A Mind Restored: Finding Freedom from the Shame and Stigma of Mental Illness

By Kimberly Muka Powers

An ambulance rushed her away to the emergency room at a local hospital. Her life was forever changed in that moment.

In this powerful memoir and inspirational self-help guide, Kimberly Muka Powers shares her triumphant story of living with bipolar type one with psychotic features. Humbled by this life-altering diagnosis, she lear

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jan 3, 2024
• ISBN: 9798890411341

Kimberly Muka Powers

KIM POWERS is a fully licensed professional counsel- or, owning and operating her private practice in the state of Michigan, where she resides with her husband of ten years. Kim is honored to be featured in Voyage Magazine in their Hidden Gem series ("Hidden Gem: Local Businesses and Creatives You Should Know.").

Book preview

9798890411334_FrontCover.jpg

a

Mind

restored

Finding Freedom

from the Shame and Stigma

of Mental Illness

Kimberly Muka Powers

Greyscale Trilogy Publishing logo

A Mind Restored: Finding Freedom from the Shame and Stigma of Mental Illness

Trilogy Christian Publishers

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2023 by Kimberly Muka Powers

All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without written permission from the author. All rights reserved. Rights Department, 2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, CA 92780.

Trilogy Christian Publishing/TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing.

Trilogy Disclaimer: The views and content expressed in this book are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views and doctrine of Trilogy Christian Publishing or the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN: 979-8-89041-133-4

E-ISBN: 979-8-89041-134-1

Content Warning

This book contains sensitive material, in-cluding topics relating to depression, mania, psychosis, paranoia, and suicidal ideation. Reader discretion is advised.

The events and people in this book reflect true events. Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Dedication

To everyone who has been locked inside a psychiatric hospital: may this book be an insightful key to bringing you functional independence and freedom.

Acknowledgments

There is not enough room to acknowledge all the people in my life I would like to thank for their support, encouragement, instruction, kindness, acceptance, and exhortation throughout my life. Thanks to God for giving me life, breath, grace, and salvation. Without the love, belonging, inherent worth, value, purpose, and calling I receive from my relationship with God, I would not be here today to share my story.

Thank you to my parents, Scott and Jody Muka, for believing in all that I dreamed of, providing for me, and praying for me every day. Thank you for tirelessly seeking treatment for me when I needed it. Thanks, Dad, for being my writing buddy consistently every week this year. Thank you to my husband, Beau, for choosing to love me every day and for being my steady companion amidst all my dreams and pursuits.

Thank you to my psychologists, psychiatrists, mentors, and teachers for helping guide me into health and well-being. Thank you to my youth group leaders and pastors for instilling in me an unwavering and life-changing faith. Thank you to Joe Gross, my memoir class writing teacher, and my classmates at the Kalamazoo Institute of the Arts for affirming my segmented writing pieces that became chapters of what started my book.

Thank you to all of my best friends for loving me at my best and worst times throughout my life. Your loyal friendship and acceptance empower me to be my authentic and vulnerable self and further believe in my value. Special thanks to Leona Carter, my speaking and writing coach. Thank you to Lorilee Craker for your thoughtful and constructive guidance in developing my manuscript. Thank you to Professor Cynthia Beach for your input in the early stages of my writing and for connecting me to additional resources to strengthen my writing process. Thank you to Ann Byle for your fine-tuning in proofreading my manuscript. Thank you to Dave Beach for teaching empowering concepts of post-traumatic growth at Breathe Christian Writers Conference.

I also want to thank my good friend Ashley Huffman at Two Clicks Photography for capturing professional headshots of me, including the one on the back cover of this book. Thank you for your friendship and support.

Thank you to my favorite therapist, Nicole. God has used you powerfully in my life to help me heal and grow from my trauma. Thank you for your support. Thank you to my agent, Stacy Baker, project manager, Allison Dyer, World Mission Media’s editing team, and Trilogy Christian Publishers for believing in the value of connecting people to my book and making it come to life. Thank you to one of my best friends, Kristen, for embracing me at critical moments in my journey of healing and journeying with me as I pushed through difficult emotions in the publishing process. Your mantra of Beyond Fear Lies Freedom resonates with me. I have found this principle to be true.

