Shamelessly Yours: The Demon in You

By A. J. Johnson

"As the author's knowledge of the God of the Bible deepened through her own battles, AJ was led spectacularly deeper into the realms of spiritual warfare, but always with a guiding hand. Then through prayerful revelation and much study, her eyes were opened to the spiritual battles in others. She found herself grappling desperately to pull these people up from the murky waters in an attempt to shield them from what she could see in them. However without God, they were in deep with the unseen enemy, but there was always an outstretched hand. As a willing tool, she was ready to grab anyone crying out into the night because someone heard them. But they did not fully believe, so it hurt the light. So on she went, embracing ridicule and mocking because being called names, was better than watching someone's suicide. She wanted them free because their inner foe was deeply hidden and smirking. But it could not hide from her, and this was war!

A passion began to build for those who could not break free from tormenting or fearful thoughts and she saw quite clearly what the world would call "mental health," turning and darkening into a spiritual battle so intense that it threatened to devour the victim whole. No medicine or therapy fully healed those she knew. They saw themselves as victims but the world will look for anything other than sorrow to heal their minds, so they were unaware of the earth-shattering blow about to hit. She quickly learned that having no belief makes you more vulnerable to attack and then our kids are on the menu.

Will you let your enemy take everything from you or will you fight for your freedom? If so, then take my hand, as we are going in, together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9781639612024

Book preview

cover.jpg

Shamelessly Yours

The Demon in You

A. J. Johnson

ISBN 978-1-63961-201-7 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88751-345-4 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-63961-202-4 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by A. J. Johnson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

In order to maintain anonymity, the names and identifying characteristics and details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Preface

Shamelessly Yours: The Demon in You

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

Notes

About the Author

Preface

I've decided to do for demons, what J. K. Rowling has done for wizards.

Make them famous.

The Rape of Lucrece

Poem by William Shakespeare

O happiness enjoyed but of a few!

And, if possessed, as soon decayed and done

As is the morning silver-melting dew

Against the golden splendour of the sun!

An expired date, cancelled ere well begun:

Honour and beauty, in the owner's arms,

Are weakly fortressed from a world of harms.

Beauty itself doth of itself persuade

The eyes of men without an orator;

What needeth then apology be made,

To set forth that which is so singular?

Or why is Collatine the publisher

Of that rich jewel he should keep unknown

From thievish ears, because it is his own?

(Excerpts)

Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts,…Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape. (C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters)

The short summary of The Screwtape Letters quotes in this book by C. S. Lewis, the author of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and The Chronicles of Narnia.

A wiser older devil (not a figure of speech, he is literally a devil), Screwtape, writes tips and thoughts on how to win over the soul of a young man named Wormwood, his younger and eager nephew.

The enemy in this case is God while the Father Below would be the head of all demons. Now do not be discouraged if you are not particularly religious. C. S. Lewis was a Christian himself, and the book does heavily rely on Christian beliefs through reverse teaching. (Luz Mureno)

Shamelessly Yours: The Demon in You

When people ask me why I am still single, I used to just pacify them with platitudes about not meeting the right one.

Now I tell the truth. Brave in the circumstances. Ridicule is my middle name; heck, even from my kids and they get me.

The reason I am still single after so many years is because I know too much. It's not as good as it sounds. Am I woke? Yoke, more like! Covered in it. Rotten eggs are thrown at me from every angle. But I know enough that I may always be alone. Not many can beat this thing, and I can see it instantly. Damn. No one wants to hear it, and no one wants this calling.

Sometimes I wish I could turn it off, be oblivious, tell myself that his obsession is all about me, if only to satisfy that old rejection wound in me, but no, I'll take another hit because it's not about me.

You see, I know about the unseen force that drives your anguish, perverts and darkens it. You alluded to it, and now you can't stop. You're in too deep. It now drags you around in a grimacing dance.

I can tell, and I run. I run a lot. But loneliness was never my aim.

