Handling Strife: Ideas for Happier Living

By David M Butcher

Handling Strife--meaning trouble or conflict of any kind--is essential to living a good life. This book has Ideas for Happier Living and includes some ideas regarding Christianity and religion in general. It provides a step-by-step pathway that the author found for being happy and resolving the conflicts he found deep within. He had grown up living with strict Christian grandparents. He was technically oriented and struggled with social issues. He had many questions about life, about religion, about social issues, and was always looking for that 'secret' that would help him pull it all together. He studied many self-help books and researched the Bible. His research and experiences have led him to a better, happier life and resulted in this work. He prays it helps many other people.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David M Butcher
• Release date: Sep 13, 2016
• ISBN: 9780997732221

David M Butcher

Hi, my name is Dave Butcher and I grew up living with grandparents that drug me to church each week. As a teenager, I decided that all those biblical stories sounded like the fairy tales I learned as a kid. When I was able, I left the church and waded out into the world on my own. I became a drinker, a liar, a cheat, and a thief.Eventually I landed in the Los Angeles County Jail after getting fired from my job "for reasons of honesty." I had been arrested for drunk driving. After a week, I was convicted of reckless driving and released with time served. After my release from jail, I felt like my entire world had fallen apart. While reading a book, I had a spiritual experience and my life changed dramatically.In the years that followed, I read a number of self-help books and researched the Bible. I eventually was able to get my life together. My wife and I went on the road with a musical ministry for several years. As things progressed, I wrote a few articles and people told me I should write a book. Handling Strife is the result.

Book preview

Handling Strife

Ideas for Happier Living

A Pathway to Help You Enjoy Your Life

__________

David M. Butcher

Copyright Page

Handling Strife – ePub Edition

Copyright 2016 by David M. Butcher

All rights reserved. Only one hundred (100) words of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author. Any quotation needs to be credited to the author.

Biblical references herein are from the King James Version (KJV) of The Holy Bible unless noted otherwise. Contemporary English Version (CEV) is used in many instances to convey better understanding of the message. Some scripture taken from the Contemporary English Version © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.

Web site links or references were current as of publication. Some may be moved or removed after publication due to the dynamic nature of the internet.

Editing by Inspiration for Writers, Inc.

ISBN-10: 0-9977322-2-9

ISBN-13: 978-0-9977322-2-1

Table of Contents

Copyright Information

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction

Idea #1 Walk in Truth

Idea #2 Be Real

Idea #3 Get Rid of Guilt and Shame

Idea #4 Take Control

Idea #5 Eliminate Worry and Fear

Idea #6 Envy, Jealousy, & Pride

Idea #7 Love and Hate

Idea #8 Be Happy!

Idea #9 Learn To Trust

Idea #10 Spreading Fear and Hate

Idea #11 The Bible

Idea #12 One God?

Idea #13 Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin?

Idea #14 Life after Life

Idea #15 Why Do You Love Jesus?

Idea #16 Growing in the Kingdom

Idea #17 Songs and Music

Addendum—His Amazing Mysterious Ways

Bibliography

About the Author

Acknowledgments

I want to thank Sandy Tritt of Inspiration for Writers Inc for professionally editing this book and providing lots of advice, Eric Fritzius for his advice and professional work in converting the manuscript to ebook format, and all those people that provided the experiences and conversations that helped create formulation of the ideas presented herein. I thank God for each of them.

I especially want to thank my wife, Carolyn Richards, for the support and patience she exhibited during my preparation of Handling Strife. Additional thanks, for inspiration and much more, are due to Jonathan Bond of Young Harmony, Tom Bodett, Joel and Victoria Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Jeff Treece, Jerry and Jeannie Jones, Chester and Isolina Gaither, Jimmy Davis, Richard Kiser, Billy and Donna Hale and many members of the Country Gospel Music Association.

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Preface

This writing began with the sermons, recitations and testimonies that my wife and I gave during the programs we presented at churches, senior centers, and other places or events. I also wrote some articles. After being asked multiple times if I had a compilation of our material, I decided to prepare this book.

The topics of some chapters herein have been covered by whole books. My hope is to acquaint you with a pathway to a better life and provide some insights that you may find helpful. If you need further reading on a particular topic, seek out one or more books on that subject. Some suggestions are included, and the bibliography may help.

The ideas expressed herein do not mean that I agree or disagree with any belief or cause, unless so stated. If something seems negative, it may mean that I have discovered some challenges regarding those things. I simply present thoughts and questions derived from my school of hard knocks learning, along with my extensive research, for your consideration.

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Introduction

I don’t care if you label yourself as Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Wiccan, atheist, agnostic, freethinker, or anything else. The lessons I’ve learned and the ideas I present within this book may still be of value to you.

