Breaking the Worry Agreement

By Rene Brent

Is worry affecting your health? Your relationships? Your happiness? Maybe even your career?

 

It's time to put an end to worrying once and for all.

 

Learn how repetitive worry quickly turns into an automatic, subconscious Worry Agreement. Once you understand what's really occurring, you'll see how some simple and practical techniques can help you handle whatever comes your way from a much better mental state.

 

Each chapter guides you, giving you concrete tools to manage your subconscious so you're managing your thoughts instead of letting your thoughts manage you. Take back your power so you can live with less stress, have more energy, and feel calmer.

 

Bonuses include video, recordings, and additional tips to help you renegotiate with worry and effectively release it in order to feel better physically and emotionally.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Publishing Circle
• Release date: Mar 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781947398986

Book preview

Introduction

Do you worry? Here is a simple question: What has worry done for you lately?

If you answered anything other than not much, you need to keep reading. Take a deep breath and ask yourself the following questions, one at a time. Trust what comes up for you.

• Has worry affected my sleep? My weight? My physical health?

• When I worry, does it help me feel safe or more fearful?

• Is it easier or harder to make confident decisions when I worry?

• Has persistent worry affected my family or other relationships?

• Do I feel more connected in my life when I worry?

• Am I effective and productive in my job when I am caught up in worry?

• How many times have worst-case scenarios happened and did my worry stop them from happening?

• Do my children feel like I love them more if I worry?

• Am I happier when I worry?

The answers to these questions are crucial. The reality is this: persistent worry corrodes happiness and health.

When worry is at the forefront of your thoughts, you have a harder time concentrating, remembering what you need to remember, and it’s definitely harder to sleep restfully. It’s not that you should never think about the future and possibilities, but there is a difference between worrying and planning. Worry feels tight and heavy, and planning often feels expansive and calmer. You can feel the difference. This book will teach you how to gain that awareness and make changes that can help.

When learning to move from worry to planning, the mind has an easier time creating positive scenarios. Worry seldom creates positive outcomes. The chemistry of worry is toxic. Worry sends the nervous system into fight, flight, or freeze mode. When the mind is spinning with what ifs, obscure possibilities, and visions of worse-case scenarios, this moves you far into the future, creating a reaction that prevents you from being present in your today. Stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system in fight-or-flight mode will start to shut down your prefrontal cortex and slow your ability to effectively problem-solve. This often gives room for overwhelm and fear to move in. The good news is this: you can make the changes you desire.

In the last few years, I noticed that my clients were motivated to change, but when they worried if they were capable of making changes it affected their belief in themselves. When they moved into what-if thinking, it was apparent that worrying slowed them down.

Worry is an interrupter of happiness. The mind always wants to fall back to the comfort of what it is familiar with, even if those thoughts are disruptive. If you think you can’t live your life without worrying, you won’t. In saying that, I want you to know the inability to bring about change or stop worrying is not your fault. You were not taught how to be the boss of your subconscious.

You may not be aware of it, but you have probably created a subconscious worry agreement.

Imagine getting a powerful supercomputer without instructions about how to operate it. Your supercomputer starts to learn how to operate on its own in a way it thinks is best for you. Your subconscious is this supercomputer. In your case, this supercomputer developed a worry file that opens and runs automatically, over and over again, because it thinks it is helping you. The subconscious is superb at its job. The good news is that inside this book you will learn effective techniques to change your subconscious programming and quiet your mind.

It is important to look at what is affecting your life and therefore affecting your health. If you push an issue or problem away long enough, it may amplify other issues and/or show up in physical discomfort or illness. The subconscious communicates through the body. As a clinical hypnotherapist, my clients often release headaches or discomfort in their bodies when they work on releasing core issues and past events.

Many of my clients were struggling when they first came to me. They’ve told me the work we did together has helped them have more energy, feel calmer, and more confident. In working with them, I’d pinpointed their issues with worry and, in the process of helping them, decided to write a book so I could help more people. When they learned I was writing a book about letting go of worry, they laughed and said, Please send me the first copy. I have many people I know who need it. You have helped me so much and I want to share that with others.

Hearing this made me say, Okay, I am on it.

At the same time, the voice inside my head started saying things like, Oh crap, you have to write a book now. But what if the new book isn’t as good as your first book? In spite of the negative internal dialogue, I felt confident. An outline was created and I began. Interestingly enough, however, the writing would stop and start. Excuses were made. I told myself it wasn’t the right time, or my private practice was too busy. A year went by and my attention would move to public speaking, teaching, or something else that seemed more important. All great things, but writing was being pushed aside. This became a problem for me.

