Toxic: A Guide to Rebuilding Respect and Tolerance in a Hostile Workplace

By Clive Lewis

The workplace has become a hotbed of social toxicity – from the #MeToo movement to WeWork, it's clear that abusive bosses and entrenched cultures of discrimination have become more prevalent than ever. Such behaviour is not only simply wrong and damaging to its victims – it also results in reduced productivity, higher employee turnover, and can often leave a stain upon the wider reputation of an organization.

In Toxic, Clive Lewis draws upon his decades of experience in HR and mediation to distill the problems and underlying causes of toxic workplaces before tackling the issue head-on. He draws upon first-hand case studies from an eclectic array of workplaces (from corporate offices to hospitals) to demonstrate how toxicity can be both prevented and resolved. This is a practical guide for business leaders and HR professionals looking to preserve a peaceful workplace, while also providing tips for employees looking to remain productive and focused when working with troublesome colleagues in difficult environments.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
• Release date: Feb 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781472980076

Clive Lewis

Clive Lewis was a business psychologist specialising in individual, team and organisation behaviour. He was one of the UK's most sought-after mediators, and was the founder and Chief Executive of Globis Mediation Group. Clive worked with executive teams and governments for over 20 years and authored seventeen books. He was awarded an OBE in 2011 for public service and his contribution to the field of workplace mediation. He chaired the panel which produced the government-backed Reach report following the untimely death of Stephen Lawrence. He was appointed as Deputy Lieutenant of Gloucestershire in 2012. He served as a non-executive director in the NHS and was Deputy Chair at the University of the West of England. In his spare-time Clive was a professional bass guitar player.

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‘A powerful and timely book that combines practical examples with deep emotional insight, providing invaluable advice for everyone in today’s modern workplaces.’

Dr Ann Limb CBE DL, Chair, The Scout Association

‘Toxic is an important book and makes a powerful argument for Executives to rethink about the business case for non-toxic environments. Lewis makes his points persuasively, underpinned by the evidence.’

Steve Murrells, Chief Executive, Co-op

‘Toxic is hugely insightful, and offers practical tips based on real examples to truly avoid or address toxic workplaces and relationships. This book reinforces the need for psychological safety in creating the right culture, and the reinforcement of the underrated but essential simple human traits of civility and respect hit you like a high speed train. This book is a must read!’

James Devine, Chief Executive, Medway NHS Foundation Trust

‘Toxic is an excellent guide for organizations to learn how to improve cohesion at an individual, team and organizational level. We will certainly be drawing on its content.’

Dr Neil Pease, Chief People Officer, Nottingham University Hospitals

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Contents

Introduction

1   The Changing World of Work

2   Workplace Culture

3   Leadership

4   Civility and Respect

5   Psychological Opposites

6   Conflict Management

7   Diversity and Inclusion

8   Technology and Toxicity

9   Organization Diagnosis

Conclusion

Workplace mediation protocol

Acknowledgements

Index

INTRODUCTION

The world of work has changed beyond all recognition over the last 30 years. Workplaces have become hotbeds of conflict – toxic environments littered with eggshells. For the first time in history we have five generations making up the workforce, each with a different take on work ethic and values. This adds a new dimension for line managers to grapple with.

In 2018, Oxford Dictionaries chose ‘toxic’ as their Word of the Year. They stated that searches for the word on their website had increased by 45 per cent, capturing the mood, ethos and preoccupations of the year that continue to this day. A spokesperson for the dictionary referred to the word ‘toxic’ now being used to articulate a ‘set of conditions’ one might find themselves experiencing.

Again, in 2018, an NHS investigation report hit the headlines. The report focused on the work of cardiac surgeons and cardiologists at St George’s Hospital, Tooting, London. For the first time, a link was made between a toxic workplace and the impact on patient care and quality. Levels of mortality at the hospital were reported as being twice above the national average.

Some of us have the misfortune of working with colleagues who are hostile and have a lack of regard and compassion for others. Others might work with people who mistreat others, are undermining, manipulative and leave an ingrained mark on the workplace. This much-needed book aims to distil the problems associated with toxic workplaces, describe what a toxic workplace looks like, raise the conversation and, crucially, provide options on what can be done about it. Every worker irrespective of age, gender or ethnicity will recognize the themes covered here. At some stage we have all been involved in or witnessed tension, conflict or awkward moments we would rather not have experienced. I will draw on a number of scientific terms to help our understanding of the impact of a toxic workplace. Thinking further about science, the Oxford English Dictionary describes toxic as ‘very bad, unpleasant or harmful’. A permanently toxic workplace can lead to environments that become anoxic (without oxygen). Workers might describe their surroundings as stifling or even suffocating and seek ways out which might include sick days, looking for an internal move or leaving the company entirely. All these actions become justifiable as one seeks any opportunity possible to come up for air.

Workplaces do not have to be toxic, but a collective response is needed in order for them to become more respectful and tolerant. I refer to this as the Toxic Triad and the three areas involved are the organization, line managers and employees. There has to be shared responsibility; there also needs to be a different way of thinking.