Ignore the biblical references, if you so choose. Please realize that while some references are biblical in nature, they may still apply to your situation—they may still be helpful for living life more joyfully than you ever dreamed possible. Biblical references herein are from the King James Version (KJV) of The Holy Bible unless noted otherwise. I use the Contemporary English Version (CEV) in some instances to convey better understanding of the message.

I may refer to Jesus, Christ, or Lord at times. These are labels used within the Christian community to label or address their deity—their God. You may subscribe to a different view. Please feel free to substitute your own labels.

I love the line of a song by The Jeff Treece Band (now known as Sunday Drive). It says, at least as I tend to hear it, Dem dat don’t know don’t know de don’t know! Think about it. Those that don’t know of God’s peace, love, and joy, don’t know they don’t know. Even many Christians. How sad.

In Matthew 13:17 Jesus says to his disciples, For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.

Not everyone who reads this will believe in the God that I believe in. Even if they do, they may not picture or label him the same. There may be as many different beliefs out there as there are people.

Many people do not know what to believe. Perhaps they just follow whatever their parents taught them. Perhaps someone talked them into something. They may hear many arguments for, against, with, without, or whatever. We all choose what we want to believe, for whatever reason.

I hope you already know what I’m going to speak about in this writing, and I pray you listen closely anyway. I may say one thing that will change your life, or at least cause you to think about something in a different way.

I pray people find my suggestions valuable, and that they learn something that helps them to live happier and more blessed lives. If you are open-minded, I think you will find the topics of this discussion interesting, whether you agree or not.

I understand the word Christian to mean Christ-like or Follower of Christ. I am a Christian, not just because I have asked forgiveness and been baptized, but because I try to be more like Christ taught us to be and less like much of the world.

I lived for several years as if there were no God. I was not really an atheist—perhaps an agnostic at best. As my life progressed, I became a Christian freethinker.

Still, even though I considered myself Christian, I refused to go to church for many years. One thing that kept me away was the self-righteous and judgmental behavior of many church-goers. I didn’t call them Christians because I didn’t think Christ would act that way, so I didn’t consider them Christ-like.

Today, I find true Christians in many churches, along with those church-goers who get accepted as they are until they can become truly Christ-like.

You may have heard it said that Christians should be in the world, but not of the world. What, in or out of the world, does that mean?

In the flesh, we are in the world. We do worldly things. We work, we play, we laugh, we cry. We get hurt, physically and emotionally. We get angry. We curse others when they trespass against us. We fight depression. We love some people and things, while we hate others.

We fight to get things going our way, according to our emotional addictions. We work endlessly toward some goal that we think will finally make us happy.

Some people work for money or the things that money can buy. Some people work for peace on earth. Some seek drugs, power, or sex. Some seek the love of their life, that one true love, the knight in shining armor they’ve heard of in fairy tales. Some people want to save whales, trees, or some other animal or thing. Some fight for whatever cause they feel needs fighting.

In the spirit, though, we need not conform to the expectations of the world. We can find peace within, even in the midst of outer crises and drama. We can learn to accept anything that happens. We can act instead of reacting. We can go with the flow when others are going insane. We can love others unconditionally, regardless of their perceived faults.

We find joy in living life, in helping others, and in learning new things. We find joy in loving people and in loving our higher power. We find joy in surmounting life’s challenges. We find joy in comforting those people around us.

Such is the paradox of living in the spiritual instead of conforming to the physical. The meek shall indeed inherit the earth. They have the power to act rationally instead of reacting emotionally. They can pray for guidance and make the right decisions at the right time. They receive the favor of God. They fear not because they know that God is with them. He is on their side. They cannot fail in the spiritual regardless of what happens in the physical.

Read on and join me in a life full of peace, love, and joy, will you? May the deity of your choice keep you safe, healthy and happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lord, help each reader to understand the ideas written within this text as you would choose for them to interpret the words. Help each person reading this to become a welcome presence in the world. Thank You.

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Idea #1 Walk in Truth

Perhaps the hardest part of living a good life and handling strife is learning to be honest. We’ve heard that honesty is the best policy all our lives. Yet, for many of us, being honest is hard to do.

I grew up lying. Any time I made a mistake, I invented an excuse to justify it. If I had mustard on my shirt, I made up a story about how it got there. Nothing was my fault—at least, not as I told it.

I had this crazy idea that I needed to be perfect to be acceptable to people. Frankly, that idea may have come from my parents, teachers, and what I heard at church.

I felt guilty a lot, even into my young adult years. I realize now that people used my susceptibility for guilt to manipulate me. While they often did so for the right reasons, using guilt to get me to do things didn’t work.