You see, each time a suitor with a stronghold enters my life, I take a hit, and it weakens me. Pretty soon it's a stranglehold, and he is now on my radar, but rarely for romance. I wish.

I also have an unseen force in me, but it can work in opposition to yours, if the conditions are right in me. I have darkness too. I battle mine daily. Hold it captive. Some of you have both forces wrestling against each other, like Jacob and the angel. It is because you cried out into the night and someone heard you, yet you can't quite step fully into the light. It hurts the night, and you like it.

The grimace grows and eventually growls ready to devour you. My force aggravates yours. It can't stand it. It will writhe within you until the threat is either grieved or offended.

Oh boy, the offences. They've been hard to overcome.

Hey, you…

Yes, you! You do not have to listen.

You can stay within its wretched grip; it is your choice, but it will destroy you, and every relationship you ever have. It wants you alone, tormented, and ashamed.

How's that going for ya?

This silent war of lilies and of roses

Which Tarquin viewed in her fair face's field,

In their pure ranks his traitor eye encloses;

Where, lest between them both it should be killed,

The coward captive vanquished doth yield

To those two armies that would let him go

Rather than triumph in so false a foe.

(William Shakespeare)

The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel. (C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters)

Human history is the long and terrible story of mankind trying to find anything but God with which to make him happy. (C. S. Lewis)

1

Obliviously Yours

Ever feel like you're being watched? Like something is following you? A creeping feeling or spine-chilling noise or shadow?

Nah, just kidding.

I'm not going to talk about ghosts that go bump in the night. Well, not yet anyway. This isn't really about that. Well, not like you think. It's internal. A tormentor who doesn't want to be found but is easily roused in the right conditions.

You will get nothing but the truth from me, with no embellishments, and I promise you that because it is important that this testimony is completely factual so that you can trust my account of events and then be able to apply its life-saving principles to your own situation.

Is this biblical concept of evil and demons outdated? Reserved for primitive goatherds who didn't understand science? Nope. It's more relevant today than at any other point in history, and it's coming to a cinema near you soon!

Sin on a plate. Enabled, justified, and praised.

If you don't believe me, then just look around you at our youth. Don't you ever wonder what is happening to them? Why they are so tormented and unstable, some even dying purposefully right before our eyes, yet the most privileged and fought for generation in history. How can that even make sense? Admittedly, the adversity of wartime produces overcomers, but despite that, something is still amiss. They are not even dying to self. They are just dying.

I firmly believe we are watching our youth bear the bitter fruit of moral decay and degradation, which is quickly turning into a wicked generation.

I will share my story as someone who has found faith in the God of the Bible, but this is not about being judgy or preachy.

I plan to underwhelm you so that you trust me. Therefore, I may be privileged enough to secure your freedom. But it will hurt. You will be offended, and you will get angry. If you can overcome that and be willing to lay it all down, then you're more mature than most and ripe for healing. This is serious and no joke. What do you have to lose anyway?

Gird your loins. I'm going in!

This earthly saint, adored by this devil,

Little suspecteth the false worshipper;

"For unstained thoughts do seldom dream on evil;

"Birds never limed no secret bushes fear.

So guiltless she securely gives good cheer

And reverend welcome to her princely guest,

Whose inward ill no outward harm expressed;

Gratitude looks to the Past and love to the Present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead.

(C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters)

2

Naively Yours

It was a beautiful sunny day as I joined the motorway and got on my way heading towards Cornwall. Plymouth to be exact. It was nice to be able to listen to music and switch off the noise of children, work, and all that goes along with being a single parent. Stress was my middle name. I shout a lot. Yeah, shouty pouty stress pants. I had never really thought about it as I always put it down to my circumstances, but the snappiness I felt inside was always eager to bubble up to the surface, and I didn't really know why. Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up! I would yell to the kids. It was a pity I was often saying that, as it should've been a time of joy and tolerance, but it rarely was. The dysfunctional family life had started early.

