The Apostate

By Théa Gathas

Sofi is a Jehovah's Witness who has dedicated her life to preaching about her religion and living according to its teachings. But she is hiding a secret from the rest of the world. One she dreads someone will find out about: her homosexuality. For most of her existence she has been repressing who she truly is but when the beautiful Mia comes into her life and turns everything upside down Sofi can no longer run from herself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Théa Gathas
• Release date: Oct 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310950926

Théa Gathas

When I left the Jehovah's Witnesses at the age of 23 I made two promises to myself. The first one was to work on my dream of becoming an author, a dream I had given up years ago for the sake of the religion. The second one was that I would find a way to tell others about the situation for gays and lesbians in the Jehovah's Witness religion.The result of these two promises is my novel "The Apostate", also available in Swedish under the name "Avfällingen".

Book preview

The Apostate

Théa Gathas

Copyright © 2015 by Théa Gathas

ISBN: 9781310950926

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Chapter One

People are quickly passing her by. The train is soon leaving, they’re in a hurry. An elderly woman notices her. She takes a look at the magazines that Sofi is holding up, smiles gently at her and moves along. It’s four o’clock, the train leaves the station in five minutes.

Sofi sits down a bench to rest. Before putting the magazines back into her purse she looks once again at the picture on the cover of this month’s issue of Awake! A man and a woman are standing in a kitchen, looking tenderly at each other while doing the dishes. Their clothes are neat, their smiles pearly and bright. In big white letters the title reads: How to have a happy marriage. Sofi thinks it’s an interesting topic and wonders why not more people wanted to have the magazine.

Then she remembers with a bit of guilt that she hasn’t read it either. Numerous times, she has sat down and tried to make herself open it, but each time the picture and the title made her so low that she simply couldn’t.

She shakes her head, disappointed at herself, and pulls out her little planner from her jacket. Her notes from yesterday read in small black letters: 48 hours, 18 magazines. And underneath, in large red letters: 24 days. Under today’s date, November 26th, she writes: 50 hours, 19 magazines.

There are four days left of this month and she has already spent fifty hours in the preaching work. Content, she sits back on the bench and thinks about what she wants to do until tonight’s get-together starts. If she even decides to attend, that is. Albin will most certainly be there. He would never miss a chance to be near her. Ever since he moved here from the Dalarna province five month ago, he has been having his eyes on her. Sofi has tried to ignore it, hoping that he would get that the interest was not mutual.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t really seem to get the message and she dreads the day when he will ask her if she wants to court. If he ever asked the question, it might looks suspicious if she said no. Because what spiritually strong sister would not want him? He is a good example in the congregation: a ministerial servant who holds great speeches and spend a lot of time in the preaching work. On top of that he is quite handsome, if you are to believe Charlotte who probably have a much better understanding of what is attractive in a man than Sofi ever had. If it gets known in the congregation that she is not interested in him, maybe people will start to suspect that she suffers from the tendencies that are actually plaguing her.

Sofi shivers. If it is because she finds the thought to be so appalling or if it is because of the cold, she does not know. But she decides to avoid Albin as much as she can until she finds a solution to this whole situation. Tonight she will stay at home. There will always be more get-togethers.

Sofi starts to walk towards the busses, finding her way and disappearing among the people in the train station. She looks at their faces and knows that she should feel some kind of sorrow for them. They have no idea what is coming. They do not notice. But it is their choice. She has done what she should and warned them. At home, a warm bath and a nice cup of tea will be her rewards for today.

***

She sometimes wonders if this little neighbourhood really is a part of the real world. On streets all over this earth you can hear the sounds of dogs barking and children playing, loud TVs and arguing couples. But here, not a sound. Except sometimes that of a singing bird in the spring who dares to rebel against the silence.

The only thing she hears now is the sound of her own steps on the staircase. She arrives to the door of her apartment and puts the key in the lock. Stops. Sofi remembers suddenly that in there is the dreaded silence. She turns the key, mostly so that it will make a sound, and tries not to panic. Turns the key once more and takes a deep breath. A familiar feeling of exhaustion comes over her so she rests her forehead on the wooden door.

She doesn’t want to attend the get-together, can’t stand the thought of the happy music and the happy people and most of all she can’t stand Albin. Not tonight. But right behind the door, the silence awaits her. It’s cold and dark and is waiting to surround her once more. Besides, she has already told Nadja that she would come. Let your yes mean yes. This was the topic for last Sunday’s Watchtower study. As it said, the devil is the father of lies and therefore all lies are from him.

It is evident that she might as well give up and go to the get-together. Her conscience will not let her have it any other way. She tightens her scarf around her neck and walks out into the cold once more.

