Gracie-Isms: My Mother's Lists of Southern Sayings & My Job to Interpret the Consequences

By Rhayne Marcella Thomas

If anyone out there has ever spent any time around Southerners, you will know that they have a very different way of doing things. Different from Northerners, that is. GRACIE-ISMS are told from the eyes and ears of a New York City child (me!) who happened to be born to Southern parents.

Gracie and Sam were born and raised in The South and somehow ended up in New York City years apart and found each other to create Rhayne, the child born in The Bronx, New York. For those of you who have been to The North and to The South, you will be able to understand how different things look between the two. For those of you who have lived in The South and then went up North, you will be able to see the differences as well. BUT, for those who lived in The North and then went down South, you will be able to feel my dilemmas as you read GRACIE-ISMS.

This sweet little gem of a story takes you on a journey from this New York City childs mind into the Southern world in which my parents identify. The story allows you to understand what was happening in my world every time I had to figure out the important meaning of one of my Southern familys old adages. The story is light-hearted, funny and shines as I compare my Northern reality with their Southern reality as only a child could do but with a great adult twist. GRACIE-ISMS shows my over-active imagination at its best and how it sometimes got me into trouble, kept me from sleeping, made me leery of my own body parts as well as made me think my family was from some other planet.

If you know anything about The North, you will know that the pace is pretty fast and we like to get things done quickly and without anyone getting in our way. The South, on the other hand, has a slower and more relaxed pace with room for friendly chit-chat at any given time, on any given day and in any given place. I have spent a great deal of time in both places and love them equally but for the sake of this book, PLEASE take time to make yourself a nice glass of sweetened iced tea, kick off your shoes, get comfortable and get ready to spend the next few pages living and laughing alongside me. GOD Bless & Safe Keeping. Rhayne

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 15, 2007
• ISBN: 9781462819225

Rhayne Marcella Thomas

Rhayne is enjoying her new found love of writing as are her many fans. The Bronx, New York native writes with the hopes of bringing a smile to everyone in the world while also acknowledging subjects that appeal to different genres. She has always had a great love of food and travel and is now writing freelance articles for travel and food magazines. Rhayne is currently living on the West Coast with her supermodel husband and she is looking forward to working on her next bookwhatever it may be. God Bless & Safe Keeping!

Book preview

Copyright © 2006 by Rhayne Marcella Thomas.

Cover design by Carmen Jurden

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

All characters names, with the exception of my parents and a couple of friends, were changed to protect their identities and though my mother, my father and all my Southern family and friends used all of these sayings all the time, I can’t say that they originated from them.

First edition: June 2006

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

36352

Contents

INTRODUCTION

ANIMALS

BEAUTY TIPS

BODY PARTS

COOTIE BROWN

DEATH

FUNERALS & WAKES

HOMES, HOUSES & THAT THEREOF

IF’s

MUTILATION… OF SORTS

QUESTIONS WITH NO GOOD ANSWERS

RELIGION?

RESTROOM ETIQUETTE

SIMPLY FOOD & DRINK

THE SAM CHEATHAM EXCLUSIVES…

ZEE LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT ZEE LEAST!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Dedication

This book is dedicated to ALL the women and men in The South that were making great points in life through that universal Southern code!

INTRODUCTION

As a child growing up in the Bronx, New York with two Southern parents, there was always some saying based on a question I had asked or some action that I or someone else was doing. I heard these sayings over and over and as a child with a very vivid imagination, I often had to guess what they were talking about and then I still wasn’t sure. As a teenager I still heard these sayings but my visuals began to change. As you will see by this book, my family knew more about fruit, animals, houses, sanity, mutilation and any other subject you could imagine than anyone else I’ve ever met.

Now that I am over 21, (WAY OVER!) and pretty well traveled I have, once again, revisited these Southern Sayings with an adult(?) interpretation while hoping to keep their authenticity. I *reckon y’all will enjoy it!

Rhayne

P.S. A cold glass of Sweet Tea might be needed while reading this book!

* reckon-to guess or believe

* y’all-you all

ANIMALS

ANIMALS

* If the frog had a brass behind when he jumped off the bridge he’d be here now to tell about it.

* What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

* A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

* Don’t be like the wolf with the sour grapes.

* You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

* You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

* Why buy the cow if you can get all the milk for free?

* I’m too old a cow to be called a calf.

* He was like a one eyed cat peepin’ in a seafood store.

* She’s as stubborn as an ox.

* He’s got a head like a bull.

* Birds of a feather flock together.

* You lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

* He smelled like a pole cat.

* Even an old poor dog will fight if you back him into a corner.

* You’re crazy as a loon.

* Don’t you look a gift horse in the mouth!

* If you don’t have a horse, use a cow.

* If it was a snake it wudda bit ya.

* One monkey don’t stop no show.

* She standin’ there grinnin’ like a Cheshire cat.

* Till the cows come home.

I would like to start out saying that although my parents are Southerners they spent most of their lives in the big city of New York. My dad is from West Virginia and left when he was eighteen to go into the Army and my mother is from South Carolina and left when she was twenty something. I spent many summers with my mother’s family in South Carolina where I briefly recall seeing a few cows, a couple of pigs, one goat, one bull and a handful of chickens but once I start to explain to you the sayings that preface this chapter, you will think they lived with Old McDonald.

The sayings throughout this book are in no particular order but I am sure many of you recognize some of the sayings and probably have said them yourself but you have to understand that they really don’t make any sense. They make even less sense when you are a kid living in New York City. I would often ask what would happen if I did such and such and my mother’s reply would be, If the frog had a brass behind when he jumped off the bridge he’d be alive to tell about it. I have always been confused because what frog was she talking about? Was this frog someone she knew personally and that’s how she knew that his behind wasn’t brass? And what bridge was she talking about? There weren’t any bridges anywhere near my mother’s hometown. And if her frog friend did have a brass behind, would he still have jumped? Those were the kind of questions that always passed through my mind. The frog was only one of many animals my mother seemed to know intimately. She was an expert on cows as well, or so it seemed.

All my life I have heard her tell me she was too old a cow to be called a calf, or if you don’t have a horse, use a cow and, my favorite, why buy the cow if you can get all the milk free? As I said earlier, I can only remember seeing a few cows in my day but none of them seemed eager to share this amazing insight with me that they had once shared with my mother. We all know that calling one’s mother any sort of animal, especially a cow, would lead to a life without teeth so what did the cow-calf saying have to do with her? She would always tell me if I didn’t have a horse to use a cow. I now know that she wanted me to think of alternatives when in a bind but a cow? How could I use a cow if I didn’t have a horse when I didn’t have either? I wondered if she ever thought that one out. I can’t forget those countless times when I asked for something more than once and she told me that I could ask until the cows came home and I still wouldn’t get it. I am still baffled that she knew where the cows went in the first place let alone when they would return home. I was almost an adult when I finally understood the why buy the cow question. I didn’t understand it as a kid because we weren’t getting any milk free and we lived where there weren’t any cows even if they