ASPECTS OF CHANGE: 9 Steps to Conquer Your Most Devastating Change, Develop Boundless Energy, and Create a Life You Love

By Donna Johnson-Klonsky

Have you faced a devastating event that has changed your life forever? Discover one woman's true story of tragedy and survival that will both captivate your heart and help guide you through your most devastating changes. 

The ASPECTS OF CHANGE is a profound new approach designed to help you process life-altering change and

• Language: English
• Publisher: DJ Consulting Services, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 21, 2018
• ISBN: 9781732138018

Book preview

This is a work of nonfiction. Although some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of those depicted, and some events have been abridged, this book is based on a true story.

Copyright © 2018 by Donna Johnson-Klonsky

All rights reserved. No part of this text or its associated ancillary materials may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of DJ Consulting Services, Inc. Prior written permission (other than for review purposes), must be obtained by contacting publisher at AOC Permission.

Published in the United States by DJ Consulting Services, Inc.

Title: ASPECTS OF CHANGE:

9 Steps to Conquer Your Most Devastating Change, Develop Boundless Energy, and Create a Life You Love

Author: Donna Johnson-Klonsky, MBA, PCC

Ebook Formatting by Guido Henkel

ISBN #978-1-7321380-0-1 (Paperback)

ISBN #978-1-7321380-1-8 (E-book)

To my husband, children, and grandchildren.

Foreword

Irreversible change swept in and laid to waste every certainty I had about life.

My partner was read last rites in the ER. And his leukemia diagnosis started many years of complete and utter turmoil. Intense induction chemotherapy, multiple full body radiation treatments and finally a stem cell transplant, uprooted our lives in unimaginable ways, all punctuated in the end by my partner’s death. Irreversible change took hold of my life, and nothing has been the same since.

As a caregiver and bereaved, my life had a quality to it that was very hard to describe to people. It wasn’t until I read ASPECTS OF CHANGE that I was able to explain the enormous sense of separation this loss created for me.

Irreversible change felt like a 12-foot thick glass wall which isolated me from the rest of the world. People could hear me, but not clearly. People could see me, but it was a cloudy, obstructed view. No one could ever get close enough to stand beside me because the changes my partner and I experienced were too much for many to handle. They were too much for us to handle.

This kind of change is not something you prepare for; you do not build skills in case it ever happens. It is uncertain and uncharted and different for everyone.

But, what I know now, after reading ASPECTS OF CHANGE is there were ways of thinking things through, there were stages, and there was a process. If only I had access to this book during my journey, my experience could have been dramatically different.

If I had read ASPECTS OF CHANGE, perhaps I would’ve understood the journey I was on. When you’re in it, you feel suspended in time and space in such a solitary way, and it’s nearly impossible to process your thoughts, actions, and emotions. The experience that you’re living overwhelms everything. The truth is, handling what you’re feeling and what you’re going through would be very helpful, but it’s so very hard to do because very few people understand.

Support groups were very difficult for me. When we were in the transplant phase and experiencing intense challenge, I didn’t want to hear about success stories. I also didn’t want to hear about people who were in worse situations than us. I was having a hard enough time dealing with my own experience. I did not need the weight of others.

I needed something else. I just didn’t know what that something else was. I know now. ASPECTS OF CHANGE and Donna Johnson-Klonsky could’ve changed everything during my irreversible change journey for me. And eight years later, she did. Thank you, Donna, for being the voice for all of us.

Deanna Stull, PCC

CXO - CoachVille

Your Roadmap To Conquer Your Most Devastating Change

The topic of change has always fascinated me. No one is immune to change. No matter your age, race, religion, occupation or socioeconomic background, we all experience hundreds of changes in our lifetime.

Over the past twenty years, I have helped thousands of individuals become victorious over the changes they have faced in their professional and personal lives. I have spoken at countless workshops, published over five hundred articles, developed more than thirty self-help techniques, and interviewed hundreds of individuals - all on the topic of change.

Then, something unexpected happened. I went through a devastating change. And from that moment on my life was never the same.

With all the knowledge I had acquired throughout the years, you would think that I was fully equipped to overcome this life-altering event. But I was stuck. I felt like l had been shoved into a deep, dark valley and there was no way out.

I searched for the tools to escape.

I researched everything I could find on change, desperate for a method that could help me reclaim my life. But I felt lost. Although there was a lot of information available offering suggestions on how I should handle the change, I couldn’t find anything that showed me where I was in the change process so that I could move forward. And even the best navigation system can’t guide you without first knowing your starting point.

It was then that I realized a roadmap needed to be created to help guide people through their most devastating changes.

That roadmap is called the ASPECTS OF CHANGE (AOC)! The essence of the ASPECTS OF CHANGE was initially published in a series of articles I wrote for a New York City business magazine entitled, Fashion Manuscript. I referred back to these articles as I began interviewing people who had endured life-altering changes and studied their experiences. Through my research, I became aware of certain recurring patterns within the change process. That’s when I decided to develop my own approach to conquering change that highlighted the different stages and how to successfully navigate through them.