The hard truth was, I was worried. Ironic, to say the least, right?

Worry held me hostage, kept me stuck, and prevented me from writing. I worried I didn’t know enough yet about the subject of worry or didn’t have the skills to convey the things I knew would help others. I worried about disrupting my beautiful life that I’d worked hard to create. My worry-brain posed the question, Who am I to ask for more?

One thought that was uncovered was, Will striving for more allow something bad to happen? You might be able to relate to these thoughts. These thoughts shocked me. None of these worries were based on fact, and there was evidence to prove them wrong. Learning to make changes and doing your own inner work doesn’t mean life becomes seamless; it means you’re arming yourself with tools for change that are easy to access.

Worry had been keeping me stuck, and that was hard to accept. I knew awareness was the key to change. Fortunately, I used techniques and the same processes I teach in this book to change my thinking. This was important because my highest intention is to help others. I couldn’t do that if I stayed stuck.

Allow me to get right to the happy ending. I learned to retrain my brain—and you can, too.

When I immersed myself into studying the power of the mind, neuroscience, and hypnotherapy, relief came when I understood how the brain processes information and how to use techniques to make effective changes. If you read my first book How Big is Your BUT? you know I am passionate about giving practical and straightforward information and techniques to help you build a better, happier life.

As in that book, there’s no fluff here. The concepts are simple and practical. You will build confidence in your ability to make changes. You are the only one who can do this; no one can do it for you. My intention is to help understand how your mind works so you can change patterns and behaviors that don’t work in your life today . . . especially those around worrying. I want to help you break your worry agreement and reach your goals.

You can change this programming, but how you make the change is important. This is the difference between being effective or ineffective in the effort to retrain your brain. It is difficult to consciously outthink the kind of power your subconscious holds. This book will arm you with powerful tools to make that happen.

According to Dr. Bruce Lipton in his book The Biology of Belief, the subconscious processes 20,000,000 bits of information per second. The conscious mind can only process forty bits of information per second. Your supercomputer or subconscious is 500,000 times more powerful than the conscious mind. As you move through each chapter, consider this as a training manual for your powerful computer. You will learn how to get into your supercomputer with the power of your brain waves and rewrite your programs. Each chapter stands alone and also builds on the next with powerful, effective techniques to make change take place now.

If you feel stuck in life and worry, allow me to say congratulations. The word stuck really means opportunity. Change and worry have your attention . . . and now you get to decide what you want to do about them. Do you want to live your entire life feeling tired, unsure, and worried? I don’t believe you do. This is time to pause and take the opportunity for change. I am excited for you. Keep reading and get in the driver’s seat of your life.

One of the first things you can do is to be mindful about how you speak to yourself and about what you concentrate on.

Words are powerful, especially the words you fling at yourself. Consider changing how you talk about worry. Instead of I worry or my worry which is possessive and indicates ownership, call it that worry. You may even want to imagine that you swipe worrisome thoughts away with your hand and push that worry somewhere else, away from you. When you do this, you are telling your mind, thanks but no thanks.

You can practice moving worry away from yourself. Do your best to concentrate on how life is going to be when worry releases its grip. Notice both small and big changes. Create the picture of what you want, because your mind responds to detailed visualizations. See what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel. There is so much waiting for you on the other side of this.

This is not typical self-help advice that only tells you why you should change a certain subconscious behavior. I am both practical and solution-focused in what I teach. Being a registered nurse for thirty years leaves me science-based and fascinated with any new research about the mind and neuroplasticity. Everything I’ve learned from my studies, from my clients, and from my personal work, is compressed down to practical information and techniques anyone can use.

I am excited about sharing all my tricks and insights so you can learn how to be the boss over worry. Retraining your brain and breaking the worry agreement will settle things down in your overactive brain and help you find peace.

Be patient with yourself as you move forward. Some of these practices may be easier to adopt than others. If you find a concept or exercise challenging, it probably is exactly what you need to work through. Lean into the challenges, don’t avoid them. Take time for each exercise. Download the free meditations and other gifts. They will give you access to the subconscious and help you make long-lasting changes. Deep inner work is what makes you the boss.

Chapter 1

WORRY:

THIEF OR PROJECT MANAGER?

One of the first questions I ask my clients who are worriers is, Do you think worry helps you manage your life?

Other questions may include:

• Are you a chronic worrier or a part-time worrier?

• Does worry impact you negatively or take away from your life in any way?

• Do you worry about worrying?

• Is worry a thief or a project manager?

• Does worry help you in any way?

Simple questions, right? Take a moment and ask yourself these questions. Pay attention to your initial reaction and what comes up for