My Sunday school teacher told us, Jesus loves you as long as you are good boys and girls. I also heard from other sources, The wages of sin is death. and God is watching you, boy.

Jesus won’t love you if you get angry and hit your sister? Make just one little mistake, tell just one little lie, get angry about one little thing, and God will strike you dead?

Whoa. What kind of image is that? Talk about guilt. And who decided if something was right or wrong, good or bad, holy or sinful? Parents? Pastor? Teachers?

Dad used fear to manipulate us kids. His belt was always handy, although he didn’t use it often. Other adults used guilt or shame to manipulate us, often saying things like Shame on you.

It seemed like everyone in my life judged me. It seemed like I was criticized for nearly everything I did or said. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right. I became afraid to say much of anything to people for fear of saying something wrong.

I eventually got to the point where, when someone tried to make me feel guilty, I became angry instead. Meanwhile, I justified all my mistakes, all my errors, all my sins with lies.

I eventually decided that if people couldn’t tolerate my actions, that may be their problem more than mine. Perhaps they had unreasonable expectations.

We often hate most in others what we hate most in ourselves. If you expect certain things of yourself, or if your parents expected certain things, you may have been conditioned to expect those things of everyone. Some people are brought up with expectations that they must do some or all of the following.

• Eat everything on their plate.

• Finish high school or college.

• Never leave the house without being well groomed.

• Always demonstrate good manners and etiquette.

• Never get in trouble, especially with the law.

What are your expectations, your musts?

Seriously, take some time to think about it. Write down the expectations you take for granted. Add to the list as you become aware of more. Read over the list from time to time. See if the beliefs you’ve been conditioned to accept have changed.

We often project onto others the expectations we have for ourselves. For example, if we must be well-dressed to go to church, so must everyone else. And, if others do not meet those expectations, we may judge them. We may not even realize we’re doing so until it’s brought to our attention.

We may make many of our expectations subconsciously. Such expectations could have been drilled into us by parents, peers, pastors, or bosses.

As we learn to be honest, we sometimes have to unlearn conditioned expectations. We have to confront them and discern if those expectations are based in reality. We need to determine if it’s fair to lay such expectations on others, even if we decide they are good for ourselves. Great expectations, after all, can bring great disappointments, particularly when dealing with people whose expectations may not be the same as ours. They may think it is okay to wear blue jean cut-offs to church—and it may be.

The adults in my life lied about many things. They told me stories about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and fairy tales. Then I discovered these stories weren’t true. When the phone or doorbell rang they may have said, If that’s so-and-so, tell them I’m not home. Another time, they may have said, Call my boss and tell him I’m not feeling well today.

Have you been brought up to lie, to deceive? Did you ever watch Mom or Dad lie to avoid an unpleasant situation or to wrangle their way out of a predicament? Then they expected you to always tell the truth? Do as I say, not as I do. Wow.

I told a lie and got away with it. I stole some candy at the local store. Where was the lightning? Why wasn’t I struck dead? Since it didn’t happen, I assumed these were more fairy tales.

Many times I was with Dad during various types of encounters. I particularly remember an encounter we had with a sheriff’s deputy. We were headed to my uncle’s house for lunch. He lived on a corner lot and a plane had crashed in a backyard several houses down the street. The deputy had blocked the street in front of my uncle’s house. We thought this would be no problem, since his driveway was on an adjoining side street. However, there was a problem. Traffic had been diverted to that side street, and parked cars now blocked the driveway and filled the street for at least a block. Continuing on that route would take us at least a few miles out of our way to get back to work. We decided to back up and turn around.

The young deputy stopped us. After we argued our case, he said we could turn around. As Dad put the car in reverse, I told the deputy he ought to ticket those cars parked in front of the driveway.

Pull over! the deputy shouted, and Dad complied. He strode to the car’s passenger side. Do you want arrested for obstructing an officer in the performance of his duty?

Those cars are illegally parked! I snapped. We can’t get to my uncle’s house. You should be over there giving them tickets or towing them away!

The deputy glared at Dad. Sir, do you understand that if you don’t get on your way that I can arrest you?

Yes, sir, Dad said meekly and obediently drove off.

When Dad related a story to others, he embellished it so he was the hero. He put them—whoever they were—in their places. He came up with the ultimate reply to whatever was said. His stories may not have been wholly true, but they were good stories.

In this case, he said he had told off the deputy. He said this and he said that to the deputy, none of which was true. You can imagine the impression that left on me. And this was the kind of example he gave me most of my life.

Movies and television shows taught me to lie as well. Disney movies make valid points about many things in