Believe: Five Steps to Freedom

By Jason Brian Orr

Does the Christian life seem empty to you? Do you feel like something may be missing in your walk with God?

Too often, the thing that is missing in a Christian's life is a true belief in who God really is. We may have a knowledge of God, but it takes a true unwavering belief to receive His gift of faith, and begin a meaningful relationship

• Language: English
• Publisher: God Manifest Publishing
• Release date: Jun 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9781734055641

Jason Brian Orr

Jason Brian Orr, an author and licensed minister, attends and serves in C3 Victory church, located in Victoria, Texas. He has overcome severe physical and emotional abuse through the love of God. Jason's life is filled with many miraculous events, dating back to his salvation at seven years old. He is married to Melissa Kay Orr, a top-producing Realtor® in Victoria, Texas, and he is a father of three grown young men. Outside of church, Jason proudly serves at Christian Warriors Retreat, a ministry for veterans, first responders, and their families.

Book preview

Foreword

Can you imagine yourself living in a totally isolated setting and the only reading material available to you is a Bible? What would your personal theology look like?

We might begin our quest for knowledge with the question, What is truth? Are we left with the answer to that question, or do we stand in jest like Pilate did without an answer?

Academically, we know that truth is both concrete and absolute. Today, we often consider truth to be an interpretation of the truth that, at times, evolves to fit a narrative at that point in time. Don’t our responses to deep questions often begin with, Well, I feel that …? What is the truth?

A few years back, Jason Orr and I crossed paths while attending the same church. Jason invited me to attend a Bible study and I accepted that invitation. After some discussion, Jason explained that his vision of a study would entail just him and myself setting out on a word study and seeing where God led us. My initial thoughts were that a small group of men would sit in a circle, discuss certain Scriptures, and analyze said Scriptures like a think tank. Jason’s explanation pushed me a bit out of my comfort zone, and I knew that time would need to be invested and time was a commodity that I was short on. But nonetheless, we began an intentional deep dive, and our study took us in directions that neither of us had expected. From Jason’s seminary studies, we employed tools that helped us focus on one specific word, trust, and we relentlessly pursued that word throughout the testaments. We considered the historical context, the original language, and how it cross-referenced with other passages where it was mentioned. Over time, others joined in and we truly witnessed how iron sharpens iron. Who knew where this would all lead when we simply said yes to what God had called us both to do?

A few years had passed when I invited Jason to attend a men’s Christian retreat for veterans and first responders to help serve on a prayer team. Jason was obviously out of his comfort zone (touché) but accepted the invitation with some reservation.

Today, I am grateful that Jason and I both serve as leaders in that same church, C3 Victory in Victoria, Texas. And I am grateful that together we both serve the men and women at Christian Warriors Retreat. Our friendship, brotherhood, and obedience to stepping out of our comfort zones have led us to witness miracle after miracle. Who knew, other than God, where this all would lead, and will still lead? I can say that there are far fewer reservations these days when God calls either of us into uncharted territories.

Jason does not intend for you to take his word on what truth is, but rather he hopes that you will take it upon yourself to seek out the truth, grasp it, and incorporate it into your personal theology. Then, take the truth that is revealed to you and share it with others. This is how we make disciples and set the captives free. Only the truth can do that. But first things first, know the truth for yourself, and the truth will set you free.

Sincerely,

Dan Pooley

Elder, C3 Victory in Victoria, Texas

MARK 9:23 (NKJV)

Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."

PRAYER

God, bless this book and all who read it. May your words reach those who mine would not. May your love be made manifest in their hearts, and may their words and works become yours. May they find redemption in your Holy Spirit and your faith be made the foundation of their lives. Let them move forward on the path you have called them to, and may their bodies, minds, and homes be healed.

Thank you, Father, for leading me, breaking me, and molding me. Thank you for protecting me and making me more like you. Thank you, Father, for doing the same with each and every reader of this book.

In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen!

PREFACE

There have only been a handful of people whom I have allowed to influence my life. These people were often unaware that their actions, and words, had such sway. I have come to realize that, in this same way, there are people in my life who, either in passing or in relationship, have allowed me to be an influence in their lives. This realization was, and continues to be, an enormous responsibility and honor, one that I do not take lightly.

I had a rough childhood, to say the least, and relationships were not an easy thing. My home life was precarious at best, but mostly just scary. We had no money most of the time, and so the housing we lived in was almost always less than desirable. Most of the time my clothes came from other people, but only after they had thoroughly worn them. When it comes to shoes, I can honestly say that I have walked a mile in those belonging to another man.

The almost-daily physical abuse and the ever-more-frequent verbal and emotional abuse created an environment that was tenuous at best. Though I have had several stepdads, this particular one was not happy, and he made sure that no one else was either. As an adult, I bear no ill feelings toward this man. In fact, I pray that his life has found peace. I pray that blessing and favor follow him and that happiness fills his home.

The past is the past. The result of mine, however, was a boy broken. I had a case of PTSD so bad that even into my late twenties and early thirties, I was unable to function effectively in social environments. If someone were to make any sudden movements, I would flinch. If anyone got angry, the urge to flee was almost overwhelming. More than a decade of hate and hurt had created a weak, frail, and sad man. A man with very little self-confidence and even less motivation. My fear was bottled up nice and tight, until I was stressed, backed into a corner, and pushed to anger. When that happened, things would get broken. I was so scared that the only time I could relieve my stress and frustration was on the people I cared about. Only then was I comfortable enough to let go of my anger. I was so scared I couldn’t even be angry at the right people. You can imagine then how very blessed I was to find a woman who could see the man I could be and not the man I was. I have called that woman wife and best friend for twenty-three years.

