that she looks good.

Thankfully, Franklin likes coffee and doesn’t seem too high maintenance about it. Then again, he could just be on his best behavior for their first date. Sol has learned a lot from being on the dating scene so long, like not judging too much by the first date. And for the first date, keep it brief and inexpensive. There can always be a second date, but you can’t get back those hours or dollars you spent on a bad first date. She loves coffee and even took a barista class to learn how to make all the fancy espresso drinks, so coffee on a first date is usually a good call. She orders a latte and decides against getting anything to eat, even though that chocolate cupcake in the case looks amazing.

So, Franklin…or do you have a nickname? Do people call you Frank? Or what’s your middle name? Sol jumps right in with easy questions to get the conversation started. She’s gotten good at small talk after so many first dates.

Well, my middle name is Lyndon, so no one calls me that. No, everyone pretty much calls me Franklin. My last name…Campbell…you probably know my father ran for city council last year, so my last name was on every yard sign…so that really belongs to my father.

Oh, so what happened in the election? I’m in a different district, so I didn’t really follow that one. He didn’t win? Sol asks.

No, this lady won. I don’t know, I think she knew someone who pulled some strings. Girl power. Franklin rolls his eyes at this last statement and then must remember he is on a first date and stops talking and stops rolling.

Sol just looks at him. Is this guy for real? she thinks. Well, it is his dad; maybe he’s just hurt he didn’t win.

Okay, so I’ll call you Franklin then, Sol continues.

What about you? Sol means ‘sun,’ right? Are you Spanish? Franklin asks.

Sol has been getting these kinds of questions all her life: What was she? She was white, but with her olive skin, dark hair, brown eyes, and Spanish name, she either blended in or confused people. Spanish, Hispanic, Latina, black, mixed, light-skinned, Italian, Greek, Jewish. Sometimes she just introduced herself as Sunny to spare herself that conversation.

No, I’m white, she says simply.

Oh, he says. Sol can’t tell what he thinks about her answer. She presses on, attempting to steer the conversation in a different direction. So, what do you do for work?

Franklin proceeds to tell her about his job as an insurance broker. She finds it a little hard to come up with follow-up questions besides trying to understand his role in the larger insurance process. But she’s happy he has what seems to be a stable job. She tells him a little about her job, but he doesn’t seem to have many follow-up questions about that either.

Sol knows from his profile that Franklin is divorced and has children. She thinks it’s a little too much to ask about that on their first date, even though she’s curious to know what happened. He doesn’t bring it up either, but she figures they can talk about it in the future if there’s another date.

After an hour of chatting, Sol says goodbye with another quick hug. Franklin holds the hug for a couple seconds longer than Sol expects. She takes another look at him as she’s leaving. She thinks he’s attractive and the date wasn’t bad. Well, maybe, she decides.

She texts Thea: On my way home. Thanks for looking out!

Thea: How was it?

Sol: It was okay. He asked me out for dinner next week, so I guess we’ll see.

Thea: 👀

Sol: What does that mean?

Thea: Just okay?? We’re not going for just okay!

Sol: I know, I know. But I want to give him a chance.

Thea: The eyebrows?

Sol: They’re kind of cute. In a BIG way.

Thea: SMH! Good night!

Chapter 4

Sol walks into her second-floor apartment in the shared rowhouse and right on the table in front of her is her laptop. It immediately reminds her of the previous night’s email. Thinking about Franklin and whether she even wanted to go out with him again had distracted her. Now here she is, wired from the supposedly decaf coffee she had on her date, and she reads the email again.

Dear Sol,

My name is Shyla Broward. I know this is out of the blue, and I’m sorry, but there’s just no easy way to do this. Please keep reading because this is important. My mom’s name is Janice Broward, and she knew your dad, Patrick Garnett, in Baltimore in the early 80s when she was at University of Maryland Law School. We live outside of Boston. My mom has chronic kidney disease, and now her kidneys have failed. She’s on dialysis but needs a kidney transplant. She’s on the transplant list, but the wait can be five years, and they say she’s hard to match. I don’t think there’s any way her body can wait that long. She’s only 64 years old. We’re asking all of our family and friends to at least find out if there’s a chance they could be a match and would be willing to donate. We don’t know what else to do. I’m an only child. I don’t match, and I put my name on a list to do an exchange if someone else matches. I feel helpless. I was talking to my mom’s sister last week, and she said she had something to tell me. My mom tried to stop her, but she told me about you. She told me you’re my sister. You’re my mom’s daughter. She had you with your dad, Patrick, but she couldn’t keep you. She asked your dad to take you, and your mom raised you as her own, and they all promised to never tell. That’s all I know. But now my mom needs a kidney, and we’re desperate to find someone who matches. A family member may be less likely to get rejected. I don’t know what I can tell you to even make you believe me, but please, please, I’m begging you to at least talk to me.

Here’s all my contact info. You can write me back at this email address or text me or call me. I’ll come to Baltimore or wherever you are.

Sincerely,

Your sister,

Shyla Broward

Her adorable mixed-breed rescue dog, Jericho, gets up from his giant dog bed and stares at her. What? she asks. He always knows when something’s wrong with her. He leans his head on her knee, and she scratches him behind his ear. Thanks for being a girl’s best friend. Let’s go for a walk and get some air, huh?

