LITTLE GUIDE TO COUNSELLING PRACTICE

By John Henry

From the Author (an Australian-registered Psychologist with 27+ years' experience):

What an honour it is to be trusted with the stories that people [bring] to [you]. ... [always] treat the trust they give you with honour.

We live in a Willy wagtail world, where attention jumps from one subject, from one issue

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Mulberry Books
• Release date: Oct 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781952405457

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Little Guide to Counselling Practice.

Copyright © 2020 by John Henry.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher and author, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review.

This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the publication. The author and publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

ISBN-13:

978-1-952405-46-4 [Paperback Edition]

978-1-952405-45-7 [eBook Edition]

Printed and bound in The United States of America.

Published by

The Mulberry Books, LLC.

8330 E Quincy Avenue,

Denver CO 80237

themulberrybooks.com

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Little Guide to

Counselling Practice

John Henry

* * *

John Henry is an Australian-registered psychologist, presenter, public speaker, writer, teacher and mentor. Until his recent semi-retirement, he worked almost exclusively in counselling, in private practice across five locations in southern Queensland, Australia. His work commenced with four years at Relationships Australia, concurrent with five years as a visiting school counsellor in a number of primary and secondary schools across an area of over 400,000 square kilometres. Although his practice has developed over almost twenty-eight years, the bulk of his work now is in the areas of anxiety, depression, sexual abuse, identity, workplace harassment, trauma and suicidal ideation.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to those of you – no matter what your calling – who attempt to make the world a better place, better than you found it.

Remember, the measure of a civilization is how it takes care of those who can least take care of themselves.

By that measure, many countries that would claim civilisation status fail miserably.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Part One: The Space-Time Continuum

Part Two: How to deal with

Part Three: School Counselling

Part Four: A Final Note

Part Five: Appendices

Appendix 1 You have only two tasks as parents

Appendix 2 The Family Drama

Appendix 3 Family Dynamics

Appendix 4 Character Styles

Appendix 5 The Alphabet of Relationships

Appendix 6 The Seven Emotional Deadly Sins

Appendix 7 Setting Boundaries for Children

Appendix 8 Grief and Loss

Appendix 9 Anxiety and Depression —The Dietary Connection

Appendix 10 Depression

Appendix 11 Five Six Questions to Ask Suicidal People

Appendix 12 Weaving Your Story

Acknowledgements

Counselling has always been in my family, through my family. My siblings and my cousins report that people readily come to them with issues. My grandmother, Mabel Connors Bellet, gave me the first practical examples as a child, of being there for others. My mother, Margaret Bellet Henry, gave me examples, over and over, of keeping peoples’ secrets. After she died, I heard from various people of things which had been confided to her, which she has taken to her grave. In her 2010 paper on Individual Motivation for why people enter counselling, Antonietta DiCaccavo cites early family experiences as a major motivation. Personally, I would concur.

Professionally, my supervisors have provided me with a sounding-board, a reference to touch base, touch home, and have kept me on task and still together. I salute them. My first supervisors, Sue Biernoff, of Relationships Australia and Thérèse O’Brien, from Centacare, Toowoomba, and more recently, Beverley Howarth, of the Institute of Energy Science, have guided me and prevented me, as I say in the text, from becoming a drooling mess in the corner. As well, I have valued the early input from Rosemary Macdonald from Relationships Australia, then Marriage Guidance, and the most recent input from Cris Jones of Seachange Psychology, Cairns.

Personally, the support of my family, my siblings, my children and grandchildren has been much appreciated. Most importantly, the support, the encouragement, the prodding by my wife, Pamela, has seen this project through to the end. Thank you, love.

FOREWORD

When I commenced formal counselling almost twenty-eight years ago, I did not realise what an exciting journey it would be. Especially, I had no concept of what an honour it was to be trusted with the stories that people brought to me. They had become stuck, somewhere in the tapestries of their lives, and were seeking help in picking up the threads and weaving their way on. If I achieve only four things with this book, I hope that they are these: 1) that you treat your profession and your client with honour, and treat the trust they give you with honour; 2) as much as you can, be aware of your bias so that your pieces of reality do not become mixed up with their reality; 3) if your own trauma brought you to this profession, do not attempt to counsel anyone in that area until you have done your own serious work on that trauma; 4) learn early in your career to recognise what is your stuff when it comes up in sessions with clients. Take that stuff to Supervision. Do not let it affect the session.

