Stay On: Build Resilience and Thrive While Facing Cancer

By Connie M. Baker

Connie Baker has decades of experience in healthcare and is the co-creator of the Wong-Baker FACES® Pain Rating Scale. Her professional experience inspired her to write a series of books to help people build resilience while facing difficult health challenges, whether as patients, healthcare professionals, or caregivers of family and

• Language: English
• Publisher: Connie M. Baker
• Release date: May 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781734452013

Connie M. Baker

Connie M. Baker, MS has decades of experience in healthcare and is the co-creator of the Wong-Baker FACES® Pain Rating Scale. Her professional experience inspired her to write a series of books on sustainable caregiving for healthcare professionals, family and friends, and patients when unexpectedly she received a new cancer diagnosis. The order of the books changed, and now the patient-focused book is the first one to release. Connie chose a treatment approach of integrative care, holistic cancer healing, and put mindfulness in action. Equipped with first-hand knowledge, she wrote Stay On: Build Resilience and Thrive While Facing Cancer. This book guides patients and their care providers as they navigate the often unnerving maze of healthcare choices that arise with a new cancer diagnosis, helping them learn how to thrive with grace and ease amidst inevitable change.

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Copyright © 2020 Connie M. Baker All rights reserved.

Oklahoma City, OK

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN 978-1-7344520-1-3

HeartMath is a registered trademark of Quantum Intech, Inc. (dba HeartMath, Inc.) For all HeartMath trademarks go to www.heartmath.com/trademarks

Cover design and typesetting by Lucy Holtsnider

Printed and bound in USA

First Printing April 2020

conniembaker.com/stay-on

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my parents, Allen and Loyce Morain. Dad introduced me to hospital and nursing home visits when he would go visit people he knew and take me along. That’s where I first learned how to be present at the bedside. He always taught me by example and still does. He and Mom are my best models of living a life of cultivating community and having meaningful purpose. They are surrounded by people who love them, the fruit of decades of investing in people.

I also dedicate this book to the women in my life who make my days so full and rich. My sisters Tammy and Anne, sister-in-law Kristi, and their daughters who have my whole heart, Hailey P, Hailey R, Alex, Carissa, J, Allie, Amy, Hannah, Jenna, and Juhree. My daughter Kathryn, whom you will find throughout the pages of this book. The Cousins—Judi, Trish, Joy, Ginger, Kathryn, Deanna, and Twila. The Yayas —Amy, Carolyn, Jerry, and Joanna. The Goddesses —Jerry, Lou, and Debbie. The Fab Friends. The Healing Touch community. And the many individual women who walk alongside me, providing tremendous love and support, especially during my cancer experience, Cousin Tracey, Gail G, Gail K, Dr. Debbie, Glenda, Debi, Stephanie, and Sarah Lee.

Acknowledgments

Birthing a book is a major undertaking and this book would not have happened without some key people in my life.

Amy Pattee Colvin and I met in 2016 when we became virtual accountability partners as students in the Self-Publishing School, an organization that guides authors through the process of self-publishing. Amy and I have been friends since that time. Amy’s book is Cultivating Compassion: Simple Everyday Practices for Discovering Peace of Mind and Resilience. Amy has played a big role in brainstorming, book production, website content and design, editing, book launch, and beyond.

Marcy Pusey is my Self-Publishing School coach. Her guidance and experience is invaluable. She is also a therapist, which was very handy. When I was discouraged with my progress on this book, she knew just what to say to get me back on track.

Cousin Kathryn Berg and my friend, Victoria Fridley were the two I trusted with the first read of this book. I was so nervous. Their responses were full of grace and insight. These incredible women have been vital people in my life for many years. I even named my daughter Kathryn Victoria after these two.

Lucy Holtsnider, artist and the cover designer of this book, came to this process just in time. I hired her to join the Wong-Baker FACES Foundation team, but as I got to know her, I began learning more about her many gifts and talents. One day I mentioned learning that ideally, formatting of a book would be done in Adobe’s InDesign, but the learning curve was too great for most authors to try to use it. Lucy told me she was teaching InDesign at Marist College in a course on creating magazines. So, she also formatted the book.

