Grief Diaries: Victim Impact Statements

By Lynda Cheldelin Fell, Carl Harms and Kim Thomas

The victim impact statement is an indispensable tool that helps hold the offender accountable for the consequences of a crime. It gives the judge the rest of the story, the part that doesn’t appear in police reports or courtroom evidence, and connects vital pieces of information to emotions in a way people can relate to.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AlyBlue Media
• Release date: Jul 17, 2017
• ISBN: 9781944328863

Lynda Cheldelin Fell

LYNDA CHELDELIN FELL is an educator, speaker, author of over 30 books including the award-winning Grief Diaries, and founder of the International Grief Institute. Visit www.LyndaFell.com.

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Grief Diaries

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENTS

True stories and 25 real statements

by loved ones searching for justice

LYNDA CHELDELIN FELL

with

KIM & KAYLA THOMAS

CARL HARMS

FOREWORD BY JAY HOWELL

Former Florida State Prosecutor, U.S. Senate Investigator

Co-Founder, National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

A portion of proceeds from the sale of this book is donated to JAXImpact, a nonprofit educational awareness program. For more information, visit jaximpact.org.

Grief Diaries

Victim Impact Statements– 1st ed.

True stories and 25 real statements by loved ones searching for justice

Lynda Cheldelin Fell/Kim Thomas/Kayla Thomas/Carl Harms

Grief Diaries www.GriefDiaries.com

Cover Design by AlyBlue Media, LLC

Interior Design by AlyBlue Media LLC

Published by AlyBlue Media, LLC

Copyright © 2017 by AlyBlue Media All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-944328-53-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016918303

AlyBlue Media, LLC

Ferndale, WA 98248

www.AlyBlueMedia.com

This book is designed to provide informative narrations to readers. It is sold with the understanding that the writers, authors or publisher is not engaged to render any type of psychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. The content is the sole expression and opinion of the authors and writers. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the choice to include any of the content in this book. Neither the publisher nor the author or writers shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You are responsible for your own choices, actions and results.

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

GRIEF DIARIES

TESTIMONIALS

HOPE . . . These stories reflect the authentic voices of individuals at the unexpected moment their lives were shattered and altered forever. Moments of strength in the midst of indescribable pain, resilience in the midst of rage; hope while mired in despair; each of which remind us in law enforcement to uphold our oath to protect and serve by never giving up. —SHERIFF SADIE DARNELL, Alachua County, Florida

CRITICALLY IMPORTANT . . . I want to say to Lynda that what you are doing is so critically important. –DR. BERNICE A. KING, Daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King

ACCURATE . . . These accounts portray an accurate picture of just what full-force repercussions follow the taking of a life. JAY HOWELL, U.S. Senate Investigator, Former Florida State Prosecutor, Co-founder - National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

INSPIRATIONAL . . . Grief Diaries is the result of heartfelt testimonials from a dedicated and loving group of people. By sharing their stories, the reader will find inspiration and a renewed sense of comfort as they move through their own journey. -CANDACE LIGHTNER, Founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving

DEEPLY INTIMATE . . . Grief Diaries is a deeply intimate, authentic collection of narratives that speak to the powerful, often ambiguous, and wide spectrum of emotions that arise from loss. I so appreciate the vulnerability and truth embedded in these stories. -DR. ERICA GOLDBLATT HYATT, Chair of Psychology, Bryn Athyn College

BRAVE . . . The brave individuals who share their truth in this book do it for the benefit of all. CAROLYN COSTIN - Founder, Monte Nido Treatment Centers

VITAL . . . Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss of a Pregnancy gives voice to the thousands of women who face this painful journey every day. Often alone in their time of need, these stories will play a vital role in surrounding each reader with warmth and comfort as they seek understanding and healing in the aftermath of their own loss. -JENNIFER CLARKE, obstetrical R.N., Perinatal Bereavement Committee at AMITA Health Adventist Medical Center

HOPE AND HEALING . . . You are a pioneer in this field and you are breaking the trail for others to find hope and healing. -KRISTI SMITH, Bestselling Author & International Speaker

A FORCE . . .The writers of this project, the Grief Diaries anthology series, are a force to be reckoned with. I’m betting we will be agents of great change.