Three of the most difficult things for any of us to do are:

• return love for hate;

• include the excluded;

• admit when we are wrong.

Here is a simple example. When someone offends us, we often find it more comfortable to ignore or avoid them, or alternatively search for masses of people to share our story with. Our belief can be that if we take this approach we will, in return, hurt our opponent. This is true – partly. The aspect that we might not fully realize though is that in doing so we are also hurting ourselves. To continually hold someone in contempt, ignore them, or speak harshly to them takes energy. The energy is negative, tiring and debilitating. This type of behaviour can be the beginning of what might lead to a toxic environment.

The effect can be devastating and incredibly painful. Sometimes the pain is emotional and on other occasions it can be physical. When we are in conflict our bodies produce the hormone cortisol, which can drive us to protect ourselves. The effect of the cortisol can last for up to 26 hours. The more we think about it, the longer the impact. We also know from experimental studies that being subject to rudeness impairs cognitive skills such as memory and attention and also harms cooperation and the willingness to help others. By the way, it’s also a terrible waste of our lives. But it is not just simply about one-on-one interpersonal relationships in the workplace. At the organizational level, toxic environments can be hugely costly in both time and money. If you are in a commercial environment it can also be costly in terms of competitive advantage. It is in the interest of employees, customers, shareholders, patients and other stakeholders to have workplace environments which are more respectful and tolerant.

Throughout the book, I touch on a whole range of areas that will help you, whether you are a chief executive, line manager, employee, trustee or even an unpaid intern, graduate or apprentice just entering the workplace for the first time. In many places I have changed certain names and details in order to protect the identity of the individuals involved, but the stories are all from my own experience and interactions.

1

THE CHANGING WORLD OF WORK

In 1819, the American author Washington Irving wrote the short story Rip Van Winkle. It tells the arresting tale of how Rip falls asleep in the Catskill Mountains and wakes up 20 years later. Set before and after the American Revolutionary War, Rip wakes from his slumber to notice that an image of King George III has been replaced with one of George Washington. Whilst he was peacefully snoring, a change was taking place that would forever alter the course of history. Mr Van Winkle was completely flummoxed and had unwittingly slept through a revolution.

Why am I recounting this story? Imagine for a minute that the story of Rip Van Winkle had been written 200 years later and was set in the UK. Van Winkle might have woken up even more flummoxed, unable to comprehend the muddle of a nation grappling with all the geopolitical issues associated with Brexit and the impact of the Coronavirus pandemic.

We find ourselves living in a time of unprecedented social and economic change. Some might argue that we have always lived with this, throughout the ages, just on different levels. Whatever your view, many people now, just as in days gone by, fail to develop the new skills, mental responses and attitudes required to cope with the demands of this changing environment. Current revolutions include advancements in technology, the struggle for equal rights, rising expectations of employees, the surge in interest for meaningful careers and the emergence of workplaces that are toxic – or at least are better recognized today as being so. New developments bring new opportunities and new challenges, both of which have layers of complication and impediment.

In this chapter, I provide some strong examples of areas in which the world of work is shifting. Some of these areas will be expanded later in the book. To give you a taste and put this into context, here are some real stories of situations that have recently played out in workplaces. You may recognize parallels of these in your own workplace. Names, and in some cases, gender has been changed to protect the identity of those involved in the real cases.

A 20-year-old apprentice called Hetti

This young, talented woman, with an ambition to progress in her career, had a disagreement with her line manager. A planned work event required an overnight stay. No further detail on arrangements for overnight accommodation was discussed. On arrival at the conference centre, Hetti was shocked to discover that she was expected to share a bed with a female colleague. She had assumed that the rooms would be furnished with twin beds. Gripping her mobile phone, tense with anxiety, she left the room and proceeded to the car park, where she called her father. On hearing the story, he called his daughter’s line manager and demanded that the sleeping arrangements be changed. He managed to get his way, but the damage had been done: the working relationship between the apprentice, Hetti, and her line manager never recovered.

On returning to work the simplest of requests became difficult. Banter previously commonplace was no longer acceptable. Following a comment in front of colleagues about Hetti being a non-smoker and non-drinker, the next morning her father called to say Hetti was ill with stress and demanded to know why his daughter’s Christianity had been used in such a defamatory way. After a while, Hetti and her line manager began taking antidepressants due to the discomfort of the situation. It took a day of facilitated discussion to work through the issues and get the relationship between the two of them back on track. With better communication and simple respect for personal privacy, the issue could have been resolved swiftly and amicably at the outset.

Senior employees, Frank and Gill

Frank and Gill were two highly respected employees, working for a US-based company, both of whom were earning six-figure salaries. Their relationship had gradually been deteriorating over the course of the year. Frank felt as if Gill was always suggesting alternatives for how he should do his job. He would make recommendations for clauses to be included in contracts and she would often change them without informing him first. Then, one day, Frank confronted Gill, accusing her of being a misandrist – someone who is strongly prejudiced against men. He thought she was doing her best to place obstacles in his way that would make him appear less effective in his role. Gill responded by accusing Frank of being a control freak. She told him that he should allow her to make a valued contribution to the working environment by making changes to the wording in commercial contracts.

