The Watch: Upfallers

By P.A. Western-Pittard

A Hilarious longish-short story adventure for fans of Terry Pratchett and lovers of quirky fantasy scifi.

 

In the Temple City of Tarn, no one and nothing is who they seem…

 

When Julian, a down-on-his-luck acolyte, comes across an ancient watch, he thinks this is exactly what he needs to solve his money problems. But Julian always was an optimistic dreamer. What begins as a seemingly simple stroke of luck soon turns into an adventure where he must find the impossible, or literally die trying.

But considering Julian isn't much a fan of either dying or trying, this is going to turn out to be harder than he thought.

 

A longish-short story involving Soap-Bubble-Temples, a quest for ancient warbots and the meanest gunrunner in town, The Watch is a riotous introduction to the world of the Upfallers series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul Western-Pittard
• Release date: Aug 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201550936

Book preview

1

As Julian powered down Astute Street on his hoverbike, clipping pedestrians and dodging the immovable walls of construction robots, he contemplated the idea of expectations.

Item one: When he'd joined the Temple of Celestial Maps as an acolyte, he'd expected three meals a day. What he'd got instead was a soggy cardboard loyalty card to Grom's House of Automatic Coffee, which turned out to be expired anyway. Item Two: The assumption that there'd be a small stipend to allow him to manage item one, on account of there not being food in the place. That expectation had also been overridden by the reality that the temple was broke. Which lead to expectation three: that when you hired a hoverbike in order to run your courier service side-gig, the device would at least have an engine. Or hover. He grimaced as he leaned over the handlebars and peddled harder. These days, he'd learned to lower these expectations. He was much more of a take-it-as-it-comes comes kind of acolyte.

Yo! yelled the smartwatch from his wrist.

Julian raised his arm to look at the digital face, which had adopted a pixelated frown. What?

You're running late, said the watch.

No, I'm fine.

The watch considered this for a second before replying. Do I tell you how to digest food?

What? said Julian, wobbling on the bike a little. No. What are you…

Then don't tell me about time. I do two things, and only two things: I always know the time, and then I always tell you the time. That's it. Two things, and I'm pretty awesome at them both.

Julian shook his head. Three things.

What's the third thing? began the watch before cutting itself off. Oh, I get it. You're going to say something like being a pain in the arse, aren't you?

Julian tilted his head. Well, now that you mention it.

The watch's face faded with a frown. Setting alarm for 4 am, it said before disappearing.

Wait, no! cried Julian, but it was too late. The watch was sulking.

Julian regretted buying the watch. At the time, it had seemed too good to be true. He'd been riding down Coven Street on a delivery when a voice had called to him from an alley.

Hey buddy, do you want to buy a watch?

Julian hadn't in fact wanted to buy anything, but the voice was insistent. He'd slowed and parked the bike, venturing inside the dark gap between two temples. The figure he met had been almost perfectly shady, in every sense of the word. She'd stepped forward, pulling the timepiece from her scruffy coat, and laid it carefully across her palm.

How much? asked Julian, despite himself. He couldn't afford to lose time like this, especially with an urgent delivery to make. But then again, he thought, if he had a watch he'd know exactly how much time he couldn't afford to lose, right down to the second.

How much have you got? asked the woman.

It's stolen, isn't it? said Julian.

Oh no, sir, replied the watch seller. You've just stumbled into my concept-pop-up emporium specialising in a single piece of merchandise. She shook her head. Of course it's bloody stolen.

Julian peered at the timepiece. It looked expensive. Could the thief not realise what she had? He stared at it in silence, thinking. It was Oldtech, rare these days.

Does it work?

Hello, said the watch. I work better than you.

You talk?

The watch's face glittered as it projected a hologram of a humanoid face into the space before him. Dust motes sparkled as they crossed the projector beam. I am a 3015 Benson quantumchronograph with nano-propagation and self-repair algorithms, powered by an anti-fusion microdot.

Riiight, said Julian. So you talk too much, then. Do you have a non-talking setting?

Rude, said the watch.

Julian