-MARY LEE ROBINSON, Author and Founder of Set an Extra Plate initiative

MOVING . . . In Grief Diaries, the stories are not only moving but often provide a rich background for any mourner to find a gem of insight that can be used in coping with loss. Reread each story with pen in hand and you will find many that are just right for you. -DR. LOUIS LAGRAND, Author of Healing Grief, Finding Peace

HEALING . . . Grief Diaries gives voice to a grief so private, most bear it alone. These diaries can heal hearts and begin to build community and acceptance to speak the unspeakable. -DIANNA VAGIANOS ARMENTROUT, Poetry Therapist & Author of Walking the Labyrinth of My Heart: A Journey of Pregnancy, Grief and Infant Death

INCREDIBLE . . .Thank you so much for doing this project, it’s absolutely incredible!-JULIE MJELVE, Founder, Grieving Together

STUNNING . . . Grief Diaries treats the reader to a rare combination of candor and fragility through the eyes of the bereaved. Delving into the deepest recesses of the heartbroken, the reader easily identifies with the diverse collection of stories and richly colored threads of profound love that create a stunning read full of comfort and hope. -DR. GLORIA HORSLEY, President, Open to Hope Foundation

WONDERFUL . . .Grief Diaries is a wonderful computation of stories written by the best of experts, the bereaved themselves. Thank you for building awareness about a topic so near and dear to my heart.

-DR. HEIDI HORSLEY, Adjunct Professor, School of Social Work, Columbia University, Author, Co-Founder of Open to Hope Organization

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENTS

DEDICATION

In loving memory:

Paula Abdullah

Richard W. Belisle

Justin Colt

Holli Nicole Crockett

Gabriel Ray Crystalus

Jordan Ebanks

Bryan Joseph Edwards

Donald W. Gore

James Harms

Cary Johnston

Michael D. Jones

Shane Patrick Kreke

Kari Liedel

Mackenzie McWhorter

Andrew T. Moncheck

Nicholas Poindexter

Donald W. E. Pratt

Cecil Bud Scroggie

Brandon Stanley Walter Thomas

Randy Williams

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENTS

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

PREFACE

PAULA ABDULLAH

RICHARD W. BELISLE

JUSTIN COLT

HOLLI CROCKETT

GABRIEL RAY CRYSTALUS

JORDAN EBANKS

BRYAN JOSEPH EDWARDS

DONALD W. GORE

JAMES HARMS

CARY JOHNSTON

MICHAEL D. JONES

SHANE KREKE

KARI LIEDEL

MACKENZIE MCWHORTER

ANDREW MONCHECK -1

ANDREW MONCHECK -2

ANDREW MONCHECK -3

NICHOLAS POINDEXTER

DONALD PRATT

CECIL BUD SCROGGIE

BRANDON THOMAS -1

BRANDON THOMAS -2

BRANDON THOMAS -3

BRANDON THOMAS -4

RANDY WILLIAMS

EPILOGUE

MEET THE WRITERS

THANK YOU

LYNDA CHELDELIN FELL

ABOUT THE SERIES

BY JAY HOWELL

FOREWORD

The victim impact statement. The ordeal of reliving the real life consequences of crime and violence. An indispensable tool for the prosecution at the sentencing phase of any personal crime. This vital information informs the judge and brings to his or her attention the rest of the story—the part that does not appear in police reports and courtroom evidence.

 Our laws have progressed to the point that the victim impact statement is part of the criminal justice system in every state. It is essential to the functioning of our courts. It helps to hold the offender truly accountable for the consequences of his crime. The courtroom prosecution can be a horribly impersonal experience for the victim and the survivors. In the guilt or innocence phase of the prosecution of the case, the victim or survivor’s experience may not be relevant. But it is at sentencing and later at parole or release hearings. On many occasions in our criminal courtrooms, I watched as the powerful voice of the victim put a whole new perspective on the case before the court.

The brave victims and survivors whose narratives are included in this book, express the long-term consequences of crime and violence in words of iron. The injuries, the loss, the changes in one’s family, the grief, the pain and suffering, the change in the way a person looks at the world. 

