The Feminine Side of Human Design

By Carmen Farrell-Knapp

Have you ever looked at your Human Design Chart, and wondered my ladies at? In this book, we will look at the energies of Ceres, Vesta, Juno and Pallas (among others!) represented in the asteroid belt through the lens of Human Design and how they impact you as an entrepreneur.

We will also do a deep dive, unpacking conditioning by looking at wounds and shadows of the individual and collective like the Birth and Witch wound by reflecting on your shadow and gift energies.

This is a book about a love affair with yourself. It's about looking your ugly in the face and meeting it with love. It's about standing strong in your beauty and ultimately realizing they are both the same: The beauty that is your spirit, having a dynamic human experience on this planet we call Earth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Nov 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9781778096556

Book preview

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Copyright © 2024 by Janet Carmen Farrell-Knapp

Cover Images by Jennifer Nahwegahbow

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Contents

Intoduction

1.How to Explore Your Feminine Energy

2.The Divine Feminine in Business and How to Reflect on Your Energy

3.Exploring our Wounded Feminine Energy

4.Exploring the Feminine Archetypal Energy Through the Asteroid Goddesses

5.The Venus Sequence

6.Feminine Power and your Moon Cycle

7.Tracking the transits is not just for Reflectors.

8.Variables in Human Design

9.The End

About the Author

Intoduction

BFN. About one in four of you will have been exposed to this acronym. It's been in and out of my life for about nine years, and it's been heavy in the last few months. In December, I boldly stated that I was on track to publish this book at the end of December (2022) or early January (2023.) I finished writing, and it was all done but the editing. Then a miracle happened.

Jeff and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a decade. We’ve done all the fertility things: IVF, IUI, injectable hormones, early morning ultrasounds for days in a row, all the endless and invasive tests, the weird energy treatments, diet changes, acupuncture, and finally, donor embryos.

Doing fertility cycles, especially back-to-back cycles, creates a rollercoaster that segments your life into two alternating two-week chunks. The first one is high. You’re hopped up on hormones, sleep deprived from the early appointments (in my case, a 2-hour drive before those 7 am ultrasounds), and jazzed out on all the emotions. The seasoned fertility pros know you have to stay up through this phase.

You can tell who the newbies are at the clinic. They are actually authentically hopeful, excited, and nervous. The rest of us are guarded. We know we must stay positive, but we also know that the low is much harder if you go too high. So, you manage your emotions, which is a challenge no matter what cocktail of hormones you’re on. And you feel guilty. So guilty.

You put on the happy mask for your partner, the nurses, and the people who know what’s going on. Those who don’t know what’s happening are even harder because you don’t want to say too much. You don’t want to be awkward that way or overshare with a client, or casual acquaintance, even though you feel the need to justify why you’re emotional or have scheduling restraints they have to deal with.

You put on the mask because energy matters, and you subscribe to the concept that thoughts create your reality, including physical limitations. Which, BTW, is a dangerous little loop: Thinking that maybe your thoughts have created a BFN (Big Fat Negative) month after month, year after year.

If I’m speaking to your situation, please don’t do this. It's self-flagellation. You’ve already got enough pain and trauma happening. Don’t add this to your plate, OK? You can’t meditate your way to controlling your body. Not for this, at least. As I’m writing this, I feel like a hypocrite because I have to dance with this thought loop over and over. I know I have permission to let go of the idea that I can think or do something to change the outcome. If you need permission, I’m giving it to you, and I understand that it is So. Much. Easier. Said. Than. Done.

The second two-week phase is all about the unknown. You go from daily appointments, knowing all your numbers in minute detail (Who knew that you could read the blood pressure in your uterine artery?) to nothing: no appointments, no information, no reassuring measuring of follicles and lining and hormone levels. You’re told to go home and relax. This is known as the two-week wait. It is the longest two weeks of your life.

This time, it coincided with Christmas, which is already an emotionally charged time. My family has cycles of blow-ups. We’re overdue for some drama on the family front. Thankfully it didn’t happen this year because I don’t think I could have managed it. Still, it was enough to navigate the underlying theme of longing that accompanies all holidays focusing on family and kids.

Finally, the wait was over. We could test to see if it worked. Two days before the sun moved into Gate 38:The Gate of the Fighter, we found out we would be parents.

Shit got real. The blow-up I was expecting in my extended family happened in my relationship. The things we’d both been tolerating and letting slide as a twosome suddenly felt urgent to express and work through. Things we couldn’t keep doing if we were going to add an infant into our household came out with a vengeance. This cold war continued for two weeks until I got food poisoning bad enough to land in the hospital overnight. We both realized that being right wasn’t as important as being together for our little one.

For a few weeks, things normalized. Jeff and I are on the same page the majority of the time. We are solid, stable, calm, and peaceful. I’m improving at letting his emotional wave alone and not buying into it. It's hard not to take things personally with those you love the most when the wave is triggered. Now, add pregnancy hormones, amplified by medications, because fertility pregnancies are special like that. Wowza. It’s a miracle we came out of that one alive.

