Bold Enough to Say!

By Llarme’ Palmer

How could she say such a thing?
Abandonment issues?, been there.
Addictions?, Which ones?
Assaults?, what kind and by whom?
This writing addresses topics that are prevalent today which many would presume be forgotten. (Bold Enough to Say) shows how Gods unconditional love can change any given situation in a world that is searching for answers. Its not about religion, it is about a relationship with The Father. Although some of the content in this writing is controversial, it speaks on behalf of the voiceless and speaks to those who have offended. Will this message be received by all? Not likely, however; this read can be a tool for a journey of love, forgiveness, healing and deliverance. It is for the elite as well as the impoverished. No more silent tears! With Gods leading, I have seen and I have heard. I boldly declare, after this reading your life will never be the same.
Ephesians 6:19 (amplified version) "And for me, that utterance may be given unto me that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 30, 2009
• ISBN: 9781462826896

Llarme’ Palmer

Llarme’ Palmer has a compassion for people. Although a medical profession by trade, she is taking a much different direction in life yet remains at the aide of others. She has served in church ministry for the passed 9 years. Although she is a West Coast native, she presently resides in Longview, Texas with her husband and daughter. They have a blended family of eight children.

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Copyright © 2009 by Llarme’ Palmer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations taken from Amplified Version Bible Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by Permission.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

This book is dedicated to the Holy Spirit—My Comforter, my Advocate. Without you our stories would never have been told. Thank you for stripping me to the core of who I truly am. A new creature in Christ (2Corinthians 5:17). It is also dedicated to my first born. Thank you for holding me accountable and giving me a reason to live. Thank You Jesus for redeeming me. Psalm 111:9 He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant forever: holy and reverend is His Name.

CHAPTER 1

Father, Where Art Thou?

It’s Saturday morning around 8 am. I’m dressed up waiting— waiting for the moment to meet him for the first time. My hair neatly combed, clothes clean and pressed, watching the hands on the clock move ever so slowly. One hour passes, then 2 hours. I finally fall asleep on the sofa. About an hour later my name is called. . . . , wake up. I began to smile as I awaken and stretch thinking, yes, we’re finally here. Then I hear the dreaded words, it’s too late now, we’ll go next weekend. I was around 9 or 10 years old at the time. There were many weekends I waited and each and every time I waited I felt as if the wind was knocked out of me. Such disappointment and anger at the same time, I began to think "what did I do to deserve this? All I want to do is meet him, get to know him. Is that too much to ask?’

If you had to guess of whom I am referring, it is my father; my biological father that is. What daughter doesn’t savor the moment to sit in the presence of her father, whether it’s for conversation or a warm embrace? There’s safety, fulfillment and protection in a father’s arms. There is an inner peace. Lord knows I hold no grudges against my dad, but there were times when I blamed myself for his own indiscretions. ‘What have I done to him for him to become so disinterested in me? Doesn’t he care enough about me not to go back to prison? Why does he keep doing the wrong thing?—How selfish is that?’ This was a point in my life when I wished I would have known about the Holy Spirit who is our Comforter for those of us in the Body of Christ according to John 14:16 (amplified). "And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener and Stand by), that He may remain with you forever."

The majority of challenges I faced in my life boiled down to the lack of relationship I had with my biological father. I yearned and ached for acceptance as a child. It was something that my mother couldn’t give me.

Mothers nurture their children differently than fathers. Fathers are ordained to be the head of the home, be the leader according to 1Corinthians 11:3 ". . . Christ is the head of every man, the head of the woman is her husband and the Head of Christ is God." And then there’s Ephesians 6:4. And ye Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. My father wasn’t in the home. So, when or if the house isn’t in proper order with the husband being the head (notice the scripture says husband as the head of the wife. Not boyfriend, not fiancé, not domestic partner, not significant other): how is a house able to stand? Matthew 12:25 states: ". . . a house divided against itself shall not stand." Basically when a father for whatever reason is not fulfilling his role, he is leaving his children exposed to the devil to do whatever he wishes to those vulnerable children. Secondly, if you are attempting to live your life any other way than how God intended you to live, nothing will fall into its proper place. 1Corinthians 14:40 tells us: Let all things be done decently and in order. Sure, you’ll receive some gratification in life. You may even have wealth. People and seasons change and wealth can be depleted or taken away but God’s word never changes. Isaiah 40:8, The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of God shall stand forever.

My mother kept me away from my father for several reasons. The main one being he spent much of his young adult life in and out of prison. So in her eyes she was protecting me. I didn’t see it that way. I felt she was being very selfish by not allowing me to have a relationship with him. Once this resentment began, my being rebellious followed shortly thereafter in almost every area of my life ranging from school work to staying out past the street lights during the summer months. At the time I didn’t connect the two or realize this is what the problem was, but now thanks to My Father Who Art in Heaven, I have a better understanding. Regardless of what my father had done in times past, I still wanted to establish a relationship with him. Sure I was disappointed by his many broken promises, but he was still my father and that’s what I needed from him the most-a relationship. The anger I had toward my mother made me want to establish more of a relationship with him. After many conversations of why won’t you let me meet him, she finally allowed me to go and much of it had to do with the influence of a man who was in her life at the time. After so many next weekends and figuring out when daddy was home, I finally got the chance to meet him. I was very grateful that I got to do so.

Due to the lack of protection from my father, I was very vulnerable as a child. He wasn’t around to instruct me or to be an example of what manhood was truly about. I was uncovered for many years, even into my early adulthood. I had experiences with my father, I received gifts from my father and of course as a child, you think your parents are the greatest people on the planet when they purchase things you want, but all that did was pacify me. I received empty promises from my father, but I didn’t receive from him