Daring to Share: Trauma to Recovery - Special Edition 2019

By Diana Reyers

INTRODUCING 6 WOMEN WHO FOUND THE COURAGE TO SHARE
IMPACTFUL ACCOUNTS OF SURVIVAL BY DESCRIBING DEGREES OF
RESILIENCE MOST CANNOT IMAGINE COMMITTING TO.

These stories of recovery take you from a place of awe and heartbreak to grit and resilience. They inspire you to take action in your life, no matter what is going on for you,

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daringly Mindful
• Release date: Aug 12, 2019
• ISBN: 9781999401030

Diana Reyers

Diana Reyers is an Authentic Leadership Global™ Program and Conversation facilitator and the founder of Daring to Share Global.™ As a creative introvert, she learned early in life that the ability to belong without succumbing to external expectations of changing one's inner self was a rare gift only provided to those courageous enough to show up as a reflection of their soul. She had a deep knowing that she did not need to heal but yearned to evolve as her best self, given where she was within her level of personal awareness. She began storytelling as a young child because it provided her with the ability to step into her uniqueness while fighting to fit into a world where extroverts are honoured and introverts are shamed. Through her teen years and well into adulthood, Diana lost herself, and at the age of 49, dug deep to re-introduce herself to her authenticity. Well into her personal work, she discovered the power of conversation and began sharing her story; she found a voice that people listened to while resonating with her stories.Diana used her ability to share her story with her voice and through the written word in order to experience the genuine love that comes from feelings of acceptance and inclusion. By committing to and living in line with her values and beliefs, she felt the inspiring energy of connection and an unconditional sense of belonging. Diana is a Human Advocate passionate about inspiring others to share their truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be. She knows that when we trust our story, we become empowered to share it and a spark of connection is ignited; the magic of storytelling takes us to compassion and empathy, and an amplified feeling of human-kindness is created.

Book preview

by Diana Reyers

Founder of Daring to Share

I lived most of my life feeling the need to be other than who I felt I was comfortable being. Although I’ve done more personal work than I care to admit to, these feelings still arise when I find myself in situations or with people who trigger deep-set perceptions that were manifested within me from childhood on.

There was a time when I was sure others were to blame for my feelings of exclusivity. I believed that because I felt I was different than others, they wouldn’t accept me for who I really was. I thought that if I showed up guided by my soul, as my unique self, I would be excluded from their circles as an outsider. This belief system played havoc on me as I chose to transform who I am in order to fit in. I became a master of conformity as I yearned for the inclusive feeling of connection I thought I would achieve if I were the same.

I now have a deep knowing that over the years my subconscious belief system pushed my inherent uniqueness away and one day I ended up questioning who I was, where my inner personality was, and why I said the things I said and did the things I did. None of it resonated with me and I was unable to connect with the person I had become. This was when the work began.

I know that most would expect me to share that my next step along this journey was accepting total responsibility for my actions, that I understood it was my perception of myself and others and my reaction to what I believed was presented to me that moved me towards years of self-deceptive behaviour. If I were writing this five years ago, I would definitely agree that all I needed to do in order to feel comfortable with outwardly being myself without apology was to re-discover my values, find clarity about who I am as my Authentic self and then confidently re-introduce who I am to the world; Emotional Intelligence 101.

However, if I shared that emotional intelligence is all I need in order for me to be aware of who I am, I would be leaving out a key element that allows me to personally evolve and actually show up within my moral, ethical and integral truth as an Authentic human being. It is the step whereby I took the time to move outside of myself in order to support others to understand who I am from my inside out. This was imperative because, once I re-discovered who I am and what motivated me to be her, I knew that I also needed to re-introduce myself to others. They didn’t know this new Diana or why I was being different and what was happening to me; they didn’t know how to respond to my newly evolved self. Many believed I was moving through some kind of crisis and that I was choosing to be someone completely different from who they knew me to be….. which was actually the truth!! So, I had to assure them that I wasn’t actually transforming into someone else, I was just finally committing to being who I really am. I had to support them in understanding that there was really nothing wrong with me……I was just choosing to evolve.

Being aware of how others are affected by what we do and say is the second part of being Authentic, the act of being choice-ful about communicating our situation, our feelings, and our thoughts without compromising the same of the people around us. It is about standing in front of someone and articulating who we are and what er value while simultaneously listening and respecting who they are and what they believe in. It is about sharing our story while listening to someone else’s without judgment. When we do this, we provide the opportunity for both parties to reach clarity about what their story is, why it evolved and how they want it to end. We become aware of and take the time to share our perceptions and perspectives with the intention to create an understanding of one another. We don’t need to agree with each other because it’s not about being right or wrong, but rather about honouring and accepting our levels of awareness within our personal evolution. Social Intelligence 101.

When we put a blind eye on Social Intelligence, we choose to be inauthentic. Depending on our level of personal awakening, we may be doing this unconsciously or consciously. Being truly Authentic means conquering our fear of uncomfortable conversations; being honest with ourselves and others no matter the outcome. Combining Emotional and Social Intelligence in order to show up in the world in an ethical and moral way is Authenticity 101.

When we do the opposite and choose to ignore each other’s stories, we create perceptions in our mind about who we are and who others are. We start to categorize. If we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to share our own story – emotional intelligence - we may be unable to be who we really are. And if we don’t provide others with the opportunity to share their version of their story – social intelligence - we don’t give them that chance either; we develop our own paradigm of who they are and why they do and say what they do. The dangerous risk that results from not simultaneously practicing emotional and social intelligence is that false accounts of the truth manifest and we become a society that walks around making assumptions of individuals, groups, cultures, organizations, etc., which leaves us living in and reacting to a fictional world, a world void of truth and integrity – kind of like the world of social media we spend a lot of our time living in. We say we advocate inclusivity, but because of the false stories we agree to, we end up reacting in an exclusive way. We inadvertently create judgment on others, as well as, on ourselves because we are fearful of having an uncomfortable conversation, the conversation that is also part of our story.

What I have learned is that having uncomfortable conversations is an imperative component within having the ability to be truly inclusive – not just talking about being inclusive, but actually walking it. Listening to someone allows us to know the other person or situation and we become less judgmental about them because we are given the opportunity to understand them. When we slow down and take the time to listen to someone else’s story, we become aware of who they are, where they came from and how they landed where they are right now. We can choose to develop compassion and be motivated from a place of love that inspires supporting someone whose story may not be as appealing or pretty as ours. We may not always agree with them or how they are showing up, but we are able to become more inclusive of them.

Being different is not a crime. Being exclusive needs to be. Exclusivity creates stigma and the receiver of stigma most often dies a slow and torturous emotional death. I recently had a conversation with someone living on the street and she told me what is lacking in her life is the feeling of connection when someone walks by her and looks the other way or crosses the street as they approach where she is sitting. She understands the fear of the unknown, but she still feels disconnected by the reaction because she experiences exclusion. She wasn’t blaming anyone, she was just sharing her story. She told me how she got to the place of sitting on a sidewalk asking for money and I could feel the shame she felt even though, to me, none of what she shared felt like it was her fault. Thirty minutes later, I gave her a twenty-dollar bill and walked away crying. Stigma is the result of stories not being invited to be told or listened