Political Acceptance: A Millennial Manifesto

By Daniel Nowak

I started writing this book as a way to figure somethings out for myself; I was lost. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't alone. My whole generation seemed lost. Millennials grew up in the best time ever to be a kid. The 90's were infused with a sense of optimism. There was no specter of nuclear war or vast political unrest. The biggest political problem revolved around the president getting a blow job. Our cartoons and TV shows depicted a utopia of post-racialism and an aura of general happiness. The world seemed to be spinning towards bigger and better things. We were Toys R Us Kids – we never wanted to grow up.

We always knew it sucked being an adult and we were right. Our naïve '90s childhood was smashed on 9/11. Many of us graduated from college right around the 2008 financial crisis. In our 20s and 30s, we have seen the rise of extreme political polarization and tribalism, racial protests across the country, and the 2020 pandemic. Life comes at you fast.

What will become of the millennial generation? Will millennials be able to overcome denial and accept our current political problems for what they are? Can millennials accept getting older and taking charge? Can we grow up, or will we be Toys R Us Kids forever?

The purpose of this book is to encourage millennials to reclaim our youthful optimism by confronting the challenging issues of our time: welfare, abortion, guns, climate change, healthcare, and race. It's time for millennials to take command of our political future.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 29, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098373733

Book preview

cover.jpg

For my daughter, Sonya

Political Acceptance

A Millennial Manifesto

©2021 Daniel Nowak

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

print ISBN: 978-1-09837-372-6

ebook ISBN: 978-1-09837-373-3

Contents

Introduction

Denial Makes Perfect Sense

Part 1 – Acknowledge

A Last Gift from the Greatest Generation - An Essay on Welfare

Accepting Help

Part 2 – Inquire

The Unexpected Facebook Post - An Essay on Abortion

Accepting Fear

Basement Art - An Essay on Guns

Accepting Grief

Part 3 – Evaluate

Why Do Millennials Suck? - An Essay on Millennials

Accepting Irrationality

Where is NASA? - An Essay on Climate Change: Part 1

Accepting Duty

A Problem of Progress - An Essay on Climate Change: Part 2

Accepting Sacrifice

Part 4 – Judge

Oaths Are Stronger Than Laws - An Essay on Healthcare

Accepting Punishment

The Platinum Rule - An Essay on Race: Part 1

Accepting Guilt

The Burden of Judgment – An Essay on Race: Part 2

Accepting Agency

Part 5 – Accept

Private Caparzo’s Letter - An Essay on Death

Accepting Contradiction

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

References

Introduction

Denial Makes Perfect Sense

I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest several times in my life. One relationship in particular took me a long time to get over. I think my generation, the Millennials, has it worse dealing with an aftermath of a breakup than people did in the past. We have more proof that love existed; pictures, selfies, videos are in abundance - a tender moment captured on a memorable vacation, a candid expression of love at a friend’s wedding, ridiculous archived gchat conversations. If we are feeling blue, we can check the proof to see that the love was real, that our minds weren’t just making it all up. The proof is in our pockets all day long.

Getting over a lover who has left you takes a long time to accept. What I felt following my break ups followed Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s classic five stages of grief. Denial > Anger > Bargaining > Depression > Acceptance. The problem was getting to the last stage: acceptance.

I found that getting to acceptance was elusive. I’d move from denial to depression and instead of getting to acceptance, I’d end up right back in denial. I was trapped in what I call a Grief Loop.

Denial > Anger > Bargaining > Depression >

Denial > Anger > Bargaining > Depression >

The reasons we stay in denial are not unfounded. I couldn’t accept that my relationships were over because I had the proof that there had been love. It was a historical fact. The problem is that when we are in denial, we refuse to consider new information. We reject growth. We want to live in the world where the facts that we like remain as facts forever. Staying in denial makes perfect sense.

For most of my life, I have lived in a magical world of denial. And I’ve come to realize that this world of denial was bigger and more expansive than I had imagined. I discovered that there were issues beyond my love life where I was engaged in stubborn self-deception.

Over the last few years, I have gone through a big life transition: from being a man-child to becoming a man with a child. The transition was painful. Overcoming denial isn’t only about accepting bad things that have happened to us. Denial can also cause us to avoid responsibilities or ignore bad behavior. I had to reckon with my past, my bad behavior, and think about the values I wanted to model for my daughter. To decide what values I wanted to model for my daughter, I had to figure out my own values.

This book is called Political Acceptance because our personal experiences affect our political views and vice versa. How can I articulate a political position on, say, welfare, if I don’t first reflect on my personal thoughts on the nature of help and how I was helped in my life? In our current moment, politics has for better or for worse, invaded all aspects of morality. As I gave my life some thought, I realized that the things I was in denial about were intertwined with my messy political views.

I discovered that my fear of having a child affected my views on abortion. My experience growing up with Black people shielded me from the problems of race in America. As I started to uncover a list of things I was in denial about, I started to notice that other people were in denial too. Where is NASA on climate change? Why aren’t doctors taking the lead on fixing healthcare? Why did Kevin Durant wreck the NBA?

Kubler-Ross defined the 5 Stages of Grief, but she didn’t tell us how to get to acceptance. I created a process to defeat The Grief Loop and finally reach acceptance.

5 Stages of Grief

Denial > Anger > Bargaining > Depression > Acceptance

5 Stages of Acceptance

Acknowledge > Inquire > Evaluate > Judge > Accept

Acknowledge: to recognize and confront an unresolved problem, while understanding contextualism

Inquire: to seek new information, or to reflect on old information, with rigorous honesty

Evaluate: to consider the consequences of our commitments

Judge: to affirm agency, recognize difference, and create action

Accept: to reconcile and grow

To find acceptance, one must take each step in this process. For example, one cannot judge without first understanding contextualism or being rigorously honest. The 5 Stages of Acceptance is designed to defeat the corresponding stage in the Grief Loop. Inquiry defeats anger, judgment defeats depression etc.

