Lean On Me Gently: Helping the Grieving Child

By Doug Manning

A look at the grieving family and the grieving child, including red flags to watch for, providing a safe place for children to grieve and being a safe person. A tools and resources section is included.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 30, 2010
• ISBN: 9781892785855

Doug Manning

Doug Manning's career has included work as a minister, counselor, business executive, author, and publisher. He and his wife Barbara raised four daughters and served as long-term caregivers to three parents. After thirty years in ministry, Doug began a new career in 1982 writing, counseling, and leading seminars in grief and elder care. His publishing company, InSight Books, Inc., specializes in books, video, and audio productions designed to help people face some of life's toughest challenges. He sold his company in 2023 but continues to write and to also post on his blog, www.thehappyheretic.me. Doug's warm, conversational voice make his books read like a long conversation with a good friend.

Book preview

Lean On Me Gently

Helping the Grieving Child

Second Edition

BY DOUG MANNING

Lean On Me Gently: Helping the Grieving Child

Second Edition

Doug Manning

Second Edition © 2010

First Edition © 2006

In-Sight Books, Inc

PO Box 42467

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73123

800.658.9262 or 405.810.9501

www.InSightBooks.com

[e-mail]

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior written permission of the publisher, excepting brief quotes used in connection with reviews, written specifically for inclusion in a magazine or newspaper.

Print ISBN 978-1-892785-56-5

E-Book ISBN 978-1-892785-85-5

Contents

The Grieving Family

Understanding Grief

The Grieving Child

Children Experience Things

Children Play

Children Hit and Run

Children Relate to the Loss in Their Own Way

Children Grieve In Their Own Time

Children Grieve Slowly

The Grief of a Child Is a Broken Line

Children Use Questions

Things to Notice

Watch For Red Flags

Changes in Personality

Acting out Anger

Poor School Performance

Lack of Emotional Expression Regarding the Loss

Changes in Health Status

Prolonged Depression

Prolonged Resistance to Recognizing the Loss

Watch For Internalized Anger

A Safe Place

Building A Safe Place to Grieve

Becoming a Person of Safety

Talk About Death

Share Your Own Grief

Be Concerned Without Pressure

Give Reassurance

Watch for Pressure

Welcome Other Safe People

Children Need Ceremonies

Tools and Resources

Preschool to Early Elementary

Make a Feelings Activity Bag

Take the child shopping (or find around the house) some of the following items:

Other handy items to have:

Late Elementary Through Teen-Age

Mood Chart

Memory Box

Memory Book

Planting

A Safe Place for Feelings

The Cemetery

Pictures

Conclusion

Bibliography

Resources related to children and grief

Helpful Grief Resource Suppliers

In-Sight Books, Inc.

Bereavement Publishing, Inc.

The Center for Loss and Life Transition

Compassion Books

The Dougy Center

Centering Corporation & Grief Digest Magazine

Family Communication

How Do You Feel Today? Productions

Grief is a family affair.

It doesn’t just happen to parents.

Nor does it just happen to children.

The whole family needs permission to Grieve IN THEIR OWN WAY,

And ON THEIR OWN SCHEDULE.

The Grieving Family

As a grieving parent you may be torn between the needs of your children and the all consuming presence of your own broken heart. You want to think only of the children, and sometimes that is possible. At other times your own hurts dominate your thoughts whether you want them to or not. You may be torn between being concerned and feeling guilty because you aren’t concerned enough.

The early period of grief is a whirl of thoughts and feelings. We ask a question, and before anyone can answer, another question pops up. We seem to have several tracks running in our heads. One track says, I am crushed and don’t think I can ever get up. Another track may be demanding that God or somebody explain