Navigating the Storm: Lessons Learned from a Mental Health Crisis

By Shayne Petkiewicz

Globally, one in ten people struggle with mental health. That's not an innocuous number-more than the entire population of Europe-so why is mental health perceived as such an innocuous issue?

In Navigating the Storm, author Shayne Petkiewicz points out that it shouldn't be the case. Crises can strike anywhere, at any t

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: Aug 29, 2021
• ISBN: 9781637305348

Book preview

NAVIGATING THE STORM

NAVIGATING THE STORM

Lessons Learned from a Mental Health Crisis

Shayne Petkiewicz

New Degree Press

Copyright © 2021 Shayne Petkiewicz

All rights reserved.

NAVIGATING THE STORM

Lessons Learned from a Mental Health Crisis

ISBN

978-1-63730-438-9 Paperback

978-1-63730-533-1 Kindle Ebook

978-1-63730-534-8 Ebook

DEDICATION

To Mom, Dad, and Didi.

Thank you.

Contents

Introduction

Part 1.Trauma

Disequilibrium

History of Mental Health

Suicidal Ideation

Starting Therapy

Internal Landscape

Part 2.Survival

Breathe

Therapeutic Alliance

The Perils of Be a Man

Economics of Therapy

Hope

Community-Based Care

Parts

Día de Los Muertos

Loneliness

Part 3.Growth

Finding Meaning

Learning to Comfort

Play

Telling My Story Impacted My Story

Growth from Suffering

Wrapping up Therapy

A Bank of Positive Memories

Acknowledgments

Appendix

Endnotes

Introduction

Dear Shayne – 2019,

You are about to experience some of the most challenging moments of your life. These moments will yield a new depth of grief, loss, and pain. You will feel very alone, scared, and the future will seem bleak; a darkness will hover over you, linger, and at times feel inescapable.

I share this with you not to warn or cause apprehension, but rather to provide a level of comfort. I understand what you are about to go through and can confidently say while overcoming these moments will not be easy, they will pass.

Know also while you may feel alone at times, you do have a tremendous support system. You have a family and many close friends who love you dearly and will care for you and offer a shoulder for you to lean on.

While it may be challenging to recognize at the time, these difficulties can also offer moments of joy, fulfillment, and growth. You will strengthen old relations and forge new ones. And throughout this transition, you will also bring a sense of curiosity to this process that will enable you to better understand your sense of self, who you are, what you value, and what gives you meaning.

All of this will take time. It will not happen overnight. Actually, it will take much longer than what you would like. Please be patient. You will grow and rise, like a field of wildflowers after the first rain.

Love,

Shayne – 2020

I had just turned twenty-seven in the summer of 2019 and was enjoying my time living abroad in London. I originally moved there in the fall of 2015 to commence a twelve-month master’s program at Imperial College London. Following my graduation, I was fortunate enough to continue living in London and began working at a start-up.

My life’s trajectory, which seemed to be on such stable footing, fell out from underneath me almost without warning. In a matter of weeks, I announced my resignation at work, my long-term relationship ended, and I began preparations to move back to the US. Suddenly, I felt as if I had fallen into an abyss, an abyss I didn’t even know was possible to reach—murky, dark, without direction, and no sense of where the bottom lay. Having not dealt with any significant mental health challenges, I then faced hardships that challenged the very core of my beliefs. My fraught transition brought me back home—to San Jose, California—where I had lived as a teenager, and introduced me to the world of mental health and therapy.

As a result of not having previously faced a mental health crisis, I knew very little about mental health and had never sought out therapy. I did not have time to prepare myself for how suddenly I needed help. So, I learned about therapy on the fly, from others and on my own, as it helped me deal with the traumas that precipitated my departure from London.

One step on my journey to recovery involved writing my letter. Doing so was a revelation. Throughout my path toward healing, I routinely wondered how things might have been different were I equipped then with the knowledge to deal with my mental health challenges I now have. My process of reflection and writing made clear I had, in fact, grown during my time in therapy. I was struck by the many lessons I had learned that aided me in my process. It occurred to me these same insights could help others become more prepared to overcome the traumas and suffering they were facing or may face.

As therapy helped me grapple with the traumas I experienced, I slowly became more comfortable sharing and voicing my story. I found myself speaking openly about my difficult moments—initially only with close friends and loved ones. In opening up, I was surprised by their responses and found they created the space for others to share their own traumas. My stories became a powerful way to connect with others.

I noticed many of these same people who had experienced trauma responded in one of two ways:

• They tried to deal with the trauma by themselves and didn’t ask for help.

• They reached out for professional help only when facing a crisis.

I found this curious. There seemed to be a juxtaposition between how some of my friends were responding to their mental health challenges and what my therapist was recommending I do to address my tribulations. Many of my friends routinely spoke of the benefits of prioritizing and addressing mental health, yet many couldn’t address their challenges in ways that were recommended by professionals and thought leaders in the field of mental health. Even more, very few actually accessed, or even knew how to access, the very services that could support their mental health when they need it most. The premise of this book is, it is one thing to be aware of and value mental health but it’s a very different thing to be prepared to handle emotional traumas in a healthy manner.

This insight served as a genesis for what became this book and led me to try and help those dealing with their own proverbial valleys. As part of this effort, I had the incredible experience of meeting people from all walks of life and from across the globe. I spoke with leaders in the field of psychology and mental health, as well as many who shared their stories and traumas, all doing a fantastic job contributing to the conversation of mental health and working to make it a less taboo and more socially accepted topic. My discussions, secondary research, and personal experience touched on topics ranging from growth, anxiety, hope, loneliness, emotional intelligence, self-injury, and more.

