It Is What It Is

By Lisa G Renwick

Is springtime your prettiest season, but your allergies and hay fever are going crazy? Yes, I thought so. You have watery eyes, so you need a decongestant and an antihistamine at the same time. Who invented this (Walgreens, I think)? Roses are red, violets are blue, keep them away before I throw them at you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 6, 2017
• ISBN: 9781546211624

Lisa G Renwick

I am a fifth generation Texan. I was born in Wichita Falls, Texas. I grew up in Lubbock, Texas. I graduated from Texas Tech University. I moved to Ruidoso, New Mexico after Tech with my friend Robbi. I have been working since I was fourteen and only had a space of 2 months when I was not working. I taught school in Ruidoso, New Mexico and met my husband there and we married. We moved to be miserable in Houston and finally to my second home of Dallas. We lived there for 34 years. That became my second hometown. I went to work for Southwest Airlines Co.in 1982. I loved my job and my airline. I worked at a couple of little jobs at Southwest until I became a Flight Attendant and I was happy until I broke my foot beyond repair and had to take early retirement. I was on long term disability until 2005. It ran out and had to give notice to Southwest. We moved down here where we currently live and it’s not my favorite place to live. We have been here for a 4 and ½ tour. It was only to be a 2 year tour.

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© 2017 Lisa G Renwick. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 10/05/2017

ISBN: 978-1-5462-1163-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-1162-4 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Foreword

It Is What It Is

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

PART 2

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

PART 3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 10

PART 4

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

PART 5

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

PART 6

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Driver’s Ed. In The Valley

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FOREWORD

I wish to thank the following people who made this book possible.

Gale, Frenchy, Rebecca &Dave, Aurtruo &Katia, Anna& Marcos, Shirley & Neil, Jim & Vera, Wendy, James Brown, Camille, Fred & Judy, Ruffino, Gabriel, Caesar, Jerry, Ilene T. Daniels, McDavid, Freddy, Barry Wright, Greg Wright, John Larry, Robbi, Kirk, Angie, Vida, Cindy, Tracy, J.B. Ware, Joe Ware, Phyllis, Cindy & Eddie, Debbie Townley, Leigh Ann Smith, Jim Mitchell-Morales, Debbie Smith, Brenda Ivey, Charlene, Judy Walls, Edie, Lori B, and anyone else I have may have mentioned.

Thank you all,

Lisa

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IT IS WHAT IT IS

I t was Sunday July 10, 2017 my horoscope said to start on something that I have been putting off, so here it is. It is now April 2017. I don’t procrastinate much, do I?

I am a hot mess with a broken body, we are broke with no hope. I am witty on Facebook and people laugh, I like that. I must come up with better quips with my opinions.

Let me ask you this? Do you personally send out Thank You notes? The email kind doesn’t count, but the ones you buy and put a stamp on do. OK so you are a thank You note writer from way back, you know some friends that took you out for a delicious meal and they drove, that would warrant a Thank You note. If you didn’t do it my Mama would come from heaven and bop me on the head and say "I taught you to write a Thank You note every time. Even for the flowers when we all passed away. You did everything Lisa Gayle, you wrote all the Thank You notes even to people you didn’t know, like the church ladies who bought food. Manners is what they lack even if they are your friends. I wonder why she took this moment to come down from heaven when I have faced much more difficult times I just don’t get it.

Okay, in most books you don’t start whining and gripping about money and stuff. Mostly because you don’t like where you live. You haven’t gotten anything new but husband has, I guess it comes from being an only child.

Build the wall didn’t Pink Floyd do the Wall first. We live ten miles from Old Mexico and South Padre Island way down on tip of Texas. It’s like living in Old Mexico but you’re not.

People on TV love to get E-Bate checks by buying and selling things. Why do they want to buy a poor person’s possessions they are all so happy about it and they are probably not even actors telling us about it? They get on my nerves.

Does spring time your prettiest season, but your allergies and hay fever are going crazy? Yes, I thought so. You have watery eyes you need a decongested and an anti-histamine at the same time. Who invented this (Walgreens I think)? Roses are red Violets are blue keep them away before I throw them at you.