This is a difficult and emotional segment of human endeavor. It is all here, in articulate and emotional accounts that give expression to the fundamental role of our courts, as families and loved ones search for the truth.

JAY HOWELL

Former U. S. Senate Investigator & Florida State Prosecutor

Co-founder, National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

BY CARL HARMS

PREFACE

In the days following my father’s death, I reached out to local organizations and quickly realized that most were focused so much on fundraising that I couldn’t get the help I desperately needed. I finally found a local grassroots homicide survivors organization who offered group support, grief camps, and counseling. When I discovered that healing came from sharing my pain, I became committed to educating myself in advocacy. I began taking training courses through Office of the Attorney General’s Florida Crime Prevention Training Institution to assist victims in my community.

I continue to share and educate through my own community awareness program JAXImpact. On April 25, 2012, I was awarded Jacksonville’s 2012 Courageous Victim Award. On April 9, 2014, I received Jacksonville’s 2014 Outstanding Victim Advocate Award from the Jacksonville Mayor’s Victim Assistance Advisory Council.

The Outstanding Victim Advocate Award presented to Carl Harms, a victim advocate with Compassionate Families, Inc. Motivated by his personal experience as a homicide survivor, Carl helps individuals, and families who grieve for loved ones whose lives were taken by violence. He also works to ensure that fewer people become victims of crime by educating young people about the dangers of drinking and driving, said Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown.

My goal is not to blame the system but to become a part of the system in hopes of making it better. I dedicated my life to becoming a victim advocate, and I continue to help others as a victim specialist with the State Attorney’s Office of the 4th Judicial Circuit.

If you are a crime victim and are preparing a victim impact statement to be presented to the courts, please remember to keep the focus on your life and voice the impact the crime has had. Do not give the defendant any further control over you. Your involvement and input are vital to promoting individual and community safety, and to holding offenders accountable for the harm they caused.

One of your most important rights as a victim or family member of a crime victim is the opportunity to tell the court how you and your loved ones have been affected. Your completed victim impact statement ensures that your voice is heard as part of the judicial process. It is important for the court to understand the emotional, physical, and financial impact your family has endured because of the crime. Your statement will also give the court valuable information that can be used to hold the offender accountable, and to promote safety for you and for our community.

Following is a list of points for you and your family to consider when drafting your own impact statement. This is merely a guide. You do not have to state all the points, however, please elaborate on those that do apply. This statement is your chance to let the court and judge know how this incident has affected you. In homicide cases, the purpose of your statement is to encompass your loved one’s life. If possible, limit to three pages or less so as not to lose the court’s attention.

Victim Impact Statement tips:

It should be directed to the Honorable Court, not the defendant.

Describe your loved one. Include characteristics, childhood, family life, work ethic, etc.

Describe how this crime has affected your family.

What events did you enjoy with your loved one prior to the crime?

What holidays and family gatherings will you miss most?

What physical and/or emotional impact has this crime had on you and your family?

What concerns do you have, if any, about your safety and security?

Important points:

You have the right to be notified, present, and heard.

You can provide your statement to the court verbally. If you are unable or do not want to present it verbally, your victim advocate or specialist can provide it on your behalf. You can also provide your statement for the record and for the judge to read silently.

The defendant will be present while you read your statement but take this opportunity to also share your loved one with others in the courtroom.

Your statement will become a permanent part of the record and will be placed in the defendants file that follows them throughout their incarceration.

It’s very important that you check with a victim advocate in the area where the crime took place regarding victim impact statement laws. You can also check www.victimlaw.org, a searchable database of victims’ rights legal provisions including federal, state, and territorial statutes, tribal laws, state constitutional amendments, court rules, administrative code provisions, and summaries of related court decisions and attorney general opinions.

CARL HARMS

Victim Specialist with the State Attorney’s Office, 4th Judicial District Founder/speaker, JAXImpact!

[e-mail]

www.JAXImpact.org

CHAPTER ONE

PAULA ABDULLAH

BY SHARIFAH ABDULLAH

Sharifah’s 55-year-old mother Paula was

killed on May 6, 2014, in Jacksonville, Florida.