In my stomach, I felt apprehension, even a tiny bit of dread, but I quickly dispersed it and replaced it with positive thoughts of a successful union to come. "Please, God, please, God. Please, I whined. How can you deny me this after so long alone? It's not fair as my ex-husband has his fancy lady. Therefore, I am the innocent party!"

Oh, how little I knew back then about innocence. God must have had a high tolerance to moaning when He was around me. Rarely thankful, always complaining. Why were all my thoughts so negative anyway? I mused. But I'll come to that later.

I cast my mind back to our first discussion over text, and I felt hopeful that this handsome Christian young man might be the one. After many failed dates, not to mention a failed marriage, I couldn't imagine that God would make me wait any longer. Singleness was not for me! I really wanted a man. It's in the Bible, right? Instructing us to marry and not to burn with desire. We can make any verse fit if we try hard enough though. In honesty, I wanted security, intimacy, and love. I didn't want to struggle, especially after a horrible rejection. I wanted my earthly needs met and the validation of a lover. But what I needed was my spiritual life developed and time alone with God. I didn't want to hear it though. It is just as well that I don't know best.

I managed to dodge a few speed cameras and relaxed into my journey, switching on some relevant Christian music and pretending that I had it all sorted. God surely was going to answer my prayer because I was a good little Christian girl. Hmm.

I tried not to think about the way the conversation had started to go. I liked to delude myself. He told me he had an interest in water, being a marine engineer and working on yacht designs, but then I soon came to realise that his watery interests were somewhat cloudy, but there was no quail in sight (only some of you will get that).

I kept trying to get off the subject of sexual fantasy, but he would steal me back. I wanted to delve into his faith, but steam and rubber were on his mind. Inside me somewhere, it felt wrong. I couldn't reason with my moral compass.

I tried to ignore the sirens and hoped for a nice encounter as my longing to be loved drove me on to meet a strange man and stay in his house for the night. What? Did I really do that? Yes, I did, again and again in my pursuit of happiness.

I had the full intention of sleeping in the spare room, which is what I had agreed with him. He was a Christian after all. (Yeah, right.) They all seemed to say that. Christians are two a penny, with their bums sat on church pews doing absolutely nothing but living for themselves and serving no one but I. I should know. I was one. What I did not realise is that I wanted a discipline, a godly partner, not a lukewarm Christian, but I had to be one to know one. But faker, after demonic plant, stood before me, lining the streets, as I aimlessly searched in my own strength.

Here I was, in my early thirties, fit and healthy, blessed with a Mediterranean complexion, long dark hair, and curves in all the right places but still raw from a very painful marriage breakup that had made me feel worthless. Time was needed, not another man.

My mind raced back to my ex and how he moved her in the day I left. I felt so wronged. God will answer my prayers. He will reward me, I thought, fully adopting the victim mentality. I will believe and receive, just like a genie God!

God just wants you happy AJ, I would be told by carnal Christians, and I believed them.

I now disagree. He wants me ready. When did we ever really know what we wanted anyway? Not everything is about our happiness, and we only have to look at the lives and deaths of the disciples to see that. Those TV prosperity preachers do a lot of damage. God is preparing us for something higher.

When was military training ever easy anyway? The Bible says we are here to serve, not swerve, but blessings can come along the way, and they will if we trust in God's commands, but so will persecution.

The nerves started to pack some punches as I started to approach Plymouth, and my thoughts went back to the photograph he had sent me.

To this day, I couldn't understand the appeal or make out exactly what he was doing. But it seemed to comprise of a rubber wetsuit, a hot bath, and lots of steam, among other things!

I tried to ignore it, but what was I even doing here? My nerves started to get the better of me as I approached his house. I felt like turning back.

I should have.

I pulled up outside and gathered my breath. Applying fresh lippy, I breathed in deeply whilst taking in my surroundings. A smart terraced house on a nice road. The sea was only a stone's throw away and by a pretty marina village. I could smell its saltiness.