Having these conversations also validated the importance of prioritizing mental health and raising awareness of this issue. I hope to contribute to this conversation by sharing my experiences in a very honest and transparent way. I will share many personal moments in which I was incredibly vulnerable. While I am nervous about opening up to such a wide audience, I believe conveying an authentic and true experience is necessary in order to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health.

As part of writing this book, I have routinely been asked, What do you want readers to take away from this book? It’s a great question and one that took me some time to discern. My overarching goal is for this book to be a resource for anyone hoping to learn about and improve their mental health. Going to therapy has made a huge impact on my life, and I would like to share with you some of the lessons I learned in the hopes they might help you become more informed about mental health. My aim is by reading this book, you can leave with a set of tools at your disposal you can employ to help manage your own difficult moments, traumas, or crises and have the knowledge to access professional help if you so desire.

Part 1

Trauma

Chapter 1

Disequilibrium

Sunlight streamed through the window. I opened my eyes and saw the maple tree, its leaves bright green and in full bloom, framed by a clear blue sky.

It was already warm, and I pushed away the covers. London was in the midst of a heatwave, the kind where the humidity clings to your skin and gives pause to any would-be rider on London’s non-air-conditioned Underground train lines. I yawned and stretched out in bed.

Had I made the right decision?

My stomach clenched.

Could things have been fixed?

I reached for my phone on my nightstand. Saturday. Only three days? It felt a lot longer.

How much effort would it have taken to fix?

My stomach remained clenched. Three days; I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Would things have been different if I wasn’t moving?

All these questions raced through my head with few answers. Hoping journaling would help me organize my thoughts, I rode my bike to Hyde Park. The air was rich with the aroma of honeysuckle, but it did little to distract me from my questions. I docked my bike and found a secluded lawn bereft of people, most likely due to the overgrown grasses. Walking directly to the center, I sat down and attempted to process the many emotions swirling within me, hoping to gain some clarity.

In the span of a few weeks, my relationship of three and a half years with my partner, whom I had met shortly after arriving to London, suddenly ended; I announced my resignation at work, a start-up of which I was a founding member and had devoted over three years of my life to getting off the ground; and I was then being forced to consider leaving London, my home for the previous four years, and returning to the US. I had hoped to continue living in London and did apply to various jobs there, but as one recruiter told me, it was difficult to offer a sponsorship visa in this political climate, referring to the political uncertainty created by Brexit, the United Kingdom’s withdrawal from the European Union. Suddenly, a lifestyle I had cultivated for years ceased to be, as did the life I had envisioned for myself in the years to come. Sitting in the park, I was trying my best to keep things together and prevent my life from falling apart.

The journal rested lightly on my lap; a blank page stared back at me. Unsure of how to begin, I listed the many questions I had.

My face scrunched up, and I crossed out what I had written.

Why is it so hard to get a sense of why I’m feeling this way?

My eyes opened wide, and I furiously jotted down a few half-sentences.

• relationship

• living situation

• work/career decisions

The pen slipped out of my hands and fell to the ground. My shoulders felt heavy, and I hunched over my journal, staring at the three bullet points.

No wonder everything seems jumbled.

I found it hard to catch my breath. My heartbeat quickened. The heat shimmered on the walkways nearby and the air weighed down upon me.

I reached for my phone and called my friend.

Pick up! Pick up!

Nothing.

I tried calling a different friend; again, no answer.

Tossing my phone to the side, I looked back at the three bullet points. Beads of sweat streaked down my forehead.

Just at that moment, a Royal Parks Constabulary car—the police force tasked with policing the Royal Parks—stopped close by. Two officers stepped out, both heading in my direction. The younger officer, probably in his mid-thirties, led the way followed by a grizzled veteran. I assumed they wanted to speak with me as there wasn’t anyone else around. Sitting cross-legged on the grass, I looked up toward the officers.

Are you smoking? asked the younger officer.

My brow furrowed. No. I remembered the three bullet points. I’m…I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Both officers stopped one meter away from me. Their hands rested on their belts.

The young officer cocked his head. Overwhelmed with what?

I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and muttered, With life…

Drops of water dotted my journal. Tears ran down my cheeks. My chest suddenly relaxed and I exhaled. Something had been triggered inside me, which released that wave of emotion. I continued crying, my head resting on my hands.

I took in some deep breaths and reached for a napkin in my pocket and blew my nose. The officers were no longer standing over me. Instead, the grizzled veteran was kneeling on the grass and the younger officer sat across from me with a look of concern. I guess after witnessing a grown man crying in public, they no longer felt I fit the bill as a recalcitrant drug fiend and decided to change tactics.

I explained my situation, of everything I was dealing with.

Cheer up, man, said the veteran. There are plenty of girls around; you should go have fun.

I chuckled. Thinking about other girls seemed inconceivable.

Where are you from? asked the younger officer.

California.

California? That’s a nice place. The veteran looked up with a smile. At least you don’t have to go to a war-torn country.

I smiled feebly. While true, his comment did little to make me feel better.

For a short while, they continued trying to cheer me up. Regardless of whether or not I would heed their advice, I was very much thankful for their willingness to offer support. Sitting with them helped me feel less alone. At last, they stood up, waved, said their goodbyes, walked back to their car, and continued patrolling the park.

It took me a moment to process what had just happened, how unusual that moment was. Not known for being emotive, I suddenly found myself crying in front of two strangers. It felt cathartic. I was alone, feeling distraught, wanting to be able to speak with someone, and two men whom I had never met before helped me process that moment of grief. Speaking with the officers helped me feel