Good Soldiers Suffer in Silence: PTSD, Suicide, and Other Stuff Soldiers Don't Talk About

By Richard Doss

The transition from being a Soldier to being a Civilian is a hard one. Taught to Suck It Up, Drink Water, and Drive On, Soldiers often feel they have no one to whom they can turn. They don’t want to be a burden and they don’t want to be perceived as weak. Left with their own silence and isolation, many Soldiers struggle to understand

• Language: English
• Publisher: Strong Minds Institute, LLC
• Release date: Oct 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781943335022

Book preview

GOOD SOLDIERS

SUFFER IN SILENCE

PTSD, SUICIDE, AND OTHER STUFF

SOLDIERS DON’T TALK ABOUT

RICHARD DOSS, PH.D.

GOOD SOLDIERS SUFFER IN SILENCE:

PTSD, Suicide and Other Stuff Soldiers Don’t Talk About

By

Richard Doss, Ph.D.

Copyright © 2016 by Richard Doss

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-943335-00-8

ISBN 978-1-943335-02-2 (e book)

Strong Minds Publishing

509 West Joe Orr Road

Chicago Heights, IL 60411

www.StrongMindsPublishing.com

First Printing, 2016

CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Introduction

No One Understands

Chapter 2: What Does A Veteran Look Like?

Chapter 3: If I Had To Do It All Over Again…

Chapter 4: Cognitive Dissonance

Chapter 5: The Stories Just Keep Getting Better and Better, Or Do They?

Chapter 6: Short Memories

Chapter 7: Remember John?

Chapter 8: All Civilians Are Stupid

Chapter 9: If I’m Proud of Who I Was, But Not Proud of What I Did, Where Does That Leave Me Now?

Chapter 10: It’s A Good Day to Be Alive!

Chapter 11: Who’s the Expert?

Chapter 12: Did You See That Movie?

Anger

Chapter 13: Cursing

Chapter 14: Twin Towers and the Desire to Fight

Chapter 15: Fight or Flight

Chapter 16: Walking Away Seemed Right, But I Needed to Set that !@#&$% Straight!

Chapter 17: How to Stop Being Angry All the Time

Chapter 18: Assertiveness is Harder than You Think!

Chapter 19: Opening the Floodgates

Chapter 20: Anger Has Its Place

Chapter 21: The One Trauma We Don’t Talk About in Group

Chapter 22: Letting Go of Anger

Chapter 23: Muscle Memory

Chapter 24: Relaxation?!?!

Addiction

Chapter 25: Drinking

Chapter 26: Self-Medication: Alcohol and Drug Therapy

Chapter 27: Adrenaline Rush and High Risk Behaviors: Motorcycles, Gambling, Fighting, Drinking, and Jail

PTSD

Chapter 28: How to Stop Struggling with My PTSD and Still Have a Military Career

Chapter 29: Whose Trauma is Worse?

Chapter 30: Segregationists

Chapter 31: The Cure for PTSD

Chapter 32: What Happens After Retirement?

Chapter 33: I Didn’t Plan For This

Chapter 34: Holding It Together

Chapter 35: Ignoring Your Past

Chapter 36: The Military is a Microcosm of Society

Chapter 37: Am I Forgetting Something?

Chapter 38: How Your PTSD Affects Me

Chapter 39: Vicarious Trauma

Suicide

Chapter 40: Suicide: Where It All Began

Chapter 41: Shame: Would You Still Like Me If You Knew What I Did?

Chapter 42: I Would Never Tell You That I’m Suicidal

Chapter 43: Not Afraid to Die

Relationships

Chapter 44: Handle This Book With Caution!

Chapter 45: Can Therapists Lie?

Chapter 46: When the Army Wanted All of Me

Chapter 47: Which is Better, More Kindness or Less Meanness?

Chapter 48: Where Does Healthy End And Unhealthy Begin?

Chapter 49: Arguing About the Wrong Thing

Chapter 50: The Four Horsemen of Anger

Chapter 51: He Can Actually Turn Something Off

Chapter 52: Then There Was Not Laughter

Chapter 53: She Blames Everything on My PTSD

Chapter 54: A Quick Way to Turn a Man Off

Chapter 55: What If This Discussion Changes Everything?

Chapter 55: Roommates

Chapter 57: Infidelity

Chapter 58: Too Much Invested to Leave

Chapter 59: Trapped…And I Can’t Get Out

Chapter 60: Premorbid Level of Functioning (Creating a New and Different Future)

Chapter 61: My Family Represents Everything I Hate

Chapter 62: Parenting like a Drill Sergeant

Chapter 63: I Thought I Had It All Figured Out

A Case for Treatment

Chapter 64: My Grandfather Didn’t Complain and I Won’t Either

Chapter 65: Deployment

Chapter 66: Seeking Help Is A Sign of ______________?