How will this book help you?

This book will first introduce you to the story of Amber, a woman who, like you, has gone through a devastating change and used the ASPECTS OF CHANGE to heal and then successfully conquer that change. It will outline the change process and help you identify where you are in that process. In addition, it will guide you in evaluating your current thoughts, emotions, actions, and energy and show you how they are the key to moving forward. Lastly, it will provide you with a series of tools and exercises to help you create a customized plan to master your change.

This book was primarily designed to help those who have faced a devastating life change to heal, to accomplish their goals and to create a life that they love.

What is a Devastating Change?

A devastating change is something that happens, often suddenly, that causes you to face an overwhelming, gut-wrenching loss. There are two types of devastating changes; Irreversible and Major.

What are the Characteristics of an Irreversible Change?

A drastic event happens directly to you or someone that you know forcing you to deal with a majority of the consequences.

It affects all aspects of your life and changes it forever.

It forces you to operate differently and becomes the forefront of your decision-making.

It leaves you preoccupied with how the consequences might affect your future.

In several areas, your actions demonstrate that you are stuck or unable to move forward in your life.

If your thoughts, emotions, and actions reveal that you are unable to move forward, that change can be deemed irreversible. The change itself isn’t just irreversible. It irreversibly changes you.

What is a Major Change?

A major change is very similar to an irreversible one. It is caused by an awful event that takes place in your life. The key difference is the mental and emotional impact of that change on your life.

The following is a short list of both irreversible and major changes with the difference between the two highlighted below.

Health, Illness, Injury

Some medical conditions including cancers, transplants, chronic diseases, mental illnesses, loss of a major sense, body part, or a severe burn trauma, can by nature be irreversible. But some people continue to thrive after diagnosis even though their lives are permanently altered. Others, barely surviving, struggle to even accept the diagnosis.

Divorce or the termination of a critical or long-term relationship

After a breakup, most eventually go on to live happy lives that may include loving relationships. Some remain mentally and emotionally stuck in that failed relationship and it alters the way they view life, love or themselves.

Verbal, Physical, Sexual Abuse

This often leads to feelings of worthlessness, crippled self-confidence, and low self-esteem that may stay with you for a lifetime. Some are able to minimize the impact of the negative conditioning; others remain mentally and emotionally trapped.

Amber’s True Story

Sharing in the experiences of those around us is an invaluable learning opportunity. The ASPECTS OF CHANGE (AOC) is introduced and explored through the true story of Amber. Amber’s story will serve as your guide in helping you process your devastating change.

I wrote this book so that anyone who has to navigate a life-altering event can do so without the sense of helplessness that can come with not having a guide and a roadmap. My hope is that you will never again find yourself feeling lost and alone, stumbling blindly through a change. The ASPECTS OF CHANGE (AOC) will help you build the necessary skills to master current and future changes and live a happier and more satisfying life every day of your journey.

It’s time to meet Amber, your personal guide.

SECTION I - AMBER’S STORY

A Journey through the ASPECTS OF CHANGE

Note from Author

Critical Moments Snapshots

Take a moment to reflect on how you think about a change that you’re experiencing. Mentally, as you explore the topic, do you create an introduction, middle, and conclusion? Do you stay on the same topic or go back and forth between topics? How about your emotions and actions? Do they follow a straight path or winding road? Amber’s true story is presented in real life format that closely resembles how many of us process change. Critical moments that highlight the transformation of her thoughts, emotions, actions, energy, and journey through the ASPECTS are included. Some background information is given to shed light on those critical moments.

Amber’s Irreversible Change

Amber was in shock. She had returned from a trip to Mexico feeling exhausted. After a quick visit to her doctor’s office, she awaited the results of her blood work and ultrasound.

She didn’t have long to wait.

Two days later she received a call from her doctor. Get to the hospital immediately! I’ve arranged for you to be admitted! After rushing to the hospital and experiencing a whirlwind day of seeing different specialists and having invasive tests and exams, Amber was still in disbelief. She had been relatively healthy all her life. Perhaps this was all just one big mistake.

But the next morning, when Amber woke up with a yellow tinge to her skin, she could no longer deny that something was seriously wrong. And then a doctor walked in and said six words that would change her life forever.

There’s something wrong with your liver!

Apparently, one of the blood tests collected to check for liver damage was elevated by more than 200 times the normal level. The room began to spin. Amber tried to wrap her head around how this could’ve happened. She had traveled to Mexico numerous times and knew where to go and what to eat and only drank bottled water. She had no history of liver disease and drank alcohol responsibly. She felt like someone had slapped her hard across the face. Suddenly facts seemed fictional and reality was distorted.

