Zombies Don't Eat Catnip

By Tiffani Burkett

The diary of a cat during the zombie apocalypse is more than just naps and wet food reviews.

 

When the Slow Walkers showed up, Clutch the Calico had no idea her humans would be so bad at not getting eaten. From power outages to shopping trips, saving Greg and his six-year-old daughter from the undead quickly turned into a full time job. But if Clutch doesn't want to lose her supply of Furrtastic Feast and cuddles, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her humans safe.

For the Cat Lovers and the reluctant readers, if you like Cat Memes, The Walking Dead, or Diary of a Wimpy Kid, you'll love the off kilter, sarcastic, and a little bit cute adventures of Zombies Don't Eat Catnip!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tiffani Burkett
• Release date: Jul 19, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201417000

Tiffani Burkett

Tiffani grew up in Los Angeles, CA with a story in her head, a comic book in her hands, and eventually, a motorcycle under her feet. But after a long career in software development, she went off on a road trip spanning 2 years, exploring the US, Latin America, and Southeast Asia with nothing but a motorcycle, a tent, and a lot of hope.Over that trip, she discovered a love and talent for writing, and she's now a published Journalist in Motorcyclist Magazine, the world's oldest running motorcycle publication. When she's not behind the keyboard, she’s a licensed motorcycle road racer and scuba diver, a motivational speaker, an artist, and a seasoned adventurer.

Book preview

Other Books by Tiffani Burkett

Chronicles of a Motorcycle Gypsy: The 49 States Tour

ISBN: 978-0578212838

Chronicles of a Motorcycle Gypsy: South of the Border

ISBN: 978-0578578101

Chronicles of a Mermaid: Scuba Diving and Backpacking in Southeast Asia

ISBN: 978-0578803562

Taffy’s Tales: Adventures in Costa Rica

ASIN: B07SFZDGXR

For Jack, Jessica, Angel, Katie, and all the other funny, adorable, cuddly, and obnoxious kitties to have blessed my life with their fluffy and regal presence.

The Cat Logs, Entry 1 :

Did You Try Walking Faster?

I’m sure you’re reading this because you wanted to know what happened with yesterday’s pickled mouse fiasco, but apparently the humans are pickling themselves now. And no, I’m not talking about their poor hygiene. Well, not this time. Although, I still don’t understand why anyone would willingly get into a whole tub full of water when you have a perfectly good tongue to clean yourself with. Humans are so inefficient.

Anywho, I don’t mean to disappoint my fans who follow my blog for my food reviews, napping tips, and stretching routines, but things have gotten pretty strange lately. This morning, my biggest human, also known as Greg Mimsy, woke me up to squeeze me into my harness. Despite my protests, he still hasn’t figured out that he bought a harness one size too small. But just the same, wearing it means I get to go outside, so I suck it up.

He clipped on a leash, and we went out for our usual walk. First, we passed by the neighbor’s house. A tabby named Livewire lives there. He’s insane. I was looking out the window one day and watched him launch off his roof, catch a bird mid-air with his teeth, and land in the nearby tree.

I mean, obviously I totally have the skill and coordination to do that, too. But he had a wild look in his eyes. Definitely crazy.

Then we wrapped around the block by Angel’s house. She’s a white puff ball of a cat with one blue eye and one green eye. She’s half Siamese, but she talks at least as much as a purebred. Maybe twice as much. Don’t even get her started on her opinions on clumping cat litter.

The next house belonged to Rusty Buttons the Tuxedo Kitty. He’s a lot dorkier than his sophisticated black and white fur implies.

It was all the usual cats sitting in all their usual windows minding their usual business. Nothing to be alarmed about.

That is, until we turned around to head back. I made it about ten steps when my human stopped suddenly, practically yanking me backwards. I mewed back at him with pronounced annoyance, but his eyes were fixated up ahead.

Half way down the street, a tall, lanky human was limping in our direction. A