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CHAPTER 2

D o y’all like the Kardashians? Are you so enveloped with all their tweets? What about those grown daughters Kendall and Kiley too? Poor Kris, momma manager whose husbands have left one way or another. One past away, may he rest in peace, and the other became a woman. She still looks like the same athletic person as she did in the 1976 Olympics’ They all have the same nose and butt due to identical plastic surgery. I wonder if they got a discount? Kim married who? Kris Humphries, I think that was his name because it started with a K. Poor thing looks like he was on ludes or something else all the time. Did Kayne marry Kim for her giant butt, just because he a crazy man? If Kim got too hot she would melt just implants left, but that voice would be gone. They are the most Monotone people on the earth. Rob is fat and wears funky hats. Who did he have a baby with? Oh Yes, Black China. What was her claim to fame before she became Rob’s baby Mama? What is a Black China? I haven’t a clue.

What is up with Scott? Questions, answers anyone? Well, we know he is mooch.

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We also know that he is the baby daddy to Kortney’s and his 3 children. Why doesn’t he go home? Why does he live with Kris? Isn’t he supposed to be from East Hampton or someplace like that? Can you imagine him dancing? In his French cuff shirt with his Cubic cufflinks, his ascot, white Ralph Lauren slacks and Ralph Lauren navy or black blazer, He wears slip on monogrammed velvet shoes for God’s sake. Has he ever had a job or just been a mooch all his life. He is a pro at that. Wonder if there is a degree you can get in college for mooching? This is a little off course, but my sister and I used to laugh at the word slacks. We would call them schlacks. You had to been there to appreciate the humor. We like trousers or pants. Back to Scott the mooch. I know he gets paid for just showing up for parties in Las Vegas or Miami. Even a mooch has standards he will not appear for less than $10,000 a pop. He is monotone too. I do not know see what he can bring to a party. A pseudo celebrity on the E Chanel.

I suppose I had better introduce myself. The Stones stole that phrase from me and they have made millions from it and me zilch. I am a Texan through and through. 4th or 5th generation. I will quote Davy Crockett from an icebox magnet I have. Who says ice box anymore? You may all go to hell but I am going to Texas. I bet he wishes now he didn’t go to Texas. Have you seen the Alamo? Little thing but a must see if you are ever in San Antonio. Stay with me here I got a little off point which I do from time to time. My name is Lisa and I was a flight attendant for a major carrier for 24 years. My little thought’s and stories will come from some of those adventures. I was born in Wichita Falls. Texas.

I only lasted there until the 2nd grade, My Daddy got transferred to Lubbock where I grew up and I consider it my home town. I still have some of my friends from the 5th grade, 7th grade, 9th grade even have some from Texas Tech University where I went to college. I am one of those girls who had a pretty happy childhood even though we were poor. No, I did not walk ten miles to school and back. My parents were funny. Mama would do the Jitterbug at the drop of a hat and Daddy was always laughing and smiling. I had a sister who was 2 years and 4 months younger than me. Her name was Suzanne. She was a trip all her life. She was in the first grade when my parents noticed she was bringing papers and report cards home from a girl name Margo.

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They set up a meeting with her teacher and asked her who this Margo person was? The teacher got a little embarrassed and said Suzanne told me that you had legally change her name to Margo. From time to time she would keep Margo alive. She was Dr. Margo Bean. No, she wasn’t a doctor and never played one on TV.

