There is Lyfe After Death: Moving Forward After a Miscarriage: A Memoir

By Dr. Angela Woodard Walker

There is Lyfe After Death is an empathetic and candid must-read resource for
families who have suffered profound grief through miscarriage. There is Lyfe After
Death is also a go-to resource for pastors, counselors, and health care professionals
who minister to, counsel, or care for families who have lost a child to miscarriage

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781640880863

Book preview

Introduction

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are going to get through this desert alive! If you are reading this book, then you or someone you are connected to has suffered a miscarriage, and you are desperately searching for guidance for yourself, a family member, friend, or acquaintance to better understand and cope with such a tremendous loss. Miscarriages, needless to say, are absolutely traumatizing. I have been there. I have felt and experienced first-hand the excruciating physical, emotional, and psychological pain, anguish, grief, disbelief, unbelief, denial, anger, loneliness, confusion, fear, devastation, feelings of inadequacy, and a host of other tormenting emotions associated with miscarriage. A miscarriage is devastating whether the mother-to-be was in the early stages of the first trimester, midway through the second trimester, or whether or not she already has children.

It is often said that everybody has at least one book in them. I always knew that I would one day author books on my personal and professional experiences. However, never, ever in a million years did I think I would qualify to write about the loss of a child. Specifically, about miscarrying a child. Why would I qualify to write about such a catastrophic life event? No one in my immediate family had ever miscarried a child. No one had ever shared their miscarriage experience with me. I was a young, healthy, and very health-conscious 33-year-old, with a Cadillac of a health insurance policy and access to Grade A healthcare when I miscarried with my first and only child. There were no risk factors or red flags involved. But the fact is that I unfortunately do qualify after my own miscarriage experience. Do I want to be qualified in this area? Absolutely NOT! Trust me, I would have written the script vastly differently had I had the opportunity. But I did not have the opportunity to write or re-write the script, and no one can unring a bell. After a painstakingly lengthy healing process that included a constant flow of tears, meltdowns, deep reflection, fervent prayer, and unending soulsearching, I often thought to myself, Now what? I’ve experienced this devastating and unfortunate situation. What’s next?

Well, the next God-ordained step for me is to help others who have suffered a miscarriage. I am here to help you through one of the roughest storms you will ever face. You do not have to walk this extremely emotional and difficult journey alone. In the coming pages, I will share my story, complete with some intimate writings from my personal journal (I am an avid journaler) and some practical tips that are still helping me cope with the unbearable grief stemming from my miscarriage. Your circumstances and story may be different from mine, but there are bound to be some commonalities. Grief, for example, is universal and penetrates every culture, race, religion, and creed. This is a very serious and oftentimes solemn subject, and I am going to handle it as delicately as I can. I am not sure where you are in the healing process but do yourself a favor: give yourself full permission to be yourself as you read this book. Take off any masks or facades you may be hiding behind. It may even be a good idea to read this book when you are alone and in the privacy of your home. If you need to weep, do so. If you need to scream, go right ahead. If you want to talk, candidly talk to the Lord and/or reach out to a wise and trusted family member or friend. If you journal and want to jot your feelings down, write on. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to simply be yourself. Allow yourself to be human. It is my sincere hope that you will be inspired and encouraged to take the necessary steps to help yourself, your family, and anyone else connected to you to heal while healthfully preserving your precious child’s/children’s memory at the same time.

My Story

My precious husband and best friend, Michael, and I were engaged in 1998 and wed on Saturday, August 12, 2000. We got married the day after I graduated with my master’s degree. We figured since my family was already in town for my graduation, we might as well make it count.

Neither of us had any children, but each of us wanted to have children together. We had initially discussed having children after we had been married for at least three to five years. We both felt this would give us time to get to know each other better and to aggressively pursue our personal and career goals. So, I was faithfully taking birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. I stopped taking birth control pills approximately four years after we got married. At that time, we were so occupied with our careers, ministry, and community involvement that conceiving did not garner most of our focus, but it was the center of attention after each of my annual OB-GYN appointments and his routine appointments with his urologist. Each of us always received a good health report from our doctors. There were never any abnormalities or anything to be concerned about. Yet several years had come and gone, and we still had not conceived. We just said to each other, Hey, when it’s supposed to happen, it will happen in God’s timing. We felt like we were handling our human responsibilities by having intercourse and attending our annual medical exams.

I had heard in my spirit in early November 2007 that I would be pregnant by my next OB-GYN appointment. My next appointment had been previously scheduled for December 2007. I did not share this with Michael. I put the thought on the back burner and went on with my busy life (aside from being a wife, I was working full-time, pursuing my doctorate, active in ministry, and operating my clothing boutique). I was excited about the possibility of being pregnant but wondered if it was just in my head. I subconsciously began thinking of baby names. I waited to see if Mother Nature was going to visit me in November just as she had done every month, and sometimes twice a month, since eighth grade. Well, Mother Nature did visit me in November, so the notion of it all being in my head gained strength. Life went on, but the thought of becoming pregnant periodically flirted with me. I can still remember how I would light up inside every time I thought about another human being living inside of me. How miraculous would that be? Well, three