On May 6, 2014, my mother was walking home from work. We had no idea she was walking that night. My sister called to tell me that Mom hadn’t come home yet. I didn’t worry at first because I wanted to think positive, but I got a call from my sister at 7 a.m. the next morning that Mom still hadn’t come home. It wasn’t like her to stay out after work. She always answered her phone or called back, so something didn’t seem right. I began to worry.

Two hours later, I got a call from my dad saying that Mom had been killed in a hit-and-run. I couldn’t believe it, and I broke down. An hour later I talked to one of my sisters who had spoken to the police. Mom was hit between 9:30 and 10 p.m. and her body had been laying there all that time. When the driver hit her, she flew through the air and had multiple blunt force trauma. The thought of even imagining that is painful.

What hurts most is that the driver who hit Mom did only sixty days in jail, so justice wasn’t served for my family. I honestly and truly believe if my mother had hit someone and drove off, she would have gotten at least five years.

When Mom died she left behind four daughters, one who was seven months pregnant, and a three-year-old grandson. I now have two nephews, ages one and two. My son is now six years old. Mom would have been so happy to know she had three grandsons. It hurts me because she never got a chance to meet her other two grandsons. I have to remember the good times I shared with my mom, and what a great impact she had on my life. It’s been two years and I still cry. Our life will never be the same. This tragedy has made us think and act differently in some situations. Our mother isn’t physically here, but she is in our hearts every day. We love you, Mom.

VICTIM IMPACT STATEMENT (Unabridged)

DATE: December 2014

LOCATION: Jacksonville, Florida

READ BY: Sharifah Abdullah, Paula’s daughter

Honorable Judge Bass,

First, I would like to thank Your Honor for allowing me this opportunity to stand before you and the court to express my thoughts, feelings and concerns in regards to our mother’s death. I would also like to thank JSO Traffic Homicide Detective J.C. Hurst and his team who have worked diligently on this case, and our victim advocate Carl Harms who has been with us from the beginning and a big help to my sisters and I.

My mom leaves behind four daughters, a three-year-old and five-month-old grandson.

May 7, 2014, was the worst day of our lives. I will never forget it. Our mom never came home from work the night before and we didn’t know that she walked home that night. She was found only two minutes from her home that she resided in for the past eleven years. We still do not understand how this all came about, exactly how she was hit. I have driven down that same road many times with no problems at all, with my headlights on and the streetlights, there is no way I couldn’t see.

The pain my family and I feel no one will ever know. Our mother left this earth not because she was sick but because the defendant was not paying attention causing him to hit her. When she didn’t come home the night before and while we were worried about her, her body laid in a ditch.

Your Honor, our family needs answers. If the defendant really believes he hit a mailbox, why did he not stop? The mailbox is three feet off the ground and my mother is five feet tall. The speed limit in that area is forty-five miles per hour and according to the crash report, she flew eighty feet when she was hit. It is beyond painful to consistently imagine her body flying in the air. Her pant leg was ripped, one of her shoes flew off and she had a broken arm. I know by law the defendant can only receive one year in jail for the charges that have been charged following the investigation, crash, Failure to Leave Information, Unattended Vehicle, and Property Damage. But someone—my mother—was killed. I just can’t wrap my head around this. Our mother, Paula Abdullah, was taken from us and our lives will never be the same.

Paula Abdullah was one of the strongest women I knew. I’d always ask her, Where do you get your strength? All her coworkers loved her. She would go out of her way to help anyone.

It has been seven months since my mom’s death. I still cry and hope that she comes home but I know she never will. I still feel the pain just as if it were the day when I received that phone call.

My mom didn’t deserve this, no one does. She was such a great person, and everyone knew and loved her for that. I know she loved all of us with every bit of her heart. She would do anything for her four daughters, and she loved and was proud of us, as she would always talk about her grandson and us.

She adored my three-year-old son Elijah. Your Honor, I don’t have the heart to tell my son his grandmother is not here with us anymore. When he asks for his grandma the only thing I can say is she’s not here right now, and that kills me because I know my son is missing her. Elijah’s birthday is December 24, and his grandma will not be here to celebrate Christmas or his birthday with her.

My birthday is December 30, and this will be my first birthday without my mom. I will not get a phone call this year but I know she’s watching over my sweet angel and me. My five-month-old nephew never had a chance to meet his Grandma Paula. We will not let her be forgotten and we show him pictures of his grandma all the time. I cry every time someone shares good memories and things about my mom. I don’t cry because of the things they say; I cry because I know that they are true.