I believe that my strengths in counselling lie in: my genuine liking of people; an ability to listen to perceive the kernel of the problem and state it; the ability to unwind problems into strands of varying parts; a balance between the warm and fuzzy approach and a bluntness necessary to move the problem to a place where clients can choose to take action or where clients are ready for a new perception or movement. This, I believe, helps with the progress of clients towards a new goal. It may seem impudent but, if you can make some of these your strengths as well, you will achieve success in your counselling career.

This rambling little guide contains some of the stuff that I had hoped was around when I started. It is neither definitive, nor extensive, but contains, I believe, some useful advice across a number of issues. As I state throughout the book, the methodologies and modalities I use today have changed over the years and probably will continue to change. As a result, if you are reading this as a student of a counselling course, or a beginning counsellor, my approach may seem strange, or almost completely at odds with what you have been taught. I ask that you read with an open mind. Above all, keep the following question with regard to strategies the client may have already tried in your mind: And how’s that working for you?

Counselling is about: managing space and time; holding that space for the clients so that they feel safe, cared-for and able to build the rapport which allows the process to work; collecting the information and weaving the client’s story with them; paying complete attention to everything about them – but not in a creepy way which would send them running to the hills; having the client feel so safe, that even though they may not hear these words said by you, they have the sense of, I’ve got you. You’re safe, coming from you.

The Space-Time Continuum

The first skill in counselling is managing its space-time continuum.

My grandmother, Mabel, was the neighbourhood counsellor. When we stayed with her over Christmas, a neighbour would often drop in. If Grandma put the kettle on immediately, that was a signal to my sister, my cousins and me to go outside and play. "I am going to talk to Mrs So-and-So about her tribbles," she would sometimes say before the neighbour arrived. The kitchen table was the space. Grandma and Mrs So-and-so would sit around it undisturbed.

Occasionally, we would be sent to the corner shop to buy two pounds of potatoes for a shilling, each of us having been given a couple of pennies extra to buy a treat. Grandma had already worked out that the time it took to choose from amongst the goodies at the shop would give her the time she needed to listen to her neighbour and her concerns.

We live in a willy-wagtail world where attention jumps from one subject, from one issue, to another. While watching television, we channel-surf to find something we wish to watch. Our news, our politics, is delivered in sound bites, distilled - hopefully, but not usually correctly - into digestible bits we can grab as we go past. Reports have summaries, academic papers have abstracts, all for those who are too busy to read everything, or who need to decide if this is what they actually want.

Our aural world is so filled with such sound chaos, that really listening to another person in an environment where neither of you will be interrupted is a luxury we are usually required to pay for. This requires both time and space. Whether that space is a kitchen table, a quiet corner at a bar, a car, a bedroom, a backyard, a shed, or an office, it is important that the space will not be invaded for a period of time.

To succeed at counselling, your best bet is the management of both space and time. You do not need an office with panelling, and pictures, and degrees and diplomas on the walls, and comfortable seating in the room. Although something like that is often sought after and may seem the best, counselling needs a space, an uninterrupted time, and sufficient rapport with the client, to continue to allow the story to unfold. I have done counselling across a fence-post in the middle of a paddock, on a hay bale in a farm shed, in a milking-shed, in a cleaner’s room little bigger than a closet, at a kitchen table not unlike my grandmother’s, on the front steps of a school, at a bar, on the sidelines at football practice. While none of those places is particularly good, all are better than nothing if the client is ready to talk, and you will be relatively undisturbed. A comfortable room for an uninterrupted hour is great; if it is your own office, it is even better. However, you must never think that you must have that to be able to counsel effectively.

Managing your space, if it is not a room, also involves managing time. If you are talking quietly at a bar or on the sidelines at football training, some part of your attention must be on using your time and on watching for anyone who may intrude.

Building Rapport

The second skill is building and maintaining rapport with your client, who needs to feel sufficiently important to you, and comfortable with you, to want to tell you his or her story. In my grandmother’s 1950s house, the Formica kitchen table, the space, combined with the stereotypical symbol of relaxation, the cuppa, to help, with Grandma’s own personality and kindly nature, to build rapport. If you, as much as you can, make the client comfortable and feel listened to, you are halfway there. A huge part of building rapport is your intention to do so when you start with this person in front of you. That means clearing your mind of your own worries, so that you can be there for your client. If your mind is on the argument you had with your partner this morning, or whether you have enough potatoes for tonight’s meal, or how to respond to the note you received from your child’s