Finally, thank you, readers, for your interest in this book and for sharing it with others who may benefit from it. May the words here encourage and inspire you to persevere amidst setbacks. May you learn to manage the symptoms that threaten to overtake you, and may you confidently embrace your God-given calling and purpose.

Endorsements

I met Kim while working together at a clinic in Kalamazoo. She has always impressed me with the sincere care she shows to every client. She has a unique gift for creating a safe and supportive environment, which allows her clients to explore their thoughts and feelings honestly and openly. Kim has an uncanny ability to connect with people from all walks of life. She is truly a blessing to our counseling field.

—Cindy L. VanderWeele, MSW, LMSW, CAADC, ADS

Kim has been a key person in my life. She has overcome adversity with her mental health and managed to maintain a healthy life through implementing skills that she has learned to help her maintain stability. Kim recognizes when things do not feel right and is able to adjust and flex enough to manage a busy life. She has accomplished every goal that she has given herself, including being successful in her private practice and writing her own book in order to help and inspire others. She has inspired me to continue to move forward with my own goals, including starting my own private practice. Kim is there when I need support or a helping hand in any task, large or small. Having her as a friend keeps me active and gives me the courage to pursue my goals. I know that this book will inspire people for years to come.

—Lisa Schafer, MA, LPC, CAADC

Kim is a leader, goal-oriented, and the utmost professional in her career as a counselor. Kim values nurturing authentic connections and relationships and spending time with friends and family. She is a woman of faith and lives her life following Christ’s example. Health is important to Kim—mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. Kim is encouraging and supportive of others. She is a role model, whether it be inspiring colleagues to start their own counseling practice or helping a friend manage their own clutter. Kim did not allow the severity of her bipolar diagnosis to prevent her from reaching her personal and professional goals. In fact, she learned not only how to manage her own illness successfully but also inspire others to thrive and do the same.

—Rachel Lobel, LMSW, CAADC

I first met Kim in 2015 when I was hired to counsel at the clinic where Kim worked. Kim was one of the first to introduce herself and offer any assistance I needed. She became somewhat of a mentor and quickly became one of my dearest friends. Kim is one of the kindest, strongest, most loyal, hard-working, and generous people you will ever meet. Everyone needs a Kim in their life. Despite her internal struggles, she has accomplished so much and has helped so many along the way. She continues to amaze me with everything she accomplishes. I am so proud of her for sharing her journey in order to help others. She is brave and motivating. She is the only friend who went to any of my chemotherapy appointments with me. She wanted to be a friend to me and be there for me to lean on and cry with. She is the first to reach out to others to check on them. I know all who are blessed to know her feel the same. This book will not only inspire the reader. It will provide help and guidance.

—Ashley Huffman, MSW, CAADC

I met Kim over twenty years ago when we were seniors in high school. We became friends almost immediately. She has a fun and loving spirit, and her love for the Lord is contagious! I have seen her grow in her mental health and in her faith. I am inspired by her strength and courage throughout her journey. She is an encouragement to me, both personally and professionally.

—Ashley Castro, LMSW, CAADC

Kim and I met in Grand Rapids while attending graduate school. The past nineteen years have allowed me the privilege of walking with Kim through some really dark and difficult times. When Kim’s medicines needed adjusting, she would experience periods of paranoia, mania, and severe depression. One summer, she informed me she thought our apartment was a psychiatric facility and thought I was reporting back on her behavior. While we can laugh about this now, at the time, it was not so amusing. There were days when getting out of bed to do simple daily tasks took every ounce of energy. We have been blessed with great times over the years as well. I have seen Kim go from a scared and insecure student to a confident professional. If you were to ask me fifteen years ago if I thought Kim would be able to hold a full-time job, engage in a healthy relationship, and tend to her mental health, it would have been a resounding no. It has been an inspiration to see how much she continues to accomplish in life.