A facilitated discussion, lasting a whole day, eventually began to unearth the deep-seated issues between them. This was only achieved with the intervention of both line managers, who had been requested to join the session. The trust between Frank and Gill was now non-existent. Both had careers at stake, especially as the organization had worked hard to implement measures to ensure that it operated in a non-toxic environment. In addition, this no-nonsense, business-focused commercial organization had asked previous problematic employees to leave. Furthermore, with his line manager scheduled to retire soon, the opportunity for Frank to be promoted was being jeopardized. The organization was unlikely to promote someone with a track record of difficult interpersonal relationships. A successful conclusion was eventually reached following a further day of conversation, the creation of a document capturing agreed actions, the use of some psychometric tools and some ongoing executive coaching support for both.

A face-to-face, non-confrontational discussion could easily have been arranged at a much earlier stage, alleviating the two employees of stress and saving the company both time and money.

A team of scientists

I once helped a team of eminent scientists who were working in a toxic environment. The team, all of whom have PhDs, are recognized as global experts in their field. However, a series of unfortunate errors by their line manager led to increasing levels of standoffs and tension amongst the team of 12. The errors included the line manager recruiting a new scientist to the team without anyone’s knowledge.

Team members were only informed when an email was sent announcing her arrival to the whole organization. Tensions escalated when the new member made a series of demands in the first week of her appointment. The situation became so volatile that even an innocuous request, such as relocating her desk to allow her to look out of the window, was met with hostility. The scientist who felt most aggrieved by this person’s arrival, a woman called Christine, then went off sick, only returning to work five and a half months later, just two weeks before her full sick pay was due to expire.

The team made good progress during a day-long mediation session to which I had been called to facilitate. Then, about 10 months after the mediated session, I received the following email from Christine, updating me on the situation:

Dear Clive

I was feeling sceptical about continuing to work in this environment with the same line manager, after all that happened and keeps happening. However, before taking any decision I wanted to give it more time but some of the issues under discussion which have been happening lately sounded much worse than the way in which I described them. I found it shocking how people can twist the truth. In view of the stress this was causing, I wondered how I was going to deal with this and whether it was worth fighting, losing more energy?

Over Christmas, after more thought, I decided to resign from my position, because continuing to work in this toxic environment has become detrimental to my well-being. I explained the situation to my manager and duly submitted my resignation. I will be working my three months’ notice, hoping no further issues will erupt during this time so I can leave with a sense of calm. Many factors contributed to my decision to leave the company and it was not an easy decision to make.

Thank you again for your professionalism as a mediator. I guess some situations are irreparable when they are due to a mix of characters, conflict and personalities twisting the truth. The good thing is that the experience has taught me many things and we all learn from previous mistakes. I am therefore hoping that in my next job I will spot the signs earlier before any damage occurs.

A clash of personalities can happen in any organization and between any mix of people. When you are working in close company with others, and if paths are taken by those in a managerial post whereby you are not consulted or have no control over the decision-making, it can be immensely difficult to accept. Resentment can arise in place of acceptance and friendship; it is often directed at an innocent newcomer, who may not always understand procedures or protocol. It leads nowhere but to severed relationships, resignations, bad feeling, ill health and stress. Whilst lessons can be learned, as Christine says, it would be more beneficial to come together at the outset and create a workable, positive plan for inclusion, change and acceptance, addressing any problems in an amicable, transparent way as they arise.

Georgina, the female executive

I recently took a call from a female executive named Georgina. She had decided to move on from her role, having ‘had enough’. Nearly three years of conflict and tension with her boss had taken its toll and she was no longer prepared to devote any more of her life and energy to the situation. It was a bold move as she was the main breadwinner of her family but one of her children had just recovered from a serious illness and the experience had given her a different perspective on life, highlighting what was really important.

It is a familiar story and reminded me of the quote by the American philosopher Henry David Thoreau: ‘The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.’ Georgina had recognized this and decided to check out. 

These four organizations are united by the fact that these issues all arose from toxic environments. Similar tensions play out in workplaces every day. In the next chapter, I will explain what defines a toxic organization and refer to the three key aspects: the organization, the line manager and the employee. A tripartite collaboration.

There are some well-known areas of change in workplaces which often lead to discord. Some will be familiar to you, others may give rise to deeper thought.

1. Trust

Trust is made up of a combination of competence and behaviour or character. It is crucial for survival in both personal and business relationships (trust is covered in further depth in Chapter 3, see pp. 65–90). Some people might say that we currently face a crisis in the erosion of trust, with fear filling the gap. In high-trust environments things happen quicker and the costs are lower. In low-trust environments, however, the opposite happens and it can be much more acute. For the last 20 years the Edelman Trust Barometer¹ has reflected views on levels of trust around the globe. In 2019, they reported on the specific issue of trust in the workplace. Over 33,000 people responded to the survey.

The results indicated that:

Fifty-nine per cent of people are fearful of losing their jobs due to a lack of skills and training.

Fear carries energy, which it loves to waste. If well over half the workforce are living with fear, this is a huge source of energy, which could be turned