The road to acceptance is painful. The reason acceptance is so elusive is that people don’t want to confront problems. People have a tough time being honest with themselves and changing the way they think. People have a tough time accepting they are the author of their own destiny. I know these were all the case for me. I was happy living in my magical world of denial. I refused to change my ways even though the facts of life were punching me in the face. I floated through life hoping that life would just take care of itself.

I started writing this book as a way to figure somethings out for myself; I was lost. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t alone. My whole generation seemed lost. Millennials grew up in the best time ever to be a kid. The 90’s were infused with a sense of optimism. There was no specter of nuclear war or vast political unrest. The biggest political problem revolved around the president getting a blow job. Our cartoons and TV shows depicted a utopia of post-racialism and an aura of general happiness. The world seemed to be spinning towards bigger and better things. We were Toys R Us Kids – we never wanted to grow up.

We always knew it sucked being an adult and we were right. Our naïve ‘90s childhood was smashed on 9/11. Many of us graduated from college right around the 2008 financial crisis. In our 20s and 30s, we have seen the rise of extreme political polarization and tribalism, racial protests across the country, and the 2020 pandemic. Life comes at you fast.

We have lost our sense of youthful optimism. We lost our optimism because it’s hard to look at the state of our politics and not feel grief. Millennials are politically stuck somewhere in the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression stages of The Grief Loop. The essays that follow are intended to break the loop and guide us to acceptance – the goal being to reclaim our optimism and take command of our political future.

The proof of love in my pocket was only proof of the past. I had to accept that the relationship embodied in those photos and messages was over. Acceptance doesn’t guarantee happiness, but what I’ve found is that acceptance can bring reconciliation and growth. I am now able to look back at the memories of that relationship fondly. I have moved forward on my journey. I am able to love and be loved again.

***

This book is not about political compromise. It is also not a book that decides who is on the right side of history. This is a book is designed to be a guide to solve political problems. The central question of this book is: How can we overcome denial and accept our political problems? Until we first come to accept our problems for what they are, we will never make any real progress.

This book is framed through the eyes of a millennial. What will become of the millennial generation? Will millennials be able to reconcile the political mess we are in? Can millennials accept getting older and taking charge? Can we grow up, or will we be Toys R Us Kids forever?

Part 1 –

Acknowledge

Acknowledge: to recognize and confront an unresolved problem,

and to understand contextualism

5 Stages of Acceptance

Acknowledge > Inquire > Evaluate > Judge > Accept

A Last Gift from the

Greatest Generation -

An Essay on Welfare

Accepting Help

They say youth is wasted on the young, I would also add that wisdom is wasted on the old. When is the last time you had a meaningful conversation with an old person? Or better yet, asked an old person for advice? Despite the abundance of life lessons our elders have to offer us, I feel like this is something people don’t do too much. One thing I regret is not having been able to turn to my grandparents when I needed life advice.

My father died when I was young, so I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents. I was very close with them. If you look up the term the Greatest Generation in an encyclopedia, I wouldn’t be surprised if a picture of my grandparents were there.

Grandpa Herb was in the Army when he met Grandma Bev, who was working as a secretary at the FBI. They got married and did what people did during that generation: They lived in the same house for 50 years and had a bunch of kids. Grandpa was a carpenter and business owner. Grandma sang in the same church choir for 60 years.

Even though I was close to my grandparents, I could never ask them for advice. I wasn’t able to turn to them because they were goodness personified. They lived well and showed me by example how to live. If I wanted advice, I should just look to their example. I should already know the answer to my own problems; I should live how they lived.

The problem was that knowing where to go and knowing how to get there are two different things. I could watch Lebron play basketball all day long, but it would be more helpful if he spent time coaching me.

I thought my problems seemed beneath them. I thought that I needed to shield them from my failures and inadequacies. To them, I was a model grandson. I wasn’t about to run to my grandpappy when I got into trouble. Or when I was self-destructing. And I certainly wasn’t going to talk to them about how I drank too much.

Shame Revelation

What does it say about society that we shame people in desperate situations?

I had just lost my job as a branch manager of a bank in the most millennial way possible. I got fired following a social media incident.

In retrospect, the button on my crotch was a bad idea. Instead of women touching my button like I had hoped, my buddies just tried to punch the button all night.

The issue was that I made my profile picture on Facebook a photo from a Halloween party. To me it was a benign picture - I was dressed as a sex machine. My costume was simplistic – it was an arrow pointed towards a giant yellow button that was strapped to my crotch. The HR department flagged this picture as inappropriate and I was written up. Being written up had financial implications – I lost a $5,000 bonus I had earned for being a top performer. The relationship with my boss was unsalvageable after that incident and I was fired a short time later. I was so angry over losing that job. It was so unfair. Damn corporate bastards.

After I was fired, I had no savings because I’d spent the previous few years paying off grad school. I filed for unemployment, and since I had no income or assets, I also filed for food stamps. ¹

The process of filing for unemployment and food stamps feels degrading. How much is your income? Zero. Do you have any assets? No. What time could you attend an employment education seminar? Anytime; I don’t have a job.

Going to the job seminar felt like having to dance for my dinner. It felt like I was surrounded by fellow losers. We were talked to as if we were children. They made us sit for a two-hour PowerPoint presentation on how to apply to a job. The packet of information they gave to us was appropriate for a high school freshman who never had a job before.

It was already humiliating being fired from a job; dealing with bureaucracy and attending mandatory, condescending seminars poured salt on the wound. I felt I was a successful person, having to use food stamps at the grocery store was mortifying.