***

Mikael is a little round boy with little round eyes behind equally round glasses. He got baptized recently, at the annual summer assembly of Jehovah’s witnesses. There was a lot of talking amongst the members of the congregation that it wasn’t a good idea to let a six year old take that step. But this was before the circuit overseer came to visit. Then he had a speech, that many found truly beautiful, about encouraging one’s children to have a personal relationship with Jehovah. He told them about a four year old boy in the United States who wanted to get baptized. His parents were against it at first but an elder sat them down and made them see the error of their ways. The boy was baptized that same year at the local convention, which turned out to be to his blessing and protection throughout his childhood since it reminded him every single day that he had a responsibility towards the Creator of the universe. Now that he is an adult, he is an elder in his congregation in Michigan and has a wife and two children, all pioneers.

After that speech most of the congregation changed their attitude and are now very proud of Mikael. But tonight he is definitely not happy.

While his mother Nadja in putting snacks and sodas on the coffee table, he sits on an armchair and grouches.

Mum took away his game because there were demons in it, explains his older brother Nathan.

The twelve year old is, unlike Mikael, quite skinny but his glasses are as round as his brother’s.

Yes, Nadja says and sighs, you buy a video game for kids and it turns out there is a level that takes place in a haunted house. But that stuff is really everywhere now. You’re almost too afraid to even let them watch cartoons on their own.

Sofi takes a sip from her glass of lukewarm water and tries to make herself focus on the conversation. She nods understandingly, but her worries about tonight are distracting her.

Who is coming?

Nadja ponders the answer while she gathers small cushions from the sofas.

Well, the regular people. Charlotte, Patrik and all the others.

She pauses, suddenly remembering something.

Oh, right. Albin’s little sister is coming too. You probably haven’t met her yet. She moved here this past Wednesday from the Dalarna province. Mia is her name. According to Albin she isn’t irregular but not very strong in the truth either. Most of her friends are worldly people and she used to work in a library in some university. So she was always surrounded by these intellectuals, you know the type, who believe you should question everything all the time.

Sofi understand. The organization has time and time again warned about the risks of socializing with the wrong kind of people. She makes a mental note to try to go out in the preaching work with this Mia. Hopefully she can help her get back on the right track again.

They hear the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Nadja goes to open the door and with once the house is filled with the sound of female voices greeting each other with long hellos.

Heeello, Mia! I thought you were coming with Albin.

My brother is home sick with the cold, unfortunately. Patrik is not coming either. I think he would have felt out a place as the only man here.

Relieved over the fact that her unwanted admirer will not be here tonight and slightly curious about this to her until now unknown sister, Sofi goes out into the hall to greet the newcomers. In the middle of the group she sees a young woman who she presumes is Mia since she is the only person she has never seen before. She looks nothing like Albin.

While his skin is pale and freckly, hers is dark. His hair is strawberry blonde, hers a dark shade of black. And while is body is large and round, hers is slim and tall. She is beautiful, so Sofi tries to not look at her to much but when Mia comes to shake her hand she has no time to turn her eyes away.

Hi, I’m Mia.

Sofi knows that she should say something but her nervosity is stopping any words from coming out of her mouth.

You’re Sofi.

When Mia sees the other woman’s surprise, she explains.

I’ve heard a lot about you.

She takes out a scrunchie from the pocket of her jeans and puts her long hair in a bun, so that she bares her slim neck.

It’s nice to finally meet you.

***

Mia has long fingers. They are curious and move slowly across the colourful spines of the books. Her index finger stops on a bright green book and she smiles.

’The old man and the sea.’ A true classic.

She whispers it quietly, almost as if it was a secret nobody else really needed to know. Nadja throws a bored look at the bookshelf.

Tim likes these old books. Personally, I find detective stories to be far more interesting.

Since she doesn’t really care for the topic, Nadja starts to talk about something else.

So, how is the job search going?

Mia’s slim fingers continue their travel and she answers without looking away from the books.

It’s going well, actually. I’ve got a job interview on Monday at a place called Boye’s Bookshop.

Is that the one near the Haga cinema?

Sofi jumps into the conversation after a long silence. Mia finally loses interest in the content of the bookshelf and smiles at her.

Exactly. Next to the sushi place.

Wait a second, Nadja says, isn’t that the place where this apostate works? You know, brother Karlsson’s cousin?

No, he works in another bookstore nearby. But not this one.

Both Mia and Nadja let out a sigh of relief. Charlotte shows up to inform everyone that the Berger sisters are finally here.

Everyone gathers now around the coffee table and waits for the fun to begin. Sister