It is my prayer that this book provides you with insights that will allow you to find yourself in God. That your identity and purpose would be revealed. That if you apply these principles, you will be able to find healing in body, mind, and soul that will allow you to become the light that someone you may know, or haven’t yet met, needs. That once that light turns on, it can never be put out, even in death. May all those who read this find freedom.

Please note that the stories from my life are not all told in chronological order. A few are told in a particular context to emphasize an idea, but all are true depictions of those times in my life. My hope is that the weakness in my life can bring strength into yours.

Chapter 1

MY JOURNEY

Fear

My friend Scott had known me when I was a young boy. We had lost touch over the years, but eventually found ourselves going to the same church. He and I had taken our families to Garner State Park one summer and were in the middle of one of the best camping trips I had ever been on. Scott is like the ultimate Boy Scout. He can build just about anything, he cooks, he is a certified diver, and when we went camping, let’s just say I found myself actually looking for the kitchen sink and I found it too. We had elk steaks, hamburgers, eggs, bacon, and coffee with a percolator. He brought a stove top and several coolers with meats and drinks, including milk. He brought tables, chairs, an actual camping sink, potable water, and an empty container to catch the used water in. He had tents, firewood, charcoal, matches, diving gear, two kayaks (with their paddles), an axe, knives, forks, spoons, bowls, and other dishes including frying pans and a few pots, and a partridge in a pear tree. This is the second and last time my wife and I ever went camping in twenty-three years. He ruined her. Now if we wanted to go camping, but I could not bring all of these things, she refuses to participate (unless it is a trip to a hotel).

But on this particular trip, we were cooking dinner at our campsite (the envy of all of the surrounding campers, by the way), and my twins, who were eight at the time, were acting up. They were knocking things over and running around, kids being kids. I, however, did not see it that way at the time. I admittedly was a bit gruff with them, but I was able to get them to calm down. However, Scott saw it differently. From the outside, Scott saw a man telling kids not to be kids. A spirit-breaking moment I had been through as a kid and purposefully had been trying to forget. Here I was doing the exact same thing and oblivious to that fact. Scott pulled me to the side and asked me why I felt the need to talk to my kids in that way. I explained to him that I needed them to behave, and I felt it inappropriate for them to be running around like heathens breaking things that did not belong to them. Scott had packed an answer for that too.

After intently listening to everything I had to say, Scott proceeded to ask one profound question, What are you afraid of? His question caught me off guard. After knowing me for as long as he had, how could he think I was afraid of anything?

Scott, being Scott, simply said, Next time you feel yourself getting angry, ask yourself that question. I belligerently stated that I was not afraid of anything and that I failed to see how that had anything to do with what my kids were doing. He insisted that I at least try it, and so to make this awkward situation pass, I agreed. I told him that next time I would try. The miracle of this entire encounter was that I actually did try it.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs 27:6 (NIV)

It was a few weeks later when my kids, again being kids, were on my last nerve. I began to feel myself getting angry, and I instantly remembered Scott’s words at the campsite. At that moment, I thought, Why not? After all, what did I have to lose? I began to ask myself what I was afraid of. What was it that they were doing that was causing me to possibly be afraid? And of what?

Almost immediately, the answers, although unwelcome, began flooding my thoughts. I was afraid that one of the kids may get hurt and it would be my fault because I didn’t make them stop. I was afraid that others would think poorly of me because they got hurt. I was afraid that my neighbors would hear them yelling and carrying on and be upset because we were disturbing them. I was afraid that they were going to make me angry enough to hit them like my stepdad had hit me. I really was afraid. And I hated it.

Now seeing that I was indeed fearful, I began searching for the reason why. How do I overcome something that happens without thought? How do I prevent something that begins without conscious effort? It was like muscle memory, a reaction, a defense that I had set up many years ago to prevent myself from getting hurt, and I didn’t even realize it. But how do I fix it?

From that day on, I began asking myself these and many other hard questions every time I felt anger. Not just when my kids or my wife made me angry, but every time. Each time I asked, I got the same result: I did this to myself. Granted, I did it to protect myself, but somewhere along the way, it changed. The initial protection was good, but it changed somehow. When? Why? How?

I heard someone say that the future is fluid, but knowing what is supposed to happen condemns you to the path you are intent on avoiding. Until you were informed of that possible future—because there are many—the path was still fluid. Once you know of a possible future, the choices you make from that point on, even in an effort to avoid it, lead you to that future.

My fear was created from the suffering and pain of my past. Society tells us that we are products of our environments. Knowing this possible future, I had been trying desperately to avoid it. I would do anything to keep my kids from experiencing the pain, loss, and lack of my childhood. I would do anything, including removing myself from the equation, to keep my wife from knowing the beatings my mother endured and that I was helpless to prevent. I would do anything to prevent myself from being helpless ever again. But knowing this possible future was driving me right to it.

Let’s be clear: I have never, and will never, raise a hand to my wife or my kids. But words can be just as painful, and that is where I failed them. I was supposed to be their protector, their teacher, their father, and their friend. Instead, I was their tormentor, dictator, and the worst bully they would ever know. I was becoming the thing I had feared the most: my stepdad.

How could this be? How could I become him? Why? Scott’s words had not only opened my eyes; they had also broken me. Everything I thought I knew, all of the effort, all of the sacrifices, all of the time spent. It was all backward. Upside down. I was ashamed. Everything I had ever done or said to my wife and kids was running through my head like a horror film. Daily! What do I do? How do I stop what is apparently inevitable? Is it inevitable that I become what I desperately do not want to be?

But God!

"Have faith in God, Jesus answered. Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and