I tried to find a little bit of hope inside me, but after quite a few failed attempts at dating, there wasn't much left. I put on my brave face and knocked on the door. We had spoken online and shared pictures, but he looked similar, and he seemed friendly enough although a little awkward.

I stepped inside the house and stood in the hall, and we exchanged pleasantries, and then he showed me to my room. I didn't feel a connection. It's usually instant with me. I sat on the bed and looked around at my surroundings; it was very neat, tidy, and masculine. I then spent far too long in the loo, pondering the precise decor and feeling safe in the tiny bathroom.

I looked out of the window and saw the ocean in the distance, and I breathed in deeply. I love the ocean. Inside my mind, I wished I was there. Alone. No pressure. Just being me.

Something was driving me, but there was a little clue there that deep down I quite liked peace and solitude, but I was also scared of being alone.

Later that day and after a spell of sitting on his neat bland sofa, I changed, and we went out for an evening meal. He told me about his work and showed me some drawings of a yacht he was working on. I stared into his eyes and wondered if I could ever love him. I felt uneasy. He was tense too. I looked up at his dark hair neatly brushed and smart attire. He was thin. I prefer them bigger. I don't even mind being chubby, seeing as I'm always fixated with my weight anyway. But never mind. It's the personality that counts. Isn't that what's always drummed into us anyway?

After a couple of glasses of wine, I had relaxed somewhat, and we went back to the house. I went into my bedroom as no kiss was forthcoming and then started to try to sleep with my mind still racing. Did I like him? I couldn't decide. But I liked lying there thinking about it. It was too soon for anything else. We barely knew each other, and I knew giving your body immediately meant one thing—desperation, confusion, and lending your heart out for abuse. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. No thanks.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and my heart sunk. I was looking for a gentleman, a man of God, but yet again, I had the frog.

He asked me to come into his room and talk for a while. I followed like an idiot but didn't want to. Before I knew it, he was bearing down upon me, pushing me down on his bed, soon on top of me, roughly pulling at my clothes and pleasing himself, with no regard for the terror I clearly felt.

It happened so fast, and I just lay there paralysed with fear and repulsion. I didn't know what to say, so I just looked away like a stiff board and just hoped it would be over soon. It was. I faked a watery smile and quickly went to my room and cleaned up. Don't get me wrong, I am no prude, but this just was not romantic, and I didn't feel special. I didn't even know him. The tears were pushing at my eyes. Did I lead him on? Are my photos too sexy? Is it me? My mind was going crazy.

That was one of my first Internet Christian experiences of dating. Or should I say fake Christian? Why am I always too embarrassed to confront them and say no? I mused, but I have a problem with rejecting people because I had been crushed by rejection's steely weight myself, so I just could not do it, but that sensitivity has put me in some pretty terrible situations.

This happened over and over again, just different stories and different fetishes, but the same broken, tormented, lust-driven men. They had no clue of the damage they were doing to women nor any clue whose bidding they were doing.

Suddenly and very randomly in my mind came a feeling of extreme compassion and love for this person. But it wasn't mine. I had experienced this before. In fact, I kept on experiencing it, and every now and again, a certain person would come into my focus, and I would get a sense of what they were going through with their hidden and shameful thoughts, and I would feel such compassion and love for them, no matter what they had done. I had been hijacked by God it seemed. The Holy Spirit is a thing!

I soon caught on.

This thing dwelling inside me was telling me how much they love that person. It was the oddest sensation, and I didn't know what was happening to me. It was like I was seeing them through His eyes.

This made it hard to stay angry.

But the guy barely spoke to me the next day as we journeyed for breakfast to a café overlooking the harbour. It was awkward, and I just couldn't wait to get in the car and drive home.

He'd had what he wanted, and he wasn't interested in more. I pushed thoughts of worthlessness aside. Another hit. I mustn't own it. I mustn't own it. I mumbled as I got into the car before bursting into tears.