Jeff and I have talked about how Dads go through the same losses as Mom’s do. While I take the brunt of the physical price of the fertility journey, he is often left out. When we have losses and disappointments, I often forget that he is also experiencing them. He doesn’t have the same support as I do when things go wrong. It's taboo enough for women to talk about these subjects. We often don’t even consider the social structures that keep men from processing their emotions and getting support from family and friends.

The first sign of trouble was at our eight-week scan. We knew something was wrong when we had to wait for the doctor to get the results. Typically, the nurses can tell you what you need to know, so things aren't good if you have to see the doctor.

The fetal heart rate was low. Really low. Jeff is a 1-3 profile, so he went down the rabbit hole of Dr. Google. The only positive outcomes for a fetal heart rate of 82 were associated with the embryo being younger than estimated. This didn’t apply to us since we knew exactly when conception would have occurred. There was no way our babe was two weeks younger than we thought.

We began grieving. A week later, before the following scan, we knew we had lost the pregnancy. Holywood makes out like miscarriage is this big dramatic event that happens suddenly. You’re living your life one moment; the next, you gush blood like your water is breaking. While I have experienced that sudden, unexpected loss, this wasn’t that. It was characterized by so much waiting.

In my discussions with friends, family, and others in the fertility space, you usually know it's coming. You know that there is no heartbeat. No progression. No life. And the worst part is that you have to wait until nature takes its course or your hormone levels normalize enough that the medication will work as intended. It was a 3-week process from the no heartbeat scan to the ultrasound that confirmed that all tissue had cleared.

Ironically, I’m in the middle of writing a book about feminine energy and wounding. We’ve been in the fertility space so long I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to create a life. The days of sex for the pure animal enjoyment of it seem so far away. Even after good sex, you still wonder and hope that maybe a miracle occurred. Don’t even get me started on baby-making sex, or business sex, as we started referring to it.

I share my story openly for many reasons. One of them is to normalize the struggle. One in four couples struggles with fertility. I can guarantee that, whether you know it or not, someone in your life is or has dealt with pregnancy or infant loss or struggled to get pregnant. Maybe that person is you. To whom I say, soul sister, I see your struggle, I feel your pain, and I understand how goddamn strong you are. I know the difficulties of this road and the lack of successful outcomes that can make you feel weak, exhausted, and futile. I know you compartmentalize your life and success so that the pain of one area doesn’t stain the others. I want to convey that you are worthy. You are a feminine powerhouse, no matter the state of the nursery.

I feel vulnerable about this book. I've shared some of my personal reflections and stories that I'd usually prefer to keep hidden. But they are important topics and ones that contribute to the dialogue of feminine energetics. I belong to a peer support group for women in business, and was discussing that I had this book ready to publish, and I couldn't pull the pin. They asked me what the quality of the resistance was, and it all came spilling out, and at the core of it was the fear of being seen. We discussed the implications of being an entrepreneur and fearing visibility, and I asked them to keep me accountable to publish before our next meeting. So, here we go. It's raw, it's rough, but it's done.

To me, creation is creation. There is something eerily similar about my struggles as an entrepreneur to fertility. What I love about Human Design is that it gives me a framework for looking at my wounding and how it affects my outcomes in life. It helps me find meaning in the struggle. It helps me love myself, knowing I am a dynamic human who shows up on a spectrum of good, bad, and neutral. It helps me clarify who I’m here to help, how I’m meant to show up, and what lessons and experiences I have to draw from.

This book isn’t about leveraging your energy to be more successful. Although, that is often the side effect. This is a book about a love affair with yourself. It's about looking your ugly in the face and meeting it with love. It's about standing strong in your beauty and ultimately realizing they are both the same: The beauty that is your spirit, having a dynamic human experience on this planet we call Earth.

Chapter one

How to Explore Your Feminine Energy

Feminine Energy in HD and Business

Have you ever looked at the Human Design chart and wondered where my ladies at? The feminine energy of Venus and the Moon are the only significant representations in your chart, and let’s be real. Venus? Please. So many more substantial female archetypes got passed up because she was pretty. This book will explore some of the most relevant female energies that could impact your chart and modify your energy. We will examine how the deeply ingrained cultural narrative engages with your innate, powerful feminine energy and conditioning from the perspective of people's common wounds that can impact business and money.

I have a little disclaimer. This book isn’t actually about proper Human Design. I’m applying the concept of Human Design to asteroids and other celestial bodies. I also use the Human Design concept of conditioning and look at it through the lens of shadow work and the psychological wounds everyone has to some degree. Like all of my work, I mash together all the concepts and practices that I have found helpful. I take the perspective of Human Design and Gene Keys and run with it. I’m pulling from energy healing practices (I’ve studied too many to name,) my formal learning in education and experience as a teacher, my work counseling women who have experienced violence,