—Sarah Heimer

I met Kim when we were both fresh new therapists a few months out of graduate school. We were ready to save the world and committed to learning and helping clients with mental health and substance use disorders. We grew as colleagues and professionals, but we also grew as friends! Some time into our friendship, Kim shared with me her own mental health diagnosis and how it impacts her life and her work. As mental health professionals, we always promote the removal of any stigma related to mental health concerns. Kim has always been a real-life example of this! The bravery it takes to be transparent in a world that is still learning to destigmatize mental health and growing to understand the complexities that come with it. Kim has an unwavering kindness about her. She is and has always been a genuine person, a woman of God, and an advocate for helping others. Watching her grow and develop as a human and professional has been such a pleasure! I am confident that what she shares in this book will surely do what God has placed her on this earth to do. And that is to help others.

—Candice G. Marshall, LPC, CAADC, CCS

Kim is an inspiration to me. I cannot think of a better person to write a book. I believe it will be a hit! I can’t see how it wouldn’t be. Kim is a gem and one of a kind. She is so special. I am so grateful she exists and to have her as a friend. She is an inspiration.

—Amber Jaramillo, MA, MLP, CAADC

In a world where hurry, façade, and surface-level communication are the norm, Kimberly models what it looks like to live authentically, to connect deeply, and to share honestly. She doesn’t try to fix and perfect, but rather, she invites people into an authentic and sometimes messy relational space where they can be heard, affirmed, supported, appropriately challenged, and fully known. The sole reason that Kimberly can do this so successfully is that she has Jesus Christ at the core of who she is and how she values and loves others. With her peaceful demeanor and hospitable personality, Kim is highly skilled at letting the Holy Spirit flow through her as she listens, counsels, and walks alongside people on their journey. I have known Kim since her earliest days of counselor training while she was an undergrad. As her professor of psychology, I developed full confidence that God’s power, wisdom, and healing center every aspect of her counseling and writing work.

—Nicole D. McDonald, Ph.D.

I had the pleasure of working with Kim professionally as a substance abuse therapist. Kim was reserved and quiet at first, then blossomed into a strong, confident therapist. Kim’s presence was refreshing as she always wore a big smile and brought positive energy into the room. Kim’s gentle yet firm approach to therapy was respected by her clients and colleagues alike. Above all, Kim’s faith shines through in the way she lives her life and as a role model for the community.

—Cambron McCutcheon,

MS Limited License Psychologist, CAADC

Table of Contents

Content Warning

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Endorsements

Foreword

Introduction

Disclaimer

Chapter 1

Part 1: Family of Origin & Salvation

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Part 2: A Brief History of Mental Illness

Chapter 5

Part 3: My Mental Health Diagnosis

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Part 4: Active Episodes

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Part 5: Find Safe Circles & Belonging

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Part 6: Managing Symptoms, Embracing Holistic Health, & Becoming Well

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Conclusion

Contact Information

Artwork

Bibliography

Recommendations

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

—Anaïs Nin

Foreword

A smile that lights up a room. That is what I noticed when I first met Kim at a women’s Bible study group in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Kim is such a ray of sunshine—she made everyone around her feel comfortable. We connected as professionals outside of Bible study: her as a mental health therapist and me as a relationship coach and a business strategist for speakers. Kim later became my client as she started her journey of speaking and writing. When I learned how powerful her story was, I was amazed and knew immediately how impactful her story would be to so many people.

I often say, If you understood my past, you would understand my purpose. Kim’s story is foundational to her purpose. That is why her role as a therapist and author is set apart from others. I am truly honored to know such a passionate person who lives out her testimony daily.

In this book, Kim pulls back the curtain on a topic that is near and dear to her heart—especially since few people are having the conversation. The conversation about mental health, Christianity, and how to live life on purpose while honoring God and loving who He’s created you to be.

If you are looking for a way to have a conversation on behalf of yourself or someone else about prioritizing mental health and a relationship with God, you’ve come to the right place. I am so excited about every reader who is blessed to pick up this book. Let this book be the beginning of many conversations for you and your loved ones. This book will give you the insight and strategies to prioritize your health, your mindset, your relationships, and most of all, you.