So many men and women have owned rejection. Me included. Thus, giving way to the darkness as we allow something precious to be taken, shamelessly given to unworthy men, and then our thoughts turn inward. The wounds build up, and the winter comes. Then you are on their radar. Lies will start to hop into your brain from an enemy you cannot see. You are not worth loving. You suck. No one wants you. You are not like others. Look how loved they are, but there is something wrong with you.

You immediately believe it.

Chip.

A heaviness descends.

Chop.

A medical label is then given to you.

Chip.

Then prescription drugs, which will dumb you down.

Chop.

You start to feel hopeless.

Chip.

Then you harm yourself.

Chop.

Three strikes and out.

So many are taken out of the game early, but after more practice swings from the executioner's axe, we may start to realise that the only part of the lie, which is true, is that there is something wrong with us.

We have a gatecrasher.

Don't let his chopping block come for you before you find the truth about what you can't see but can most definitely feel.

As I drove home, I felt a little bit dirty and a little bit sad. I blocked God out. I don't want to talk now, Lord. I'm too disappointed. Yes, even in you.

Chip.

I switched on my music and listened to someone passionately singing about something that mattered to them, and I thought how meaningless some songs were. Just singing into the wind. How can singing about your sex life with your new fling really help anyone? Or rapping angrily at the world about the demons in your head, not even knowing they are real. Why give them the glory? Why sing about your heart, your love, your passions, or your depression, if you are just grave-bound or on your way to the block? How can your words help anyone if you offer no solution or hope? It's just a clashing gong.

Oh, what was the point? I sighed, as I switched off the radio and sailed home along the west coast, brushing the tears from my face.

For that he coloured with his high estate,

Hiding base sin in pleats of majesty;

That nothing in him seemed inordinate,

Save sometime too much wonder of his eye,

Which, having all, all could not satisfy;

But, poorly rich, so wanteth in his store

That cloyed with much he pineth still for more.

But she, that never coped with stranger eyes,

Could pick no meaning from their parling looks,

Nor read the subtle-shining secrecies

Writ in the glassy margents of such books.

She touched no unknown baits, nor feared no hooks;

Nor could she moralize his wanton sight,

More than his eyes were opened to the light.

Readers are advised to remember that the devil is a liar.

(C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Concept: Lies)

3

Eternally Yours

November 2020 and COVID-19 lockdown pas de deux.

Well, this year has been a nightmare. After my second bout of COVID-19, I was starting to realise something very bad was going on in the world. No human being could come up with something like this. Only Satan is that smart.

Mum, can I finish up your watermelon slices?

Yes, Brad, that's fine.

Full send, Bru.

Okay then, Brad! I sighed. It's like talking another language with my son. Where had my little blond Piglet gone? As now I look at the strapping twenty-four-year-old in front of me. Full of sass. Piglet and Roo had always been their nicknames, and it kinda stuck, and we do live near Poo Bridge anyway. So why not?

I am a mum of two grown-up twentysomethings who are grappling with adulthood and their nagging consciences, amidst a sick and dying world. I pity them. This generation is doomed.

Such fun.

Not all see the light or have parents to guide them to it. Being a good parent is not enough if you do not train them for eternity. The fact that the Bible teaches us we are to be prepared for heaven would suggest that we have a job to do when we get there.

If only they knew how important faith is. I hoped my two were not part of the wickedness. I tried to sway them to God, but that only pushes them away, so now I just let go and let God. Bella, twenty-six, and Brad, twenty-four. Beautiful, handsome gym bunnies with large IG followings. Full of life and sadly conforming to the world.

However, my son has recently told me that his extreme commitment phobia completely disappeared when he asked God to heal him from it, and it has really changed his views on prayer and deliverance. He now has a lovely girlfriend.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

We have sin all around us. Abortions, hard-core porn on phones, violent computer games, horror films and family sex