She was transferred to another hospital for additional testing. As the medical staff desperately searched for the cause, she longed for the stability and security that existed before her world began falling apart. More than anything, Amber desired the one thing that she couldn’t have - more time. To figure out how or why this could’ve happened. To try to make sense of it all.

But time was steadily running out.

Within a few days, the elevated ammonia levels in her brain left her in a coma. Only one thing could save her now. Amber needed a liver transplant. Clinging to life by a thread, Amber was given a new liver and a new diagnosis – autoimmune hepatitis.

When Amber finally opened her eyes, she was confronted with foreign medical terms, a laundry list of medications that each came with their own set of frightening side effects and the realization that in one week her entire life had changed.

What do you mean I have to learn how to inject myself before I can go home? Haven’t I been through enough?

She couldn’t even dress without assistance, the steroids had turned her legs into tree trunks that she could barely uproot from the ground, and now as a cruel by-product of the transplant, she had diabetes. She hated needles, and they were asking her to do the one thing she had thought she’d never be able to do; stick one in her body every single day. Even if the diabetes was temporary, as the doctors hoped it would be, her condition wasn’t.

Amber would have to live with this chronic disease for the rest of her life.

But somehow she learned the names and doses of numerous medications. She familiarized herself with a barrage of side effects that presented a dismal future at best. And eventually, she even figured out how to test her blood and inject herself with insulin.

Then it was time to return home.

"Why? Why me?"

Day after day Amber wallowed in bed consumed by an endless array of questions. Was this my fault? Could I have prevented it? How can I go on? Thoughts of her past life troubled her. And thoughts of her future life were uncertain. The places she would never go. The things she would never do. It had all slipped through her grasp in an instant.

For weeks, her single daily accomplishment was taking a shower. As Amber slowly recuperated, her husband, their children, and other loved ones attempted to hold up the crumbling walls of her life. But to Amber, nothing looked the same. The world was murky and foreign. Amber had been shoved into a deep, dark valley.

ASPECT ONE

STAND UP TO – Why Me?

Acknowledgment of Change

From the point of becoming aware of your change, you struggle to understand what’s happening, why it’s happening, and, at the same time, gain elementary comprehension of what it could mean. You may not even want to think or talk about it. Yet, internally, your mind grapples with and is overwhelmed by the information. Based on your change, you share what you need to. Your emotions are raw and your actions suppressed. You have no energy and are weighed down by uncertainty and fears.

Note from the Author

Amber’s Story

I have had a number of people ask me about Amber’s life and the many triumphs and tribulations that she has endured. Although some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of those depicted, and some events have been abridged, this book is based on a true story. My true story. Amber is simply my writing voice. Similar to a pseudonym, Amber has allowed me to explore the journey through my change from another perspective.

STAND UP TO

---

In the beginning, Amber felt like a cast member of a show she would’ve preferred not to star in entitled, Pretend You’re Ok. She wanted to avoid interaction with members of the audience - family and friends. At times, some of the supporting characters, those closest and dearest to her, singled her out and demanded interaction. When forced to participate, she did what she could while earnestly searching for escape routes or simply an excuse to sleep. Amber just wanted to be left alone and wished her nagging thoughts would do the same. Her emotions were draining and her actions seemed pointless. Everything required energy she didn’t have. Still, she knew there were some things she had to do.

Thoughts - Amber found it hard to focus on regular activities. Most of the time her thoughts were trapped in what life was like before the liver transplant. As hard as she tried, she could not reconcile why it had happened to her. Was there something she could’ve done differently? Amber longed for all the things that could have been possible before her irreversible change.

Emotions - Amber felt deep regret and guilt over opportunities she had let pass and now could no longer pursue. She cried without warning and emotional breakdowns, which mourned her losses, seemed to happen frequently and unexpectedly. Amber felt sad and confused. Then she felt guilty for feeling that way.

Actions –Sometimes Amber could maintain a routine, but most days it took too much effort. Often she was so desperate for a distraction that she dove head first into any activity unrelated to her change. She purposely avoided certain people and situations where the topic might come up. Was she acting ungrateful for the gift of life she had been given by a stranger?

Energy - On some days, she had to be urged to wake up, eat and get out of bed. When Amber was alone she felt so drained she didn’t even have the strength to sit up. She would simply collapse onto the bed and allow her body to sink like a rock into the mattress. How are you feeling? She hated that question. She would force a nod and mumble the words, Okay but the truth was she felt nothing but anguish. On days when even sorrow took too much energy, she felt nothing. Sometimes she had the strength to have short conversations but within minutes she could feel the energy being sucked out of her body. Feelings of fear and uncertainty lurked around every corner. Emotional outbursts fueled by pain, anger and sheer hopelessness left her with throbbing headaches and stomach pain. Every thought, every emotion, and every action absorbed the meager strength she had, like a