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CHAPTER 3

W e were what you call latchkey kids. Both of our parents worked so I was the boss. Summers were spent running through the sprinklers or walking to Maxy Pool about a half mile away that being if we had the dime to get in and if we could get home in time for me to have ironed all the clothes. This was in the polyester days but shirts and to be starched and ironed. Mama always threw in a random dress to see if I had scorched it, Never. Suzanne brought me a bunch of her clothes to iron. I said what? What is wrong with your ironing arm? She would look at me and says please Geeka, not today but by Friday? Who could tell that blonde pixie cut haired blue eyed girl no. I rarely did say no all my life to Dr. Margo Bean Smith? We were left a quarter a day for both of us. My parents spared no expense. We did live around the corner from The Pink Store. A Mom and Pop mini mart. Nicest people you could ever meet. Mrs. Pink Store would make these Corn syrup suckers with anything from a nickel to a Quarter wrapped in wax paper inside the sucker. Totally illegal now and I am pretty sure then too. They were so nice and they looked after all of us kids and didn’t tell on us until Daddy would come in on Friday to pay for the Fresca or Tab that we couldn’t pay for. Why we chose those two soda pops I will never know. Always have been a Coco Cola or Dr. Pepper girl myself. Sometimes a 7-UP. Anyway, their son I think was so cute but when you are in the 3 rd grade boyz don’t like 5'6 girls so much. He had a Stingray bicycle. A Schwinn with motorcycle handle bars and a banana seat so two could ride. It was the prettiest bike I had ever seen. Metallic Blue and silver. Summer was going along fine until the woman on the corner, I think her name was Marlene. She had a beauty shop in her garage. It wasn’t even Easter but she bought her always beautiful perfectly style haired and teenage girls a baby duck. He was the cutest thing to play with and she would let Suzanne and I take it to our house 3 doors down to play with it. We put it in the tub with just a little water or outside in our blown-up kiddie pool. We weren’t doing anything wrong. We put Oscar in Mama’s biggest pot one day because it was raining and I didn’t have any ironing to do so were up to no good. Mama got home earlier than usual this raining Friday and saw that little duck in her biggest pot and had a conniption fit. She knew we got to bring the little duck home with us but she didn’t think that we would boil it and eat it. I guess to a grownups eye that is what they saw, we always see things different than they do. She took little Oscar and marched us down in the pouring rain and gave the duck back to Marlene and said the girls were about to boil it. She laughed a hardy beauty shop owner laugh and told Mama that it would be alright to put in a big pot. We had asked permission to do that. We weren’t bad or mean girls but we were bored. Marlene said Eleanor your girls are so polite and nice. The nicest on the block counting her two always hairdo’s up teenage girls. Well, Oscar became a thing of the past until we heard this honking sound and we looked and saw it was a fully-grown Oscar. Meanest thing you have ever seen. He would run and snip or bite your heals if you were in your $1.00 rubber thongs, Never in you Keds. He became a watch Duck, this was before McGruff the Crime dog. He would honk and flap around so loudly the teenage daughters couldn’t sneak boys in and Marlene could go to sleep with a smile on her face. This is about all I will, maybe, say, about my neighborhood for a while. Just asking really? Did y’all have storm cellars? There was one at every other house on our street. Wilma and John Waythe and their cute son John Larry’s was our go to backyard cellar. We just went next door and John and Daddy would rig up lights and they thought to bring blankets and games and water and food. We were prepared for the invasion of Russia. Lubbock had a lot of storms. Big giant ones. Nothing like the one on May 10 th , 1970. It was one of those full-blown category number 6 Tornados. It took daddy and John both to hold the tripled latched door down that spooky night. Years later they made this movie Twister" staring my first husband Bill Paxton RIP to you my love.

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CHAPTER 4

W hen I was in the first-grade I was in the Christmas Play at my elementary school. I was Mrs., Claus. I thought it was because I had long dishwater blonde hair. Oh No, my Mama said you were too tall to be in one of the gold sprayed and sparkly refrigerator boxes. Only the cute short girls got to wear the fairy dresses and I had on the glasses without lenses, hair in a bun, big hot long red dress on with a coat trimmed in some type of fur. Don’t hate me PETA I think it might have been rabbit. I just stood there examining the toys the elves had made before I gave them to Santa. I had a scowl on my face the whole time. I’ll show those teacher and the fairy’s a thing or to because in the 4 th grade we put on an Easter extravaganza. I sang a solo in front of grades 1 to 12. My Mama worked at the school and she kept asking the choir teacher if I was really that good and was she playing favorites? My Mama had heard me sing all my life. I was a junior Church Choir girl when I was only 5. I have the pin to prove it.

On and on this debate, went until the Choir teacher Miss Flack told my Mama to leave her alone the part was mine and that was that. Miss Flack wore a French Bun and had hair down to her waist. I thought she was the coolest teacher and person I had ever seen. I sang the heck out of my solo no microphone in my bunny costume which a still have part of somewhere. All my teachers and friends at school did not know I could sing that good and loud. I got the part not because I was tall but because I a better voice than the other girls who tried out and believe me they were some stiff competition for once my sister wasn’t the star. She sat on the edge of her seat in the auditorium. Mouthing the words. When I was finished, she rushed the stage, the play was not over and she hugged me around the waist and was crying and telling the whole school that I was her big sister and didn’t I deserve a standing ovation?