My editor, Wayne Purdin, gave me wonderful guidance as he made the book better than it was when I sent it to him. Tricia Hoffman, the Director of Training and Licensing at HeartMath, graciously read through the book; she provided clarity and improvements regarding everything related to HeartMath.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Stay On—A Word from the Author

The Cover

Introduction

Take an Inventory of Where You Are Now

Breathe

Employ Energy Conservation

Build Resilience

Community

Create a Healing Environment

Healing Dream Team

Pain Care

End of Life Care

RESILIENCE: The Cliff Notes

Notes

About the Author

Afterword

Stay On—A Word from the Author

Early in my daughter Kathryn’s horseback riding career, I picked her up from a lesson, and her trainer greeted me with, Kathryn came off today. Came off? What in the world does that mean? I was new to equine terminology; everything about horses was new to me.

The trainer explained that Kathryn had fallen off her horse! Well, I thought this was something to be avoided. From that day forward, whenever Kathryn would go to the barn, I would remind her to Stay On. If I forgot, she would prompt me. Riding horses, jumping over fences, can be scary. It takes great courage. For us, Stay On meant You can do this or I’m with you.

I only came off three more times in the next four years. Each time, it did not occur to me until I was splayed on the dusty arena floor that we had not observed the ritual that day. While I tend away from superstition, that was enough empirical evidence to convince my teenage self that there was power in my mother’s vocalizing the simple instruction. —Kathryn Baker

Over time, Stay On morphed to apply to any activity that required great courage: going to college, wrangling bison on horseback, or hitchhiking repeatedly against my emphatic forbidding. During her doctoral program in tree ecophysiology, Kathryn would frequently go out into the wilderness for research, spending the night alone with her dog Yarrow and the days climbing trees. I asked her to Stay On when she hauled a cherry picker into the woods to access the fifty-foot canopy of the ponderosa pines she was studying. Toward the end of her program, finishing her dissertation by the deadline would sometimes terrify her. She needed a Stay On during those days, too.

In Kathryn’s private hooding ceremony after completing her doctorate on time, I told some stories about her life and what had gotten her to this point, including the story about Stay On. We realized Stay On had been something we had shared between the two of us for nearly twenty years without discussing it much with other people. My cousin Kathryn had never heard of it until that day.

Cousin Kathryn, an early supporter of this literary endeavor, wasn’t fond of my original working title. After she read the manuscript in the first phase of editing, Cousin K called with a title idea. She told me the theme of my book was to encourage and empower the readers to take an active role in their healthcare and healing, despite the reasonable fear that it inspires. She said, Really, what you’re doing is giving them a Stay On.

So, Stay On: Build Resilience and Thrive While Facing Cancer was christened. I loved it immediately and called to share the idea with daughter Kathryn, who also loved the idea.

If you’re reading this book for yourself or someone you love, chances are you need a Stay On.

As we are putting the finishing touches on this book, the last week of April 2020, our world is in crisis over the coronavirus. We are in isolation. Fear, anxiety, and profound sadness are rampant. It is important to be able to shift from those depleting emotions to more positive, renewing emotions. Hopefully, this book will help you make that shift, as well. We all need a Stay On.

The Cover

The cover of this book was designed and created by artist Lucy Holtsnider, a friend of my daughter and now a friend of mine. I saw her work in a gallery several months before beginning to think seriously about the cover. I love the color she brings to life on handmade paper she has printed, then layered into beautiful collages. She first used natural abaca and cotton fibers to create irregularly shaped pieces of paper with many wrinkles and folds. Then, she printed each sheet with a fade from green to blue using monotype techniques on an etching press. Later, gold leaf was applied to a few select edges, and the sheets were arranged into a flowing collage that forms the cover image for Stay On.

I love the finished product. The colors are so vibrant and captivating. The touch of gold foil feels luxurious. I suspect the beginning of the process is not so beautiful. The making of the paper requires patience and forethought. It’s also pretty messy. It requires flexibility as there may be surprises along the way that require a different tactic or approach. Yet, with intention, the artist continues, and over time, a masterpiece is born.

It is a metaphor for our lives. Sometimes life is messy, and the process looks nothing like the finished product we have in mind. Yet,