Your Honor, this pain will never go away, it will always be with us! We have lost a mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, coworker, and friend. We will always love you Mom, and continue to make you proud.

Your Honor, thank you for allowing me to address the court and to share my mother with everyone here today.

Respectfully,

Sharifah Abdullah

CHAPTER TWO

RICHARD W. BELISLE

BY NICOLA BELISLE

Nicola’s 51-year-old husband Rich was killed by

a coworker on April 12, 2012, in Kodiak, Alaska.

My husband, Richard W. Belisle, was an honorable man. He was a man of integrity, a man who always did what was right. He was honest. He was loyal. He was murdered because of these traits. Rich was a chief bosun mate in the United States Coast Guard when he retired after twenty-three exciting and wonderful years. His duty stations included Attu, Alaska, Bahrain (where we met), the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Polar Star which was an ice breaker that took him from Seattle to the Ross Ice Shelf, Australia, Tonga, costal Oregon, and finally Kodiak, Alaska.

Rich retired in lieu of orders, which meant rather than making senior chief and being transferred from Kodiak, Alaska, to Long Beach, California, or Detroit, he got out of the Coast Guard and became a civilian. I had a great job working for an agency that provided services for people with disabilities. Our three girls had been in the Kodiak school system since kindergarten, and the older two, twins, were about to enter middle school. No way were we leaving Kodiak. Kodiak was safe. Kodiak was home.

It was 2003. Rich had a few jobs after retirement: the ship Lazy Bay, a landing craft that delivered supplies to the six isolated villages around Kodiak Island, and Cy’s Sporting Goods selling guns and fishing gear, and telling sea stories every day. Life was good, but with three growing girls and with Kodiak being an expensive place to live, Rich needed a job that paid more.

In 2007, Rich was hired as a Coast Guard civilian employee as a rigger at the communication station in Kodiak. When he explained it to me, he said his job was to climb big communication towers and change the light bulbs at the top. It was a bit more involved than that, but basically he climbed towers ranging in height from one hundred fifty feet to one thousand feet, ensuring their functionality and safety, taking care of the area around them, and training Coast Guard members to climb them safely. One of Rich’s coworkers, another civilian named James, was also employed at the communication station as a tower mechanic. James had also been in the Coast Guard and had been working as a civilian for as long as anyone could remember. Rich spent several years learning from James who was considered the expert, picking his brain, traveling to across the country to train and certify Coast Guard members who had to climb towers, and to inspect and maintain those towers around the country.

In late 2010 to early 2011, things began to change. Rich would come home from work stressed. He wouldn’t say much as he was not one to tell tales, but I knew something at work was bothering him. Eventually he shared that James was doing things that were unsafe, against regulations, unethical, and just plain wrong. Rich was reporting the issues up the chain of command, but no action was taken. Because officers transfer every two years, the command structure changed every year. Every time there was a change of command, James got a clean slate. It’s almost impossible to fire a federal employee.

On April 12, 2012, my husband got up at his usual time, around 6:15 a.m. He made coffee, fed the dogs, and took a shower. After his shower, he brought me coffee and got dressed. He left for work around 6:45 a.m. and I got ready for work. On my way to work, around 7:40 a.m., emergency vehicles screamed past me and I said a silent prayer for those on the receiving end.

When I got to work, I sent Rich an email telling him that his nine-month-old puppy didn’t eat all his breakfast again, and some inconsequential things about cleaning the windows at home. He didn’t respond, but that was normal. Just after 9 a.m., I received a text from our youngest daughter, sixteen-year-old Hannah, asking if I had heard about something happening at the communication station, and whether I had heard from Dad. A teacher said the base was in lockdown and a shooting had happened.

I called Rich. I texted him. I emailed him. I theorized that he wasn’t at his desk and maybe couldn’t get to the landline phone if something bad was going on. Cellphones didn’t work in his building due to the thick concrete walls. I continued to call and text him every few minutes. Nothing. I felt sick and was shaking badly. Deep down I kept telling myself Rich was okay, and I was