I had already gotten one and Mama and Mr. Carpenter, the elementary principal, had to lead Suzanne off the stage because the play was still going and she came back to me while I tried to exit stage left and said I love you, Lisa. Then she left the stage. Okay I will mention my height now and then. It was during this period had growth spurt. In the 6th grade I was 5'6 I grew that summer to 5'8. I was called the Jolly Green Giant Skinny Girl. I didn’t care. I always had to stand on the top rafter in school and choir pictures in the middle so whoever was my choir director at the time, Mrs.Traub or my fav Mr. Fulton could arrange the others accordingly. I got a job at 14. I also got my driver’s license at 14 too. I was so cool I could hardly stand myself. For some reason, I got my Mama’s car. A 1962 Dodge Lancer three on the tree. My car was white with red leather seats. Why daddy sprung for the red leather seats I don’t know. It had a refrigerated leaky air conditioner. Does anyone know how to drive a standard transmission three on the tree or on the floor? I bet half of the people in the United States of America do not know how. They are either automatic transmission or maybe one of those cars where you can sit in your backseat and the car will drive itself. It is my theory that everyone should learn to drive a manual transmission in case we really do get invaded by the Russian’s.

I traded in that little Dodge lancer and I got $300 for it as a trade in to one of my all-time favorite cars a 1972 Silver with a black racing stripe down the middle and pleather seats with a kick ass sound system. It had 2 speakers and could the blast!! Boy Howdy I was too cool for my own good. The car was Nadine my Chevy Vega.

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I paid that car off as soon as I cold and built up my credit and I was still in Junior high. You can’t touch this It had AM and FM radio and a cassette player. Did I mention how cool I thought I was??? Dr. Margo Bean would not get her driver’s license because the Dodge Lancer was to be hers so she waited until we got a car that was worthy of her driving expectations. She got her license at 19. I would go out with boyz if they let me drive. Most of them did. I was invincible in my driving knowledge. A legend in my own mind.

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CHAPTER 5

I s there any reason to have three chicken places next to each other? Chick-fil a, Church’s and Popeyes along with a Walmart. Speaking of food in common Cameron County has one in four people are obese- Chicken you think or FUD? Fud is some type of funky meat and cheese that is eaten down here.

Cameron County has quit a rap-sheet one in four people have diabetes and one in four have worked at HEB the only grocery store in the valley. I swear, Whole Foods or Kroger come on down. So, the deli guys at HEB think FUD is funky too. Boars Head is where it at, at least for us. Some stuff they carry are just dadgum awful looking. They do have pretty good tacos (not hard shell) corn and flour. Don’t ever buy the Mission flour kind I have heard that they are waxy. They probably wax them for prevention of scurvy or maybe they use them as wax paper to slide down hot slides.

