Life After Hope: A Memoir of Father and Daughter

By Vadim Yurchenko

A spiritual travelogue through one of the darkest valleys of parenthood, this book is about a young father’s journey of experiencing the unexpected loss of his daughter. Born prematurely, Eleni Hope developed a chronic lung disease that left her with no chance at survival. Through the pangs of grief, unanswered questions, and shattered dreams, the father struggles to find meaning in the tragic circumstances of his daughter’s life. Refusing to settle for a life with no Hope, he and his wife discover a new kind of reality—

Life After Hope

“Once in a while there is a book that appeals to both our thoughts and emotions. With a great deal of sensitivity, the author has opened his heart and mind in order to assist other individuals. Anyone who has been in similar circumstances will greatly appreciate the author’s transparency in the hopes that it will touch the lives of others. His is a highly recommended book.”
—DR. H. NORMAN WRIGHT, trauma counsellor,
author of Experiencing Grief

“... a beautiful memoir about the experience of having a child die... parents who have experienced the death of a child—in whatever form that may be—will find comfort, understanding, and companionship in this transparent expression.”
—CAMERON COLE, chairman of Rooted Ministry,
author of Therefore, I Have Hope

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Apr 27, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664229549

Vadim Yurchenko

Vadim Yurchenko is a teaching pastor at Evangel Downtown, a small-town church in beautiful British Columbia, Canada. He and his wife Mary have two daughters, Salem and Eleni. To follow more of their journey, visit www.reimaginehope.com

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Copyright © 2021 Vadim Yurchenko.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2955-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2954-9 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 4/26/2021

Contents

Foreword

A Note to the Reader

Prologue

Chapter 1 Journey Within

Chapter 2 The Call To Hope

Chapter 3 Choosing Hope

Chapter 4 Against All Odds

Chapter 5 Waiting In Hope

Chapter 6 Hope Is Born

Chapter 7 Fighting for Hope

Chapter 8 Hope Is Gone

Chapter 9 Coming Home

Chapter 10 Beautiful Ashes

Chapter 11 Eleni Sleeping?

Chapter 12 First Christmas

Epilogue

Mother’s Afterword

Acknowledgements

Resources

Endnotes

TO ELENI HOPE.

YOU WERE NEVER LOST.

Foreword

Y ou are holding in your hand a gift beyond value, the story of a Father’s journey through one of life’s most difficult experiences, the loss of a baby daughter. I say gift because it is a rare and precious thing when one human being is willing to open up the most inner chamber of their heart for others to experience and sample the richness of what is hidden there. The experience is that much richer for the depth and gravity of what is found on that journey.

Life After Hope is raw and unfiltered, and that is just what’s needed in a world of cliché and nice catch-phrases when it comes to hope and specifically losing hope. We say things like: keep your chin up, or let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future, or keep going—there’s light at the end of the tunnel. While these things may be true, they ring with a hollowness in the dark valley of the soul.

The beautiful thing (at least in my mind) about this book is that it is delightfully free of those pat-answers. Indeed, it gives no answers beyond the story itself. And in a world that rushes to provide quick fixes to the problem of hope, or even theological forays into hope deferred, Life After Hope is a refreshing, gritty, and an encouraging ray of light.

Some of the moments described in the story you’re about to read are things I experienced real-time with the Yurchenkos, and let me tell you, nothing really prepares a couple to hear the news, There’s something wrong with your pregnancy. Or to experience the roller-coaster ride of all the highs and lows, where hope comes and then goes like the tides of the sea. Indelibly marked in my mind is the day Vadim and Mary shared one of the most powerful messages of hope and dogged trust in the goodness of God that I’d ever heard. It was the occasion of their little girl’s memorial service. As their pastor, I’d gently advised them against doing this, knowing how difficult it would be. They persisted.

Persisted, that is their story in a word.

I turned the podium over to them, not sure what was about to happen next. Surrounded by their church, family, and friends, they took us in brief on the journey you’re about to take, through the winding track of the road called Hope, ascending into the heights of heavenly bliss, descending into the depths of unbelievable anguish and pain, and in the end, settling more firmly than ever on the assurance found in the mercy and grace of Jesus. Then we sang a song they had personally requested:

All my life You have been faithful

All my life You have been so, so good

With every breath that I am able

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

—

BETHEL MUSIC

, GOODNESS OF GOD

You undoubtedly have your own story. That may be one of the reasons you’re holding this book right now, There’s life after hope?! Tell me more! Wherever you find yourself in the story, whether Hope born, or Hope lost, or Hope restored, my prayer is that you experience the sufficiency of God’s grace and know in your heart of hearts the foundational and unchangeable reality that Hope remains.

—TONY WARRINER

Lead Pastor

Evangel Downtown

A Note To The Reader

T his is the story of Eleni Hope. The book is about my daughter’s journey of surviving in utero one of the most severe forms of growth restriction. In spite of the medical prognosis and the unfavourable odds stacked against her, this little girl defied every obstacle thrown her way. All except one. Eleni finished her journey on the fifty-sixth day of life, after losing the battle with chronic lung disease.

This is a story about hope. A book about two parents and their journey through one of the darkest valleys of parenthood. It’s about surviving the unanticipated pain of losing a child, about the struggle to understand what it means to hope amid hopelessness and despair. It’s an attempt to come to grips with the ever-present tension between hope and reality.

This is a story with hope. The book is about finding meaning and beauty in one of the ugliest sides of human existence—suffering. It’s about overcoming the fear of the unknown, living beyond the pain of the past, and welcoming the unexpected future—life after hope.

Hope is the reason why I wrote this book.

You will find two spellings of the word hope. When you see the proper noun, Hope, I am referring to my daughter’s middle name. Whenever it is unclear whether I’m talking about my daughter, Eleni Hope, or hope in general, assume ambiguity as intentional.

What you are about to read is a memoir, an attempt to remember. There is one problem with memories—they are deeply personal, imperfect, and incomplete. I have kept this limitation in mind while writing and humbly request that you also keep it in mind while reading.

I wrote from a father’s perspective, but this is only part of the story. To reveal a mother’s perspective, I have included thoughts, meditations, and prayers from my wife’s journal. These raw and honest entries—interspersed throughout the book—complement and, at times, complete my fatherly perspective.

One last thing. I never intended this book to be a guide to grief, although I recognize that some of its parts can be read from such a perspective. If you are struggling to find meaningful ways of resolving loss in your life, I have provided a short list of suggested resources at the end of the book. I also encourage you to seek professional counselling help as needed.

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A few months before we found out that our baby might not survive the pregnancy, I was reading the book of Psalms. While being immersed in this collection of ancient Hebrew poetry, I began to notice that many of the poems were written during life’s most trying circumstances. The lyrics were stained by anguish and distress. The language, soaked with pain and suffering.

These were laments of praise and worship.

They were addressed to God.

It was while reading the book of Psalms that I realized one of the most fundamental truths about what it means to worship God. Worship is more than a way of expressing gratitude for divine blessings experienced in life. Sometimes, it is an outlet for venting frustration with the things gone wrong. The same feeling of anger that provokes you