Macrame & Murder

By Nicole Jones-Dion

In macramé, no one can hear you scream...

 

When horror writer Nicole Jones-Dion learns an anonymous publisher is releasing macramé "how-to" books under her name, she decides to take matters into her own hands and write her first ever macramé book.

 

The result is a sometimes humorous, sometimes informative look at the world as seen through the eyes of a horror writer... who knows nothing at all about macramé. Join Nicole as she takes readers on a darkly twisted journey involving serial killers, cursed pirate treasure, witch trials, haunted quilts, and everything in between.

 

Includes:

• Step-by-step instructions on two dozen macrame projects for all skill levels
• Helpful illustrations to achieve perfect macrame results
• Random stories about death and murder

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nysa Media
• Release date: Jun 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201921828

Book preview

Introduction

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Nicole Jones-Dion and I am a writer/director based out of Los Angeles. I’m primarily known as a genre writer, which in Hollywood-speak means I write things like horror, fantasy, and sci-fi.

During my career, I’ve written stories about vampires, zombies, time-travelers, demons, cursed samurai swords, murderous phone apps, parallel universes, poltergeists, aliens, voodoo, ghostly serial killers, and haunted elevators.

You know what I’ve never written about? Macramé.

So imagine my surprise when I saw my name listed on Goodreads as the author of a series of how-to books on macramé.

I have a few thoughts concerning my mysterious literary doppelgänger:

1) I specifically changed my name to Nicole Jones-Dion when I got married because there were already a bunch of other Nicole Joneses and Nicole Dions out there. I get confused with them ALL. THE. TIME. It’s annoying, but what can you do? Jones is the second most common name in the US and Dion is basically the Jones of Quebec.

2) I know absolutely nothing about macramé. Nada. Zippo. I have a vague recollection of my mom doing macramé back in the 70s, but I was never a huge fan. I guess it’s having a resurgence right now because people were cooped up during the pandemic and got bored? Whatever. It’s knot my thing.

(Apologies in advance for the bad jokes. I write horror, not comedy.)

3) From my perspective, it looks like some anonymous person decided to cash in on the macramé trend and publish a series of lame books* under the pseudonym Nicole Jones-Dion.

(*Full disclosure - I haven’t actually read the books in question. So for all I know, they could be the War & Peace of macramé)

4) The odds of someone else having my exact same name (or even just randomly making it up) are 8,675,309 to 1.**

(** Fuller disclosure - I am not a statistician. It’s just a catchy song.)

5) All this leads me to believe that they are somehow hoping to ride my (albeit, short) coattails to Fame and Fortune. I don’t know how long the macramé gravy train is. All I know is I haven’t been getting a cut.

Maybe I should be flattered, but the biggest question I have is WHY? Why did they pick MY name? Why not J.K. Rowling or Stephen King or James Patterson? I think we all know the answer to that, and it involves an army of lawyers. Which brings me to my final point…

6) Since there’s technically nothing I can do to stop someone else from using my name, I’ve decided to write MY OWN macramé book. So for my fan(s) out there who is(are) looking for a more authentic Nicole Jones-Dion how-to guide on macramé, I bring you Macramé & Murder.

Consider yourself warned: I have never made anything out of macramé (nor have I ever killed anyone, but that should go without saying). If you’d actually like to attempt one of these delightful macramé crafts, the instructional bits are borrowed from The Young Ladies’ Journal which was published in 1888.

I assume macramé hasn’t changed much since the 1800s, but I’m too lazy to look it up.

As for the murder part, well, this will give you a glimpse behind the curtain and see how the brain of a horror writer works. It’s messy and chaotic and full of useless factoids that make terrible conversation starters at cocktail parties.

Enjoy!

History

Macramé (or knotting as the Young Ladies' Journal calls it) is having a modern-day revival, but its origin is quite ancient. A book of macramé designs was printed in Venice as early as 1530. Back then, it was known as as punto a gruppo or gruppino (referring to a group of knots). At the time, it was primarily used for trimming the vestments of priests.

The Genoese, who starting using the technique on wedding gowns, are credited with coming up with the name macramé. It comes from a 13th century Arabic word migrama which signifies a large serviette or cloth with a fringed border.

When the Moors conquered Spain, they brought the art of  tied knots with them. From there, it spread throughout Europe and into England. During the late 17th-century, sailors occupied their free time by making macramé objects to hone their knot-tying skills (when you’re out at sea, a good knot can mean the difference between life or death). Sailors brought the art of macramé to places as far-flung as China and the New World.

The history of murder goes back even further. If the Bible is to be believed, the first murder was committed in the Book of Genesis when Cain killed his brother