They love to honk their horns down here, I’m just sitting in the car at a Valero doing nothing just got honked at for no reason. Honked after a while you don’t hear them anymore, in Dallas you might get shot. What good does honking do? Just irritates the honkee. Then there is the middle finger thing. Then shoulder shrug like You Honking at me? You talking to me? There is always that oldie but goodie cuffing yourself under the chin. Like you see in movies. What about it? I’ll shoot you’. I make a lot of obscure movies and song lyrics in this book. Hope y’all don’t mind. As if? I didn’t finish my thought. DUH! Here in Cameron County one in four people have diabetes. It is a fact. One in four people have worked for HEB and one in four have been in Jail or have had restraining orders against them. One in two people are Anglos and one in four cars have cracked windshields that never get fixed One in two haven’t taken driver’s Education. You should see how they drive down here. I told y’all about the honking. The never-ending honking. One in two have a Driver’s License. Gets on my nerves really something terrible. I am sure Cameron County Texas is not the only county in the United States of America. The Mexicans from Old Mexico come over the bridge to shop at Walmart or HEB. My spouse got hit by a Mercedes Benz a while ago. She just backed up and he happened, well to be honest, we were walking behind this car minding our own Beeswax. If she had taken Drives Ed. she would know you turn your head around and check your rear-view mirror before you run someone over. Knocked him to the ground and he might have been smushed if I hadn’t run interference. Banged on her trunk so hard I almost dislocated my shoulder she stopped then while my spouse was trying to recover from his near-death experience. I told the Lady look behind you before you put your car in reverse and start the engine. We were walking here. By the time I had continue my growing spurt to 5'10. I said you almost killed him and she looked at me like I had three eyeballs. She says in English that I couldn’t tell her what to do. I said if you had looked you can’t miss me. When I told, her I was going to call the police all the sudden she no comprende English and she started yelling at me in Spanish, they talk so fast, you can’t understand a word. She said something about she had the right of way and I said, Lady you don’t either I said do you even have a driver’s license? No comprende. My spouse had somehow gotten up after this near-death experience and his legs were all scratched up. Blood was everywhere. And I said I was going to call the police or at least the security guard that wore a helmet and cruised the parking on a Segway, no less. I took my brief leave to look for someone who could right this wrong and she took this time to peel out of that parking lot like no body’s business. I stood there with my mouth open and I really did catch a fly. My spouse hobbled to our car and we went to the place where were bunking up and I pulled out pieces of asphalt out of his leg. That was such FUN!! I had the foresight to bring a little first aid kit, I already was a nerd think I have said that before. I applied sterile gauze bandage. Before you knew it, he was doing the Uncle Willy It’s an Ohio State thing sort of dance. That’s all I will rant about this for now.

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CHAPTER 6

I still have a few things to get off my chest. I do not care for the ‘PIONEER WOMAN’ on the FOOD NETWORK Where does she get those tunics she wears every single day? Is she really an accidental farm girl in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, where does she get all those ugly colored tunics Amazon.com? Sears Catalog? I don’t know if she sews she doesn’t blog about that. I have nothing against redheads; my Mama Edith was one and so have many people on my mother’s side of the family tree. Hers is thin and she does not know what on earth to do with it? My theory is that if you are cooking, even on TV, Put that hair in a ponytail. I used to like EMERILE: until the over use of BAM has been taken out of the dictionary. I may have just made that part up but I have heard. I don’t care a fudge about Giada and her small little self with a big ole head. She talks to much and some folks don’t want Italian every day. Not everyone likes to use Balsamic Vinegar. I hate Cilantro with a passion. Will not touch it or eat it ever. She is the Granddaughter of that Italian director Dino De Larentiis. She doesn’t even have to work. She is famous already through her father’s side of the family olive tree. While I am at it Rachel Ray sure ran up the cooking ladder fast. Her 30 minute Meals were 30 minutes but who likes to use Italian sausage and EVOO all the time? That word was taken out of the dictionary for its blatant over use. Who cares about EVOO? Most people think the Olive Garden is fine Italian cuisine, PLEASE!!! I do not like Anne Burrell’s hair. If she dyed part of it black she could be a short haired Cruella Deville. Bobby Flay grills everything. What if you don’t like grilled watermelon? He is a Ginger any way so he needs a copious amounts sunscreen. Everyone knows how Gingers burn and freckle. I freckle too. Who am I to say? I do like Ina Garten. Her voice is like butter. She is so soothing to the ears and she makes things that look like foo-foo food but she explains it so we the people who like to watch the FOOD NETWORK and understand it but can’t find the ingredients at your only grocery store, should improvise. I am good at that. I do love Chopped. These people who have the weirdest hair come on and tell everyone how great they cook and there are the time restraints and those darn basket ingredients. Who eats FAVA Beans after reading and or seeing The Silence of the Lambs I ate his liver with some Fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti. Then he makes this little sucking noise and that’s it for Clarise. Okay I will get off the food thing but I love Cup Cake and Cake and Doughnut Wars I also love The Kids Baking challenge. I think you have be at least 8 and this past year they were making things I could never master in a million years give or take anyway there was this little girl who had to make a bakery treat that liked like real food. I think she got corned beef and cabbage or something. So, she steps up to be judged by Duff Goldman and Valerie Bertinille, who has skipped a few Nutrisystem meals, she walks up and they look at her creation and the little baker says "Put it in your mouth, chew it swallow it, love