She trades her heels for tennis shoes, then lets him pick which way they walk. Their neighborhood is located in mid-town Baltimore City near Johns Hopkins University, and they both have their favorite routes. He’s pretty big and protective of her, and there are usually lots of students around. The school has its own security guards out on the sidewalks too. Even though Sol loves Baltimore, she’s not naïve about the crime, and she stays on her guard when she’s out, especially at night. The late spring night air has a chill, but it feels refreshing to be outside.

When they get back, she starts searching the internet intently, starting with her new sister Shyla Broward. She finds a lawyer in Boston with that name, but she looks black, so that doesn’t seem to match. There are a few others scattered around the country. Does she have a married name? She didn’t mention a husband. Social media yields nothing. No mutual friends. Janice Broward is not exactly blowing up the internet either. She never had this much trouble when she was looking up her online dating guys. Now that yielded a lot of information.

She starts looking up basic information about kidney disease and kidney transplants. What the email said is true, but she had never given it much thought. She knew there was a waiting list but didn’t know so many people were dying while waiting on that list. The amount of information she finds is overwhelming, and she’s not even sure which things to read. She finds a sample letter for how to ask people to donate an organ to you. Did Shyla read that same page? She gets lost in the #kidneytransplant hashtag on Instagram for an hour before she asks herself what she’s doing.

You don’t even know if this is real, she says out loud. Jericho looks at her with anxious eyebrows, as if to say I’m worried about you—is everything okay? She looks back at him and says, I know, Coco. Our lives may be about to change.

Meanwhile Sol asks herself why she doesn’t just ask her mom. Sol’s relationship with her mom is good. They’re not super close like some of her friends are with their moms, but they get along well. Maybe it’s just that with the three girls, she had to spread her love around more. Anyway, she doesn’t want to hurt her mom if it’s not true, but if it is true…If it is true, what does that say about her mom? That she kept the truth from her all these years? Does that mean she loves her less because she’s not really hers? Or more because she chose her when she wasn’t really hers? Or maybe either way, she is really hers because she has raised her as her own? Did her mom adopt her? She has to talk to someone about this. Going around and around in her own head about it is getting her nowhere.

Chapter 5

Hey, Thea, I know it’s getting late, but any chance you’re free? I need to talk. Sol texts Thea. She knows her best friend can keep things confidential.

Thea calls her two minutes later and cuts right to the chase: Are you okay? What’s this about? I’m worried about you. Don’t tell me it’s about that guy.

Thea and Sol have been friends since high school, and Thea can read Sol better than anyone. They stayed close even though they went away to different colleges and then were reunited when they both ended up back in Baltimore. Thea married her high school boyfriend, Quentin, and they now have two daughters. The girls are both in elementary school now, and Thea is recently back to work full-time as a project manager at one of the big financial firms downtown.

I’m okay, Sol replies, halfheartedly.

Phew. Well, what is going on?

It’s complicated. Sol catches her up on the email and everything she’s thinking so far. Thea listens and doesn’t make a sound until she’s done.

Then she says, Holy crap.

I know.

"Is it true?

I don’t know.

You have to talk to your mom. Even if you’re afraid of the truth, you have to find out the truth. You’re never going to be settled until you figure this out. This is crazy. This is about the fundamentals of your life.

I know.

Do you want me to come with you? Thea offers.

Let me think about it. Sol doesn’t know if she even wants to talk to her mom. She doesn’t know anything right now. Everything she thought she knew wasn’t real. Or was it? She’s questioning everything.

Thea breaks into her thoughts. Okay, well you can’t stop me from praying. Heavenly Father, please help Sol right now. Give her wisdom and courage to do what she has to do. Help her to know that she’s held by you no matter what. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Amen.

Sol loves that Thea prays for her like this. She thinks she needs all the prayers she can get right now. Thea is the one who invited her to her church’s serving day all those years ago, where Sol decided to become a Christian, so they have had a lot of years of practice praying for one another.

Thank you, Thea. Sol hangs up and collapses on her bed.

Chapter 6

Dear God,

I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused. Thea says I should talk to Mom. And say what? Are you my mother? Seriously? Ugh. Help me to know what to do! I can’t think about anything else, and Thea’s right, now I’m going to be thinking about this until I know the truth. I can’t go back. And if Janice really is my mom, she could be dying right now! This is so much pressure. If she is my mom, would I even want to give her a kidney anyway? She’s a stranger! Would I do that for a stranger? So many questions, and I have no answers. Help!

Chapter 7

JERICHO22? SUNNYDAZE83? What password did she last use? Her work email has decided to prompt her for a password today for some reason. She’s anxious to check her email to see if they’re going to get a grant she helped write the application for. It would make such a difference for this special advocacy project they’re trying to get started.

When she finally just resets it to LATTE21218, she doesn’t even have an email about that. She does have a new message through her professional profile online, though. It’s Shyla, the lawyer she found, who saw that Sol had visited her page. Sol still hasn’t replied to the email from the week before.

Sol, since you visited my business profile page, you must’ve gotten my email about mom. I know it must be a shock. It’s a shock to me too. But this is urgent. Please get in touch. We need to talk. Your sister, Shyla.

Sol still doesn’t know what she wants to do, so she just shuts down her laptop and heads out to her first school visit of the day. She tells herself she’ll figure it out later. As she drives, she quizzes herself with the practice track