Chapter 67: Are You A Soldier or A Human First?

Chapter 68: How Much Can I Safely Tell You?

Chapter 69: How to Stop Struggling with My Identity When I’m NOT in Uniform

Chapter 70: What I Miss About War

Chapter 71: Learning to Laugh Again

Chapter 72: Diagnosis

Chapter 73: Here’s What You Should Do

Acknowledgements

Writing this book has been a labor of love. Left to my own devices, I’m sure that I could have easily procrastinated another five or ten years. Fortunately for me, I have great family and friends who encouraged, supported, and guided me. The men who were there first in pushing me to bring my work to others were Brian Hampton and Marcus Gentry. From our Mastermind Group meetings, they pushed, prodded, and poked. Not finishing the book was never an option. They prompted me to execute. They believed in me. And, most importantly, at our monthly meetings, they held me accountable.

Next would have to be my coach, my writing mentor, my advisor and my friend, Kim Daub Olver. She truly helped guide the vision for the book. And, monthly, she gave of her time, talent, and experience to teach me about writing and publishing. She took me from being a person who wanted to write a book to being someone who was writing a book to being an author who had completed a book. Kim not only held me accountable, but she kept me on task.

Most importantly, my family; my wife, Vinita, my daughter, Sydney, and my son, Winston. They were gracious, kind, loving, and patient. They allowed me time to write. They respected my need for solitude and they were quiet when I was recording the audiobook. It is true, behind every good author, there is a supportive family. I appreciated that.

The following people helped in various ways. Some were people who listened to me talk about the book, some gave editorial suggestions, others picked images for the cover, while some helped me decide on the title. Some of you allowed me the opportunity to work with Veterans. Your contributions were meaningful and they shall not go unnoticed. You are appreciated: General Tally, General Conboy, Colonel James Murphy, Catherine Lawrence, SGT Hannah Gaylord, Major Maria Aguirre Corral, Jose Mojica, Rose Soto, 416th Theater Engineer Command, Richard Cotton, Lt. Charles Saloga, Clarence Slaughter, Renee Dickerson, Fernando Florek, Aarika Gonzalez, Ignacio Ramos, Dr. Rashad Saafir, Dr. Karen Dixon, Dr. Maudette Jackson, Troyce Polk, Tony Powell, Willie P. Williams, Alexander Fletcher, Dr. Nick Johnson, Terry Watson, Dr. Lucy Lang-Chappell, Patricia Hopkins, Ronald Hopkins, Sr., Connie Vinegar, David Brown, the Professional Women’s Network, Barbara Karstrom, 1st SGT Michel Sauret and last, but not least, all of the Veterans who served in the United States Military. You are the people who make my work possible.

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

I’M WRITING THIS book for all the Veterans whose voices I’ve heard. This is for the things that you wanted to say to your wife, but couldn’t. This is for the times that you were screaming, but nobody listened. This is for the apology that you wanted to make, but didn’t know how. This is about the promise that I made to help the Soldiers who will come after you. This book is for those Soldiers who, for too long, have been suffering in silence. I hear you!

I’m not writing this book just for you to read words on a page. Or for you to have another book on your shelf. I want to tell you a story. I want you to hear the voices of Soldiers. I want you to hear them through me. I’m only able to write this book because I know that my clients have shown significant improvement. Hopefully, you will too.

At $25, this book is a steal. There is no sliding scale fee that would allow you to get what’s in this book for $25. This is my way of giving back! What I need from you is the willingness to execute what you learn from this book. So, as you open the book and begin to read the pages, open your mind. I need you in the here and now. I am going to do something that psychologists rarely get the opportunity to do. I am now inviting you into the room. Have a seat…

No One Understands

CHAPTER 2

WHAT DOES A VETERAN LOOK LIKE?

I WAS TELLING somebody this morning that I had to come to work in a blizzard because I had a 10:00 appointment. There are 18 inches of snow outside. Schools are closed. Plows are plowing. The person that I was talking to made it sound like my job was like most other jobs in America. If you’re sick, just call in. Or, in this case, if there’s a foot and a half of snow outside, call it a snow-day. It sounds simple enough. The challenge is that I work with people, not parts. From day to day, I never know what issues my clients are going through. It may be that they thought about suicide over the weekend or it could be that their spouse cheated. Whatever