—Leona Carter

CEO Carter Strategies LLC

Relationship Coach & Business Strategist

HeyCoachCarter.com

Introduction

Disclaimer

If you are struggling with your mental health, consult with a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or licensed professional counselor in your area today to develop a specialized treatment plan based on your needs. This book should not replace the treatment of a licensed professional for your specific treatment plan and needs. Consult with a professional in your area to address your needs.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and are unsafe or at risk of hurting yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital or inpatient facility.

You may also call or text 988, which is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the United States. You may call—at any time of day or night—if you are experiencing a mental health crisis and need support.

Chapter 1

Everyone has a story. The story never told—is it still a story if no one hears it? I have kept my story hidden and intentionally buried in a dark, lonely place not only because of the trauma associated with it but because I once thought it defined me. Because deep within my spirit, I believed it to be utterly embarrassing and shameful.

I drove slowly through the parking lot, careful not to hit any patients leaving the upper offices. I was cautious as I eased my car down the hill and turned into the back parking lot.

I was amazed, as usual, at the herd of deer that lingered behind my office. The stillness was touchable.

I counted ten of them this time. All sizes. Some stared at me, or I should say, greeted me. They knew me, and we were friends. My car did not scare them away. They knew they were safe as they ate the grass and lingered still.

A sense of peace eased over my body. My muscles relaxed. I anticipated the meaningful conversations I would have that day at the office as a licensed professional counselor.

One by one, the deer cantered off into the arboretum below. The pond beckoned them as I pulled my car forward into the parking spot. One instant, and they vanished into the woods.

All but one. Probably the biggest of the herd. A buck without antlers that time of year. He trusted me. He was old and wise enough to know I would not harm him. We sat in each other’s presence for a serene moment. All were welcome there. I did not know who loved this space more: me or the deer.

@

My parents eagerly traveled the short distance from their home to my office as soon as I got the keys. We carefully applied blue painter’s tape around the dark wooden trim at both the base and ceiling of the four walls. In perfect contrast, the brown trim stood out with the pastel yellow paint we brushed on the walls, transforming the room with light.

My suitemate, who happened to be one of my best friends, graciously let me have the bigger office with the two large windows. All was right in the world. I felt an overwhelming sense of victory and accomplishment. I did it. I opened my own private practice. I met my goals. I was living the dream.

By the grace of God, He has carried me through all of the deepest valleys and twists and turns. I contemplated giving up so many times. I often felt a sense of failure when I did not meet my own goals or live a life without troubles that naively I thought I would. Yet even still, through it all, God has helped me achieve stability in my battle. God has renewed my spirit. He restored my mind. He transforms me from the inside out. I am eager to share my story with others. I no longer identify as a crazy person.

The sunlight shines in at just the right time—around four or five in the evening, depending on the season. Deep within my spirit, I am overwhelmed with joy. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the deer walk across the parking lot. They have no fear and no knowledge I enjoy watching them from inside as I work.

My mindset has shifted over the years from isolation and despair to a sense of belonging and hope. To growth. To healing. Empowerment. Transformation.

When the sunlight shines in my office, my spirit is instantly lifted as I am reminded of God’s Spirit always with me. Protecting me, guiding me, providing for me. Allowing me to own and operate my own business. It feels like a dream, but it is real.

The conversations within these four walls never leave this room. I frequently say to myself in jest, And now I’ve heard it all.

It is a cherished honor to hold the depth of these sessions with strangers, who become clients, and the tears held sacredly in this space. It is safe here.

With courage and humility, clients decide to trust me and invite me into their lives. They speak of hidden struggles they may never say aloud to anyone else. Deep thoughts and convictions, heartbreaks, mood swings, mental health diagnoses, relationship concerns, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, life adjustments, and goals.

They invite me in, and I am honored as their therapist. Many have no awareness that I was in their seat as a client for many years and still am occasionally now as I manage my own mental illness.

What is it about mental illness that fosters such distress, such isolation, such insecurity, and such shame?

I pray as you hear my story, you are encouraged, you know you are not alone, and you, too, can break free from the shame and stigma of mental illness by effectively learning to manage your symptoms.

Part 1:

Family